“You know yourself,” said he, in a low tone and with a shaking voice, “you know that you lie, if you would have it that I did not — . You know well enough what I would have spoken of with you — many times — when you met me so that I had not been a man, had I been able to say it — after that — not if they had tried to drag it out of me with red-hot pincers.…
“First I thought ’twas yonder dead lad. I thought I must leave you in peace awhile — you knew me not — I deemed ’twould have been a wrong to trouble you so soon after. Now I see you did not need so long a time to forget — now — now — now —”
“No,” said Kristin quietly. “I know it, Simon. Now I cannot look that you should be my friend any longer.”
“Friend …!” Simon gave a short strange laugh. “Do you need my friendship now, then?”
Kristin grew red.
“You are a man,” said she softly. “And old enough now — you can choose yourself whom you will wed.”
Simon looked at her sharply. Then he laughed as before.
“I understand. You would have me say ’tis I who— . I am to take the blame for the breaking of our bond?
“If so be that your mind is fixed — if you have the will and the boldness to try to carry through your purpose — then I will do it,” he said low. “At home, with all my own folks, and before all your kin — save one. To your father you must tell the truth, even as it is. If you would have it so, I will bear your message to him, and spare you, in giving it, in so far as I can — but Lavrans Björgulfsön shall know that never, with my will, would I go back from one word that I have spoken to him.”
Kristin clutched the edge of the bench with both hands; this was harder for her to bear than all else that Simon Darre had said. Pale and fearful, she stole a glance at him.
Simon rose.
“Now must we go in,” said he. “Methinks we are nigh frozen, both of us, and the sister is sitting waiting with the key. I will give you a week to think upon the matter — I have business in the town here. I shall come hither and speak with you when I am ready to go, but you will scarce care to see aught of me meanwhile.”
8
KRISTIN said to herself: now that, at least, is over. But she felt broken with weariness and sick for Erlend’s arms.
She lay awake most of the night, and she resolved to do what she had never dared think of before — send word to Erlend. It was not easy to find any one who could go such an errand for her. The lay-sisters never went out alone, nor did she know of any of them she thought would be willing; the men who did the farm-work were elder folk and but seldom came near the dwellings of the nuns, save to speak with the Abbess herself. There was only Olav. He was a half-grown lad who worked in the gardens; he had been Lady Groa’s foster-son from the time when he was found, a newborn babe, upon the church steps one morning. Folk said one of the lay-sisters was his mother; she was to have been a nun; but after she had been kept in the dark cell for six months — for grave disobedience, as ’twas said — and it was about that time the child was found — she had been given the lay-sisters’ habit and had worked in the farmyard ever since. Kristin had often thought of Sister Ingrid’s fate throughout these months, but she had had few chances to speak with her. It was venturesome to trust to Olav — he was but a child, and Lady Groa and all the nuns were wont to chat and jest with him, when they saw the boy. But Kristin deemed it mattered little what risks she took now. And a day or two later, when Olav was for the town one morning, Kristin sent word by him to Akersnes, that Erlend must find some way whereby they might meet alone.
That same afternoon Erlend’s own man, Ulf, came to the grille. He said he was Aasmund Björgulfsön’s man, and was to pray, on his master’s behalf, that his brother’s daughter might go down to the town for a little, for Aasmund had not time to come to Nonneseter. Kristin thought this device must surely fail — but when Sister Potentia asked if she knew the bearer of the message, she said, “Yes.” So she went with Ulf to Brynhild Fluga’s house.
Erlend awaited her in the loft-room — he was uneasy and anxious, and she knew at once, ’twas that he was afraid again of what he seemed to fear the most.
Always it cut her to the soul he should feel such a haunting dread that she might be with child — when yet they could not keep apart. Harassed as she was this evening, she said this to him — hotly enough. Erlend’s face flushed darkly, and he laid his head down upon her shoulder.
“You are right,” said he. “I must try to let you be, Kristin — not to put your happiness in such jeopardy. If you will —”
She threw her arms around him and laughed, but he caught her round the waist, forced her down upon a bench, and seated himself on the farther side of the board. When she stretched her hand over to him, he covered the palm with vehement kisses.
“I have tried more than you,” said he with passion. “You know not how much I deem it means for both of us, that we should be wed with all honour.”
“Then you should not have made me yours,” said Kristin.
Erlend hid his face in his hands.
“Ay, would to God I had not done you that wrong,” he said.
“Neither you nor I wish that,” said Kristin, laughing boldly. “And if I may but be forgiven and make my peace at last with my kindred and with God, then shall I not sorrow overmuch though I must wear the woman’s hood when I am wed. Ay, and often it seems to me, I could do without peace even, if only I may be with you.”
“You shall bring honour with you into my house once more,” said Erlend, “not I drag you down into dishonour.”
Kristin shook her head. Then she said:
“ ’Tis like you will be glad then, when you hear that I have talked with Simon Andressön — and he will not hold me to the pact that was made for us by our fathers before I met you.”
At once Erlend was wild with joy, and Kristin was made to tell him all. Yet she told not of the scornful words Simon had spoken of Erlend, though she said that before Lavrans he would not take the blame upon himself.
“ ’Tis but reason,” said Erlend shortly. “They like each other well, your father and he? Ay, me he will like less, I trow — Lavrans.”
Kristin took these words as a sign that Erlend felt with her she had still a hard road to travel ere yet they reached their journey’s end; and she was thankful to him for it. But he did not come back to this matter; he was glad above measure, saying he had feared so that she would not have courage to speak with Simon.
“You like him after a fashion, I mark well,” said he.
“Can it be aught to you,” asked Kristin, “… after all that has come and gone between you and me, that I can see that Simon is an honest man and a stout?”
“Had you never met me,” said Erlend, “you might well have had good days with him, Kristin. Why laugh you?”
“Oh, I did but call to mind somewhat Lady Aashild said once,” answered Kristin. “I was but a child then — but ’twas somewhat about good days falling to wise folk, but the best days of all to those who dare be unwise.”
“God bless my kinswoman, if she taught you that,” said Erlend, and took her upon his knee. “ ’Tis strange, Kristin, never have I marked that you were afraid.”
“Have you never marked it?” she asked, as she nestled close to him.
He seated her on the bedside and drew off her shoes, but then drew her back again to the table.
“Oh, my Kristin — now at last it looks as if bright days might come for us two. Methinks I had never dealt with you as I have done,” he said, stroking and stroking her hair, “had it not been that each time I saw you, I thought ever ’twas not reason that they should give so fine and fair a wife to me.… Sit you down here and drink to me,” he begged.
A moment after came a knock on the door — it sounded like the stroke of a sword hilt.
“Open, Erlend Nikulaussön, if you are within!”
“ ’Tis Simon Darre,” said Kristin, in a low voice.
“Open, man,
in the devil’s name — if you be a man!” shouted Simon, and beat on the door again.
Erlend went to the bed and took his sword down from the peg in the wall. He looked round, at a loss what to do: “There is nowhere here you can hide —”
“ ’Twould scarce make things better if I hid,” said Kristin. She had risen to her feet; she spoke very quietly, but Erlend saw that she was trembling. “You must open,” she said, in the same tone. Simon hammered on the door again.
Erlend went and drew the bolt. Simon stepped in; he had a drawn sword in his hand, but he thrust it back into its sheath at once.
For a while the three stood in silence. Kristin trembled; but yet, in this first moment, she felt a strange, sweet thrill — from deep within her something rose, scenting the combat between two men — she drew a deep breath; here was an end to these endless months of dumb waiting and longing and dread. She looked from one to the other, pale and with shining eyes — then the strain within her broke in a chill, unfathomable despair. There was more of cold scorn than of rage or jealousy in Simon Darre’s eyes, and she saw that Erlend, behind his defiant bearing, burned with shame. It dawned upon her, how other men would think of him, who had let her come to him in such a place, and she saw ’twas as though he had had to suffer a blow in the face; she knew he burned to draw his sword and fall upon Simon.
“Why have you come hither, Simon?” she cried aloud in dread.
Both men turned towards her.
“To fetch you home,” said Simon. “Here you cannot be —” “ ’Tis not for you, any more, to lay commands on Kristin Lavransdatter,” said Erlend fiercely, “she is mine now —”
“I doubt not she is,” said Simon savagely, “and a fair bridal bower have you brought her to —” He stood a little, panting; then he mastered his voice and spoke quietly: “But so it is that I am her betrothed still — till her father can come for her. And for so long I mean to guard with edge and point so much of her honour as can be saved — in others’ eyes —”
“What need of you to guard her; I can —” he flushed red as blood under Simon’s eyes. Then, flying out: “Think you I will suffer threats from a boy like you,” he cried, laying his hand on his sword-hilt.
Simon clapped both hands behind him.
“I am not such a coward as to be afraid you should deem me afraid,” said he as before. “I will fight you, Erlend Nikulaussön, you may stake your soul upon that, if, within due time, you have not made suit for Kristin to her father —”
“That will I never do at your bidding, Simon Andressön,” said Erlend angrily; the blood rushed into his face again.
“Nay — do you it to set right the wrong you have done so young a maid,” answered Simon, unmoved, “ ’twill be better so for Kristin.”
Kristin gave a loud cry, in pain at Erlend’s pain. She stamped upon the floor:
“Go, then, Simon, go — what have you to do with our affairs?” “I told you but now,” said Simon. “You must bear with me till your father has loosed you and me from each other.” Kristin broke down utterly.
“Go, go, I will follow straightway.… Jesus! why do you torture me so, Simon?… you know you deem not yourself I am worthy that you should trouble about me —”
“ ’Tis not for your sake I do it,” answered Simon. “Erlend — will you not tell her to go with me?”
Erlend’s face quivered. He touched her on the shoulder:
“You must go, Kristin. Simon Darre and I will speak of this at another time —”
Kristin got up obediently, and fastened her cloak about her. Her shoes stood by the bedside.… She remembered them, but she could not put them on under Simon’s eyes.
Outside, the fog had come down again. Kristin flew along, with head bent and hands clutched tight in the folds of her cloak. Her throat was bursting with tears — wildly she longed for some place where she could be alone, and sob and sob. The worst, the worst was still before her; but she had proved a new thing this evening, and she writhed under it — she had proved how it felt to see the man to whom she had given herself humbled.
Simon was at her elbow as she hurried through the lanes, over the common lands and across the open places, where the houses had vanished and there was naught but fog to be seen. Once when she stumbled over something, he caught her arm and kept her from falling.
“No need to run so fast,” said he. “Folk are staring after us.… How you are trembling!” he said more gently. Kristin held her peace and walked on.
She slipped in the mud of the street, her feet were wet through and icy cold — the hose she had on were of leather, but they were thin; she felt they were giving way, and the mud was oozing through to her naked feet.
They came to the bridge over the convent beck, and went more slowly up the slopes on the other side.
“Kristin,” said Simon of a sudden, “your father must never come to know of this.”
“How knew you that I was — there?” asked Kristin.
“I came to speak with you,” answered Simon shortly. “Then they told me of this man of your uncle’s coming. I knew Aasmund was in Hadeland. You two are not over cunning at making up tales. — Heard you what I said but now?”
“Ay,” said Kristin. “It was I who sent word to Erlend that we should meet at Fluga’s house; I knew the woman —”
“Then shame upon you! But, oh, you could not know what she is — and he.… Do you hear,” said Simon harshly, “if so be it can be hidden, you must hide from Lavrans what you have thrown away. And if you cannot hide it, then you must strive to spare him the worst of the shame.”
“You are ever so marvellous careful for my father,” said Kristin, trembling. She strove to speak defiantly, but her voice was ready to break with sobs.
Simon walked on a little. Then he stopped — she caught a glimpse of his face, as they stood there alone together in the midst of the fog. He had never looked like this before.
“I have seen it well, each time I was at your home,” said he, “how little you understood, you his womenfolk, what a man Lavrans is. Knows not how to rule you, says yonder Trond Gjesling — and ’twere like he should trouble himself with such work — he who was born to rule over men. He was made for a leader, ay, and one whom men would have followed — gladly. These are no times for such men as he — my father knew him at Baaghaus.… But, as things are, he has lived his life up there in the Dale, as he were little else but a farmer.… He was married off all too young — and your mother, with her heavy mood, was not the one to make it lighter for him to live that life. So it is that he has many friends — but think you there is one who is his fellow? His sons were taken from him — ’twas you, his daughters, who were to build up his race after him — must he live now to see the day when one is without health and the other without honour — ?”
Kristin pressed her hands tightly over her heart — she felt she must hold it in to make herself as hard as she had need to be.
“Why say you this?” she whispered after a time. “It cannot be that you would ever wish to wed me now —”
“That — would I — not,” said Simon unsteadily. “God help me, Kristin — I think of you that evening in the loft-room at Finns-brekken. — But may the foul fiend fly away with me living the day I trust a maiden’s eyes again!
“… Promise me, that you will not see Erlend before your father comes,” said he, when they stood at the gate.
“That will I not promise,” answered Kristin.
“Then he shall promise,” said Simon.
“I will not see him,” said Kristin quickly.
“The little dog I sent you once,” said Simon before they parted, “him you can let your sisters have — they are grown so fond of him — if you mislike not too much to see him in the house.
“… I ride north to-morrow early,” said he, and then he took her hand in farewell, while the sister who kept the door looked on.
Simon Darre walked downward towards the town. He flung out a clenched fist as he strod
e along, talked half aloud, and swore out into the fog. He swore to himself that he grieved not over her. Kristin — ’twas as though he had deemed a thing pure gold — and when he saw it close at hand, it was naught but brass and tin. White as a snowflake had she knelt and thrust her hand into the flame — that was last year; this year she was drinking wine with an outcast ribald in Fluga’s loft-room. The devil, no! ’Twas for Lavrans Björgulfsön he grieved, sitting up there on Jörundgaard believing — full surely never had it come into Lavrans’ mind that he could be so betrayed by his own. And now he himself was to bear the tidings, and help to lie to that man — it was for this that his heart burned with sorrow and wrath.
Kristin had not meant to keep her promise to Simon Darre, but, as it befell, she spoke but a few words with Erlend — one evening up on the road.
She stood and held his hand, strangely meek, while he spoke of what had befallen in Brynhild’s loft-room at their last meeting. With Simon Andressön he would talk another time. “Had we fought there, ’twould have been all over the town,” said Erlend hotly. “And that he too knew full well — this Simon.”
Kristin saw how this thing had galled him. She, too, had thought of it unceasingly ever since — there was no hiding the truth, Erlend came out of this business with even less honour than she herself. And she felt that now indeed they were one flesh — that she must answer for all he did, even though she might mislike his deeds, and that she would feel it in her own flesh when so much as Erlend’s skin was scratched.
Three weeks later Lavrans Björgulfsön came to Oslo to fetch his daughter.
Kristin was afraid, and she was sore of heart as she went to the parlour to meet her father. What first struck her, when she saw him standing there speaking to Sister Potentia, was that he did not look as she remembered him. Maybe he was but little changed since they parted a year ago — but she had seen him all her years at home as the young, lusty, comely man she had been so proud to have for father when she was little. Each winter, and each summer that passed over their heads up there at home, had doubtless marked him with the marks of growing age, as they had unfolded her into a full-grown young woman — but she had not seen it. She had not seen that his hair was fading here and there and had taken on a tinge of rusty red near the temples — as yellow hair does when ’tis turning grey. His cheeks had shrunken and grown longer so that the muscles ran in harder lines down to the mouth; his youthful white and red had faded to one weather-beaten shade. His back was not bowed — but yet his shoulder-blades had an unaccustomed curve beneath his cloak. His step was light and firm, as he came toward her with outstretched hand, but yet ’twas not the old brisk and supple motion. Doubtless, all these things had been there last year, only she had not seen them. Perhaps there had been added a little touch — of sadness — which made her see them now. She burst into weeping.