If I’d advanced the theory, though, it certainly could have screwed things up between the two of them.
But why play dog in the manger?
Or I could have told her that burglary wasn’t quite the dead-end profession it might appear to be, and that this case, for all the mess it had been, was by no means leaving me destitute. I might have alluded to the quarter of a million dollars’ worth of queer twenties which, but for a couple thousand planted in Verrill’s desk, still reposed in a locker at Port Authority. They hadn’t gone anywhere with Knobby, of course, all that double-talk notwithstanding. Knobby’d gotten his ass out of town the minute he saw they were gone, because he knew some mob heavies were going to expect him to turn up with either fifty grand in cash or five times that amount in counterfeit, and since he couldn’t do either New York was a lousy place to be.
So I’d find somebody who knew somebody, and if I couldn’t get twenty or thirty grand as my end of the transaction, well, I’d be surprised. Of course I could always decide to do it Grabow’s way and pass the bills myself one at a time, but for that occupation you don’t need the guts of a burglar. You have to have the gall of a con man and the patience of a saint, and that’s a hell of a combination.
For that matter, I could have told her Crystal’s jewels still existed somewhere, that Verrill couldn’t have sold them yet and certainly hadn’t stashed them where the police would trip over them. When things cooled down a little I might have a go at turning them up. So there might not be a future in burglary, and God knows there’s no pension plan and no retirement benefits, but if there’s no future there’s a pretty good present with it, and I was coming out with fair compensation for what had been admittedly a pretty rough couple of days.
So I could have had a shot at changing her mind. But if I had to go through all that then she wasn’t worth it, so the hell with her.
There’s plenty of women in this world.
Like that one I talked to on the phone. Narrowback Gallery. What the hell was her name? Denise. Denise Raphaelson. She’d been lots of fun over the phone, and fun was something Jillian was manifestly not. Cute and cuddly is nice, but after you’ve done the dirty deed a few times it’s nice if you can also lie around and have a few laughs.
Of course she could turn out to be a beast. Or the chemistry in person could be far different from what it had been over the phone. But in a day or three I’d go look at some paintings, and if the signs were right I’d introduce myself, and if it worked that would be nice, and if it didn’t that would be okay, too.
Plenty of women in this world.
But where was I going to find another dentist?
About the Author
A Mystery Writers of America Grand Master, LAWRENCE BLOCK is a four-time winner of the Edgar® and Shamus awards, as well as a recipient of prizes in France, Germany, and Japan. He also received the British Crime Writers’ Association’s prestigious Cartier Diamond Dagger for lifetime achievement in crime writing. The author of more than fifty books and numerous short stories, he is a devout New Yorker and enthusiastic world traveler. Visit his website at www.lawrenceblock.com.
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Praise for everyone’s favorite felon
BERNIE RHODENBARR and
New York Times bestselling Grand Master
LAWRENCE BLOCK’s
“BERNIE RHODENBARR IS THE PERFECT COMPANION.”
Tampa Tribune
“[Block] returns the incomparable Bernie Rhodenbarr for a seventh criminal appearance…Sure, it’s a wildly improbable plot, yet who but Block could pull it off?…
A FASCINATING ARRAY OF SUSPECTS…
Hilarious…A typical bravura performance by the nonpareil Block.”
St. Louis Post-Dispatch
“A witty series…Bernie is incorrigibly adorable…Between his inquiring mind and his sticky fingers,
BERNIE IS THE IDEAL SLEUTH.”
New York Times Book Review
“A DANDY LITTLE DETECTIVE STORY…
It’ll keep you entertained.”
Denver Post
“WITTY, CHARMING…FUNNY…ENTERTAINING READING.”
Virginian Pilot
“READING RHODENBARR IS ABOUT AS LIGHT AND EASY AS DRINKING LEMONADE ON A HOT DAY, and it’s a whole lot more fun.”
Syracuse Post-Standard
“His canny survival instincts, combined with his irrepressible sense of humor, make
BERNIE RHODENBARR ONE OF DETECTIVE FICTION’S MOST ENGAGING HEROES.”
Minneapolis Star Tribune
“A FUN BIT OF WHODUNIT.”
Ft. Worth Star-Telegram
“The comic caper has few practitioners today, but…
[BLOCK] IS AS GOOD AS THEY COME.”
South Bend Tribune
“In his Matthew Scudder books, Block is one of the most serious of crime novelists. When he chronicles Bernie…Block is one of the funniest…
[BERNIE] IS ENOUGH TO GIVE BURGLARY A GOOD NAME.”
Los Angeles Times
“Have you read Block’s [Rhodenbarr] mysteries? You should. THEY ARE A REAL KICK.”
Denver Rocky Mountain News
“Thoroughly enjoyable…
A FUN, CLEVER, HIGHLY ENTERTAINING MYSTERY.”
BPI Entertainment News Wire
“It’s the mark of an innovative storyteller to turn a normally reprehensible character into a hero—of sorts.
AUTHOR LAWRENCE BLOCK’S BERNIE THE BURGLAR SERIES AREN’T JUST GOOD MYSTERIES, THEY ARE SUPREME ESCAPISM.”
Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel
“BLOCK IS A MASTER OF WITTY DIALOGUE, PLOTTING AND PACE, and the series’ wacky, offbeat characters make great companions.”
Cleveland Plain Dealer
“DEFINITELY AMUSING.”
The Times (London)
“[BLOCK IS] A MASTER OF INGRATIATING, LITERATE ENTERTAINMENT…
Plot turns aside, it’s simply fun to listen to Bernie Rhodenbarr talk.”
Washington Post Book World
Books by Lawrence Block
The Bernie Rhodenbarr Mysteries
BURGLARS CAN’T BE CHOOSERS • THE BURGLAR IN THE CLOSET • THE BURGLAR WHO LIKED TO QUOTE KIPLING • THE BURGLAR WHO STUDIED SPINOZA • THE BURGLAR WHO PAINTED LIKE MONDRIAN • THE BURGLAR WHO TRADED TED WILLIAMS • THE BURGLAR WHO THOUGHT HE WAS BOGART • THE BURGLAR IN THE LIBRARY • THE BURGLAR IN THE RYE • THE BURGLAR ON THE PROWL
The Matthew Scudder Novels
THE SINS OF THE FATHERS • TIME TO MURDER AND CREATE • IN THE MIDST OF DEATH • A STAB IN THE DARK • EIGHT MILLION WAYS TO DIE • WHEN THE SACRED GINMILL CLOSES • OUT ON THE CUTTING EDGE • A TICKET TO THE BONEYARD • A DANCE AT THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE • A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES • THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU’RE DEAD • A LONG LINE OF DEAD MEN • EVEN THE WICKED • EVERYBODY DIES • HOPE TO DIE • ALL THE FLOWERS ARE DYING
Keller’s Greatest Hits
HIT MAN • HIT LIST
SMALL TOWN
Collected Short Stories
ENOUGH ROPE
Copyright
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 1978 by Lawrence Block. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EPub Edition © MAR
CH 2006 ISBN: 9780061834066
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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Table of Contents
Cover Page
Title Page
Dedication
Epigraph
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
About the Author
Praise
Other Books by Lawrence Block
Copyright
About the Publisher
Lawrence Block, The Burglar in the Closet
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