Al-Sayyid Ahmad saw her off with a furious look. He was cursing his luck which had decreed for him to be disgraced before the eyes of many, including his family, who knew him as a shining example of earnestness and dignity. Well, there was still hope that not everyone in his family had heard about the incident, but it was only a feeble one. There was also a chance that in their innocence they would not really understand if they did hear about it, although that possibility was hardly guaranteed, and for more than one reason.
Even assuming the worst, there was no reason for him to be alarmed. Their subservience to him and his domination over them both assured that no convulsion would shake them, not even this scandal. Moreover, he had never assumed it was out of the question that one of his sons, or even the whole family, might discover the truth about him, but he had not been overly worried about that, because of his confidence in his power and because in rearing them he had not relied on either setting an example or persuasion. There was no need to fear that they would swerve off the high road if they discovered he had. He thought it unlikely they would learn anything about him before they came of age, when he would not care much whether they did uncover his secret. Yet none of this could lighten his regret at what had happened, although the event had also pleased and flattered his pride in his sexual appeal. For a woman like Jalila to seek him out to greet him, tease him, or even to make fun of his new sweetheart was a real event that would have a great impact on the circles where he passed his nights. It was an occurrence with far-reaching significance for a man like him who enjoyed nothing so much as love, music, and companionship. But how much purer his happiness would have been if the beautiful event had taken place at a distance from this family atmosphere.
Yasin and Fahmy had not turned their eyes away from the door to the reception room from the moment Jalila disappeared through it till she emerged again, escorted by Mr. Muhammad Iffat. Fahmy was so astonished hishead spun like Yasin's when he had heard Zanuba reply, “He's from our district. You must have heard of him… al-Sayyid Ahmad Abd al-Jawad…”. Now Yasin was overcome by a voracious curiosity. With a happiness that awakened in hisheart a frenzy of the same admiration and feeling of affinity for his father that he had felt in Zanuba's room, he realized that Jalila was another adventure in his father's life, which Yasin had begun to picture as a golden chain of romantic escapades. The man surpassed everything he had imagined about him. Fahmy was still hoping and praying he would eventually learn that the entertainer had merely wanted to meet his father for some reason or other connected with her contract to perform at Aisha's wedding.
Then Khalil Shawkat came and laughingly told them that Jalila had been “teasing” their father and had “treated him affectionately, like a good friend.”
With that, Yasin could no longer bear to keep his secret. The intoxication of the wine encouraged him to reveal his information. He waited until Khalil left. Then he leaned close to his brother's ear and, trying not to laugh, told him, “I've kept some things from you that I was uneasy about disclosing at the time. Now that you've seen what you have and heard what you have, I '11 tell you”. He started narrating to his brother what he had heard and seen in the home of the performer Zubayda.
As Yasin told the story with all its details, Fahmy kept interrupting him in bewilderment with, “Don't say that,” or “Have you lost your senses?” and “How do you expect me to believe you?” Because of Fahmy's strong faith and idealism, he was not prepared to understand, let alone digest, his father's secret life, which was revealed to him for the first time, especially since his father was one of the pillars of Fahmy's creed and one of the buttresses of his idealism. There may have been some similarity between his feelings when he was first experiencing these revelations and those of a child, if imagination is to be trusted, when he leaves the stability of the womb for the chaos of the world. He could not have been more incredulous or panic-stricken if he had been told that the mosque of Qala'un had been turned upside down, with its minaret below the building and the tomb on top, or that the Egyptian nationalist leader Muhammad Farid had betrayed the cause of his mentor and predecessor Mustafa Kamil and sold himself to the English.
“My father goes to Zubayda's house to drink, sing, and play the tambourine…. My father allows Jalila to tease him and be affectionate with him…. My father gets drunk and commits adultery. How could all this be true? Then he wouldn't be the father he knew at home, a man of exemplary piety and resolve. Which was correct? I can almost hear him now reciting, ‘God is most great…. God is most great.’ So how ishe at reciting songs? A life of deception and hypocrisy?… But he's sincere. Sincere when he raises hishead in prayer. Sincere when he's angry. Is my father depraved or is licentiousness a virtue?”
“Astonished? … I was too when Zanuba mentioned his name, but I quickly got over it and I asked her what's wrong with it? … A sin? Men are all like this or ought to be.”
“This statement is entirely appropriate for Yasin. Yasin's one thing and my father's something else. Yasin!… What about Yasin? How can I repeat this now, when my father, my father himself doesn't differ at all from Yasin except in having sunk lower…. But no, it's not depravity…. There must be something I don't know…. My father hasn't done anything wrong…. He can't do anything wrong. He's above suspicion. In any case, he doesn't merit contempt.”
“Still bewildered?”
“I can't imagine that anything you've said could have happened.”
“Why?… Laugh and enjoy the world. He sings. So what's wrong about singing? He gets drunk, and believe me, drinking is even better than eating. He has affairs and so did the Muslim caliphs. Read about it in the ancient poems contained in Abu Tammam's anthology Diwan al-Hamasa or see its marginal glosses. Our fattier isn't doing anything sinful. Shout with me, ‘Long live al-Sayyid Ahmad Abd al-Jawad! Long live our father!’ I'll leave you for a moment while I visit the bottle I hid under a chair for just such an occasion.”
On tbe return of the entertainer to her troupe, the news of her meeting with al-Sayyid Ahmad Abd al-Jawad spread through the women's quarters. It passed from mouth to mouth until it reached the mother as well as Khadija and Aisha. Although his family washearing something like this about him for the first time, many of the ladies whose husbands were friends of al-Sayyid Ahmad were hardly surprised by the news and smilingly winked as if to say they knew more than was being said. But none of them let herself be tempted to plunge into the topic. To bring it up publicly in front of his daughters would not have seemed appropriate to them. Courtesy dictated remaining silent about it in the presence of Amma and her two daughters. Widow Shawkat did jokingly tell Amitia, “Watch out, Madam Amina. It seems Jalila's eye has strayed to al-Sayyid Ahmad.”
Amina smiled and pretended not to be concerned but blushed with shame and confusion. For the first time she had tangible evidence for the doubts she had entertained long ago. Although she had trained herself to be patient and submissive about what happened to her, her collision with this tangible evidence had cut her to the quick. She felt a torment she had never experienced before. Her pride had also taken a beating.
A woman who wished to add a flattering comment appropriate for the mother of the bride said, “Anyone with a face as beautiful as Mrs. Amina's doesn't have to worry about her husband's eyes straying to another woman.”
Amina was deeply moved by the praise, and her vivacious smile returned. In any case, it provided her some consolation for the silent pa.m she was suffering. Yet when Jalila began a new song, filling their ears with her voice, Amina suddenly became angry and felt for a few seconds she was about to lose control of herself. She quickly suppressed her anger with all the force of a woman who did not acknowledge that she had a right to get angry. Meanwhile Khadija and Aisha received the news with astonishment and exchanged an anxious glance. Their eyes were asking what it was all about. Their astonishment was not coupled with panic like Fahmy's nor with pain like their mother's. Perhaps they understood that for a woman like Jalila
to leave her troupe and take the trouble of going down to where their father was sitting to greet him and talk to him was something to be proud of. Khadija felt a natural desire to look at her mother's face. She stole a glance at her. Although Mrs. Amina was smiling, her daughter grasped right away the pain and uneasiness she was enduring, which were robbing her of her peace of mind. Khadija felt upset and became angry at the entertainer, Widow Shawkat, and the gathering as a whole.
When it was time for the wedding procession, everyone forgot his personal concerns. No matter how many weeks and months passed, the picture of Aisha in her wedding gown would not leave their minds.
Al-Ghuriya was dark and quiet when the family left the bride's new home to return to al-Nahhasin. Al-Sayyid Ahmad walked alone in front followed a few meters back by Fahmy and Yasin. The latter was exhausting himself by trying to act sober and walk straight, for fear his giddiness would reveal he had drunk too much. At the rear came Amina, Khadija, Kamal, and Umm Hanafi. Kamal had joined the caravan against his will. If his father had not been there to lead them, Kamal would have found some way to free himself from his mother's hand and run back to where they had left Aisha. He was looking behind him at Bab al-Mutawalli from one step to the next to bid farewell sadly and regretfully to the last trace of the wedding, that shining lamp a worker on a ladder was removing from its hook over the entrance to Sugar Street. Kamal washeartbroken to see that his family had relinquished the person he loved best after his mother. He looked up at his mother and whispered, “When will Aisha come back to us?”
She whispered, “Don't say that again. Pray for her to be happy. She'll visit us frequently and we'll call on her a lot.”
He whispered to her resentfully, “You've tricked me!”
294
She motioned toward al-Sayyid Ahmad up in front, who had almost teen swallowed up by the darkness. She pursed her lips to whisper, “Hush.”
But Kamal was preoccupied with recalling images of thingshe had happened to see during the wedding. He thought them extraordinarily odd, and they made him uneasy. He pulled his mother'? hand his way to separate her from Khadija and Umm Hanafi. Then, pointing back, he whispered to her, “Do you know what's going on there?”
“What do you mean?”
“I peeked through a hole in the door.”
The mother felt distressed and alarmed, because she could guess which door he meant, but refusing to trust her intuition, she asked, “What door?”
“The door of the bride's room!”
The woman said with alarm, “It's disgraceful for a person to look through holes in doors.”
He immediately whispered back, “What I saw was even more disgraceful.”
“Be quiet.”
“I saw Aisha and Mr. Khalil sitting on the chaise longue … and he was…”
She hit him hard on his shoulder to make him stop. She whispered in his ear, “Don't say shameful things. If your father heard you, he'd kill you.”
He persisted and told her, as though revealing something to her she could not possibly have imagined, “He was holding her chin in his hand and kissing her.”
She hit him again, harder than she ever had before. He realized that he had certainly done something wrong without knowing it. He fell silent and was afraid. When they were crossing the courtyard of their house, straggling behind the others except for Umm Hanafi, who had waited behind to bolt the door, lock it, and latch it, Kamal's anxiety and curiosity overcame his silence and fear. He asked pleadingly, “Why washe kissing her, Mother?”
She told him firmly, “If you start that again, I'll tell your father.”
41
YASIN WAS quite intoxicated when he retired to the bedroom. Since Kamal had fallen sound asleep the moment hishead touched the pillow, Yasin was alone with Fahmy. Free at last from parental supervision, he felt in the mood for a noisy row as a release from the nervous strain he had been under all evening, especially on the way home when he had struggled to control himself and act right. Since the room was too cramped for rowdiness, he felt like relieving his tensions by talking. He looked at Fahmy, who was getting undressed, and said sarcastically, “Compared with our brilliant father, we're failures. He's truly some man.”
Although this statement revived Fahmy's pain and anxiety, he was content to answer with a bitter smile, “You've been blessed too. What an excellent son!”
“Are you sad our father's one of the great skirt chasers?” “I wish there had been no change in the ideal picture I've had in my soul.”
Rubbing his hands merrily, Yasin said, “The real picture is even more splendid and delightful. He's more than a father. He's the ultimate. Oh, if you had only seen him grasping the tambourine, with a glass shining in front of him. Bravo… bravo, al-Sayyid Ahmad!”
Fahmy asked uneasily, “What about his prudence and piety?” Yasin frowned in order to concentrate on the question, but he found it easier to merge opposites than to reconcile them. Motivated by nothing but admiration, he replied, “There's absolutely no problem there at all. Your cowardly intellect's just creating the problem from nothing. My father's prudent, a Muslim, and loves women. It's as simple and clear as one plus one equals two. Perhaps I'm the one who most resembles him, because I'm a Muslim believer and love women, although I'm not too prudent. You yourself are a believer, prudent, and love women, but you base your acts on faith and prudence while shying away from the third alternative: women”. He laughed. “It's the third that lasts.”
Yasin's final statement was only remotely linked to his admiration for his father that had started him rattling on and was only superfic] ally in defense of him. It was really an expression of a burning feeling Yasin's intoxication had aroused. Once the guardianshe respected were out of the way, he experienced a raging lust incited by an imagination charged with alcohol. His body felt a mad craving for love, and his willpower was unable to bridle it or coax it away. But where could he find what he wanted? Did he have enough time? … Zanuba?… What was keeping him from her? It wasn't far. It wouldn't take long to make love with her. Then he could come home and sleep deeply and calmly. He was delighted by these visions and seemed not to have a brain to make him think twice. He was in a rush to bring them to pass with no further delay. He quickly told his brother, “It's hot. I'm going up to the roof to enjoy the moist night air.”
He left the room for the outer hall and groped his way down the steps in total darkness, being extremely careful not to make a sound. How could he get in touch with Zanuba at this hour of the night? Should he knock on the door? Who would open it? What could he say when the person asked him what he wanted? What if no one woke up to answer the door? What if the night watchman, with his knack for arriving at the wrong time, should catch him? These thoughts floated on the surface of his brain like bubbles and then were carried off by the swift current of the wine. They did not seem obstacles with consequences to be taken seriously. They were little jokes to make him smile during this lonely adventure. His imagination flew past them to Zanuba's room overlooking the intersection of al-Ghuriya and al-Sanadi-qiya streets.
He pictured her in a diaphanous white nightgown that curved obediently around her breasts and buttocks, with the bottom pulled up to reveal rosy legs with gold bangles. He went wild and would have leapt down the steps had it not been so dark. In the courtyard it was brighter because of the faint light from the stars. After the total darkness of the stairway it appeared almost light. When he had taken two steps toward the outer door at the end of the courtyard, he noticed a feeble glow, which came from a lamp sitting on a meat block in front of the oven room. He looked at it in surprise until he spotted nearby a body flung down on the ground, illuminated by its light. He recognized Umm Hanafi, who had evidently chosen to sleep out in the open to escape the stifling atmosphere of the oven room. He started to continue on his way, but something made him stop. He turned hishead once more toward the sleeping woman no more than a few meters away, whom he could see with unexpected clarity from where he stoo
d. He saw her stretched out on her back. Her right leg was bent, creating a pyramid in the air with the edge of her dress, which clung to her knee. At the same time, the bare skin of a section of her left thigh near the knee was revealed. The opening that was formed where her dress stretched between her raised knee and the other leg, extended on the ground, was drowned in darkness.
Although Yasin's feeling of being pressed for time and in a rush to get what he wanted had not diminished, he kept looking at the supine body, apparently unable to tear his eyes away. He was unwittingly drawn into observing it with an interest evident in the alertness of his bloodshot eyes and the way his full lips spread open. As He examined the fleshy form, which occupied as much space as a plump female water buffalo, the alertness of his eyes turned into unnerving desire. They came to rest on the dark opening between the raised leg and the extended one. There was a change of course for the current raging through his veins, and its momentum directed him toward the oven room. He seemed to have discovered for the first time the woman with whom he had rubbed shoulders for years.
Umm Hanafi had not been favored with a single attribute of beauty. Her gloomy face made her look older than her forty years. Even her treasure of flesh and fat, because it lacked proportion or harmony, seemed a bloated swelling. Perhaps also because she was hidden away in the oven room so much of the time and because he had lived with her since he was a boy, he had never paid any attention to her.
Yasin was in such turmoil that he was unable to reason clearly. He was blinded by lust. What kind of lust was it? A lust kindled by a woman simply because she was a woman, not because of any of her qualities or associations. It was a lust that loved beauty but would not turn away from ugliness. In these crises, everything was equivalent. He was like a dog that eagerly devours whatever scraps it finds.