CHAPTER XV
"I Will Marry You, if Ever I Marry Woman"
To Gerry Williams it seemed as if their long supper party would neverend.
The supper was served outdoors on a number of small tables. Through anaccident Gerry was seated at so great a distance from Felipe that it wasnot possible to see his face and so guess from his expression somethingof what he desired to tell her.
Gerry was puzzled. If what he wished to say had to do with their futurehappiness, why had he looked so disturbed? And why should it beimperative that he make his confession tonight?
Already it was late, past midnight, and they were both weary. Therewould be tomorrow and other days.
Really she would have preferred not to talk with Felipe alone tonight.To slip away from the others would be difficult, and without Mrs.Burton's consent Gerry did not like the idea. Yet she did not dare askfor permission, being convinced that because of the lateness of the hourher request would be refused.
She felt that she must do what Felipe had begged of her. There had beensomething in his manner at once imperative and beseeching.
An unaccustomed shyness, almost a sense of fear, had seized upon Gerry;nevertheless she was prepared to follow Felipe's bidding, no matter howdifficult.
To eat or talk gaily to the others was hard. In a half-hearted fashion,Gerry accomplished both results.
Immediately after the supper was finished the guests began saying theirfarewells.
The hour was long past the one when the young officers and soldiers wererequired to return to the cantonment. But owing to the play and Mrs.Burton's efforts in their behalf, they had received a special permitfrom the officer in command of their camp to remain away several hourslater than their regulations demanded.
In the midst of the good-bys Gerry and Felipe moved swiftly toward eachother.
"We must get away _now_, Felipe, while no one is thinking of us. I canonly talk to you for a moment."
Even as she spoke Gerry was walking toward the beach with the young manfollowing. In this way at least what they had to say to each other wouldnot be overheard. There was no nearby place where they could actuallyescape observation.
In front of Sunrise camp the beach stretched long and level, broken onlyby small rocks, which afforded a shadow, not a shelter. Behind thelittle group of tents and Mrs. Burton's house were the level fields of agreat ranch. There were no trees worthy of the name in sight.
"But I can't say what I must to you in _one_ minute, Gerry. I must havetime to explain many things. Surely you will go somewhere else with me.Here on the open beach we may be interrupted at any moment."
Gerry only moved on more rapidly. "I don't know where else to go,Felipe. We can walk along the beach until perhaps we are out of sight ofthe others. Then afterwards I can tell Mrs. Burton that we onlyintended taking a short walk."
"Very well," Felipe murmured, but Gerry could guess that he was annoyed.
"I suppose to a girl, Gerry, conventions are dearer than anything elsein life. So since what I intend is to ask you to break one of them,perhaps I might as well not speak to you," he began, when they hadnearly reached the water.
The ocean was not so calm as usual tonight on this particular line ofcoast. Great waves were rolling in, breaking and curling in whitespirals of foam. If there had been a storm, it was somewhere out in theocean, for although there was no moon the stars were everywhere ashining glory.
"I don't know what you mean, Felipe," Gerry answered quietly.
She was still wearing her lovely shepherdess costume of pale blue andwhite, the pointed bodice and panniers of blue satin, the skirt andsleeves of muslin and lace. Mrs. Burton had insisted on Gerry's using along white coat which was her property, so coming back in the motor shehad slipped this on over her dress. Now the wind was blowing the coatopen, revealing the soft comeliness of the satin and lace costumebeneath.
Her shepherdess hat she had discarded and instead had tied a bluechiffon scarf around her hair.
Nevertheless, in spite of her frivolous and charming costume, GerryWilliams' expression was entirely serious.
"No, of course you do not understand. I am sorry," Felipe apologized."You see, it has been such a horrible evening for me with all thefoolishness of the play and my acting a clown's part, when I have beenwishing every minute to get you away and tell you what has happened."
"But what _has_ happened?" Gerry inquired anxiously and yet withpatience.
"The exemption board has refused my claim. I only heard the pleasantnews late this afternoon," Felipe answered.
Gerry's first sensation was one of intense personal sympathy.
Simply and naturally she slipped her hand inside Felipe's.
"I don't know what to say to you. I am so grieved for you. It is toodreadful, your being forced to join the army when you so hate the wholeidea. Can't something more be done? Surely you and your father must haveinfluence out here!"
Felipe shook his head. "Influence does not count; besides, if father hasany influence he would not use it in my behalf, not in this connection.When I told him this afternoon what had occurred he merely said: 'I wishyou had done your duty in the beginning, my son, without bringing thestigma of disgrace upon our name by trying to escape yourresponsibility. I did not suppose your claim for exemption would beconsidered, as your excuse was too flimsy.'"
For an instant Gerry hesitated, then she said, her voice shaking. "I donot mean to be rude, but I can not understand your father. You are hisonly son and are no relation to me, and yet it does not seem to me I canbear your going over to France, where you will be so unhappy, where youmay be wounded. But I must not talk of these things. How soon must youbegin your training, Felipe, and do you think you will be in a camp nearyour home?"
Until this instant Gerry had not considered herself, had not realizedthe failure of her dream. Now she had a little sinking sense ofloneliness and disappointment. Nevertheless Felipe was still first inher thoughts.
"I wish I could do something to help you."
"You can, Gerry," Felipe returned, strengthening his hold on her hand."I am not going to be drafted, Gerry. I am going over the border intoMexico tomorrow to remain until the war is over. I told you that I hadno difficulty in being taken for a Mexican. I can speak the language andI don't look unlike one. This isn't an entirely new idea on my part, forI have been thinking and planning what I should do if my exemption claimwere refused. I tell you I can not endure a soldier's existence, thedirt and the hard work and the discipline and then worse, blood andsuffering and death. For even if all this does not come to me, I mustsee it. Oh, I know I am not a _man_, Gerry, and you probably despise mefor feeling like this. But I can not help it. I was born for beauty andhappiness, for music and--well, we are not all made alike."
"No, Felipe, I don't despise you; I think I understand," Gerry repliedinstantly. But there was no question with her of understanding. She wasthinking of Felipe's happiness, of his safety. "Isn't it prettydangerous what you are planning to do? If you are caught won't you beimprisoned?" she asked.
Felipe nodded. "Yes, but I am going to take the chance. It is worth thedanger to me."
"You are intending to say good-by to me tonight then?" Gerry questioned."I am glad you told me. No one in the world will ever be able to forceyour secret from me."
"Then you could be brave for my sake?" Felipe demanded.
But when Gerry did not answer, he began walking impatiently up and downwithin a few feet of her.
"I don't know what to say or do, Gerry," he continued after a moment. "Iam not a rogue and I do not want to do you an injustice. But you told meonce that you had no people of your own, that your father is dead andthat your mother always has left you in common boarding houses, with noone to look after you, since you were a tiny girl. You told me that youhad no real friend until Mrs. Burton took a fancy to you and has triedto give you some happiness. Now I can't bear the thought of your goingso far away to live by yourself when I care for you so much. Aftertonig
ht we may never even be able to see each other again in many years.Still I realize that you are very young, Gerry, and the fact that I amfour or five years older makes the whole thing much more myresponsibility than yours. Besides there is the danger of your crossinginto Mexico with me and being forced to live there, one cannot say howlong."
Gerry appeared utterly bewildered and unhappy. "But what do you mean,Felipe? I don't think I understand you."
"I mean I am asking you to marry me, Gerry." Felipe answered with anentire softening of his manner and expression. "But I realize I amasking you more than that, because I want you to marry me withouttelling any one and then slip over the border into Mexico with me tolive until the war is past. If anything happens and I am caught, why, atleast you will be safe, for my father will look after you. I did notwant to ask you to marry me in this way, Gerry, I do not like the ideaany more than you do. I had planned to tell you I cared for you and totell Mrs. Burton also. I was even willing to wait for a year or more ifyou both thought it necessary. But now this difficulty of mine alterseverything, and these are war times, when one is not expected to behavein an ordinary fashion."
In order to insure his own way, Felipe was in truth a good pleader.Besides, Gerry was already deeply under his influence.
Now Felipe's unexpected request made her both happy and unhappy, for shecould not fail to be glad that he cared for her, although she knew shehad no right to agree to his request.
The ethical side of the question of Felipe's intention to escapemilitary service apparently made no impression upon Gerry one way orthe other; the question seemed so entirely his to decide. Her feelingwas merely that she could not bear to marry him and not tell even Mrs.Burton until afterwards.
If she were a little older she believed the situation would haveappeared less formidable, then she would have had a clearer right todecide for herself. Under the circumstances she must not considerFelipe's suggestion even for a moment.
Yet she had only to answer, "No," and things would be as before.
For Felipe himself was uncertain and frightened of what he was asking.If he did not appreciate the full selfishness and wrong of it,nevertheless he did realize it in part. Gerry faced the alternativebefore replying. If she refused Felipe's offer, in a little while shemust return to Chicago to take up her old existence in a common boardinghouse with nothing in her future except to learn to make her own living.But these things were no longer so important, the one important fact wasthat she might be losing Felipe forever.
Gerry cherished few illusions. If Felipe were successful in escapingmilitary service they could not meet again until the war was over and inthat time many changes would have occurred. Would Felipe remember her,or would he be less lonely in his self-imposed exile if she were tospend it with him? Whatever trouble she and Felipe might have to face,would she not prefer to face it with him rather than have him leave heralone?
"I cannot bear to deceive Mrs. Burton, Felipe. I owe her so much; shehas been kinder than I have ever told you, kinder than perhaps youimagine. Besides, I care for her a great deal and I don't see how such adifficult idea as you have suggested can ever be arranged."
In Gerry's last words lay her confession. Felipe had triumphed. Had shetried she might have persuaded him to face his obligation, to make thesacrifice of himself which his country demanded. She was not equal tothe test.
"But I do know how to manage," Felipe answered. "And I shall be verycareful. I understand certain things better than you do. I have an oldnurse who is married and lives not far away. She will come with us andstay with you until the ceremony is over. Afterwards she will return andexplain what we have done to Mrs. Burton and my father. You can writeand beg Mrs. Burton to forgive you; she will after a time, I am sure. Wewill be so happy, Gerry dear. I have plenty of money, as I drew all Ipossessed out of the bank this afternoon. I am sure it will last us fora time and then I can get hold of more."
The thing which Gerry and Felipe were planning to do was not only afoolish thing; it held dishonor and sorrow, and yet neither of them atthe time seemed to appreciate this.
"Be ready the day after tomorrow, please, Gerry. I'll ask Mrs. Burton toallow you to go for a walk or a drive with me. I promise you there shallbe no difficulties. But, quick, good-night; some one is coming."
Mrs. Burton herself was walking down the beach toward them. "Come,Gerry, please, it is time you were in bed. I was frightened when I foundyou were not with the other girls. Felipe, I don't think it quite fairof you to have kept Gerry away from us so long. Will you thank yourfather for the roses he sent me tonight?"
Felipe held out his hand.
"You are awfully kind, Mrs. Burton, and I do deserve a scolding. Gerryand I had not realized how long we had been talking, as there are somany things we like saying to each other. Will you forgive me and let mecome back soon again?"
Mrs. Burton put her arm about Gerry.
"Not too soon, please, Felipe. Goodnight."