CHAPTER XX
Katherine Bush always looked back upon that Easter party as being thethird milestone in her career.
It happened that a certain guest wished to try some new songs she wasgoing to sing on Sunday night, and instead of the agreeable gloamingGerard Strobridge had been looking forward to enjoying with Katherinealone, he was forced by his aunt to take this lady up to the schoolroomafter tea and request Miss Bush's services as accompanist.
Katherine had been practising her old gift of reading music almost everyevening when alone and was now very proficient. Lady Garribardine knewthis, because she had sent for her secretary to play to her severaltimes in her sitting-room when she was there without visitors and wassuffering from rheumatism.
Mr. Strobridge introduced Katherine to the visitor, who turned out to bethe beautiful lady he had walked with in the rose garden; and they goton extremely well. It was the first time Katherine had ever chatted, aspractically an equal, alone with a member of society except heremployer.
The stranger was charming, and insisted that she should come down toplay again in the drawing-room after dinner.
Another occasion for the black frock to be worn! And a chance not to bewasted for observation as to behaviour! Katherine, when evening came,made herself look her very best, and was waiting demurely by the pianoas the ladies entered the room. From this position she attracted noattention until some of them wanted to play. The guest she hadaccompanied was again graciously sweet to her, and some of the othersjoined in the conversation while they strummed and pulled about thesongs.
There was something arresting in Katherine's type which called fornotice when people were near enough to observe details of her mousy fairhair that had no touch of gold in it, but always glistened grey, and herwonderfully pale skin and dark brows, giving her strange eyes thatintense shadowed mystery which aroused interest.
Gerard, who joined the party by the piano when the men came in, watchedher silently. She had studied to obtain an air of distinction, andGerard, whose love did not blind his fastidious critical faculties,remarked that there was a real advance in this direction since theChristmas night when he had last seen her in evening dress. She did notlook so sullen either and answered with fluency and ease when she wasaddressed, and not in the monosyllabic fashion of former days.
An elderly politician spoke to her. He seemed delighted with herconversation, and indicated by a gesture that she should sit down besidehim when the songs were over and she was about to slip away out of theroom.
Katherine was not at all certain whether she ought to stay or not, butLady Garribardine at that moment came up and said casually, "You mustnot go to bed yet, Miss Bush, perhaps they will sing again; wait hereand talk to Sir John."
And so bidden, Katherine was delighted to obey and used herintelligence to be agreeable and sympathetic. Gerard continued to watchher and felt pride in her.
"Your secretary is having a great success to-night, isn't she,Seraphim?" he said to his aunt.
"Yes--and it is deserved; the girl is one in a thousand. I think I shallencourage Sir John for her; he is longing for a wife, and has a tidyseven thousand a year, and only rare attacks of gout. She could managehim capitally and be of real use to the party. She will never let herheart interfere with her ambitions!"
"He would make an ideal husband!" Mr. Strobridge's tone was sardonic. "Alover in that case would be an immediate necessity--by all means,Seraphim, press the match!"
Her Ladyship gave him one of her shrewd glances and then she said:
"Come and breakfast with me in my sitting-room to-morrow morning, G. Wecan talk it over," and she chuckled softly.
When Katherine sat by her fire an hour later she set herself to lookcarefully over the last five months of her life, and to mark what theyhad brought her.
The gain was immense! She had emerged from being an ordinary shorthandtypist at Liv and Dev's to be an inmate of the house in Berkeley Square,and from that to be the passion of Gerard Strobridge, and the valuedcompanion of Lady Garribardine at Blissington. And now she had spent theevening almost as their equal and had heard twenty eminent people alltalking the shibboleth of the great world of politics and fashion; andhad not felt totally out of place in their company, which she knew wasnot composed of the agreeable fools of the Christmas party, butcontained several politicians of distinction, a diplomat or two and aforeign ambassador.
The contrast was delightful to think about; it even gave her pleasure torecall Bindon's Green as a foil! She laughed without any bitterness toherself when she remembered the bath and the oyster incidents, andseveral others of the Lord Algy Period--and how she had secretly admiredthe "rather awful" rooms at the Great Terminus Hotel; her eye and hertaste then so totally uneducated that in spite of many walks in museums,she had not been able to distinguish her deplorable deficiencies in bothrespects. Oh! What an immeasurable gulf now separated her from thosedays! It was a praiseworthy achievement for only five months. But sherealised more than ever from the conversations she had heard to-nightthat she was still very ignorant, and that constant mixing with thissociety would be the only way to give her that polish and confidencewhich could enable her to display the really cultivated thoughts of hermind.
The quickness and lightness with which subtle and clever sallies wereanswered--the perfect ease of everyone! She knew that she was able tocontrol her own face and manner to appear at ease, but she could notpretend that she felt so altogether as yet, except with GerardStrobridge, but then Gerard, while her literary master, was herworshipping servant--so that was different!
To please companies of women must now be her aim, and to avoid talkingto any attractive men at all until she had obtained such a sure placethat the jealousy of her own sex would be immaterial to her. She hadobserved that Lady Elton, whose songs she had accompanied, had adistinct penchant for Mr. Strobridge--unreturned she knew--but itbehooved her to be more particularly careful. Another woman who had alsospoken to her, a Mrs. Bosanquet, was really interesting--about fifty andhighly intelligent. Katherine had carefully watched how she led theconversation in the group where she stood. As a company all these ladieswere much gentler and more refined in manner than some of those who hadassisted at the tableaux. She gathered from their remarks that theyrather held themselves apart from these others and indeed laughed atthem good-naturedly. There were sets within sets evidently, and this wasthe very inner _creme de la creme_.
Katherine wondered how long it would be before some distinct goalpresented itself--that would be for Fate to decide--and only those whohad made themselves fit to profit by Fate's chances could hope tosucceed in such a difficult game as she was playing; with everyprejudice of class and sex against her, there was no time to be wastedin any foolish relaxations!
She wondered if Lady Garribardine had approved of her behaviour. The oldgentleman she had talked to had been intelligent if pompous, and she hadenjoyed their discussion. She thought of the Chesterfield Letters--ofwhat great use they had been to her! She saw the pitfalls they hadenabled her to avoid. Now her next immediate aim must be to come downinto the drawing-room as frequently as she was allowed. She determinedto make herself of great use, and, if she had the chance to tackle anybore, so that her mistress should feel that she was of real service.
At last she retired to bed well pleased with her evening.
When Mr. Strobridge came into his aunt's sitting-room next morning hefound her in a charming negligee and cap pouring out the coffee.
"I could not wait for you, G.," she told him. "Sit down, quickly--thereare only two dishes besides bacon and eggs--chicken curry and devilledsole--they are all on the table at your elbow."
They chatted of several things, the party principally.
"Now I have time, G.--to hear how it fares with Laeo. How did youescape--with dignity--or rather in disgrace?"
"She believes she threw me over; it is extremely fortunate. Beatrice wasan invaluable help." Mr. Strobridge put some chutney in his curry. "Laeoand I are the
greatest friends--she feels that I fought hard with myinclinations and made a noble conquest--by absenting myself in Egypt!Now she is greatly amused with a Hussar boy at home on leave fromIndia--she must be older than one thought."
His aunt laughed delightedly.
"It is a bad sign certainly. Laeo is ageless, though, anything betweentwenty-eight and forty-five. We stay like that for years and thensuddenly grow ridiculous! I believe you have extricated me from theappearance of that at all events, G. My new toupee has given me a newperspective."
"You are quite beautiful now, Seraphim."
"My golden ones were a habit. It has been a source of greatgratification to me to watch how my friends have taken thealteration--even Miss Bush made a faint exclamation when she first sawit!"
"She is usually very self-contained."
"G., that girl is a wonder--have you anything to tell me about her?"
"Nothing except that I agree with you that she is the most naturallyintelligent creature I have ever met."
"Are you in love with her, dear boy?"
"Yes--extremely."
"To the point of unhappiness?"
"I have not analysed the point--but it is bound to be unhappiness sinceshe does not care one atom for me."
"You burnt your fingers that day in the picture gallery, then? It was apity I let you."
"The fire was lit before that--I think it was better that it flaredup--now I am trying to settle down into being friends. Seraphim, I wantto help her. I do so admire her courage and her profound common sense.She frankly desires to cultivate her mind and improve in every way; thechange in her even since Christmas is remarkable--do be kind to her andlet her come down sometimes as you did last night."
"I intend to." Lady Garribardine helped herself to honey. "I am goingto take her to Paris with me next week and then we shall be inLondon--there it will be more difficult."
"Seraphim, have I your permission really to teach her things?"
Her Ladyship laughed her bubbling laugh.
"It quite depends what things--to love you, a married man? Certainlynot! To improve her own intellect--perhaps."
"It is, alas! to do the latter, dearest of aunts, but----" and here hisvoice vibrated with unwonted feeling, "I tell you frankly that if I didnot know that the case is perfectly hopeless, and that I could neversucceed in making her care for me, I believe I would brave even yourwrath and attempt to win her."
"As what--your mistress?" rather tartly.
Mr. Strobridge shrugged his shoulders slightly.
"I would marry her willingly if Beatrice would divorce me--such thingscan be arranged."
"Yes, Beatrice is an excellent creature, as you often say--but sinceMiss Bush will have none of you, you had better stick to Beatrice, shehas done you so many good turns. Think of Laeo!"
Then as she saw the look of pain and weariness upon his much-loved face,she got up and did what she had perhaps not done for quite ten years,she put her kind arm round his neck and pulled his head back against herample bosom.
"Dearest boy," she whispered softly, "I cannot bear that anything shouldreally hurt you. What course is the right one to pursue, so that youshall not have more pain? We must think it out."
He was deeply touched and rested there comforted by her fond affection.
"Let me see her now and then in peace without subterfuge, so that I mayhelp her with her education--and then in the autumn I think I will takethat chance of being sent to Teheran--Seraphim, do you remember theafternoon she typed the charity things, when I came up to tea with you,you said I was depressed, and I said it was the shadow of coming events?Well, how true it has proved--that is the first time I ever noticed her,and once before you had remarked that you feared I should one day beprofoundly in love."
Lady Garribardine stooped and kissed his forehead.
"Alas!" she said. "But you were too fine, dear G., to go on driftingforever from the Alice Southerwoods to the Laeos; it was bound to comewith your temperament. I really wish you could marry this girl and havesome splendid little sons for me to adopt and leave some of my moneyto."
"I would ask nothing better of Fate," and his eyes became suffused withlight at the thought. His aunt sat down again and began peeling anapple.
"You would have no objection to that despised domestic relationship,then--it would not even appear bourgeois, eh?"
"Not in the least."
"G.,--how the whole world is full of shams. This ridiculous thing calledmarriage! What a problem, and no light on the subject! A suitablemarriage is perfect happiness, the obligations are joys and pleasures,and it does not seem to be allowed to occur more than once in a hundredyears. All the rest are in gradations of unsuitableness and fret andboredom. It makes me shudder now when I see people standing at thealtar, swearing to love forever--nine-tenths of them not even taking inthe meaning of the vows they are making--and a large percentage goingthrough them for some ultimate end entirely disconnected with love ordesire for the partner they are being bound to--it is tragic."
Mr. Strobridge agreed.
"I am convinced," Her Ladyship went on, now warmed to her subject, "thatmuch unhappiness would be avoided if no vows were made at all, but theparson merely joined the hands and said a prayer over them to ask thatthey might go on desiring each other, and that ended the business. Ibelieve truly that the actual breaking of the vow acts in somemysterious occult fashion and draws penalties of misery upon thebreakers."
"What a disturbing thought!"
"Yes--because it is not really the infidelities which can be sins, theyare merely human nature--it is the breaking of the given word whichdraws the current of disaster."
"I expect you are quite right--the whole thing is infernal--and yet wemust have some sort of union recognised by the state or chaos wouldensue."
"Obviously--and as marriage now stands there seem to be only three waysof supporting it. One," and she ticked them off on her fat fingers--"togrow to that abstract state of good when to keep a vow againstinclination in itself brings happiness; two, to behave decently tothe legal partner, and with propriety before the world, and thenif necessary to have mistresses or lovers as the case may be;or--three--for the state to allow a man to have several wives, and thewoman, if she desires it, a change of husbands!"
Mr. Strobridge handed his cup for more coffee.
"Most of us are quite out of the running for the first, the third wouldbe unworkable, Seraphim, so I see no help for it; the second course isthe only possible one for half the poor devils in the world."
"Probably--then the greatest pains ought to be taken to keep upappearances so that those who live up to the first may not have theirfeelings outraged. No one should show a bad public example. The facts ofstraying fancy cannot be altered until human nature changes--an unlikelyevent!--so the best we can do is to hide irregularities under a cloak ofvirtuous hypocrisy. It helps many good and weak people to keep up ageneral standard, but there must be something wrong in the originalscheme, G., if we are obliged to do this."
"Undoubtedly. It is the one, however, which has kept all sensiblesocieties going since the beginning of civilisation and will continue todo so while there are two sexes in the world. But all this does not helpme in my present case of being madly in love with a woman whom I maynot have as either wife or mistress. Friendship is the only cold comfortleft to me!"
"Tut, tut! Half a loaf is better than no bread!"
"You think she might marry Sir John?" There was hope in his tone.
"Why not? Only I don't feel sure that he deserves such a prize. For meshe is quite a marvellous character, and we could perhaps find hersomething young and handsome."
Mr. Strobridge jumped up with a start. This idea was altogetherunpalatable to him.
"How shocking! Seraphim, that might be a creature a woman would adore!"
"Well?"
"Well----"
"Concentrate upon friendship, my dear boy!--If she has once said younay, the role of lover is not for you--no matter whom
she marries!"