"Well, if V.F.D. is a secret organization," Violet said, "they might not put their headquarters on a map."
'Or it could be marked secretly," Klaus said, and leaned in to take a good look at the stain. "Maybe this isn't just a stain," he said. "Maybe it's a secret marking. Maybe Madame Lulu put some coffee here on purpose, so she could find the headquarters, but nobody else could."
"I guess we'll have to travel there," Violet said with a sigh, "and find out."
"How are we going to travel there?" Klaus said. "We don't know where the fan belt is."
"We might be missing some parts," Violet replied, "but that doesn't mean we should give up. I can build something else."
"You sound like an inventor," he said.
Violet smiled, and took her hair ribbon out of her pocket. "I am an inventor," she said. "I'll look around here and see if there's anything else we can use. Klaus, you look under the table at the archival library."
"We'd better get out of the clothes we're sharing," Klaus said, "or we can't do two things at once."
"Ingredi," Sunny said, which meant "Meanwhile, I'll look through all this food and make sure we have everything we need to prepare meals."
"Good idea," Violet said. "We'd better hurry before someone finds us."
"There you are!" called a voice from the entrance to the tent, and the Baudelaires jumped. Violet hurriedly stuffed her ribbon back into her pocket, and Klaus removed his glasses, so they could turn around without revealing their disguise. Count Olaf and Esmé Squalor were standing together in the doorway of the tent, with their arms around one another, looking tired but happy, as if they were two parents coming home after a long day at work, instead of a vicious villain and his scheming girlfriend coming into a fortune-teller's tent after an afternoon of violence. Esmé Squalor was clutching a small bouquet of ivy her boyfriend had apparently given her, and Count Olaf was holding a flaming torch, which was shining as brightly as his wicked eyes.
"I've been looking everywhere for you two," he said. "What are you doing in here?"
"We decided to let all of you freaks join us," Esmé said, "even though you weren't very courageous at the lions' pit."
"That's very kind of you to offer," Violet said quickly, "but you don't want cowards like us in your troupe."
"Sure we do," Count Olaf said, with a nasty smile. "We keep losing assistants, and it's always good to have a few to spare. I even asked the woman who runs the gift caravan to join us, but she was too worried about her precious figurines to know that opportunity was knocking."
"Besides," Esmé said, stroking Olaf's hair, "you don't really have any choice. We're going to burn this carnival down to eliminate all the evidence that we've been here. Most of the tents are already on fire, and the carnival visitors and carnival workers are running for their lives. If you don't join us, where can you possibly go?"
The Baudelaires looked at one another in dismay. "I guess you're right," Klaus said.
"Of course we're right," Esmé said. "Now get out of here and help us pack up the trunk."
"Wait a minute," Count Olaf said, and strode over to the table. "What's this?" he demanded. "It looks like a map."
"It is a map," Klaus admitted with a sigh, wishing he had hidden it in his pockets. "A map of the Mortmain Mountains."
"The Mortmain Mountains?" Count Olaf said, examining the map eagerly. "Why, that's where we're heading! Lulu said that if there was a parent alive, they'd be hiding up there! Does the map show any headquarters on it?"
"I think these black rectangles indicate headquarters," Esmé said, peering over Olaf's shoulder. "I'm pretty good at reading maps."
"No, they represent campgrounds," Olaf said, looking at the key, but then his face broke out into a smile. "Wait a minute," he said, and pointed to the stain the Baudelaires had been examining. "I haven't seen one of these in a long time," he said, stroking his scraggly chin.
"A small brown stain?" Esmé asked. "You saw that this morning."
"This is a coded stain," Count Olaf explained. "I was taught to use this on maps when I was a little boy. It's to mark a secret location without anyone else noticing."
"Except a smashing genius," Esmé said. "I guess we're heading for the Valley of Four Drafts."
"V.F.D.," Count Olaf said, and giggled. "That's appropriate. Well, let's go. Is there anything else useful in here?"
The Baudelaires looked quickly at the table, where the archival library was hidden. Underneath the black tablecloth decorated with silver stars was all the crucial information Madame Lulu had gathered to give her visitors what they wanted. The children knew that all sorts of important secrets could be found in the gathering of paper, and they shuddered to think what Count Olaf would do if he discovered all those secrets.
"No," Klaus said finally. "Nothing else useful."
Count Olaf frowned, and kneeled down so that his face was right next to Klaus's. Even without his glasses, the middle Baudelaire could see that Olaf had not washed his one eyebrow for quite some time, and could smell his breath as he spoke. "I think you're lying to me," the villain said, and waved the lit torch in Klaus's face.
"My other head is telling the truth," Violet said.
"Then what is that food doing there?" Count Olaf demanded, pointing at the cardboard box. "Don't you think food would be useful for a long journey?"
The Baudelaires sighed in relief. "Grr!" Sunny growled.
"Chabo compliments you on your cleverness," Klaus said, "and so do we. We hadn't noticed that box."
"That's why I'm the boss," Count Olaf said, "because I'm smart and I have good eyesight." He laughed nastily, and put the torch in Klaus's hand. "Now then," he said, "I want you to light this tent on fire, and then bring the box of food over to the car. Chabo, come with me. I'm sure I'll find something for you to sink your teeth into."
"Grr," Sunny said doubtfully.
"Chabo would prefer to stay with us," Violet said.
"I couldn't care less what Chabo would prefer," Olaf snarled, and picked up the youngest Baudelaire as if she were a watermelon. "Now get busy."
Count Olaf and Esmé Squalor walked out of the tent with Chabo, leaving the elder Baudelaires alone with the flaming torch.
"We'd better pick up the box first," Klaus said, "and light the tent from the outside. Otherwise we'll be surrounded by flames in no time."
"Are we really going to follow Olaf's orders?"
Violet asked, looking at the table again. "The archival library might have the answers to all our questions."
"I don't think we have a choice," Klaus said. "Olaf is burning down the whole carnival, and riding with him is our only chance to get to the Mortmain Mountains. You don't have time to invent something, and I don't have time to look through the library."
"We could find one of the other carnival employees," Violet said, "and ask them if they would help us."
"Everyone either thinks that we're freaks or murderers," Klaus said. "Sometimes even I think so."
"If we join Count Olaf," Violet said, "we might become even more freakish and murderous."
"But if we don't join him," Klaus asked, "where can we possibly go?"
"I don't know," Violet said sadly, "but this can't be the right thing to do, can it?"
"Maybe it's harum-scarum," Klaus said, "like Olivia said."
"Maybe it is," Violet said, and walked awkwardly with her brother to the cardboard box and picked it up. Klaus held the torch, and the two Baudelaires walked out of the fortune-telling tent for the last time.
When they first stepped out, still wearing the same pair of pants, it seemed as if night had already fallen, although the air was black and not the blue of the famous hinterlands sunsets. But then Violet and Klaus realized that the air was filling with smoke. Looking around, they saw that many of the tents and caravans were already on fire, as Count Olaf had said, and the flames were billowing black smoke up into the sky. Around them, the last of the carnival visitors were rushing to escape from Olaf's treach
ery, and in the distance the siblings could hear the panicked roars of the lions, who were still trapped in the pit.
"This isn't the kind of violence I like!" shouted the man with pimples on his face, coughing in the smoke as he ran by. "I prefer it when other people are in danger!"
"Me, too!" said the reporter from The Daily Punctilio, running alongside him. "Olaf told me that the Baudelaires are responsible! I can see the headline now: 'BAUDELAIRES CONTINUE THEIR LIVES OF CRIME!'"
"What kind of children would do such a terrible thing?" asked the man with the pimpled chin, but Violet and Klaus could not hear the answer over the voice of Count Olaf.
"Hurry up, you two-headed freak!" he called from around the corner. "If you don't come here right this minute, we're leaving without you!"
"Grr!" Sunny growled frantically, and at the sound of their baby sister's disguised voice, the older Baudelaires threw the lit torch into the fortune-telling tent, and ran toward Olaf's voice without looking back, although it wouldn't have mattered if they had looked. There was so much fire and smoke around them one more burning tent wouldn't have made the carnival look any different. The only difference was that they would have known that part of the fire was of their own devising, a phrase which here means "because of their part in Count Olaf's treachery," and although neither Violet nor Klaus saw this with their own eyes, they knew it in their hearts, and I doubt that they would ever forget it.
When the older Baudelaires rounded the corner, they saw that all of Olaf's other henchmen were already waiting at the long, black automobile, which was parked in front of the freaks' caravan. Hugo, Colette, and Kevin were crowded in the back seat with the two white-faced women, while Esmé Squalor sat in the front, with Sunny on her lap. The hook-handed man took the box out of the older Baudelaires' hands and threw it into the trunk while Count Olaf pointed to the caravan with his whip, which looked much shorter, and rough around the edges.
"You two will ride in that," he said. "We're going to attach it to the automobile and pull you along with us."
"Isn't there room in the car?" Violet asked nervously.
"Don't be ridiculous," the hook-handed man said with a sneer. "It's too crowded. Good thing Colette is a contortionist, so she can curl into a ball at our feet."
"Chabo already gnawed my whip down so it could be used as a connecting rope," Count Olaf said. "I'll just tie the caravan to the car with a double slipknot, and then we'll ride off into the sunset."
"Excuse me," Violet said, "but I know a knot called the Devil's Tongue that I think will hold better."
"And if I remember the map correctly," Klaus said, "we should ride east until we find Stricken Stream, so we should drive that way, away from the sunset."
"Yes, yes, yes," Count Olaf said quickly. "That's what I meant. Tie it yourself if you want. I'll go start the engine."
Olaf tossed the rope to Klaus while the hook-handed man reached into the trunk again, and brought out a pair of walkie-talkies the children remembered from when they were living in Olaf's home. "Take one of these," he said, putting one in Violet's hand, "so we can contact you if we need to tell you something."
"Hurry up," Count Olaf snapped, taking the other walkie-talkie. "The air is filling with smoke."
The villain and his henchmen got into the automobile, and Violet and Klaus knelt down to attach the caravan. "I can't believe I'm using this knot to help Count Olaf," she said. "It feels like I'm using my inventing skills to participate in something wicked."
"We're all participating," Klaus said glumly. "Sunny used her teeth to turn that whip into a connecting rope, and I used my map skills to tell Olaf which direction to head."
"At least we'll get there, too," Violet said, "and maybe one of our parents will be waiting for us. There. The knot's tied. Let's get in the caravan."
"I wish we were riding with Sunny," Klaus said.
"We are," Violet said. "We're not getting to the Mortmain Mountains the way we want, but we're getting there, and that's what counts."
"I hope so," Klaus said, and he and his sister stepped into the freaks' caravan and shut the door. Count Olaf started the engine of the car, and the caravan began to rock gently back and forth as the automobile pulled them away from the carnival. The hammocks swayed above the two siblings, and the rack of clothing creaked beside them, but the knot Violet had tied held fast, and the two vehicles began traveling in the direction Klaus had pointed.
"We might as well get comfortable," Violet said. "We'll be traveling a long time."
"All night at least," Klaus said, "and probably most of the next day. I hope they'll stop and share the food."
"Maybe we can make some hot chocolate later," Violet said.
"With cinnamon," Klaus said, smiling as he thought of Sunny's recipe. "But what should we do in the meantime?"
Violet sighed, and she and her brother sat down on a chair so she could lay her head on the table, which was shaking slightly as the caravan headed out into the hinterlands. The eldest Baudelaire put down the walkie-talkie next to the set of dominoes. "Let's just sit," she said, "and think."
Klaus nodded in agreement, and the two Baudelaires sat and thought for the rest of the afternoon, as the automobile pulled them farther and farther away from the burning carnival. Violet tried to imagine what the V.F.D. headquarters might look like, and hoped that one of their parents would be there. Klaus tried to imagine what Olaf and his troupe were talking about, and hoped that Sunny was not too frightened. And both the older Baudelaires thought about all that had happened at Caligari Carnival, and wondered whether or not they had done the right things. They had disguised themselves in order to find the answers to their questions, and now the answers were burning up under Madame Lulu's table, as her archival library went up in smoke. They had encouraged their coworkers to find employment someplace where they wouldn't be considered freaks, and now they had joined Count Olaf's evil troupe. And they had promised Madame Lulu that they would take her with them, so she could lead them to V.F.D. and become a noble person again, but she had fallen into the lion pit and become nothing but a meal. Violet and Klaus thought about all of the trouble they were in, and wondered if it was all due to simple misfortune, or if some of it was of their own devising. These were not the most pleasant thoughts in the world, but it still felt good to sit and think about them, instead of hiding and lying and frantically thinking up plans. It was peaceful to sit and think in the freaks' caravan, even when the caravan tilted slightly as they reached the beginning of the Mortmain Mountains and began to head uphill. It was so peaceful to sit and think that both Violet and Klaus felt as if they were waking up from a long sleep when Count Olaf's voice came out of the walkie-talkie.
"Are you there?" Olaf asked. "Press the red button and speak to me!"
Violet rubbed her eyes, picked up the walkie-talkie, and held it so both she and her brother could hear. "We're here," she said.
"Good," Count Olaf replied, "because I wanted to tell you that I learned something else from Madame Lulu."
"What did you learn?" Klaus asked.
There was a pause, and the two children could hear cruel peals of laughter coming from the small device in Violet's hand. "I learned that you are the Baudelaires!" Count Olaf cried in triumph. "I learned that you three brats followed me here and tricked me with sneaky disguises. But I'm too clever for you!"
Olaf began to laugh again, but over his laughter the two siblings could hear another sound that made them feel as shaky as the caravan. It was Sunny, and she was whimpering in fear.
"Don't hurt her!" Violet cried. "Don't you dare hurt her!"
"Hurt her?" Count Olaf snarled. "Why, I wouldn't dream of hurting her! After all, I need one orphan to steal the fortune. First I'm going to make sure both of your parents are dead, and then I'm going to use Sunny to become very, very rich! No, I wouldn't worry about this buck-toothed twerp — not yet. If I were you, I'd worry about yourselves! Say bye-bye to your sister, Baudebrats!"
"But we're ti
ed together," Klaus said. "We hitched our caravan to you."
"Look out the window," Count Olaf said, and hung up the walkie-talkie. Violet and Klaus looked at one another, and then staggered to their feet and moved the curtain away from the window. The curtain parted as if they were watching a play, and if I were you I would pretend that this is a play, instead of a book — perhaps a tragedy, written by William Shakespeare — and that you are leaving the theater early to go home and hide under a sofa, because you will recall that there was a certain expression that, I'm sorry to say, must be used three times before this story is over, and it is in the thirteenth chapter when this expression will be used for the third time. The chapter is very short, because the end of this story happened so quickly that it does not take many words to describe, but the chapter does contain the third occasion requiring the expression "the belly of the beast," and you would be wise to leave before the chapter begins, because that time didn't count.
Chapter Thirteen
With the curtain parted, Violet and Klaus looked out the window and gasped at what they saw. In front of them was Count Olaf's long, black automobile, winding its crooked way up the road toward the peaks of the Mortmain Mountains, with the freaks' caravan tied to the bumper. They could not see their baby sister, who was trapped in the front seat with Olaf and his villainous girlfriend, but they could imagine how frightened and desperate she was. But the older Baudelaires also saw something that made them frightened and desperate, and it was something they had never thought to imagine.
Hugo was leaning out of the back window of the automobile, his hump hidden in the oversized coat Esmé Squalor had given him as a present, and he was holding tight to Colette's ankles. The contortionist had twisted her body around to the back of the car so that her head was lying on the middle of the trunk, between two of the bullet holes that had provided air for the Baudelaires on their way to Caligari Carnival. Like her coworker, Colette was also holding tight to someone's ankles — the ambidextrous ankles of Kevin, so that all three of Madame Lulu's former employees were in a sort of human chain. At the end of the chain were Kevin's hands, which were gripping a long, rusty knife. Kevin looked up at Violet and Klaus, gave them a triumphant grin, and brought the knife down as hard as he could on the knot Violet had tied.