The Cat Sitter
Copyright 2015 Dan Mazur
Chapter One: What’s New Pussycat?
I’ve never been an animal lover. I don’t hate them. I just don’t see what all the fuss is about. If I had to have a pet, it would likely be a dog. I’m not a cat person at all. I don’t like and I don’t trust them. I’m pretty sure that they don’t like me either. Anytime my aunt’s cat was around me, he would hiss or growl so I kept my distance. I’ve never made any attempts to befriend him, pet him, or even talk to him. I just don’t like him. We have an unwritten agreement in which we are to stay away from one another. And thus far, it’s worked out great for the both of us.
That is why it came as such a surprise when my aunt called me out of the blue and asked if I’d watch her cat for the weekend. My aunt was going to go up north to visit my uncle who was in the hospital. My Mom planned on going along with her which meant that I was the only one left that could look after him. She didn’t trust anyone that wasn’t family with her precious Bruno. Seriously, who names their cat Bruno? I still have no idea where that name originated. I’m sure that there is extensive, boring backstory so I dare not ask.
My aunt is what you would call a “crazy cat lady”. Growing up, I remember her always having a number of different cats with weird names and quirks. She never married or had children so the cats were her babies. She would spoil them rotten with fancy, organic foods and designer clothing. Yes, designer clothing. Her house was adorned with a series of pictures and crushed velvet paintings of Bruno. Nary could a picture of any other family member be found.
I was not looking forward to spending an entire weekend with Bruno. But my Mom asked and I always liked my aunt so I reluctantly agreed. My aunt had made up a long list of rules about what Bruno ate, when he ate, when he napped, what he wore to bed, and what shows he liked to watch. She was getting on in years and so I indulged her eccentricities when it came to her cat. As she got ready to leave, she hugged and kissed Bruno and told him that “Mama will be home very, very soon and she loved her little baby so much.” All I got was a pat on the back.
I watched them leave through the front window as my aunt blew kisses to Bruno. He had pressed his paws and face against the glass to watch the two ladies drive off. It was just me and the cat for the next two days now. Oh joy. We just glared at one another as if it were a Mexican standoff. Neither one of us was willing to budge, flinch, or blink. Eventually he ran off to the other room so I guess I won.
He had made his way over to the room where my aunt kept the litter box. I watched him walk around in circles before starting to dig with his paws. Then he climbed in and started doing his business. He gave me the evil eye as I stood and watched so I abruptly left the room. All I could hear was more digging. I looked in on him to find him digging in his litter box with his front and back feet. He was kicking the litter all over the floor. After he finished he was suddenly full of beans, furiously running all over the house. Weird cat.
I walked in to clean the litterbox and was immediately overwhelmed by the stench. What did my aunt feed this cat? I held my breath as I filled up a plastic bag before dumping it off in the garbage can outside. I sprayed some air freshener which only masked the smell. I then started to sweep up the litter that was scattered all over the floor and emptied it into another garbage bag. Finally able to breathe, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands when I heard more digging. Bruno was back in his box or round two. I think he did it just to spite me. This was going to be a very long weekend.
Chapter Two: The Cat’s Pajamas
For the rest of the night I tried to avoid Bruno but no matter how hard I tried, I could feel him staring at me. I didn’t want to indulge him so I kept my eyes focused on the television. He began meowing but it wasn’t a cute little me. It was a loud guttural meow that echoed throughout the house. Apparently “The King” hadn’t been fed and was hungry. So I opened up a tin of his imported cat food and poured it into his dish. I then filled his water bowl with spring water as per my Aunt’s instructions.
He devoured his supper with most if ending up on the floor, his face, and whiskers. He then loudly lapped up his water. He stretched, yawned, and then went over to his bed for a nap. Finally, some peace and quiet around here. I leaned back in my chair and resumed watching the baseball game. I began drifting in and out of sleep as I started feeling sleepy. I didn’t want to fall asleep on the chair so I quietly headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a shower. After changing into my sleeping attire, I quietly crept into the guestroom and climbed into bed. And wouldn’t you know it, just as I was about to lay my weary head against the pillow, I looked up and there was Bruno. “What now?”
I checked his litter box and it was clean and full. He had more than enough food and water so he wasn’t hungry or thirsty. He jumped off the bed and came back with a toy mouse. It was 11 o’clock at night, I was tired and was not in the mood to play fetch. I tossed the mouse down the hall hoping that he would play with it on his own. Nope. Instead he came back, toy mouse in his mouth, and dropped it on the bed. Evidently, Bruno had just gotten his second wind and according to him, it was playtime. I tossed the toy mouse a couple more times but he kept coming back with it.
I decided that I couldn’t do this all night so I found some catnip and a little plastic ball. I filled the ball up with catnip and rolled it down the hall. He just ignored it and walked away. The house was dark and quiet and Bruno was hopefully asleep in the living room or my aunt’s bed. A couple hours later I was awoken by a frisky cat smacking his catnip filled ball around the hallway. My Aunt had hardwood floors in her house so I heard every noise that ball made as it hit the wall and rolled down the floor. Bruno had hit the ball so hard with his paw that it came apart covering him in catnip. He began sneezing uncontrollably before he started chasing his tail. This went on for another hour until he passed out from exhaustion and began snoring.
I was on the verge of falling into a deep sleep myself when I was jolted out of my slumber by a banging at the bedroom door. This was followed by several more banging noises. “Go away!” I yelled. But the banging continued. I put a pillow over my ears to try to muffle the sound but all I could hear was that infernal racket. I clicked on the light on the nightstand only to see a pair of beefy paws reaching into the room under the door as he struggled to open it.
“Get lost Bruno!” I bellowed. But he just kept on pounding at the door. Desperate for sleep, I broke one of my cardinal rules and allowed for him to enter the bedroom. I opened the door as Bruno rushed past me and jumped up on the bed. He was a big boy so it took a couple of attempts, but he finally made it onto the bed. He sprawled across the pillow that I had been sleeping on so I had to sleep on the other side of the bed. Every time I tried to pull up the covers, he would resist and laid on them like a bump on a log. He was pretty heavy for a cat and I couldn’t get him to move. I pulled and pulled but was unable to get him off of the covers. I spent the night practically falling off the bed, freezing cold from not having enough of the blankets to keep me warm. Bruno, on the other hand, slept like a baby.
Chapter Three: Hello Kitty!
There is nothing quite like the smell of cat breath early in the morning. I was awoken by Bruno sitting on top of me as my chest was being crushed by all of his furry girth. He looked at me as if he wanted something. I tried to ignore him and closed my eyes again only to be woken up by a paw swipe to the face. For a cat, he sure had a mean right hook. I looked at the clock on the nightstand and it was only 5 o’clock in the morning. “It’s too early to wake up Bruno. Let me get some sleep!” I pleaded with him. I closed my eyes again and tried to go back to sleep but I could feel him staring at me so I got up to stay.
I filled his food
dish with some gluten-free dry food and freshened his water bowl. The crunching sounds he made were so loud that it kind of annoyed me. There were also crumbs and half-eaten morsels of food all over the kitchen floor that I knew I’d have to sweep up. For such a refined palate, you’d think he would’ve had better table manners. I went to check his litter box and thankfully he hadn’t befouled it yet. I’m sure after he wolfed down his breakfast he’d be making his mooring deposit.
Still groggy from a lack of sleep, I poured myself a cup of coffee and headed to the front door to get the morning paper. It was still dark outside as I bent over to pick up the paper, leaving the door slightly ajar. When I got back to the kitchen, Bruno wasn’t there. That gave me a chance to have some toast and peanut butter and finish my coffee. I was too tired to concentrate on reading the paper and with Bruno nowhere in sight, I decided to go back to bed.
It didn’t take long before I was fast asleep. I was exhausted from the lack of the sleep I got the night before and so I slept until the early afternoon. I felt much better for having had those extra hours of shuteye. Last night was brutal and being with that insufferable cat was getting on my last nerve. I brushed my teeth and got dressed. I began to notice how eerily quiet the house had suddenly become. Not that I was complaining. Hopefully Bruno was off sleeping somewhere after being such a nuisance last night.
Bruno was a strange cat and the less I had to see of him the better. I enjoyed the peaceful silence and was able to sit and read the paper. I really had nothing planned for the day so I stretched out on the couch and decided to watch some television. After a couple of hours, I started to get hungry. I walked over to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. I was expecting you know who to be waiting for me the minute I got there. But oddly enough, he was nowhere to be found. As I placed some bread in the toaster, I ended up knocking over a container of cat food which was scattered all over the kitchen floor.. I began sweeping up the food and scooping it back into the container. I thought for sure that Bruno would come running the second he heard the food spill. But he didn’t make an appearance at all. In fact, I hadn’t seen him for a while now. This was very strange. Bruno loved to eat and even when he wasn’t hungry, he’d always find room for food.
As I cleaned up the kitchen after making such a mess, I glanced over at the front door. It looked as though I had left it open. I was pretty sure that I closed it when I got the paper but I don’t remember. As I got closer to the door, I could feel the cool air from outside. I had left the door open. It wasn’t wide open but with his big meaty paws, Bruno could’ve easily opened the door and gotten out.
Panicked I yelled out for Bruno but received nothing but silence in return. I started to sweat and my heart was racing. No, no, no! He can’t be outside. He was too spoiled, fat, and comfortable to ever want to venture outside. But he was still a cat and they are always curious when it comes to life outdoors. After searching the house for the next half hour, I came to the realization that Bruno may have gone missing.
Chapter Four: Catastrophic
I became frantic as I searched for Bruno outside the house. I called his name repeatedly, “Bruno! Bruno!” as if he would come running to me of all people. I checked the bushes out front and didn’t see him there. I walked around to the backyard and looked in the shed, but still no Bruno. He was too fat to have climbed up any trees so I didn’t bother to look.
My aunt would be furious if Bruno went missing. She was inconsolable every time she lost a cat. It took her weeks to get over the death of one of her cats. I didn’t even want to think about how she’d react if something happened to Bruno. He was alive and was out there somewhere. Perhaps the neighbours had taken him in. Now if I were a pampered, overweight housecat, where would I be hiding?
I looked around the neighbour’s yards which only warranted nasty glares from them as they didn’t know me from Adam. The neighbours on each side hadn’t seen Bruno nor had they ever seen him. As I tried to describe him to the elderly man next door, he just slammed the door in my face. The family on the other side didn’t really speak English and I may have done the worst cat impression ever when inquiring about Bruno. They looked at me quizzically, shrugged their shoulders as we stood there in awkward silence for a few moments. I said “Thank you” and headed back to my Aunt’s house.
Feeling dejected, I went back to my aunt’s house to plan my next move. What was I going to do? I didn’t know who to call or where to turn. I didn’t want to bother my friends on a Saturday to go looking for a lost cat. Maybe I should make a few posters? But then I thought about my Mom and Aunt seeing them on their way home. I wanted to tee his disappearance quiet until or if he turned up.
I paced around the house talking out loud trying desperately to think of a solution. I didn’t know anything about animals. I grew up without having any pets and never really understand the emotional attachment people had with them. I didn’t miss Bruno. Okay, maybe subconsciously I did a little. Or maybe it was just my guilty conscience. Regardless, I was really starting to get worried about him. It would be dark in a few hours and the thought of him being outside in the cold, lonely night was distressing.
I shook a bag of cat treats like a pair of maracas in order to entice him from his hiding place. This would usually work for my aunt as Bruno would come running the second he heard the crinkle of the bag or the sound of treats hitting the kitchen floor. “C’mon out Bruno. I’ve got some treats for you. They’re Turkeylicious!” I felt like such an idiot actually saying that out loud. Who comes up with these product names anyway? I poured a few treats on the floor and waited for Bruno to come rumbling down the stairs to inhale them as he usually did. I waited and waited but still no Bruno.
Confused and dejected, I sat at the kitchen table, rubbing the side of my face as the wheels in my head kept turning and turning. I had no idea what to do next. I still had the rest of the afternoon and evening to deal with this. My Mom and Aunt wouldn’t be back until Sunday but they never specified what time so I had to find Bruno soon. Hopefully he darted out when I left the door open, did a little exploring got bored and hungry, and will turn up at the front door. I would repeatedly look out the front door only to see an empty porch. I was no fan of Bruno’s, but I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to him.
I just there numb and unable to move for the next little while. Then the phone rang which startled me and nearly knocked me out of my chair. Maybe it was someone who had found Bruno although I don’t think he had a collar or any identification. I let it ring a couple more times before I picked it up, “Yes!” I excitedly answered. And then my heart sunk as I heard the voice on the other end. It was my aunt and she wanted to talk to Bruno.
Chapter Five: Cat People
“How’s my baby Bruno?” she asked over the phone.
“Um, he’s good” I nervously responded.
“Can I talk to him?”
“Huh? I mean I think he’s sleeping but I’ll tell him that you called” as I tried to rush the conversation.
“Don’t be silly dear, wake him up. He always loves talking to Mama.”
“Ok, sure…..be right back.” I held the phone to my chest for a minute and pretended to go get Bruno.
“Here’s Bruno!” I said.
She then proceeded to speak baby talk and gibberish to what she thought was her cat on the phone. It made me cringe just listening to it. Even my Mom never talked to me like that when I was a baby.
“Ok Bruno. I hope you’re having fun with your new best friend and Mama will be home tomorrow.” Whew! I really dodged a bullet this time until my aunt asked rather concerned, Is Bruno okay?”
“Yeah, uh, why?” I asked feeling slightly alarmed.
“He usually responds when I talk to him on the phone, but this time, he didn’t make a sound.”
“Let me put him back on the phone” as said as I shut my eyes made some half-hearted meowing noises. I felt so embarrassed. This was definitely not my finest hour.
“Th
at’s my boy!” she exclaimed. “Ok you two, have a wonderful day. Love you both!”
I can’t believe she bought it. I may have been able to have faked my way through whatever that was, but if I didn’t find Bruno by Sunday, my aunt would never forgive me.
Chapter Six: Stray Cat Strut
What about the local humane society I thought? Of course. If he had gotten outside I’m pretty sure he’d end up at the shelter. Not sure why I didn’t think of that either. He was probably sitting in a cage waiting for me to come pick him up. Oh I felt so relieved. I’d just drive to the shelter, identify Bruno, and bring him home. My aunt wouldn’t suspect a thing.
I got in my car and headed to the humane society which was about a ten minute car ride. I had never been inside a shelter before and didn’t know what to expect. I brought a couple of recent pictures of Bruno. I didn’t have any of his medical information nor did I know what breed of cat he was or even how old he was. To me, he was just a fat black cat.