“Reneau said that this is a classical co-dependent relationship and that it has built-in problems that begin to arise immediately.”
She hesitated, as though she expected me to say something. But I only nodded.
“You see, the problem with this completed person, this O, that both people think they have reached, is that it has taken two people to make this one whole person, one supplying the female energy and one supplying the male. This one whole person consequently has two heads, or egos. Both people want to run this whole person they have created and so, just as in childhood, both people want to command the other, as if the other were themselves. This kind of illusion of completeness always breaks down into a power struggle. In the end, each person must take the other for granted and even invalidate them so that they can lead this whole self in the direction they want to go. But of course that doesn’t work, at least not any more. Perhaps in the past, one of the partners was willing to submit themselves to the other—usually the woman, sometimes the man. But we are waking up now. No one wants to be subservient to anyone else any longer.”
I thought of what the First Insight had conveyed about power struggles within intimate relationships, and of the woman’s outburst at the restaurant with Charlene. “So much for romance,” I said.
“Oh, we can still have romance.” Karla replied. “But first we have to complete the circle on our own. We have to stabilize our channel with the universe. That takes time, but afterward we are never susceptible to this problem again and we can have what the Manuscript calls a higher-relationship. When we connect romantically with another whole person after that, we create a super-person…but it never pulls us from the path of our individual evolution.”
“Which is what you think Marjorie and I are doing to each other now, isn’t it? Pulling ourselves off our paths?”
“Yes.”
“So how do we avoid these encounters?” I asked.
“By resisting the ‘love at first sight’ feeling for a while, by learning to have platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex. But remember the process. You must have these relationships only with people who will reveal themselves totally, telling you how and why they are doing what they are doing—just as this would have happened with the opposite-sexed parent during an ideal childhood. By understanding who these opposite-sexed friends really are on the inside, one breaks past one’s own fantasy projection about that gender, and that releases us to connect again with the universe.
“Remember, also,” she continued, “that this is not easy, especially if one has to break away from a current co-dependent relationship. It is a real pulling apart of energy. It hurts. But it must be done. Co-dependence is not some new malady some of us have. We’re all co-dependent, and we’re all growing out of it now.
“The idea is to begin to experience that sense of well-being and euphoria experienced in the first moment of a co-dependent relationship when you are alone. You get to have him or her on the inside. After that, you evolve forward and can find that special romantic relationship that really fits you.”
She paused. “And who knows, if both you and Marjorie evolve further, perhaps you will find that you truly belong with each other. But understand: your relationship with her has no way of working now.”
Our conversation was interrupted as Hinton walked over and explained that he was retiring for the night, and that our rooms had been prepared. We both expressed our appreciation for his hospitality, and as he walked away, Karla said, “I think I’m going to bed also. We’ll talk later.”
I nodded and watched her as she left. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Julia.
“I’m going to my room,” she said. “Do you know where yours is? I can show you.”
“Please,” I said, then asked, “Where is Marjorie’s room?”
She smiled as we walked down the hall and stopped in front of a particular door. “Nowhere near yours,” she said. “Mr. Hinton is a very conservative man.”
I smiled back and bid her good night, then entered my room and held my stomach until I went to sleep.
I awoke to the smell of rich coffee. The aroma permeated the entire house. After I dressed, I walked into the den. An older male houseworker offered me a glass of fresh grape juice which I accepted.
“Good morning,” Julia said from behind me.
I turned around. “Good morning.”
She looked at me intensely, then asked, “Have you discovered yet why we’ve run into each other again?”
“No,” I said, “I haven’t been able to think about it. I’ve been trying to understand addictions.”
“Yes,” she replied. “I saw.”
“What do you mean?”
“I could tell what was happening by the way your energy field looked.”
“How did it look?” I asked.
“Your energy was connected to Marjorie’s. When you were sitting here and she was in the other room, your field stretched all the way in there and attached to hers.”
I shook my head.
She smiled and put her hand on my shoulder. “You had lost your connection with the universe. You had become addicted to Marjorie’s energy as a substitute. It is the same way with all addictions—one goes through someone or something else to connect with the universe. The way to deal with this is to get your energy up and then center yourself again in what you are really doing here.”
I nodded and walked outside. She waited in the den. For about ten minutes I practiced the method of building energy that Sanchez had taught me. Gradually the beauty returned and I felt much lighter. I returned to the house. “You look better,” Julia said.
“I feel better,” I replied.
“So what are-your questions at this point?”
I thought for a minute. I had found Marjorie. That question had been answered. But I still wanted to find out where Wil was. And I still wanted to understand how people would be acting toward each other if they follow this Manuscript. If the Manuscript’s effect was positive, why would Sebastian and the other priests be worried?
I looked at Julia. “I need to grasp the rest of the Eighth Insight and I still want to find Wil. Maybe he has the Ninth.”
“I’m going to Iquitos tomorrow,” she said. “Would you like to go?”
I hesitated.
“I think Wil is there,” she added.
“How do you know?
“Because of the thoughts I had about him last night.”
I said nothing.
“I had thoughts of you, too,” Julia continued. “Of both of us going to Iquitos. You’re involved in this somehow.”
“Involved in what?” I asked.
She grinned. “In finding this last insight before Sebastian does.”
As she spoke, the image came to my mind of Julia and me arriving at Iquitos, but then deciding to go in separate directions for some reason. I felt I had a purpose but it was unclear.
I focused again on Julia. She was smiling.
“Where were you?” she asked.
“Sorry,” I said. “I was thinking about something.”
“Was it important?”
“I don’t know. I was thinking that once we get to Iquitos…that we would go in two different directions.”
Rolando came into the room.
“I brought the supplies you wanted,” he said to Julia. He recognized me and nodded politely.
“Good, thank you,” Julia replied. “Did you see many soldiers?”
“No, I did not see any,” he said.
Marjorie walked into the room then and distracted me but I could hear Julia explaining to Rolando that she thought Marjorie wanted to go with him to Brazil, where she would arrange passage back to the States.
I went over to Marjorie. “How did you sleep?” I asked.
She looked at me as though deciding whether to remain angry. “Not very well,” she said.
I nodded toward Rolando. “He is Julia’s friend. He is leaving this morning for Braz
il. From there he will help you get back to the States.”
She appeared frightened.
“Look, you’re going to be okay,” I said. “They’ve helped other Americans. They know people at the American Embassy in Brazil. In no time you will be home.”
She nodded. “I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. As soon as I get back to the U.S., I’ll call you.”
From behind me, Hinton announced that breakfast was being served. We walked into the dining room and ate. Afterward, Julia and Rolando seemed to be in a hurry. Julia explained that it was important for Rolando and Marjorie to get across the border before dark and the journey would take all day.
Marjorie packed some clothes that Hinton had given her, and later, while Julia and Rolando were talking by the door, I pulled Marjorie to the side.
“Don’t worry about anything,” I said. “Just keep your eyes open and perhaps you’ll see the other insights.”
She smiled but said nothing. I watched with Julia as Rolando helped her load her things into his small car. Her eyes met mine briefly as they drove away.
“Do you think they will get through all right?” I asked Julia.
She looked at me and winked. “Of course. And now, we had better go, as well. I have some clothes for you.” She handed me a satchel of clothes and we loaded these and several boxes of foodstuff into the pick-up truck. We then said good-bye to Hinton and Karla and Mareta, and drove northeast toward Iquitos.
As we traveled, the landscape grew even more jungle-like and we saw very few signs of people. I began thinking of the Eighth Insight. Clearly it was a new understanding of how to treat others, but I didn’t understand it completely. Karla had told me of the way one should treat children and the dangers of an addiction to a person. But both Pablo and Karla had alluded to a way to consciously project energy onto others. What was this about?
I caught Julia’s eye and said, “I haven’t quite grasped the Eighth Insight.”
“How we approach other people determines how quickly we evolve, how quickly our life questions are answered,” she said.
“How does that work?” I asked.
“Think about your own situation,” she said. “How have your questions been answered?”
“By people who came along, I guess.”
“Were you completely open to their messages?”
“Not really. I was mainly aloof.”
“Were the people who brought messages to you pulled back also?”
“No, they were very open and helpful. They …” I hesitated, unable to think of the correct way to express my idea.
“Did they help you by opening you up?” she asked. “Did they fill you with warmth and energy somehow?”
Her remark uncapped an eruption of memories. I recalled Wil’s soothing attitude when I was on the verge of panic in Lima, and Sanchez’s fatherly hospitality, and Father Carl’s and Pablo’s and Karla’s concerned counsel. And now Julia’s. They all had the same look in their eyes.
“Yes,” I said. “All of you have done that.”
“That’s right,” she said. “We have, and we were doing it consciously, following the Eighth Insight. By lifting you up and helping you to get clear, we could search for the truth, the message, that you had for us. Do you understand that? Energizing you was the best thing we could do for ourselves.”
“What does the Manuscript say about all this, exactly?”
“It says that whenever people cross our paths, there is always a message for us. Chance encounters do not exist. But how we respond to these encounters determines whether we’re able to receive the message. If we have a conversation with someone who crosses our path and we do not see a message pertaining to our current questions, it does not mean there was no message. It only means we missed it for some reason.”
She thought for a moment, then continued. “Have you ever run into an old friend or acquaintance, talked for a minute and left, then run into him or her again the same day or the same week?”
“Yes, I have,” I replied.
“And what do you usually say? Something like ‘Well, fancy seeing you again,’ and laugh and go on your way.”
“Something like that.”
“The Manuscript says that what we should do instead in that situation is to stop what we are doing, no matter what, and find out the message we have for that person, and that the person has for us. The Manuscript predicts that once humans grasp this reality, our interaction will slow down and become more purposeful and deliberate.”
“But isn’t that hard to do, especially with someone who wouldn’t know what you were talking about?”
“Yes, but the Manuscript outlines the procedures.”
“You mean, the exact way we’re supposed to treat each other?”
“That’s right.”
“What does it say?”
“Do you remember the Third Insight, that humans are unique in a world of energy in that they can project their energy consciously?”
“Yes.”
“Do you remember how this is done?”
I recalled John’s lessons. “Yes, it is done by appreciating the beauty of an object until enough energy comes into us to feel love. At that point we can send energy back.”
“That’s right. And the same principle holds true with people. When we appreciate the shape and demeanor of a person, really focus on them until their shape and features begin to stand out and to have more presence, we can then send them energy, lifting them up.
“Of course, the first step is to keep our own energy high, then we can start the flow of energy coming into us, through us, and into the other person. The more we appreciate their wholeness, their inner beauty, the more the energy flows into them, and naturally, the more that flows into us.”
She laughed. “It’s really a rather hedonistic thing to do,” she said. “The more we can love and appreciate others, the more energy flows into us. That’s why loving and energizing others is the best possible thing we can do for ourselves.”
“I’ve heard that before,” I said. “Father Sanchez says it often.”
I looked at Julia closely. I had the feeling I was seeing her deeper personality for the first time. She returned my gaze for an instant, then focused again on the road. “The effect on the individual of this projection of energy is immense,” she said. “Right now, for instance, you’re filling me with energy. I can feel it. What I feel is a greater sense of lightness and clarity as I’m formulating my thoughts to speak.
“Because you are giving me more energy than I would have otherwise, I can see what my truth is and more readily give it to you. When I do that, you have a sense of revelation about what I’m saying. This leads you to see my higher self even more fully and so appreciate and focus on it at an even deeper level, which gives me even more energy and greater insight into my truth and the cycle begins over again. Two or more people doing this together can reach incredible highs as they build one another up and have it immediately returned. You must understand, though, that this connection is completely different from a co-dependent relationship. A co-dependent relationship begins this way but soon becomes controlling because the addiction cuts them off from their source and the energy runs out. Real projection of energy has no attachment or intention. Both people are just waiting for the messages.”
As she spoke I thought of a question. Pablo had said that I didn’t get Father Costous’ message at first because I set off his childhood drama.
“What do we do,” I asked Julia, “if the person we are speaking with is already operating in a control drama and trying to pull us into it? How do we cut through that?”
Julia answered quickly. “The Manuscript says if we do not assume the matching drama, then the person’s own drama will fall apart.”
“I’m not sure I understand,” I said.
Julia was looking at the road ahead. I could tell she was in thought. “Somewhere right through here is a house where we can buy
some gasoline.”
I looked down at the gas gauge. It indicated the truck’s tank was half full.
“We still have plenty of gas,” I said.
“Yes, I know,” she replied. “But I had a thought about stopping and filling it up, so I think we should.”
“Oh, okay.”
“There’s the road,” she said, pointing to the right.
We made the turn and drove almost a mile into the jungle before arriving at what looked like a supply house for fishermen and hunters. The dwelling was built at the edge of a river and several fishing boats were tied to the dock. We pulled up to a rusty pump and Julia went inside to find the owner.
I climbed out and stretched then walked around the building to the water’s edge. The air was extremely humid. Although the thick canopy of trees blocked the sun, I could tell it was almost directly overhead. Soon the temperature would be scorching.
Suddenly a man behind me was speaking angrily in Spanish. I turned to see a short stocky Peruvian. He looked at me menacingly and repeated the statement.
“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
He switched to English. “Who are you? What are you doing here?”
I tried to ignore him. “We’re just here for gas. We’ll be gone in a few minutes.” I turned around and faced the water again, hoping he would go away.
He walked to the side of me. “I think you better tell me who you are, Yankee.”
I looked at him again. He appeared to be serious.
“I’m an American,” I said. “I’m not sure where I’m going. I’m riding with a friend.”
“A lost American,” he said hostilely.
“That’s right,” I said.
“What are you after here, American?”
“I’m not after anything,” I said, trying to walk back to the car. “and I’ve done nothing to you. Leave me alone.”
I noticed suddenly that Julia was standing at the vehicle. When I looked, the Peruvian turned and looked too.