‘Um … yeah, I guess I’m going.’ I chew on my fingernail. ‘I’ve never really been to one. Not my thing, but I guess I can pop that cherry.’
The corners of his lips twitch, probably because he’s thinking about the first time we had sex, which was my first time ever. ‘Yeah, I guess it’s about time then.’ He gives me a sidelong glance. ‘But you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.’
But I can tell he wants me to. Not sure how, but I do.
‘No, I want to go, but I’m not going to dress up in the school collars and prance around clapping my hands and yelling ‘Go, team, go!’ I make this cheerleader motions with my arms and it gets him to laugh.
‘Fine by me,’ he says, with a smile threatening at his lips. ‘Not really into that shit anyway.’
I smile back. ‘Good, otherwise I’d wonder what the hell you were doing with me.’
He continues to perk up for the rest of the drive and his worries about his father fade into the night, and into costume and concert time. After we get back to the apartment, I go get dressed in the outfit I bought earlier today. I’d actually bought it at a gothic store that Callie knew about – not sure how. A leather dress, these stockings with black stripes on them, a lace-up arm warmer for my good wrist, and boots that have these gadgets on them, making them totally look steampunk. I’m not even calling myself anything, though, just basking in the fact that I get to dress up.
I put my hair up in this curly braid style then stain my lips with dark lipstick, trace my eyes with black liner, then look in the mirror and totally admire my handy work. ‘Okay, project Celebrating Holidays. I think I’m liking Halloween.’
‘Who are you talking to?’ Luke asks as he opens the door and enters into the bedroom. He makes it about two steps in when he actually sees me and stops dead in his tracks.
‘Pretty awesome, right?’ I ask, turning away from the mirror and to him with my hands on my hips.
His lazily scrolls my body, from my boots to my chest, finally residing on my eyes. ‘You look like a dominatrix.’
I glance down at my leather outfit and knee-high boots. ‘Well, that wasn’t what I was going for, or anything really – just having fun,’ I say. ‘But I guess you can call me that for the night of you want.’
‘Can I?’ He says it absentmindedly, severely preoccupied by my legs, half concealed by the lace-up boots I’m wearing. He scratches at the back of his neck, then jerks his attention off of my legs. ‘So what am I then?’
‘Well, if I’m a Dominatrix then wouldn’t that make you my bitch?’ I give him my best sexy wink and he chokes on his laughter.
‘Yeah, I’m not sure I could give up that much control for you,’ he says, when he stops laughing. ‘Sorry.’
‘I don’t think I could be that mean to you,’ I reply then head over to his closet. ‘But I have an idea of what you could be.’ I rummage around until I find it, tucked in the back of his closet – a faded leather jacket I’ve never seen him wear before. ‘How about you wear this?’ I step out of the closet, holding up the jacket in front of me.
He seems hesitant. ‘That was actually my dad’s.’ He steps toward me with his hands stuffed in his pockets. ‘It was one of the few things he left behind when he took off.’ He touches the front of it then winces as if the fabric – or the memory – has scalded him. ‘I’m not even sure why I still have it.’
‘Oh, never mind then.’ I lower the jacket and move back toward the closet to put it away, but his finger around my arm stops me.
‘Let me try it on,’ he mumbles, then takes the jacket from my hands. Summoning a deep breath, he slips it on and the leather fabric fits his build perfectly. He glances down to look at himself as he moves up to the mirror to get a better look.
I join him, standing to his side. ‘We look like badasses,’ I state, staring at our reflections. ‘Hey, that’s what we could be.’
He smiles softly, then slides his arm around my back and pulls me closer. ‘We look good together.’
We really do. I’m not even sure how that happened. When I’d first met Luke, I thought of him as a popular, brooding jock. It was absurd, and very stereotypical and judgmental of me, and very untrue. My opinion changed about him when I got to know him and honestly I’m starting to wonder if my opinion has changed about myself as well. Luke brought out this other side of me and even though I lost it for a while, when I found out about Mira, I feel like it’s coming back again, only it’s different now.
Something’s different.
He stares at me through the mirror for a few more moments, then he turns to me and leans in, his voice husky as he whispers, ‘The things I want to do to you right now.’ His lips collide with mine, the roughness mismatching with the softness of his voice. But I meet his passion with equal eagerness, kissing him back with everything I have in me, pouring out of me. I grip onto him, pulling him closer, seeking air, yet forgetting to breath. I’m desperate for more of his touches, kissing, closeness – I’m desperate for everything. I’m under no control of my own anymore. I’m not sure anything I do when it comes to Luke anymore is in my control anymore. Because I’m falling.
Falling.
Falling.
Falling.
Only this time it’s different. I still don’t know when I’m going to end up and where, but for once it feels like maybe there’s something to land on.
Chapter 20
Luke
After kissing Violet for ten minutes, we finally part when Seth bangs on the door and tells us it’s time to go. Her kisses have made me feel better, but I’m still stirring over some of the shit at dinner, when I get the call. A Goddamn call that I was kind of expecting, but it still somehow blindsided me. It’s from the attorney representing my mother, wanting to talk to me.
I had to step into the bathroom – I was so shocked – and I didn’t want Violet hearing either.
‘I’d like to meet you person, just to talk,’ the douche attorney said and I almost rammed my fist through the wall, which would have pissed the shit out of Seth since I’ve done it before and he wasn’t happy about it.
‘I don’t want anything to do with this,’ I’d snapped at him. ‘And if you knew better, you wouldn’t be asking me to do so.’
‘You mother thinks otherwise,’ he’d replied. ‘I’d really like too—’
‘My mother’s a fucking psycho who deserves to be behind bars.’ I was practically shaking, gripping onto the counter for support and to keep my hand from doing any damage.
‘Yeah, we’ll see,’ he’d said and that’s when I’d hung up on him and almost threw my phone against the wall.
Regardless of the shitty, depressing call, I’m determined to have a fun night sober. Violet and I made a promise to celebrate the shit out of the holidays and fuck if I’m not going to go through with it. The problem is, I’m all worked up and the only thing that ever calms me down when I’m like this is booze. I can’t drink¸ though. No, I won’t let myself. I avoid it at work all the time and I can sure as hell do it now.
But it’s harder tonight. Between the call about my mother and the fact that my father got me all worked up at dinner. All that talk about worrying about me and then trying to make stuff up to me – it had push me toward the edge, and now the phone call has me teetering somewhere mid-fall. And then there’s Violet and her reaction to Trevor’s question about marriage and how she made it clear that she was against it and for some crazy ass reason that got under my skin – not sure why the fuck it did, but it did. It’s not like I want to get married, at least not in this decade, but the fact that she seemed so against it – against being with someone forever – made me start to wonder how long she was planning on sticking around. And that reminded me of how I said I love her and how she clearly doesn’t reciprocate the feeling. So what am I to her? I have no idea.
I’m riled up on the inside, letting things get under my skin too much and pretending to be okay on the outside, just like I used to all the time. Thankfu
lly, my friends decided to choose the lower section of the place where alcohol isn’t served, otherwise I’d have caved the moment we walk in. It makes it easier to stay away from it and I have a good distraction – Violet and her god damn leather dress. The thing barely covers her ass making her long legs look nearly endless. And those boots with those heels … Jesus fucking Christ, she’s sexy as hell. The music’s good too for the most part, plus it’s nice to hang out with Kayden, Callie, Seth, Greyson and Violet all at one time.
The whole place screams edgy Halloween theme with black lights, mist, and spray paint covering the walls and almost everyone is dressed up in some sort of costume. There’s this neon effect going on and everything with bright colors and in white glows. Violet would blend in with the darkness, but Seth, Callie and her decided to take this weird lipstick-looking thing and draw all over the skin showing, which means Violet is glowing with designs and patterns on almost every inch of her body.
Yes, fucking ridiculously sexy.
‘I’m going to dance. Who wants to save seats?’ Violet rises from her chair. We’ve secured a table as close to the dance floor and stage as possible, so losing the seats would suck.
Seth and Greyson both jump from their barstools. ‘Not it,’ Seth calls out, then grabs Callie’s hand and pulls both Greyson and her toward the dance floor before anyone can protest.
Violet looks at me and I give her the best smile I can muster. ‘Go ahead. I’ll sit this one out.’
She hesitates. ‘You sure?’
I nod and force my smile to be more cheery – more fake. ‘Yes, go.’ I wave at her to get a move on.
She whirls toward the dancing area and I feel this instantaneous urge to follow her, remembering how sexy Violet is when she dances. But I’m not sure I’m in the mood, nor do I want to bail and leave Kayden sitting solo, so I keep my ass planted in the chair.
‘I have a fucking headache,’ I mutter and take a sip of my Coke, wondering if maybe my blood sugar’s low or if I’m just really stressed.
‘You look like you haven’t slept in a while,’ Kayden states, glancing at his cellphone screen. ‘We probably shouldn’t stay out too long considering we have a game tomorrow.’
‘Yeah, probably.’ I’m distracted as a waitress with a tray full of shot glasses walks by. I thought they don’t serve alcohol here? I watch her as she pushes her way through the crowd heading for a spiral staircase. She struggles to balance the tray as she maneuvers her way up the stairs and to the top area – the twenty-one and over area. I have a fake ID and even though this place is notorious for being able to identify fake ID’s, I think about going up there. Honestly, if I wanted to, I could wait for the waitress to come back and charm her until she gives me one. I don’t want to, but I just keep thinking about how things would be so much easier to deal with tonight if I could have just one sip.
Just one.
‘I think I’m going to see how long Callie wants to stay,’ Kayden gets out of the chair. ‘You can ride back with us if you want.’
I nod, my gaze drifting back and forth between the stairway and him. ‘Yeah, if Violet’s ready to go … then okay.’
He wavers, tucking his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. ‘You gonna be okay here alone for a few minutes?’
‘What? Are we babysitting each other now?’ I question, when really I probably do need babysitting right now.
He seems torn, glancing over his shoulder at the staircase, in the direction I keep glancing in. It’s clear what I’m looking at and it’s clear he’s going to stick around if I don’t reassure him that I’m not going to go chasing down my addiction.
‘It’s fine,’ I say, signaling for him to go. ‘I’ll sit here and save the table.’
He wavers then nods before disappearing into the crowd of dancing, sweaty people. I’d like to say that it takes me a few minutes to get up and head over, but it’s really only about ten seconds, getting to my feet the moment Kayden’s out of sight. I have every intention of doing it, tracking down the waitress and coaxing her into giving me a shot. I don’t like myself for needing to do it, but old habits – addictions – are hard to break. I just want to feel my body burn into numbness, just one more time. One more time, I keep telling myself.
I’m halfway there when I spot Violet in center of the crowd. I don’t even know how I see her, since there’s so many damn people packed in a small space. Yet she manages to appear, the throng parting for the slightest moment, just enough to give me a glimpse of her dancing and laughing, so free at that moment, so beautiful. Violet’s always talking about destiny and I’ve never been too sure on where I lie on the whole concept that maybe we’re not in complete control of our lives, but right now I’m wondering if maybe it does exists and that maybe my destiny is in her.
What am I doing?
Seriously, what the fuck am I doing, fucking this up?
I don’t want this – want to be that person again.
I don’t want to lose what I have.
Just like that, I’m pulled toward her, magnetized by an unseen force that I’ll never be able to explain. I move away from the stairway, the waitress, the alcohol and push my way through the crowd, my eyes fixed on where I saw her. Every once and a while, there’s enough of a gap in the sea of bodies that I get a glimpse of her green eyes, red and black hair, and that fucking sexy as hell leather dress she’s wearing. It keeps me traveling in the right direction and farther away from the wrong. The music is throbbing as I move up behind her. She doesn’t see me first, only feels the touch of my hands as I put them on her waist. She must sense it’s me, because she sinks into the touch without saying a word.
Then she peeks over her shoulder with a wicked grin on her face. ‘Glad you could join me.’ She winks then starts to really dance.
I’d almost forgotten how amazing the way she moves is, not too much or too little, the perfect amount of rhythm and sway of her hips that makes her ass brush up against my cock just right amount. I go rock hard within just a few moments as I move with her, allowing my hands to travel up and down her hips, her sides, her breasts. There are people everywhere – Seth, Greyson, Kayden and Callie included. But as far as I care, it’s just Violet and me out there. The rest of the room is just a blur.
We dance this way forever, through the entire concert, becoming sweaty, breathless, and fucking turned on more than I ever have been. Neither of us seems in any rush to stop, our bodies welded together, refusing to break this strange, destiny induced bond we’ve stumbled upon. Kayden and Callie bail out pretty early, while Greyson and Seth stick around with Violet and I. Eventually the large throng of people starts to dwindle into a small crowd. Before I know it, we’re pretty much the only ones left on the dance floor. Still, we don’t stop moving, lost in some sort of moment where only the two of us exist.
Eventually Greyson announces that it’s time to go. ‘It’s getting late,’ he says, checking the time on his phone.
Seth frowns as he continues to dance but then gives in. ‘Fine, you win this one.’
Violet and I dance for a little bit longer then holding hands, follow them the front door and hang with the rest of the loiters while Seth goes to get the car. The air feels electric, like there’s a lightning storm nearby, except sky is clear, full of stars and the moon shining brightly.
A minute or two of waiting and my hands are all over Violet again, unable to stop myself from touching her. Somewhere between touching her hips and sucking on her neck, she turns around and presses her lips to mine. I grab her ass and pull her against me as her fingers slide up my chest, loop around the back of my neck. She lets out a groan as I give her hair a gentle tug to tip her head back and then my tongue slips deeply into her mouth, moaning at the taste of her. With each touch, each brush of our tongues, each moan, the crappy thoughts I was trying to sort through earlier dissipates into nothing. Nothing else matters. All my focus is on her, the amazing taste of her, the incredible scent of her skin and feel of the heat of her body. A
nd the little sound she makes as I spin us around and back us up against the building is enough for me to verge on losing it, right here on the side of the road.
But I manage to keep myself contained, pulling her closer, kissing her with everything I have in me. This is what I want. This is where I want to be.
‘Luke.’ She gasps between kisses, her legs moving restlessly around as if she can’t figure out what to do with them. Finally, she hitches one over my hip and grinds her hips against mine. I respond with the same movement, pressing up against her as I move my mouth away from hers to place kisses down her jawline, her neck, to the base of her throat where I lick a path toward her breasts.
‘Um, guys.’ I hear Greyson clear his throat from somewhere behind us, but I disregard him as my hand travels up Violet’s thigh to the bottom of her dress.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
‘Hello, as much as everyone’s enjoying the live porn show, it’s time to go!’ Seth hollers.
I’m not one to get embarrassed. Neither is Violet. Which is why it takes us a few more touches and kisses before we reluctantly break apart. I don’t move too far away from her, slipping my fingers through hers as we head toward the Camry parked near the curb.
‘Jesus,’ Greyson says after we’ve all gotten in the car. ‘I thought they were going to fuck right there on the street.’
Seth glances at me in the rearview mirror and gives me this knowing look. Seth has known me since my man-whore days and knows that I’ve never acted this way before with a woman, so uncontrolled. A little while ago, his insinuating looks would have pissed me off, but now I shrug them. This is the freest Violet and I have ever been. Usually there’s this distance between us, even when we’re close. But right now, that look in her eyes I’ve seen so many times – the look that means she’s using sex and kissing me as a distraction – is gone. Instead all I see is want.
Desire.
Need.
Lust.
It almost matches how I’m feeling, except for maybe one more thing on my part, something I don’t dare utter, not wanting to fuck up and scare the shit out of her again. So I keep my undying and eternally devoted thoughts to myself and go back to kissing Violet in the backseat, glad with the choices I made tonight.