My voice however is the exact opposite of even, coming out all high pitched like I’m thirteen years old and going through puberty all over again. ‘What?’
She sucks in a breath, then releases it slowly, the fear in her eyes subsiding, as if she’s just won it. ‘I think I’m in love with you …’ She bites on her lips and shakes her head. ‘No … I don’t think. I know.’
I gradually process her words and the full extent of what she’s saying. I think I’d honestly believed that she might never say them, that this love thing was going to be a one-way street. Hearing her say it … I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s like my entire life I’ve associated the word with hatred. Every time my mother said it, it felt like she was trying to take something from me and it made me hate her and myself – love equaled hate for me. But hearing it from Violet’s lips, seeing that look in her eyes, the one I’ve never seen from anyone, is so different. She’s not taking something from me right now, she’s giving me something.
She’s giving me everything.
I can’t control myself. I smash my lips against her, probably too roughly. But she doesn’t seem to mind, kissing me back just as intensely, her fingers tugging through my hair as she pulls me closer, consuming me with her lips as her body lifts to meet mine. It’s like she needs every part of her touching me, but it’s not enough. Nothing feels like it could ever be close enough.
As her legs fasten around mine, I grip tightly onto her and stand up, carrying her with me as I head back to the room. Our lips stay sealed, only parting so she can yank my shirt off when we reach the hallway. We bump into walls, slam into tables, knock over the lamp on our way into the room, but we laugh against each other’s lips, never parting. When I reach the bed, I fall blindly onto it, catching us with my hands. I take the opportunity to pull her shirt off and unclasp her bra. Then I lean back and take in the sight of her, every speck of flesh, every freckle, every line of ink she has. So fucking gorgeous I can’t stand it. I feel like I’m about to combust. I want her so badly that my body is throbbing, my veins pulsating with desire and need.
The need be with her.
Forever.
And ever.
And ever.
And when I open my mouth to say it, this time it’s different – this time it means more than the first time I said it, because I know that I can say and it’ll be welcomed not feared.
‘I love you too, Violet Hayes,’ I whisper then my lips crash against hers showing her with my mouth just how much I mean it.
God, do I fucking mean it. More than anything else in my life.
Chapter 25
Violet
So this is what making love feels like? That was the last coherent thought I had.
I wasn’t planning on telling him that I loved him. I was having an internal argument over the many reasons why I should keep it to myself, that I should just go back to my old ways and deal with it in my own way. That Luke was Mira Price’s son and that should matter, right? But then I started thinking about how I didn’t want to go back to my old ways, how I hated that life even though I wouldn’t admit it at the time, and how he really isn’t Mira’s son. Yes, he shares her blood but everything about him is the opposite of what that woman is. He’s so much more than that.
So, so much more.
He’s the guy who helped me to class when I jumped out the window and hurt my foot.
He’s the guy who beat the shit out of Preston when he hit me.
He’s the guy who protected me.
Who gave me a roof over my head with no stipulations.
The guy who taught me that kissing wasn’t just lips and tongue it was emotions and intensity and passion.
The guy who would do anything for me.
The guy who has done anything for me.
The guy who loved me when I thought no one ever would.
He’s the guy who made me understand love enough that I could feel it myself, and he should know that, how much he means to me.
‘I think I’m in love with you.’
Once I said it aloud, everything changed – I changed in so many ways it’s almost too much to take at once. Then again maybe I started changing a while ago and am just accepting it now. Honestly, I don’t really care at the moment what it is. I’m too focused on Luke and what his mouth is doing to me, paths of kisses up and down my stomach, across my breasts, up my legs. Everywhere.
It’s almost too much to take. My mind is so in tune with everything he’s doing, my body on the verge of combusting with each brush of his lip and taste of his tongue. Finally I can’t take it anymore. I grab at his face and pull his lips up to mine as I lift my hips, needing him inside me. He gladly gives me what I want, slipping deep inside me. I let out the loudest groan, the feeling of him inside way more intense than it usually is, but in the best way possible.
We move with each other, kissing and touching, sweat beading our skin as we take our time, never wanting it to end. I can feel myself falling again and this time I don’t fight it, only clutch onto Luke and hold on. Let the emotions take over me, let myself feel every single one of them, let them own me without fearing them
Seconds later he joins me and we come undone together, my nails stabbing into the flesh of his shoulder blades, which elicits a groan from his lips then he bites down gently on my bottom lip.
Moments later, we start to still, but our lips keep moving, kissing and panting each other until we’re breathless and have to stop for air. He doesn’t move out of me right away, instead pressing kisses to my neck while I stare up at the ceiling, feeling strangely content inside. All this fighting my emotions and now I wish I hadn’t fought them so hard, not when I get to feel like this.
‘I hate to say this,’ Luke whispers against my ear, nibbling at my earlobe. ‘But we need to get dressed before my dad and Trevor show up.’
‘We could always just pretend we’re out,’ I joke, turning my head so I can kiss him.
‘Yeah, but it’s their last day here,’ he says, breathless from the kiss. ‘I’d feel bad for bailing.’
‘Me too,’ I say truthfully, but press my body to tease him, which causes him to groan in frustration. I smile my wicked smile. ‘But after they leave, I say we pick this right back up.’
Nodding, he kisses me passionately. ‘It’s a deal.’
Grinning like two love-struck idiots we get out of bed and get dressed. I don’t care though, that I keep grinning like a moron. I’m happy. Completely and utterly terrified but absolutely and positively happy, a place I haven’t been in in years.
About five minutes after we’re fully clothes, Trevor and James show up with a pizza. We laugh and chat well into the night and everything seems perfect. Then my phone starts ringing. It’s late so I know that there are only a few people it could be – Seth, Greyson or Detective Stephner.
I wander to the hallway as I answer it, not wanting my reaction to whatever he has to say to be on display for everyone. ‘Hello?’ I answer tentatively.
‘Oh, good, you’re awake,’ he says, sounding relieved. ‘I thought about calling you tomorrow, but wanted to let you know so that maybe you could sleep in just a little bit later.’
My heart leaps inside my chest. ‘You caught him.’
I can hear the smile in his voice when he says, ‘Yeah, we caught him.’
‘And you can keep him in jail, right?’
‘Yeah, we have him for a lot of things.’ He’s vague, but he usually is with this kind of stuff.
‘Has he said anything about why he did it?’ I wonder, resting my head against the wall.
‘He did.’ There’s caution in his tone.’ Violet, I have to be honest with you. I’ve had my suspicions about Danny Huntersonly,’ he refers to Preston by his real name, ‘and his motives for what he’s been doing to you.’
‘Oh my God, he’s the killer, isn’t he?’ My heart slams against my chest and I almost buckle to the ground.’
‘Not quite.’
‘Not quite. How can he be a not-quite-killer?’ I must be talking loud, because Luke rounds the corner with worry on his face. And the worry only magnifies when he see the shocked and horrified look on my face.
‘What’s wrong?’ he whispers, but I hold up a finger, indicating him to be quiet, so instead he holds my hand and I clutch onto it for dear life.
The Detective sighs. ‘I’ve had a suspicion after digging into things that Danny might have been related to the killer. And after we arrested him today and questioned him, my suspicions are right. Danny Huntersonly is the son of Benny Huntersonly, the man who killed your mother and father, something Danny confessed.’
My grip tightens on Luke’s hand, my palms starting to sweat. ‘And where is this Benny Huntersonly now?’
‘He’s dead,’ he replies solemnly and it’s like a blow to his gut. ‘He took his own life not too long after he killed your parents’. Danny said he was doing drugs and not taking his medication when he broke into your parent’s house with Mira Price to rob them. Not sure how much of that is true, but I’m working on it.’
‘And what about me?’ I ask. ‘Why did Preston … I mean, Danny, do all this shit to me?’
‘Revenge. Obsession. He’s out of his mind. Honestly I don’t know.’
I don’t want to ask it, don’t want to think of my mother this way, but I need to know. ‘The robbery … it didn’t have to do with my mom doing drugs, didn’t it?’
He pauses. ‘I’m not sure yet. Like I said, there’s still a lot I don’t know, nor can I share with you yet because it could ruin the case. I just wanted to call you because you deserve to know – deserve to be able to relax. I know you haven’t done it in a while.’
‘In years,’ I whisper.
I can hear him rustling through papers and a phone ringing in the background, probably still at the station. ‘Then right now you should just relax and get some sleep. It’s probably been hard for the last couple of months.’
I start to smile and cry at the same time as waves of emotions ripple over me. Some of relief. Some of heartache. Some I don’t even recognize. ‘Okay, I will.’
Luke’s freaking out – I can see it in his brown eyes, so I give his hand a reassuring squeeze. It’s okay. I’m going to be okay.
Either the detective can hear my thoughts or my hear tears because he says, ‘Violet, it’s going to be okay.’
It takes me a moment to answer, to process everything that he just told me. I’m not sure how I feel about Preston being the son of the man who took my parent’s life. I feel sick to my stomach. Disgusted. Disappointed. Confused. There’s a lot of history with Preston and I, a lot of things that I did, and all that stuff slams me in the chest at once. I almost fall.
Almost, but not quite.
I grasp tighter onto Luke’s hand. I don’t want to live in the past, let my guilt control me like that, let Preston control me like that.
It’s still a lot to take in and I know there’s something that can briefly take it all away, but that’s the thing. It’ll only be temporary and if I survive whatever crazy, erratic thing I do, everything will still be the same afterward and I’ll still have to face it.
‘I know it is,’ I whisper through my tears and it feels like the truth. For once, it feels like everything’s going to be okay. Yes, not everything turned out perfect. In fact, if I really analyze it, I can see all the ugliness and darkness that has come out of this. I could sink back into that dark hole and let it eat me up, like I did for years. But I’ve only just climbed out of that fucking hole and I don’t want to go back. I want to be strong. I want to let myself be happy.
And let myself be in love.
Two things I never, ever thought were going to be possible, but then I had a taste of them and it was wonderful – I’m not ready to let the wonderful go. I know nothing will ever be perfect; things won’t always turn out the way that I want. That’s not how life works and perfect doesn’t exist. But for the most part, everything will be okay if I just let it be. And I’m going to try my damn hardest; I’m going to go on living life, trying to get better instead of worse. And I have Luke by my side.
And really, that’s all I need.
Chapter 26
One month later….
Violet
‘Are you sure this is a good idea?’ I ask, as I stare at the roundabout. It’s barely December but winter has rolled in and has turned the entire park into a winter wonderland. Ice glazes everything and all of the swings glisten with frost.
Luke nods as he brushes some of the snow off the roundabout. ‘Lana told you to do something childishly fun so here you go.’
I pull my coat tighter around myself, wishing I’d had time to shower before we came here. But Luke picked me up straight from the gym after my kickboxing thing with Callie and Seth, something I do at least twice a week. ‘But it’s freezing.’
He cocks an eyebrow at me as he brushes the snow off my gloves. ‘Since when does snow make you back down from a challenge?’
Snow is falling from the sky even though the sun is peeking through the clouds. ‘How did this become a challenge?’
‘Because I’m making it a challenge,’ he tells me cockily as he zips up the leather jacket he’s wearing and waits for me to get on the frozen deathtrap.
Earlier this week, Lana had suggested that I do something fun, something that I missed out on when I was younger. Luke came up with this idea when I couldn’t figure out one on my own. Said he played at the park sometimes when he was hiding from his mother.
‘Oh fine.’ I walk over to the thing that looks like a flying saucer with bars on the top of it and hop on. The chilled metal sinks through my clothes and freezes my skin as I sit down in the center and hold onto the bars. ‘Now what?’
He gets this goofy grin on his face and I know I’m in trouble. ‘Now you hang on.’ Before I can say anything else, he takes off running, holding onto the bars so it causes the roundabout to spin. The faster her runs the faster the thing spins until everything around me is a blur of shapes and colors. Then he jumps on himself and joins me in the center.
I’m laughing my ass off as my eyes fight to focus on something around me, but I just get dizzy, so instead I focus on Luke’s face.
‘See, fun, right?’ he asks, gripping onto the bar.
I nod, smiling as I stare up at the sky. ‘It feels like I’m in the center of the world and everything around me is moving.’
He chuckles. ‘There’s that philosophy class showing again.’
‘It’s a fun class,’ I admit, daring to let go of the bars and spin freely, feeling as though I’m flying. Luke’s hands clamp down on my legs as if he’s afraid the force is going to send me flying, which only makes my grin expand. ‘I picked a major today.’
‘Really?’
I nod.
He waits for me to explain but then grows impatient. ‘Are you going to tell me what it is?’
My smile takes up my entire face. ‘Physics.’
His grip tightens on my legs as the roundabout continues to spin. ‘Are you being serious?’
I look away from the sky and to him, nodding. ‘Someone told me I’d be good at it once.’
His lips quirk. ‘Sounds like a smart person if you ask me.’
‘Yeah, a real genius,’ I say with a grin. ‘We’ll see how it goes, though. I still might change it.’
‘I don’t think you will,’ he says as the roundabout starts to slow.
‘We’ll see.’ I grow quiet as the spinning slows to a stop and suddenly it feels like we’re grounded, but neither of us move. ‘How’s your job going?’
‘Good.’ Luke’s been working at the gym for the last few weeks and he seems happy about not having to work at the bar anymore. ‘I mean, I don’t want to do it forever, but it’ll get me through school.’ He pauses, then sits up. ‘Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I got a text from Ryler this morning.’
Ryler is Luke’s mute cousin that I met once when we were in Vegas. His dad
’s an asshole and I felt kind of bad for him, especially since he also grew up in foster homes.
‘Oh, yeah? What’d he say?’
‘That he was thinking about starting next semester at the University of Wyoming and wondered if it’d be okay if he crashed with us for a few days when he got out here, until he found a place to live. I told him sure.’
‘Good, I feel bad for him.’
‘Because he can’t talk?’
I shake my head. ‘No, because he didn’t have a real family growing up.’
Luke looks at me with empathy. ‘Speaking of families, how have you been doing with all the trial stuff?’
I scoot closer to him as the wind starts to blow and snow flurries around us. ‘You ask me that all the time.’
‘I know, but I want to make sure you’re okay all the time,’ he says, brushing a snowflake off my cheek.
His touch warms me from my head to my toes to my soul. ‘I’m still doing okay, although I’ll be more okay when Preston starts trail.’
Luke shakes his head, anger flashing in his eyes, which happens every time we talk about Preston. ‘I still can’t believe he’s saying he did all that stuff because he blamed your family for what his father did. Guy seriously has some bolts lose.’
‘I know, but at least he’s behind bars, right?’ Although I wish he was being sentenced for more, that somehow he could be blamed for what his father did. I know it’s kind of selfish of me to want it, and that really I know he doesn’t deserve that, it’s just hard sometimes thinking about how his father is dead and will never actually pay for what he did. ‘How about you?’
He sucks in a slow breath. ‘I’m doing fine, but I’m glad I got my part over with.’
Luke was called up last week and questioned. He was really nervous about doing it, but the important part is that he did; he conquered his fear of his mother and let the world know what a monster she is.
‘Thank you for doing that.’ I press my lips to his and give him a soft kiss.
‘I’m not going to lie,’ he says. ‘I did partly do it for myself.’