“It’s okay.” John stood and stretched. He was tall, with dark hair and eyes as blue as Caroline’s. As blue as Ellie’s and Kinzie’s. John patted Kinzie on her head. “We can finish when you get back. I need to shoot hoops.”
“Okay.” Kinzie’s shoulders dropped a little. “I guess.”
John grinned at her, then walked down the hallway toward his bedroom.
“You ready?” Ellie tried to keep her calm. The minutes were falling away.
Her daughter patted out the wrinkles in her sundress. “Right now?” She picked up her dolly off the floor.
“Yes, baby.” Ellie fiddled with the car keys. “You ready?”
“I have to use the restroom.” Kinzie moved slowly, probably tired from sitting. “Here, can you hold her?” She handed over the doll.
“Yes.” Ellie reminded herself to be patient. None of this was her daughter’s fault. “Hurry, okay?”
“Yes, Mommy.”
The clock screamed at her, taunting her. She checked her phone. Seven minutes. That was all the time she had until Nolan Cook pulled up out front. Her mom came to her. “You’re really leaving?”
“I am. Tell him . . . I had things to do.” She turned and the two of them hugged. “I can’t see him. I just can’t.”
“He won’t believe that.” A slow sigh came from her mom. “It’s been so long, Ellie.”
“Exactly.” She smiled, willing her mother to understand. “Kinzie?” She kept her tone friendly. “Baby, we have to go.”
“Just a minute.” The little voice came from down the hallway.
“Can I say one more thing?” Her mom still faced her. “Don’t you think the timing is a little strange for all of this to be a coincidence?” She seemed less determined, more accepting of the reality: Ellie didn’t want to see Nolan. Period.
“It’s not that strange. This Ryan Kelly guy talks to you and then . . .” Ellie stopped cold. All she had focused on earlier was that Nolan had come by Caroline’s office, that he was coming here. But now the other details of her mother’s explanation screamed through her mind. “Ryan is Peyton Anders’s guitar player? And he came because he knew you and Peyton used to be friends?”
“Yes.” A depth came over her mother, both in her eyes and in her tone. “Peyton and I were friends.”
“When?” Ellie’s heart pounded faster, and she felt sick to her stomach.
“I met him thirteen years ago. We were friends for two years.”
“So . . . that’s . . .” Her voice trailed off. She couldn’t form the words, couldn’t imagine them. Instead, she searched her mother’s eyes as the blood drained from her face. If her mother had something to tell her, she could say the next words.
“What you’re thinking . . . you’re right. He’s John’s father.” Caroline dropped her voice to a whisper. “John doesn’t know all the details. Just that his dad was a singer who wasn’t ready to be a dad.”
Her mom was a groupie? The picture was so awful, Ellie couldn’t believe it. “I always . . . pictured you had been with someone . . . normal. Someone who loved you.”
“I thought he did.” Caroline’s tone said she wasn’t going to defend herself. But at the same time her eyes said there was more to the story.
Of course. Ellie caught her breath. There had to be more to the story.
Kinzie came bouncing down the hall, a grin on her face. “Let’s go. I decided a trip to the store will be fun.”
They had maybe three minutes. Nolan could pull up any moment. “Yes.” Ellie looked at her mom and felt her expression soften. “We’ll talk later.” They had both made decisions they weren’t proud of. Whatever had happened, her mother must’ve had a reason, an explanation.
If she’d known him for two years, she must have been more to Peyton Anders than a groupie.
They said good-bye, and Ellie put her arm around Kinzie’s shoulders. “Let’s race to the car!”
The little girl’s giggles made the world feel right somehow.
A minute later, they were out of the neighborhood, and Ellie noticed something.
She could breathe again.
Nolan could hardly wait for five o’clock. After a day at the river, he wasn’t sure he had ever prayed more intensely for Ellie Tucker. Whatever the situation, however she felt about him, and whichever way the past eleven years had played out in her life, he couldn’t wait to see her. Just knowing she was here in the same city made this one of his best days ever.
A day he wasn’t sure he’d have.
He pulled up outside her mother’s apartment and double-checked the address. He felt more nervous than he’d been back in middle school when he came to Ellie’s house, or when they’d meet at the park. He understood why. He was no longer sure of Ellie’s feelings or who she’d become.
Her mother answered the door seconds after he knocked, and from the moment their eyes met, he knew there was trouble. “Nolan, come in.”
The living room was quiet except for a boy sitting at the dining room table. He had a basketball on his lap, and he stood slowly when Nolan walked through the door. Nolan smiled at the kid and looked around, intent on getting answers. He kept his tone polite, but his panic must have been evident. “Where is she?”
“She left.” Her mother looked like she’d aged a year since that morning. Her voice held an apology. “She had a few errands to run.”
Nolan didn’t speak, didn’t move. In college he’d taken a biology class in which he learned about cortisol. The death hormone, it was called. A substance that the body released into the bloodstream upon suffering stress or hearing bad news. He was pretty sure he was experiencing an overdose of it now.
“I’m sorry.” Mrs. Tucker crossed her arms, clearly embarrassed. “I don’t understand her, Nolan. I told her you were coming, how you’d looked for her since she moved away.”
“Did she say if . . . Will she be right back?”
“No.” Caroline sighed and shook her head. “She doesn’t want to see you. I can’t explain it. I’m so sorry.”
The boy came closer, the ball still under his arm. He stood by Ellie’s mom, and Nolan understood. This was the child she’d been pregnant with; he was the result of the affair that had caused Ellie’s father to move to San Diego. Nolan felt compassion for the child. None of the heartache and loss surrounding his birth was his fault. “Hey.” He held out his hand, and the kid shook it. “I’m Nolan Cook.”
“John, sir.” The boy clearly knew who Nolan was. “My friends aren’t going to believe this.”
“Nolan and I need to talk for a few minutes.” Ellie’s mother looked nervous.
“Yes, ma’am.” John returned to the other room and sat at the table, watching them from a distance.
Once he was out of earshot, Ellie’s mom lowered her voice. “I don’t know when she’ll be home. I’m not sure what to tell you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Nolan was at peace about that much. “She has to come back eventually.”
“I just . . . I don’t think she’d like that. I’m so sorry.”
“I’ll let her tell me.” Nolan smiled, despite the way his heart had fallen to his feet. Ellie Tucker, avoiding him? The reality confirmed every painful possibility he’d considered over the years. She was alive, yes. But she didn’t want to see him. Now he had to figure out why. He wouldn’t leave until he had the answer.
Nolan had an idea. He took a few steps toward the kitchen. “Hey, John, I stopped by Savannah High earlier today. The coach has the gym open for me tonight. Sort of a private thing.”
“Really?” John was on his feet in a flash. The kid seemed nice, and judging from his Hawks T-shirt and the basketball in his hands, he was crazy about the sport.
“Maybe we should go shoot around. What do you think?” Nolan looked at Caroline. “Would you mind? For an hour or so?”
“Please, Mom.” John hurried over to her.
Nolan watched the woman consider. She had known Nolan since he was a kid, and she tr
usted him. But letting John go meant that Nolan would have to bring him home later. Another chance to see Ellie. He tried to put her concern to rest. “Ma’am.” He kept his tone polite. “I can tell you this. Either way, I’m not leaving until I see her.”
“Well,” Caroline hesitated, losing her fight. “John would love it.” She smiled at her son. “As for the rest . . . I’ll pray.”
That was all Nolan needed to hear. He nodded to the boy to follow him. John kissed his mom on the cheek and hugged her, and with that, the two of them left for the gym. The place where Nolan and Ellie had spent almost half their teenage years. The court where he could feel his father again, see him coaching from the sidelines. God had brought him this far. He would play basketball with the boy, take him home, and do what he’d dreamed of doing since his last hour together with Ellie. He would hang out with Ellie and figure out an answer to the question that had parked dead center in his heart.
Why was she avoiding him?
Chapter Twenty-six
Ellie figured she’d wait an hour before she called her mom. She and Kinzie had gone to the closest market and bought ingredients for chocolate chip cookies. Her daughter was in a delightful mood, completely unaware of what Ellie was feeling. Kinzie liked Savannah, she thought John was funny, and she wondered when they could come back. “Or maybe we could move here, Mommy? Because then I could be near my grandma. Little girls should have their grandmas close by, right?”
Ellie wasn’t sure why, but she pictured her father alone in his house with no family. If she and Kinzie moved to Savannah—something she’d been thinking about since she first hugged her mom—that’s how his life would be. How it would probably end. Alone and without the people he really did love. The image brought no satisfaction.
“Well, Kinz.” Her heart ached, but she smiled at her daughter. “Families should be together. Moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas.” She walked alongside Kinzie down another aisle, the two of them taking their time. “So, yes, little girls should be near their grandmas.”
Kinzie seemed content with that explanation. She launched into a description of the VeggieTales movie. Ellie tried to listen, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Nolan. Why was he in town? It had to be a coincidence. He was about to start the NBA finals. That and he was dating someone. If he had come looking for her, it was only because he happened to be here and he was curious.
Right?
She couldn’t quite convince herself. The timing was uncanny.
All the way here, every long mile between San Diego and Savannah, Ellie had told herself Nolan wouldn’t come to the meeting at the old oak tree. At the same time, she had allowed herself to dream. If he did come, she would hold on to the moment like the most beautiful treasure. It would be a last time to say good-bye. Closure. If he met her at the park, the minutes with Nolan Cook would be theirs alone. Outside of time.
But never along the entire drive had she thought it would happen.
Kinzie switched topics and began remembering out loud every special thing they’d seen on the trip to Georgia. Ellie nodded and said what she needed to say in order to remain part of the conversation. The imagined moment with Nolan had only been a fantasy.
All that changed the moment her mother mentioned Nolan’s name. Fear had seized her in a vise grip. She didn’t want to see Nolan Cook, didn’t want to stand across from him, so close she could touch him. Couldn’t bear to see him disappointed in her. Not now and not ever. Of course she couldn’t get out of her mom’s house fast enough.
If she let him see her now, he would never again know her as the fifteen-year-old girl she had been. He would see who she was today. Who she had become. He would see her place in life and the consequences of her actions, and he would see Kinzie. In as much time as it took to blink, he would shift his emotions from curiosity to compassion.
And just like that, Nolan Cook would feel sorry for her.
Something she could never let happen. Partly because she was happy with her life—especially now that she’d found her mom and her heart was beginning to let go of the anger she’d felt toward her father. She had a job she enjoyed, even if someday she still wanted to write her novel. And she had Kinzie.
Kinzie most of all.
If Nolan felt sorry for her, then it would mean he didn’t understand her or know her whatsoever. No, the only way their memories of yesterday would remain untouched was if they left the past back on Edgewood and Louisiana and Kinzie streets. Back in Gordonston Park.
“Mommy?” Kinzie tapped Ellie’s hand and stopped walking. “Can we get Grandma some of that tea? Because I saw it by her sink, and I think she likes it.”
“Hmm?”
“This.” Kinzie picked up a red box of Tazo Awake tea. “I saw it on her counter.”
“Yes, baby, we can get it.”
“You look funny. Were you listening to me before?” Her eyes had a teasing look. “Are you thinking about making cookies?”
“Yes, baby, that’s right.” She put her arm around Kinzie’s shoulders and hugged her. “I can’t wait to make cookies with you.”
“Me, too, Mommy. Because you and me and my grandma are making cookies for the very first time.”
Ellie smiled at her. “Kinz, I have to call Grandma real quick, okay?”
“Okay.” She skipped ahead a few feet. “Tell her about the cookies.”
The number had been in her address book for a day, but already Ellie had it saved as a favorite. She touched the button, and it began to ring.
Her mother answered quickly. “Ellie . . . you’re okay.” She exhaled. “I was worried. You left so fast.”
“I’m fine.” Her daughter was close enough to hear the conversation, so she didn’t want to mention Nolan. “Kinzie and I are going to make chocolate chip cookies with you when we get back.”
Her mom hesitated. “Nolan came by. You know that.”
“You told him I was out, right?”
“After eleven years?” Her mom made a sound that was more cry than laugh. “He won’t give up now, honey. You have to know that.”
It wasn’t something she had considered. She figured if her mom discouraged him, if he thought she didn’t want to see him, then he would give up. Especially if he was only curious. Another ribbon of concern wrapped itself around her. “What did he say?”
Kinzie skipped in circles, singing a song. Something about cucumbers. Ellie worked to hear what her mom was saying. “He took John to the gym, to Savannah High. To shoot around for a few hours.”
“Wait . . . what?” Ellie’s panic hit a new level. “Nolan has John?”
“He won’t leave, Ellie. He wants to see you.”
She was about to argue, about to beg her mom to make him understand. But suddenly, she understood what she needed to do. Even if she didn’t want to. If he was going to hang around, if he wouldn’t leave until he saw her, then she had just one choice. She needed to go to him.
Yes, it would change things between them. It would alter the memories of yesterday. But at least they would both have their answers, and he could leave her alone. The first of June would come tomorrow, and after that she could move on. Once and for all.
“Fine.” Resignation sounded in her voice. She wasn’t upset with her mom, just steeling her heart. “I’ll bring Kinzie home, and I’ll go talk to him.”
Her mother hesitated. “Thank you.” She sounded beyond relieved.
“One question, Mom.” She still couldn’t believe she’d found her mother. “Did you tell him about . . .” She glanced at her daughter. Kinzie was closer now, dancing not far from the shopping cart. “You know.”
“About Kinzie. No. I didn’t tell him anything. I thought you’d like to tell him.”
“Thank you.” Ellie let that sink in. Her mom was so kind, so understanding. Ellie thought again about all that she’d missed without her mother. They had so much to talk about, a lifetime to catch up on. They could start tonight, making chocolate chip cookies with Kinzie. One
conversation at a time, they would catch up and find their way back. Ellie could see great things ahead.
If only she could get past Nolan Cook.
Ellie dropped Kinzie off at her mom’s and headed for Savannah High. Now she paused just outside the gym door, and there, in the humid late-May air, she listened. Just listened. The slap of the ball on the wood floor and Nolan’s still-familiar voice filled her ears.
“Thatta boy . . . now you’ve got it!”
Ellie stepped into view and held her breath. It was one thing to see him on TV, to watch him tearing up an opposing defense, to see him interviewed by ESPN. But to see him here at the Savannah High gym? Her heart was instantly full, her resolve to say a few words and be on her way sorely shaken. If only she could stand here unnoticed for an hour and just be with him, here, where they’d spent so much time together.
John cut one way and then the other, dribbling the ball toward the basket. She needed to hurry, no matter how she felt. Before she left, Kinzie and her mom were pulling together ingredients for the chocolate chip cookies. Ellie wanted to be back before they put them in the oven.
But now . . . now she couldn’t do anything but watch him. His kindness toward John, his graceful, artful way of driving to the net and scoring. He had been destined for basketball greatness since he was in middle school.
“You’re doing great, buddy. Get some water.” Nolan gave John a quick pat on the back.
The boy noticed her first. He headed toward the water fountain, did a double take, and then stopped and looked straight at her. “Hi, Ellie.”
“Hi.” She could feel Nolan’s eyes on her before she turned in his direction. Feel them drawing her in the way a magnet drew steel.
John jogged off to get a drink, and almost in slow motion, with eleven years wrapped up in the moment, Ellie looked at Nolan. Like something from a dream, she let her eyes find his, and everything around her faded. Everything except Nolan Cook. She didn’t breathe, didn’t notice her heartbeat or John walking back from the water fountain.
Because in all the world, there was only her and Nolan.