Orlando slipped away down the stairs, although his mind was still back up on the landing. He couldn't think straight, and he got lost on his way to the servants' wing. Somehow he ended up in the kitchen again.
He sat on a chair and lowered his head into his hands. Christ. He wanted her. Wanted to kiss her and take her in his arms. And bed her. He definitely wanted to do that. Not a good idea if she turned out to be a murderer. When he first met her he'd thought he could bed a woman for amusement then kill her if he had to. Now, he wasn't so sure. Susanna had gotten under his skin. Beauty and vulnerability had a way of doing that. The combination turned strong men into weak fools. Orlando thought he was strong enough, that his training had shut down the part of him that cared. Clearly it needed more work.
He breathed in deeply then, feeling better, stood and padded to the pantry. Since he was alone once more, he might as well continue his search. He didn't expect to find anything in the kitchen area, but he didn't dare return to the private chambers tonight. If Susanna felt as frustrated as he did, she would be awake for some time. He couldn't risk her discovering him sneaking about. She was already suspicious enough.
It had been a close call earlier. He thought she'd been asleep when he entered her father's apartments. If she had gone through to the adjoining bedchamber upon first hearing him, he would have been discovered. As it was, all he'd done was frighten her, something he regretted deeply.
Bah! He shook off the sentimental notion. There was no room for sentimentality. There was no room for the feelings that flared whenever he was near Lady Lynden. There was his job and that was all. It was his life. It gave him a purpose, a sense that he was achieving something by bringing justice into unjust world, but it was also a means of staving off boredom. Drudgery turned him into a person he despised and brought danger to the door of his loved ones.
Now there was only the Assassins Guild and its other two remaining members, Hughe and Cole, his friends. His brothers, closer to him than his actual one. The likes of Orlando could hope for nothing more.
He held up the candle to throw as much light as possible around the large but mostly empty pantry. There were a few sacks of grain on the floor, several jars of differing sizes on the dresser, bread, and a wheel of cheese inside separate boxes. There had to be something to implicate or exonerate Susanna once and for all, and he was going to find it.
At least he now knew where her chambers were. He suspected what he needed to find would be located in there. All he had to do was get inside without making her suspicious and—