I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I…got used to whatever I said being used against me.”
“What on earth does that mean?”
Discomfort creeps up my spine, until the back of my neck feels cold, tight. The instinct to flee is strong, but so is Summer’s grip on my hand. I draw a breath.
“Fitz?” she prompts.
I exhale. “My parents went through an ugly divorce when I was ten. My dad cheated. Though if you ask him, it’s because my mom drove him to it. Either way, they couldn’t stand each other back then, and they can’t stand each other now.”
“I’m sorry. That sounds rough.”
“You don’t know the half of it. Until I turned twelve, they had joint custody. And then Dad started dating some woman Mom despised, so she decided to sue for full custody of me. Dad got pissed and decided he deserved full custody. And that’s when the head games began.”
“Head games…?”
“The custody battle was even uglier than the divorce. They used me to hurt each other.”
Her eyes widen. “How so?”
“Whenever I was alone with Dad, he’d try to coerce me into saying bad shit about Mom. She did the same thing. If I complained to Dad that Mom wouldn’t let me play ball hockey with my friends until I cleaned my room, suddenly there’d be a social worker coming by and asking me if I felt ‘socially isolated’ by my mother. If I told Mom that Dad let me eat sugary cereal before bedtime, a different social worker would show up interrogating me about everything Dad fed me. It was all being documented too. Every word I said went right back to the lawyers.”
“Oh my gosh, that’s awful.”
“They were throwing out accusations of neglect, emotional abuse, ‘nutritional deprivation.’” I shake my head in disapproval. “And I couldn’t tell them how I felt about it. About anything at all, in fact. Otherwise the blame game would start.”
“The blame game?”
“If I was sad about something? It’s your father’s fault. If I was mad? Your mother’s fault. I was nervous about the school play? It’s because your dad didn’t run lines with you. If something scared me? It’s ’cause your mom’s raising a pussy.” I let out a breath as I remember how exhausting it was to have a single conversation with them. Hell, it’s equally exhausting now.
“Did you go to court and tell the judge which parent you wanted to live with?” Summer asks curiously. “Wouldn’t that have solved the whole custody battle?”
“You’d think. I did go to court. Well, it was more of a conference room with a bunch of tables, but there was a judge.”
I cringe even thinking about it. I remember holding a social worker’s hand as she led me into the room and asked me to sit down. My parents were seated next to their respective lawyers. Mom was pleading at me with her eyes. Dad gave me that encouraging look that said, ‘I know you’ll make the right decision.’ Everyone was staring at me. It was fucking brutal.
“The judge asked me to describe my routine at each of their houses.” I absently rub Summer’s knuckles. “She asked me questions about what I ate, whether I enjoyed playing hockey—a bunch of questions that made me realize they’d told the lawyers everything I’d ever said to them. And then the judge asked me who I wanted to live with.”
Summer’s breath hitches. “Who did you pick?”
My lips twitch in amusement. “I pleaded the Fifth.”
Her jaw drops. “You were twelve, and you pleaded the Fifth?”
“Yup. I think I saw someone do it on CSI or some shit.” I snicker. “The judge said I couldn’t do that and urged me to pick. So I said both. I wanted to live with both.” I offer a wry smile. “She awarded them joint custody, which was what they’d started off with. She said she felt it was better for my mental and emotional wellbeing to spend equal time with both of them.”
“Did things get better after that? Did your parents settle down?”
“Nope. They kept trash-talking each other to me. Still do to this day, though not as bad as before.”
She frowns. “How’d you deal with it when you were growing up?”
“By becoming invisible,” I say roughly. “I mean, there was one rebellious phase where I got my first tat behind their back and dared them to pay attention to me, but mostly I hid in my room. As long as they couldn’t see me, they weren’t able to poison me against each other.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through all that.”
I shrug.
“You’re doing it again,” she teases with a smile. “Okay, listen. I know you’re used to having your feelings twisted into something negative, but I promise you, anything you tell me will stay in our sacred trust circle. I will never, ever report it to the judge.”
I find myself smiling back. “I’m sorry. Bad habit. I’ll try to break it.” I shoot her a stern look. “But only if you promise to stop being so hard on yourself. You’ve got to stop telling yourself you’re stupid.”
“I’ll try,” she says, and I suppose I can’t ask for more than that. “Are you hungry? I never ended up having dinner.”
I want to ask her why not, what happened on the date with Hunter, but I tamp down the urge. I really don’t want to kill the mood by bringing up another guy. That can wait till tomorrow.
I want tonight to be about just me and Summer.
25
Summer
“My French girls have got nothing on you,” Fitz informs me three nights later.
From the floor of his bedroom, I lift my gaze off the papers in my lap and stick my tongue out at him. And then I realize he’s not joking. A mixture of awe and appreciation shines in his brown eyes as he stares at me.
“You’re stunning,” he insists.
“Stop,” I order. “You’re going to make me blush.”
“Yeah right. Compliments don’t make you blush. You love ’em.”
Well, sure. I do. But the intensity on his face is a tad unnerving. We’ve gone back to our he-draws-me-while-I-write-my-essay routine, but usually he doesn’t say much while he sketches, and he certainly doesn’t throw around words like “stunning.”
I tend to do most of the talking, reading bits of my paper aloud to him and trying to vocalize my thoughts before I put them down on the page. His presence helps my concentration, if I’m being honest. It’s as if it creates a sense of accountability for me. The midterm is due in a few days, but I’m actually feeling good about it. Not saying it’s A-material, but I’d be perfectly content with a B or C.
Fitz studies his sketch. His biceps flex as he shifts one arm and scrapes the pencil over the page to add another detail.
Lord, he is hotter than a five-alarm fire. In appearance, and in body temperature, I’m discovering. He stripped off his T-shirt ten minutes into our study/sketch session, taunting me with his ripped chest. I honestly don’t know how my ADHD brain has managed to remain focused on my schoolwork.
“Stunning,” he says again, this time mumbling it under his breath. “I can see why other women are threatened by you.”
I feel the blush rise in my cheeks. “Nobody’s threatened by me. You’re nuts.”
“No? Remember the girl at the bar?”
“She was threatened by Brenna, not me.”
“Naah, it was both of you.” He examines his drawing again. “Jesus. I can’t get over it. You’re beautiful, but it’s the kind of beauty that’s so…unattainable. It’s otherworldly.”
I snort. “That’s very poetic of you, sweetie.”
But inside, Selena Gomez and I are doing an entire cheerleading routine’s worth of cartwheels and flips. Nobody has ever called me otherworldly. I think I like it.
When footsteps echo in the hall, we both stiffen. And this is something I don’t like—the awful cloud of tension that’s fallen over our household. If we’re in my bedroom or Fitz’s, the tension fades away. The conversation flows, and there’s an ease between us that I’ve never experienced with another guy before.
Anywhere else in the house, the th
undercloud looms.
Hunter’s hardly spoken a word to us since Thursday night. We’ve been tiptoeing around him, and even Hollis, who’s fazed by nothing, admitted that Hunter’s brooding is getting to him. I don’t know how to make the situation better, though. Hunter needs time to get used to the idea that Fitz and I are…dating, I guess?
We haven’t given it a label yet, but I’m in no rush. I know he likes being with me, and that’s all that matters at the moment. Besides, it’s not like I could raise the subject on Valentine’s Day weekend. That’s pressure with a capital everything for a guy.
In fact, we barely even acknowledged that yesterday was Valentine’s Day. We watched Titanic with Hollis, then went upstairs and made out for a bit (not with Hollis).
Beyond his door, I hear the footsteps travel down the stairs, then grow muffled. The TV switches on in the living room. We both relax. Must be Hollis, then. Hunter hasn’t hung out in the living room in days.
“Okay, I think I’ll write the conclusion tomorrow. My brain needs to recharge.” I set the laptop and notebook on the hardwood and pick up the leather portfolio that contains everything related to Summer Lovin’, the cheesy name I’ve chosen for my swimwear line.
I’m holding my first fittings with the models in a few days. Nearly all my pieces are done—I sewed most of them myself in the Fashion department’s sewing rooms. Brenna kept me company for a couple hours yesterday, mockingly calling me Home Ec Barbie. The crochet bikinis, I had to outsource; I’m working with an awesome seamstress in Hastings. Once I tailor the swimsuits to my models, we’ll do a final fitting to iron out any kinks, and then we’re good to go.
“I need to redo this one pair of briefs,” I say absently, flipping through my designs. “My seamstress says the cut is too high for a man. I’ll draw a couple other options and see what she says.”
“Draw?” There’s a funny note to his voice.
I glance over, confused by the astonishment in his eyes. “Yes, draw. How do you think I designed these swimsuits? I did sketches of them.”
“Sketches.” Fitz is staring at me as if he’s never seen me before in his life.
“Yes. Sketches. What’s wrong with your face?”
He shakes his head a few times, as if it’s stuffed with cobwebs. “I’m just…I can’t believe you can fucking draw and this is the first I’m hearing about it.”
I arch my eyebrows. “What, you’re the only one in this house who’s allowed to draw? That’s a bit arrogant, don’t you think?”
Fitz flings his sketchbook aside and shuffles over to me. “I gotta see this. Show me.”
I snap the portfolio closed and hug it to my chest. Before, I would’ve gladly shown him the sketches. Now, with his eager eyes and grabby hands, I feel an anvil of pressure weighing on my throat.
“It’s a bunch of bikinis and swim trunks. Nothing fancy,” I insist.
“Lemme see.”
My cheeks heat up. “No. You’re, like, the most talented artist in the world.” He showed me pictures of some of his paintings—mostly dazzling fantasy worlds and dystopian landscapes—and his art blew my frigging mind. “I draw clothes.”
“Garments can be really difficult to draw.”
“Uh-huh. No need to humor me.”
“I’m serious. Clothing has elements that a lot of artists tend to overlook. There are shadows and creases in the drape of the garment, in the way certain fabrics fold.” He shrugs. “Can be challenging.”
“I guess.” I still think he’s humoring me, but his earnest expression has me relinquishing the sketches.
Fitz doesn’t say a single word as he scrutinizes each one. I try to see the drawings through his eyes, but it’s hard to tell what he thinks. The figures are at their most basic. Faceless, with long limbs that aren’t anatomically correct, because it doesn’t matter. They’re only there to display the garments.
“These are great,” he tells me, then spends a long time examining a one-piece with a plunge neckline that reveals my pencil-drawn model’s perfectly round boobs.
“Nice tits,” he remarks.
I fight a laugh. “You know they’re not real, right?”
“They’re not? Right on. I support a woman’s choice to get a boob job. Whatever makes her happy.”
“You’re hilarious.”
He looks at the sketch again. “Did you use your own tits for reference?” he drawls.
“Come on. Those are way bigger than mine.”
His seductive gaze drops to my chest. I’m still sporting the dress I wore to campus today, and its high neckline and long sleeves don’t offer much in terms of cleavage. But Fitz is ogling me as if I’m completely topless. “I don’t know… Yours are pretty big.”
“I’m a C cup. That’s average.”
“That is not average.”
“Mmm-hmmm, and you know the universal boob size average because…? You personally polled every woman in the world?”
“No, but there’s this thing on the Internet, Summer. It’s called porn. Have you heard of it?”
My laughter can’t be contained this time. I have so much fun with this guy, it’s unreal.
“I’m so turned on right now,” he adds. “Just so you know.”
“Because of my cartoon lady’s bigger-than-average boobs?”
“No, because you’re an artist. You literally just became a hundred times hotter to me.”
Rolling my eyes, I gather my stuff and get to my feet. “I’m going to put all this back in my room. You said you wanted to watch something on Netflix—are we still doing that?”
“Like hell we are.”
The growly timbre stops me from taking another step. When I notice his expression, a shiver rolls through me.
He’s looking at me as if I’m his next meal.
“You’re smoldering,” I inform him.
Fitz walks over and takes my school stuff from my hands. Without a word, he sets the entire pile on the bed. Then he returns.
He’s unzipping his pants as he walks.
My breath gets stuck in my throat. Oh my God.
Saliva floods my mouth. He’s got a rocket in there. I want it. To my dismay, he simply reaches a hand inside his undone pants and does some rearranging, tucking his hard-on under the waistband of his boxers.
My jaw opens. “Are you kidding me? You unzipped your pants just to hide your sweet penis from me?”
He chokes out a laugh. “My sweet penis can wait a few minutes.”
“Wait for what—”
His mouth is on mine before I can finish. A loud moan slips out, which he swallows with his soft, hungry lips. “Quiet,” he murmurs, even as his tongue scrapes over mine in a dirty, dirty kiss. “Mike’s downstairs. And my door isn’t locked.”
“Should we lock it—”
He cuts me off with another kiss. I guess he’s confident in our roommate honoring the privacy code.
With his lips glued to mine, he nudges me backward. My butt bumps into his desk, and a pair of earphones crash to the floor. Fitz ignores that and slips one hand underneath my dress. I shiver when his fingers graze my inner thigh. His knuckles briefly rub my damp panties, and then he moves the fabric to the side and the pad of his thumb presses on my clit.
The air leaks out of my lungs in a squeaky rush.
“Feel good?” he whispers in my ear.
“What do you think?”
He smiles, and it’s filthy and adorable at the same time. His hand glides over me. The heel of it now tends to my swollen clit while his middle finger teases my opening. Every nerve ending in my body crackles to life. I never, ever want this to stop.
Fitz bends and kisses the column of my throat. I’m sure he can feel my pulse throbbing there. His mouth is hot on my neck when his finger slips inside. He doesn’t go too deep. Instead, he curls it and rubs a sweet spot inside me.
“So wet,” he croaks.
Yup. I am. And I can barely stay upright. Luckily, he’s gripping my butt with his other hand, ho
lding me steady while he expertly fingers me. The pleasure builds to an excruciating point, until I’m swaying on my feet even with his strong grip on me.
He laughs huskily. “Hop up on the desk.”
I almost cry when he withdraws his finger, but I follow his orders and find an available surface, which is hard because there are computer monitors and gaming equipment all over his desk.
The second my ass connects with the solid wood, Fitz bunches the hem of my dress between his fingers. The calluses on his palms rake my bare legs as he drags the fabric up to my waist. His hungry gaze focuses on my pink bikini panties. Before I can blink, he’s tugging them off and tossing them aside.
I’m completely exposed to him now, and he eyes me like a man who’s just discovered a secret treasure.
“No teasing tonight.” There’s a note of desperation in my voice. “Just fuck me.”
He chuckles and goes to get a condom from his drawer. He eases his cargo pants and boxers down his hips until his penis springs free and slaps his washboard stomach.
“You are so sexy,” I breathe, staring at his thick erection.
The pressure between my legs intensifies. He’s so big and so male and I’ve never wanted anybody the way I want him.
Licking his lips, Fitz covers himself with the condom. When he grips the base of his erection, anticipation ripples through me.
I spread my legs wider.
Heat flares in his eyes. He steps into the cradle of my thighs and guides himself inside me.
And that’s when the door swings open and Hunter stumbles into the bedroom.
26
Fitz
“Aw, well, this is cozy.”
Summer and I freeze as Hunter makes a not-so-graceful entrance, staggering into my room without warning. And we have no choice but to remain frozen, because my ass is bare and my dick is buried deep inside her.
But Hunter doesn’t know that yet. From his vantage point, it looks like Summer is sitting on my desk and I’m standing between her legs. Bare-assed, sure, but I don’t think he’s picked up on that.