He inhaled, and suddenly his expression turned unexpectedly bitter. Studying it, I couldn’t help but notice traces of grief there, even through the gloom, glimmering in the depths of his amber eyes. I had seen that look too many times in my own eyes, when catching my reflection in the mirror.
He must have lost someone dear to him, just as I had, which had led him to this path of rebellion. And it must have still been very raw in his heart and mind to elicit that kind of reaction, despite his official façade up until now. Perhaps it had even been recent.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly, worried I’d overstepped the line.
He shook his head, though that dark expression remained on his face. “It’s okay. It’s just…” He exhaled, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “A bit of a long story.”
I wet my lips, falling silent, and waited to see if he would go on.
He did, about a minute later.
“I’m crap at technology because, until four months ago, I was basically a caveman.”
His statement took me by surprise, and I found myself stalling and staring at him. An involuntary laugh bubbled up in my throat, at the randomness of it, and while I was horrified by my reaction, knowing this was a sensitive subject, I couldn’t control it. I tried to tamp it down quickly, but luckily, he didn’t seem to mind. On the contrary, his mood seemed to lift as he met my eyes again, and a smile spread across his lips, strengthening the indentations at the edges of his mouth.
I was pretty sure it was the first time I’d seen him smile fully, and it registered in my brain then how cute he was, his appearance instantly going from rugged to boyish. But I batted the thought away as quickly as it had come. It was totally not where my mind needed to be right now.
“What?” he asked.
“Caveman?” I replied. He definitely looked like a caveman, now that he’d used the term. But… “What do you mean?”
He sighed. “I was born and bred in a community of cave-dwellers, up near the border of Canadia, and off grid. We lived and hunted in harsh conditions, surrounded by ice and mountains and forests. My family fled there, along with a circle of close friends and relatives, just as the CRAS was being introduced. My mother had fallen pregnant with me, and she and my father decided to shun mainstream society to hide out there, hoping they could start a new life, where they wouldn’t risk losing their children. Their plan worked… for about twenty-two years.”
He paused, all traces of humor now vanished from his face, and I bit my lower lip, waiting for him to go on as we continued sludging through the tunnels.
“Then our home basically turned into a warzone overnight,” he said after a minute, a hard edge coming into his tone. “A group of border patrol agents somehow got wind of our settlement, and struck our caves before dinner one evening. We lost everything.”
“Oh,” I breathed. “I’m so sorry.”
He sighed, shaking his head. “The past’s the past,” he muttered.
I hesitated, then asked, “What happened after the attack? How did you escape?”
He pursed his lips. “Most of us didn’t. The agents were on orders to bring the adults in for interrogation and confiscate any children they found, as we didn’t have a license to live on that land and were suspected of being CRAS evaders. But, given the nature of the sting—their surprise arrival as the sun was setting, armed with guns and wearing all black—my people’s first reaction was to assume it was an invasion, perhaps by a nomad gang looking to plunder our resources. We’d grown into a harsh and feral people over decades of living in the wild, and our defensive reflexes flared.” He wet his lips, swallowing hard. “By the time we realized they weren’t there to kill us, it was too late. My people had opened fire with their own guns, and the patrol retaliated.”
He paused as his voice faltered slightly, and ran a slow hand down his face, his eyes haunted. When he spoke again, his voice was huskier. “It was a bloodbath,” he said. “Most of us didn’t survive… my parents and older brother included. Of my family, just me and my ten-year-old sister escaped.”
I felt a stab of pain in my chest, and instinctively reached out to place a hand on his forearm. He glanced down at me in mild surprise, and our eyes met.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I just couldn’t imagine how hard that must’ve been. I had lost my own parents and my daughter, but as far as I knew, they were still living. His weren’t.
He shook his head again. “It’s okay,” he muttered.
“And this was only four months ago?” I asked.
He nodded grimly.
I blew out. It was no wonder he still looked so cut up about it. And it was also an explanation for his lack of technical know-how. Maybe I had just been wrong in my assumption that all admins needed to be nerdy IT types; some could just be there to moderate community discussions and such, rather than being involved with actual coding and maintenance of the site.
“How did you escape?” I asked.
“My sister and I happened to be out when they swooped in,” he replied heavily. “We managed to escape notice and make it to the nearest town. From there, the rest is more or less history.”
“But how did you make it all the way down here? How did you become an admin?”
“I had a contact,” he replied, a touch clipped. “Who happened to be an admin on the site. They helped me, and I volunteered to help in whatever way I could with the platform.”
“I see,” I murmured. I wondered which admin that might be, and also where his sister was now, but figured it would be prying to ask. To be honest, he’d already told me more than I’d expected him to.
We fell into a silence as we crossed the final stretch of sewer up to the drain, but as it came into view, I felt the need to try to lighten the mood a little again. I definitely wasn’t sorry for digging into his personal history a bit, since I needed to figure out whether I could trust the guy, but I also knew how painful memories could be, and I’d just dredged up a lot of them.
“So, you really were a literal caveman then,” I said, stopping short of the ladder.
He sighed. “Yup. Mancave included.”
I smiled. “It must’ve taken quite a bit of adjustment to get you into those jeans.”
He shrugged, tilting his head back to gaze up at the drain. “Probably not enough adjustment, given how I practically break the zipper every time I put the damn things on.”
I laughed. “Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but…”
He smiled. “It’s fine. I have seen myself in the mirror. Unfortunately, it’s the largest size I’ve been able to find around here, so… I’m probably gonna continue looking like a compressed wood bison for the foreseeable future. Back home, my mother used to make our clothes, and sadly, I can’t sew for nuts.” With that, he gestured to the ladder. “Ladies first.”
I considered his words as I climbed, realizing that I now finally had an answer to his odd dress “style” too. And by the time I’d reached the top, an odd idea had occurred to me.
After dislodging the drain and pulling myself up to street level, I stepped aside and waited for Hux. Once he had climbed through and replaced the lid, he stood to his full height, and I gave him a tentative look.
“Um, in case you’re interested,” I ventured, “I’ve got pretty mad sewing skills. So, if you want me to have a go at, uh, extending those things…” I suppressed a smile as I glanced over him from head to toe. Though beneath the full light of the streetlamp, my eyes were quickly drawn less by the fabric and more by… him. I felt myself blush. He was a fine specimen of the male species. “Just ask,” I finished after a moment, forcing my eyes back to his face.
He gazed down at me, narrowing his honey-brown eyes as if considering my offer. “Really?” he said after a moment.
“Really,” I replied. “I’d just need to get hold of a needle and thread, and maybe some extra fabric.” Sarah, one of my nannies at the Sylvones’, had taught me how to knit and sew as a hobby, and while I didn’t have the
equipment back in my cabin, it was probably about time that I got a sewing kit anyway, for when I needed to mend my own clothes. Plus, I honestly felt sorry for the guy. He seemed to have no one else in his life right now who could fix them for him, and would continue wearing them for the foreseeable future if I didn’t offer.
There was a pause as he thought about it. His expression went serious, though his eyes held a twinkle of amusement. “Hm,” he murmured. “Well, I’m not sure if that would be overstepping the boundaries of our… colleague relationship. But I’ll consider it.”
A smile tugged at my lips. “Okay.”
And with that, we headed back along the quiet street to the station. When we reached the base of the stairs that led up to the barriers, we stopped again. He pulled out his phone and swiped across the screen several times, a frown denting his strong brow. And then he cleared his throat.
“Uh, I’m planning to make another visitation tomorrow evening, near Lakerville. It’ll be an earlier appointment, around eightish.” He paused and looked up at me. “You wanna come again?”
“Um, yeah,” I replied slowly, not needing to look at my calendar to know I was free. Tonight’s visitation hadn’t been so bad after all, and although I was tense at the idea of walking blindly into another meeting with strangers, I was willing to give it another shot. I wouldn’t have another mission from Nelson for at least two weeks, anyway, as we never did them too close together. So in the meantime, all I had to keep me busy was my day job. “Do you need only one of us again?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yeah, Nathan figures this is another safe one.”
“Okay, count me in, then,” I replied. I figured none of the others would mind me taking the spot again. Nelson and Julia were always busy with background tasks, not to mention Nelson’s work on the archives, and I couldn’t see Marco or the twins complaining. Nor Jackie; she’d likely appreciate the downtime, as I sensed she was still a bit shaken up from having her mask torn the other night.
“Okay, well, I’ll confirm the exact address via OH message again. And now that I’ve given you my number, you can just call me if you have any problems.”
“Okay, cool,” I replied, dipping my hands into my coat pockets and casting him a wry look. “So you’re basically at my beck and call now.”
He frowned. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say that,” he replied. “And fair warning: I turn into a grumpy bastard after midnight.”
I laughed. “Noted.”
He extended a hand. “Safe journey home, Ms. Hood.”
I did the same, and his large, strong hand engulfed mine in a firm shake. “And you, Mr. X,” I replied with a small grin.
He gave me the faintest smirk back, and then turned on his heel and scaled the flight of steps, his tall, broad form disappearing beyond the station’s barriers.
10
I remembered only as I stepped through my front door that I had set my phone to silent. Making my way through to my bedroom, I sat down on my bed and pulled the device out, to see that I had three text messages waiting for me.
The first was from Nelson: “Hope all goes well. Give me a report as soon as you can.”
The second was from Jackie: “Hey R. Good luck with Mr. X.”
And the third was from the twins: “Yo, Hood, keep us in the loop. AA xx”
A grin split my face at the last one. The twins’ habit of double signing and double kissing texts always had a way of making me smirk.
Then, although I was ready to drop off to sleep, I decided to pull out my tablet to see if anyone was available for a conference call now; it would be the quickest way to relay information. Because it was unlikely I’d have time to catch them up tomorrow morning, and then I’d be gone again with Mr. X in the evening. I didn’t know what each of my colleagues did for a living, but if there was one thing I had noticed since I’d met them, it was that they tended to be up at odd hours, even on non-mission days.
I logged on to the secure conference app Nelson had installed on my device and saw that everyone’s avatar was lit up green, except Julia’s, which was grayed out. I invited each of them to a call, then waited for them to respond.
Nelson immediately joined, while Jackie and the twins and Marco followed within seconds. That was a ridiculously fast response, even for them, and I suspected they had been in a discussion already, likely about this whole new development with OH and its founder’s grand plan. Or about me, waiting for me to sign in with an update—particularly as they hadn’t heard back on their texts.
I plugged my earphones into my tablet and initiated the call, and several enthusiastic voices chimed into my ears at once.
“Heyyy.”
“Yo, yo, yo.”
“Glad you finally joined us.”
“Hey, guys,” I said, smiling and trying to suppress a yawn. “I’m beat, but I wanted to fill you in on what happened before going to sleep.”
“And we appreciate that,” Nelson said, adjusting the glasses over her nose and leaning closer to the screen, her green eyes glinting in anticipation.
“How was Mr. Mysterious?” Marco asked, slurping from what looked like a chocolate milkshake.
“He was okay, actually,” I replied. “And I think we can trust him.” I went on to explain what the trip had entailed—including a summary of X’s background, and why he had a grudge against the CRAS—and by the time I finished, they were all staring at me, jaws slack. The only thing I didn’t tell them was the exact location of Davine and Noreen’s hideout, as X had made it clear that needed to stay confidential.
“Wow, I can’t believe places like that actually exist,” Nelson said, her fascination still locked on the pregnancy shelter.
If any of us were to know about such a place, I had expected it to be Nelson, as she was the most connected, and the fact that she hadn’t known kind of brought home to me that we really were all isolated, scattered around the country. With that in mind, Nathan’s idea to bring us all together seemed like an even better thing, so long as we took the necessary precautions.
“Yup, they sure do,” I replied. “It boggled my mind, too.” I leaned back in bed to get more comfortable, positioning my tablet against my knees.
“I wonder what on Earth they do with the children when they’re born. And the women, for that matter, suddenly resurfacing from nowhere,” Nelson mused.
I shrugged. “I wondered exactly the same thing. I can try asking Hux about it next time I see him.”
“Hux?” Marco asked, frowning.
“Oh.” I smirked. “It’s Mr. X. He said I could call him Hux.”
Ant scoffed. “Look at you, on first-name terms with him already.”
“Middle-name terms, actually. Fake middle-name terms.”
“Well, thanks for staying up to fill us in, Robin,” Nelson said with a sigh. “Now we know this whole new portal idea is really happening, and we can take admin requests for help seriously. I guess we shouldn’t keep you longer.”
“Yeah, I’m ready to zonk off. Oh, I forgot to say that I’m going out with him again tomorrow—somewhere in Lakerville. I don’t have the details yet, but I’ll report back when I return. I assume none of you mind me going again?”
They shook their heads. “Nope, you be our guest,” Ant said.
“Well, soon more of you may need to start coming, anyway. I’m not sure how long his ‘safe’ list is.”
The conversation entered a dip as I trailed off. Marco continued to slurp from his drink, the twins began snacking on a bowl of fruit, and Nelson seemed to get momentarily distracted by some other task, the keys of her keyboard clacking.
“So, do you wanna hit the pillow now, R?” Jackie prompted. “I’m guessing you have work tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I do.” I sighed. The word “goodnight” was once again on the tip of my tongue, but then I felt the urge to say one last thing. In spite of how tired I was, I was finding it hard to tamp down the optimism burning through me, thanks to the evening’s excursion. It had s
tarted out downright nerve-wracking, but the more I thought about how it had ended up, the more hopeful I felt about this whole project.
“I know we haven’t discussed this properly yet, as a group, but after today, I really feel like we might be on to something, with the direction Nathan’s trying to encourage us in. It’s just… I dunno, maybe I’m just buzzed from meeting other like-minded people today. It brings a certain energy, you know?”
“You mean we’re not enough to get you pumped?” Abe remarked, picking up an apple and taking what I guessed was supposed to be a seductive bite.
I rolled my eyes and ignored him, as did everyone else on the call.
They all knew what I meant. The thought of OH’s admins recruiting other smart, driven people like Davine and Noreen and assembling them all into one place made me feel jittery—in a good way. Going out today and seeing with my own eyes that there were other real people out there, people behind the stupid profile names, had added a level of fire to my enthusiasm that I hadn’t thought possible. Fueled my belief that we really could accomplish something with this. Something significant.
It was hard to describe, and maybe I was just getting carried away, but it almost felt like we were at the start of a storm. A grassroots movement, as Nelson had called it, from which nobody yet knew what would spring. In a way, the uncertainty only made things feel more exciting. The possibilities more far-reaching.
Who knew what we could pull off?
For starters, we’d have a chance to form new bonds and friendships. Forge new allies who could watch our backs. Meet new people we could commiserate with and draw strength from, as well as share strength with. Hell, even just the short time I’d spent with Hux this evening had made me feel a connection to him. We both shared a tragedy that was brought on by the same cause, even if his was much rawer.
I thought back to all the historical figures I had read about who had brought about change. Shifted public perspective. Led revolutions. And I couldn’t help but wonder if we might be them now. Even if we felt small and insignificant. I was sure they had felt that, too, at the start. And yet they hadn’t let it stop them from dreaming. From doing.