Jace’s joke went down well, at least, and they joined me in laughing.
“Yeah,” Alf said dryly, his face returning to a grimace as he took another sip from his cup. “Let’s just say if we had a choice, we’d rather be back home.”
A band suddenly started up in one corner of the hut, causing a distraction, and we all swiveled in our chairs to watch as people began leaving their seats and heading to a makeshift dance floor in the center of the building.
“Ah, music,” Jace remarked, turning his seat back around. “This calls for another apple cider.”
I snorted as he beckoned the bartender back over, and let him order me another drink too. We then all fell quiet as we listened to the upbeat music, produced by drums, a guitar, and a saxophone, and then a male singer who joined in, pouring out his dulcet tones through a microphone.
It seemed my questioning was going to have to wait.
As the dance floor became more and more crowded, we stood up with our drinks in order to maintain our view of the band and the dancing. Then, after another few minutes, Kory leaned off the counter and speared Jace with a look.
“So, Jace, is this pretty girl standing next to us really just your friend?” he asked, giving me a flattering smile. “‘Cause if so, you won’t mind if I ask her to dance, right?”
I froze in place, the blood flooding back to my cheeks in full force. My eyes then lifted to Jace for his reaction, and I realized his cheeks were flushing, too. Deeper than I’d ever seen them do before. He avoided eye contact with me, choosing instead to give his friend a hard look.
“Yes, she is my friend,” he said gruffly. “And yes, I would mind, because I was about to ask her to dance myself.” He turned to face me, finally meeting my eyes with a twinkle of humor, though for some reason, he was still flushing. He shrugged off his backpack, set it down on the table, along with his drink, and held out an arm to me.
Despite being certain that my face was the shade of a tomato by now, I grinned stupidly and set down my own drink, along with my backpack. Heck, who was I to say no to a dance? I took his arm and let him lead me to the dance floor—but not before he cast one last glare back at Kory, who was grinning at us. We found a spot at the border of the dance floor where it was relatively empty, and then looked at each other, stalling awkwardly for a moment.
“So, do you even know how to dance, or was that just a knee-jerk alpha male thing going on back there?” I asked him with a grin.
He smirked. “Put it this way: I’ve never taken lessons. But maybe you can help me figure it out. May I?” He raised his eyebrows as he lowered his hands to my waist, not touching me until I gave permission.
I nodded, trying to ignore my suddenly racing heartbeat. “Sure. I’ll see if I can’t teach you,” I replied.
I wasn’t a great dancer myself, but I was guessing I had more experience than a caveman.
As his hands closed around my waist, my skin broke out in tingling where his fingers grazed it through the fabric, and a hoard of butterflies materialized in my stomach, stealing my breath.
Geez. That was a little more intense than I had been expecting.
Yes, I liked Jace. I wasn’t stupid enough to deny that. But come on, girl, we’re just dancing.
I tried to brush it away and placed my hands on his shoulders, but my heartbeat only quickened, as the motion drew me closer to him, until I could practically hear the blood pounding in my ears. This was the closest we’d ever been; even when I’d ridden on the back of his motorcycle, I hadn’t really been touching him.
“So, let’s just sway a bit first,” I said, needing to distract myself with conversation. “Find a rhythm. And then we can try some more fancy things, like that couple over there.”
I pointed to a couple that was doing a particularly complex—and honestly rather ridiculous—waltz-like number, involving the woman throwing her head back dramatically every six steps.
He looked over at them, then back down at me, his face deadpan. “Yeah, right.”
I laughed. “You’re right, I’m just kidding. We’ll stick to swaying. Which is about all I’m capable of anyway.”
I dared to lean in a little closer, until my cheek was almost resting against his chest—almost—and then started to guide our movements, getting him to follow my steps. We just rotated in small circles around the same spot, hardly getting any exercise, yet my heart continued to pump as if I were jogging.
I glanced to one side, distracting myself with the other couples, while I felt his heart thudding against me. I didn’t know where he was looking, since glancing up at his face now would be way too awkward, with how close we were pressed together, but I sensed he was gazing at our surroundings too, from the way his chin brushed occasionally over the top of my head.
I looked in the direction of his friends and, to my surprise, saw that only Cloyd remained, sitting in his chair in front of the bar, his mug clasped in his hands, a stoic expression on his face. My eyes scanned the room for Jace’s three other friends, wondering where they had gotten to, and then I saw them circling around the other side of the dance floor. In the short time that Jace and I had been dancing, they’d all managed to find single ladies to dance with. Or perhaps they’d gotten lucky with a group of them. Either way, geez, they moved fast.
Looking back toward Cloyd, I took in his darkened expression again and noticed this time that he seemed to be gazing at nothing in particular. His eyes were almost glazed over as he looked toward the dancers, and I couldn’t help but wonder if the reason he hadn’t joined his friends in picking up a partner was that he had lost someone. Someone he wasn’t ready to replace, even for a dance. It might have been a bit of a reach, but his eyes were so haunted, his expression so stiff amidst the lively atmosphere, that his melancholy transferred to me, and made me ache a little inside.
I felt Jace’s chest vibrate against me a moment later, and pulled my eyes away from Cloyd, realizing that Jace was chuckling softly.
As we swerved to dodge an incoming couple, Alf, Denver, and Kory flew through my field of vision, and I heard Alf’s cheeky voice carry over the noise behind me, “Couldn’t let you have all the fun, could we, Jacey?”
“No, you couldn’t,” Jace replied dryly, chuckling again. And then he added in an undertone, just for me, “I apologize for my friends, by the way. They’re incorrigible.”
I smiled. “They’re pretty awesome, if you ask me.”
He sighed. “Well, what can I say? Birds of a feather, and all…”
I chuckled, knowing I wasn’t about to argue with that.
19
After about half an hour of dancing, the floor had become so crowded and hot that I was starting to feel more than a little claustrophobic. I found myself subconsciously squeezing Jace, and only realized I was doing it when he tucked his chin against his chest to look down at me.
“Hey,” he said softly, frowning. “You okay?”
I loosened my grip instantly, embarrassed. “Oh, yeah, fine,” I said quickly.
“It’s getting pretty hot in here, isn’t it?” he said, and I nodded, glad he was feeling the same.
“How about we go out onto the veranda for a bit?” he suggested.
“That sounds great.”
He removed his hands from my waist, and then one of them caught my hand unexpectedly, sending a surprise rush of pleasure through me. His long fingers gently laced through mine as he wove a path through the dancers and toward the back exit, which led directly onto the veranda. Once outside, he let go of my hand… and I found myself wishing that he hadn’t.
Get a hold of yourself, Robin. It was stupid to allow myself to feel too much—and I knew it. Hadn’t I already learned that it was too easy to lose the people you loved?
We crossed the wooden floorboards to stand on the very edge of the platform that hung over the waves, and leaned against the handrail. I drew in a deep breath of the fresh, salty air, the feel of it in my lungs instantly calming me and cooling my flushed ski
n, and gazed out toward the dying, blood-orange sun, which had already sunk halfway into the ocean. The afternoon had flown by quickly, and I still hadn’t asked any useful questions of Jace’s friends. I knew I’d told myself that I’d come here to relax—it was Sunday, after all—but I guessed there were some things my brain just couldn’t ever shut off, in spite of how good a time I was having… namely, my daughter. She was always there, embedded into the layers of my consciousness, even when I didn’t realize it. And if there was a chance of getting one step closer to finding her, I had to take it. Even on my day off.
Jace’s soft cough drew my attention, and I turned to see him staring out at the horizon too.
That cough was a mannerism that I knew well by now. It was a little tic of his, clearing his throat when he sensed there was some tension or wasn’t sure quite what to say.
“What is it?” I asked, staring at him.
He turned to look at me, a slight blush returning to his cheeks. “I just…” He sighed, twisting his torso to face me fully. “I meant it when I said that I feel things have been pretty one-sided. You don’t know how much it means to me, what you did for my sister and me earlier. What it means to both of us. And I realized how self-absorbed I’ve been the past week, so wrapped up in my own issues that I barely even thought to ask anything about you or your life. Not that I expect you to tell me anything, of course, it just would have been courteous of me, I guess, to at least ask, given the amount of talking I’ve done about myself. So…” A small smile stretched his lips. “I guess this is me attempting to be a gentleman now and asking if there’s anything you want to tell me about how you came to be connected to OH, or anything else.”
The fire returned to my skin under his attention—and at the reminder of his friends’ teasing earlier, regarding my involvement with his sister—and I found myself stalling for words for a moment. It was true, he hadn’t really asked me anything about myself, but then again, I hadn’t expected him to, thanks to my training in Nelson’s group. She’d hammered into our brains the idea that we could never give out information that wasn’t completely necessary. And my backstory was just that. Unnecessary, so far as our professional relationship was concerned.
Still, I appreciated the gesture, though I had to give it a minute of thought to decide what I wanted to tell him, and in what detail.
I looked back out over the ocean waves, my mind scanning through the past two years. My eyes closed instinctively as I relived the pain in brief flashes of memory, and then I blew out. “I… I found myself without a home, and more or less penniless, a couple years ago. And it caused me to lose someone very close to me. I was a single mother, without adequate means, and the Ministry took my baby daughter.” It had been a long time since I had even talked about this, and I hadn’t been expecting my reaction, but my voice broke slightly and tears formed behind my eyelids. I had said something about it to Nelson, and teared up then, but that had been around seven months ago. I thought I’d be a little stronger about it by now.
Then again, scars as deep as this probably never healed.
“Oh,” Jace breathed.
I turned to look at him again, and saw that he was gazing at me in somber surprise, all traces of humor gone. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice low.
I exhaled. “It’s okay. It’s just… It’s why I asked if you knew anything about the adoption archives, or anyone who might know something about it. I’m really hoping to get her back.”
A look of guilt washed over him. “Well, now I feel like even more of an ass. I pretty much forgot you asked me about that.” He paused, gazing at me intently, as if still processing the information. I had never told him my age, and I figured he was trying to guess at it now, since he probably hadn’t expected me to be a mother.
“I’m nineteen, by the way. Twenty in a handful of months,” I added. It was a piece of information I didn’t mind revealing, especially since I knew his full name.
He nodded slowly. “I see. I was wondering.” He then looked back out at the ocean, a thoughtful demeanor descending on him. “Well, I’ll start by saying that I’m going to ask Nathan and every other OH admin if they know anyone who’s ever cracked the archives, or gotten close to cracking them. Honestly, I should have offered to do that when you first asked me about it. I guess I just hadn’t realized how personal it was to you at the time. But it’s the very least I can do.”
My face broke out in a grin, my heart overflowing at his offer, the tears growing dangerously close to the surface again. “That would be amazing. Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me. I’d actually been planning to ask your friends about this, thinking they might be admins with connections… Though, like I said, this isn’t a game. You don’t owe me anything just because I did a bit of sewing for you.”
“My friends aren’t admins, just regular members. But I’ll put them on my list to talk to in any case. And I know,” he added, giving me a firm look. “I’ll be doing this because I want to.”
My heartbeat drummed in my chest at the conviction in his voice, and I experienced a moment of elation so strong, I almost forgot the ground beneath my feet. “Okay, Jace,” I managed softly. Then added after a pause, “And I guess you know I know your full name by now.”
He nodded, smiling back. “And I absolutely don’t mind.”
The trust in his eyes filled me with another surge of warmth, which somehow momentarily overcame the tension knowing so much about him brought me, but before I could say another word, two familiar voices cut through the veranda.
“Hey, Jace, there you are!”
“We thought you’d done a runner with the lady!”
We twisted to see Alf and Kory jogging toward us from the tavern, moving through the other couples who had spilled outside for fresh air, and my smile faded some. I liked the guys, but I really could have gone a few more minutes without their raucous energy.
“Don’t think you can get away from us that easily.” Alf grinned, grabbing Jace’s arm and ushering us back inside. “It’s time for another round of ciders!”
Jace smiled at his friend, but I could tell it was forced, as we crossed the veranda and stepped back into the bustling tavern. I figured we both could have done with a few more moments alone out there in the quiet.
Once we resumed our seats in front of the bar, the rowdy noise of the crowd and the blaring music seemed to separate us, even though we were right next to one another, and even though I was still beaming inside from his offer. If Jace asked Nathan and the admins personally, they were likely to take the subject much more seriously than if I just made a public post on the forum (which I was still planning to do, anyway), due to his direct relationship with them.
And they were the most connected people on OH. If they couldn’t find me a lead, I didn’t know who could. I would likely be back to relying solely on Nelson, which might not be the end of the world, as she seemed to think she was close to a breakthrough. But it was still a while away, and she also couldn’t guarantee it.
Either way, I would hopefully find out soon where, if anywhere, Jace’s queries would lead. It felt like a hopeful step forward, regardless.
We stayed at the bar for an hour longer, unable to say much of importance thanks to the crowds and the music, and then finally all stepped out into the night together. Jace’s friends walked with us to the station, loud and in high spirits (with the exception of Cloyd, who, although chuckling at jokes, remained the quiet one), and Jace and I didn’t get a moment alone again until the train we were riding approached the station where I would catch my connection back home. As I felt the train begin to slow, I stood up and moved toward the exit, waving goodbye to Jace’s friends, while Jace followed me to the doors.
I turned to face him when I reached them, glancing up to see his expression focused, his amber eyes gazing down at me intently, almost as if he were still thinking about all I had told him.
And in that moment of g
oodbye, I suddenly felt the urge to hug him. I wasn’t really sure why. We’d spent a long day together, I guessed, and it just felt like the right way to part, especially after what he’d just offered to do for me. I found myself moving in without thinking—at exactly the same second that he extended his arm for a handshake.
We both stalled midway, jolted into an awkward no-man’s-land, halfway between a hug and a shake.
“Oh, let’s be professional then,” I said, stepping back quickly and gripping his hand.
He shook my hand, while his lips curved upward. “Actually, the bear wouldn’t object to a hug.”
I grinned, then stepped forward again. I slipped my arms around his firm midriff while his arms came around my back, enveloping me in a strong, yet gentle hold. My cheek rested against his chest, and I inhaled the musky scent of him, drawing in a quiet breath. Even after our dance earlier, I hadn’t been quite prepared for how good this felt. I used to think Henry’s hugs were nice, but Jace’s were something else. Like hugging a bear. It was warm and cozy, his body was bulkier than Henry’s, and he held me in a way that made me feel completely surrounded by him, the outside world blocked out. I squeezed his waist instinctively, subconsciously wanting to feel him a little closer. My stomach bred more butterflies, and his friends wolf-whistled, but in that moment, I didn’t even care. It felt so good, and I wasn’t sure when I’d find an excuse to do this again.
“Hey,” Jace said softly, his mouth close to my right ear. “The doors are about to open.”
“Oh, damn,” I murmured, quickly letting go of him and moving backward.