I began spending hard and horrifying nights since the moment they decided to change my place of sleeping from indoor to outdoor on the terrace . The vast garden with all its old trees took a terrifying aspect at night . Behind each tree I expected the appearance of some ghost or some wild animal . Moreover , each night we heard the bad news about the houses which have been attacked or the people who were killed . All of this impressed me too badly and increased my unsecurity and fears , I was always upset and stressed . My little happiness at noons for getting some piece of bread has been overclouded by the anxiety and the fear I had to confront by the approch of the evenings and the darkness of the nights . I never knew who made the decision of leaving me sleep alone on the terrace on those nights of terror and horror while unsecurity ruled everywhere in that region . The nights became a nightmare for me , all my fears were mostly the result of my infantile imagination which gave an horrifying shape to all sort of shadow and sound . This state of mind forbidded me to fell asleep , and I spent the whole nights awake fearing all sort of imaginable horror in sweat and thrills. Sometimes in the twilight when the household was spending some moments on the terrace discussing , I offered my exhausted body to some light sleep on the pavement of the terrace but suddenly I was awaked by the sound coming from the fars which resembled to the roaring of wolves and once again I became the prey of the scaring state of my unsecurity and my helplessness . The nightmare of my hallucinations beside my starvation progressively were about to annihilate me .
I couldn't say a word to someone about my feelings , my pain and my suffering , neither going to someone 's arms and crying openly because nobody cared about me and none of this was credible for the others . Also I couldn't realize for what reason I was treated in this way and what was the difference between me and the two children of the 'charitable woman' who enjoyed the security and the peace of the sleep under the care and attention of their mother and their relatives and never had the least idea of what was happening to me , and me like an unwanted element has been rejected so harshly . Quite simply I couldn't understand the logic of this situation , neither the sudden change which happened in the 'charitable woman' 's mind and made her totally indifferent to me and to my destiny and insensible to my pain and to all my fears and tears on that terrace at night. Of course she knew everything about this state of mind of a child , she knew all about the unsecure situation in the surrounding , because she never left alone her children in the garden or on the terrace even during the day . I represented nothing for her anymore , my life and my feelings were totally indifferent for her , her heart became hard and there was not any room for me . Even her dog was treated much better than me , it was cherished and spoiled with affection and care .
So the nightmare of those nights on that terrace were spending and it was not too hard to realize that they used me as a shield in front of the thieves or murderers who might attack the house , in order that if I'm not killed silently , I could cry and screaming to awake them and prevent them of some bad surprise .
14
Fortunately during those two months I spent the nights in fear and terror on that terrace , no extraordinary accident happened and no attack occured . We were in the early summer and the 'charitable woman' with the agreement of her sister who joined her with her children , decided to spend the summer in their countryside villa . The social unrest was relatively calmed down so we could enjoy some 'peaceful' state of things . The 'charitable woman' by consulting her sister and the governess , hired a group of family members who had the reputation of boldness and courage to encounter any armed attack of agitators or thieves , to settle in a section of her winter house and taking care of it. They were an acquaintance of her late husband , so she trusted them .
We left the house and began our journey toward the countryside villa in joy and cheer , singing songs and laughing . During this removal , everyone , children and adults were expressing joyful thoughts and telling funny jokes and tales and laughing loudly , forgetting all our sorrow and pain . Meanwhile , by imagining that my horrible nights on the terrace would be suspended for some times , filled my exhausted body and soul with joy and relief .
The villa was located in a very agreeable green surrounding , we were traversing and leaving behind us hills and green mountains , arriving to some cliffs which encircled a bay that like a river joined an infinite blue sea its horizon was confused with the blue sky . The bay which was not appropiate for being a port for ships , was used as a vacation place for fishing and boat driving . At night , that bay under the light of a full moon , with its silver harmonious waves created by the boats movement , seemed to me like a beautiful dream , a landscape which linked forever my deprived and sorrowful soul to the 'Beauty'.
The countryside villa of the 'charitable woman' was located nearby of the summer garden of the orphanage I was living in the past . At this time I was seven years old but my feelings and sensitiveness were so grown up, deep and so mature that none of the details of that heavenly nature could be ignored by me , neither the reactions and behaviour of the people around me might left me indifferent , I was sensible to everything in my surrounding and felt all with such a deep impression that they all left an incredible impact on my soul . In those few first days that I was observing with my very new sensitiveness and feelings the colours of that nature , the different sort of flowers and vegetations around , the bright blue sky , the mysterious whiteness of the clouds and the deep , calm and awesome water of the bay , mixed with the enthralling smell of the soil, flowers and trees and the sound of the different sort of birds which communicated to each other and were flying carelessly and joyfully , I felt that I wished to reproduce all of this in a sort of artwok . A sort of tameless tendency forced me to try to immortalizing all of this beauty . This same feeling led me later to create some beautiful and harmonious figures with everything I found around , the leaves of the flowers , the stems of the grass or drawing something on a desolated wall or chiseling some shape on the stones or the woods . I was reproducing the 'Beauty'.
I was like a tiny bird who fled its cage , flying freely in all sides , I was running and jumping like a gazelle everywhere and forgetting my loneliness and sorrow , I felt myself a part of that beautiful nature . In the garden I had a good time , playing games with the children of the family and eating all sort of fruits we found on the trees . The first three days were spent joyfully and carelessly and I was very happy , but because the happiness is not designated for miserable, lonely and weak people , and each moment spent in joy and carelessness should be payed with the high price of an infinite pain and suffering , my short new found happiness didn't last long . The third night of our settlement in the villa , when I went to my little and dirty 'bed' in the garden and began gazing with astonishment at the stars in the sky which sent dancing rays , and was ready to offer myself to a sweet and peaceful sleep , I heard that the family members were whispering and exchanging words and talks about me , because I heard many times they pronounced my name while talking about the sheep , cows , flock and sheepherding .
In the early morning , at dawn , I've been awakened by one of the servants , interrupting so my sweet dream , put a piece of bread and some cheese in front of me and said :"hurry up , eat it fastly , we should go to the fields !", then hung a dirty napkin containing a piece of bread on my shoulder and led me toward the cows, sheep and the goats which were gathered in the garden , hidden their head in their crowd . Few minutes later the sun was spreading its rays on earth and on the road where we were leading the flock to the pasturage . Along the railroad , a flourishing meadow appeared with all sort of wild red flowers and fresh grass . I just could enjoy for some moments this beautiful landsca
pe and finding some relief , because later I ought to worry about another big flock which was pasturing on the other side of the meadow , and I had to be careful that my little flock don't go too far and be mixed with the other flock . The servant told me : " since now , you are the sheepherd of this flock and you should be aware that the sheep and cows distinguished by their identity signs don't be lost or mixed with the other sheep and cows ". Without knowing the least thing about sheepherding and the identity signs I replied :"alright... I'll be careful ".
At first I was a bit afraid by the big shape of the cows but after a while when I noticed that they were harmless and busy with their pasturing , I felt comforted . On the neighborhood hill another flock was pasturing and I heard a melody coming from the far a sheepherd was playing with his flute . This melody reminded me the joyful hours I spent with the children playing games , swinging and running after each other , and now those days were lost and my heart was broken finding myself alone on that vast meadow , taking care of a flock . Approching the twilight , I followed the flock which was descending the hill and I was upset and careful to not losing them or seeing them joining the other flock . At this moment the servant who had left me alone for a while arrived and avoided this event and led the flock to the farm .
After bringing the flock to the cowshed , tired and hungry I intended joining the family members which were gathered in front of the villa , playing , laughing and eating dinner , but suddenly I was stopped by the harsh gesture of the governess who returned me back from my way and led me toward the cabin of the servant located in a corner of the garden near the cowshed . The old servant who used to live in that cabin was rejoiced by my presence , because I could rescue him from his loneliness and also because he could use me as his errand boy .
Since the next day , carrying my little piece of bread and with a stick in my hand , alone and by my own I was leading the flock to the meadow for pasturing , as if since birth I was a sheepherd . In this way . my life began following a new path . My body and soul was withered under the charge of this responsibility , I felt that I was by nature like a free and joyful gazelle of the meadows who had fell into the trap of some playful people who enslaved me for their amusement or their need . Now instead of playing or discovering all the beauty of the nature around me ,alone and helpless , I was forced watching and taking care about cows and sheep and worrying about them . But because of the versatility of the human nature , which adapt himself with all sort of circumstances , I adapted myself with my new way of life , with the hardship and the loneliness , and so I created for myself some new distraction . I made some crowns with all the flowers I found on my way , or I was observing the innocent eyes and muzzle of the sheep and the lambs and ewes who were jumping all around or listening to the cheers and chirrups of the birds .
After two weeks of hardship and sheepherding , another trouble has been added to all my worries .
I don't believe that all of these unexpected and strange events I'm telling , all the pain and sorrow I was exposed to suffer were a sort of fate , in fact I think that till the moment that children are not yet mature and major need always care , attention and leading by the parents in order to follow the good and the right path , if not they will fall into all sort of traps and dangers and will collapse eventually . The parents who ignore their moral and parental duties and leave their weak and helpless children like some wastes or puppies to their destiny , expose them to all sort of accidents and misery worse than the one I was suffering .
I mentioned earlier that a new trouble began upsetting me more and more and this was the addition of some new and big sheep and an impressive gross cow of value which had few stain and spots on her bright and white skin . In the first hours I brought all the flock in the pasturage , I was distracted by watching the beautiful spots of the cow , but she seemed worrying about something and was stressed , and kept her distance from all the other cows , meanwhile I was attracted by the beauty of the multicolour flowers and butterflies around me and forgot the cow of value . At noon when I was hungry I took the piece of bread I had in my napkin and began eating and watching the flock pasturing quietly . Suddenly I noticed that the stained cow was missing , I left my bread and began running in all sides to find the missing cow , but useless , I tried to move up the hill where another flock was pasturing with the hope of finding that bright white cow there , I was in tears and sweat with a fast heartbeat , breathless I encountered the sheepherd of that flock who was there with his daughter , out of compassion he helped me to check almost fifty cows but the bright white cow of value was still missing . I return back to my place where my flock was there and spent all the afternoon in fear and terror and I was wondering what should I say about the loss of that cow . Finally I lead the flock to the farm in front of the big door and then they follow their way into the cowshed . I was upset because of the punishment which awaited me so I stood the whole night in front of the door crying . Before they informed me about the punishment I might suffer if any of the sheep or cow was missing or lost . Few hours passed till the moment that the old servant came at me and brought me before those women who were harassing me harshly and I didn't know what to say ... I was only seven and have never been a sheepherd and knew nothing about this work . After few minutes , they said : " this time we forgive you , because the old servent has bothered himself to find the cow , but be aware that this sort of things never happen anymore". I promised that I will be more careful the next time .
15
The next day when I lead the flock to the pasturage , I decided to observe carefully the white cow , so I wasn't supposed to ignore her least movement , but in my astonishment I noticed that the cow is still trying to keep her distance from the other cows and while pasturing was moving away softly . Upset , I followed her and with my stick I tried to returning her back in the nearby of the flock by taking her head with my little hands , but my endeavours were vain , so I decided to move the flock beside her , but before succeeding to gather all the flock in a precise place , the white cow began running fastly and entered into a wheat field and disappeared . Terrified , I threw myself into the wheat field at the pursuit of the fugitive cow but the stems of wheat were so long that they fixed me at my place without letting me to see my surrounding . At this time I heard the voice of some young boys who shouted :"take the cow , it is trampling the whole field , whose cow it is and what is it doing here ?" . I began shouting in my turn : "take the cow ! don't let it to flee !" , and tried to make a way in the field toward the voice I was hearing . The boys reached the cow and after taking it led the cow , through a narrow way , out of the field . Meanwhile I noticed a very young man , jumping out of a tractor and with an angry voice shouted :"what sort of creature is this one who trample all the wheats ?" . And me , upset and concerned exclusively by the missing cow , I continued running till the moment I found myself in front of that young man . The young man by seeing me , his anger transformed into a sudden surprise and an extreme astonishment , with a great amazement and compassion he expressed loudly :"oh my god , it's you ? what you do here ?" . I recognized automatically that young man , he was no one else apart my previous 'protector' , 'sherven'! Ashamed I told him that they confided the flock of cows and sheep to me and I became their sheepherd . Sherven has been very impressed by this new and as if he was talking to himself , he whispered many times :"how strange , my god , how strange , so it was so !"
Although the event with the missing cow disturbed and scared me till death , I felt very happy by seeing again 'sherven'. That was true that I was only a kid but I could perfectly feel and understand that my only friend and the only one with whom I could share all my sorrow and worries , the one who could be kind and compassionate like a big brother , was him . How great and what a happiness when you
find someone in this world who shows an unselfish and disinterested love toward you . When 'sherven' knew the story of that white cow and its disappearance and the manner I was harrassed and treated by those women , he followed me to find and to see that cow . We searched for it everywhere , but the cow was still missing . Then 'sherven' ordered to his buddies to find by all means the lost cow. He asked about my life and the conditions under which I was living and after being informed about everything , he promised to me to help me as possible . At this time I learned that 'sheven' was the son of one of the respectable and influential people of that region , who possessed lot of properties, fields and fruit gardens , and the big flock on the neighborhood hills with the old sheepherd and his daughter belonged to 'sherven''s family . He suggested that I led my flock to the pasturage near them and I did so . Meanwhile 'sherven''s buddies returned back the cow from the middle of the way which was ended to the cowshed of the 'charitable woman' . What was surprising was that the cow never went to unknown fields or pasturages , but always followed her way toward her 'home' , the cowshed where she had left her new-born calf .