Separation was good for the both of us. It held great potential for each of us to grow individually. I convinced myself that maybe we could begin an ideal connection. Briggs sent a postcard from ultramarine every week at the Europe abroad tour. The exact one that my dear roommate joined. Ashlee ceasing to get the hint of our relationship status.
Trying to hush my own fears, fellow roommates shared pictures and videos of them having wild excitement. While I stayed on the home front studying theories. Sure it was part of my doing. I had no desires to follow my gorgeous boyfriend half way around the world to the most romantic destinations on the planet. What girlfriend would want that kind of hot mess? I certainly refused to believe I wanted that.
The acute results for not going may sound standoffish it is the truth nonetheless. Though the answer may very well astonish you please keep in mind I come from a community where small minded thinking is advised. Ha, there I go again letting a past life rule the present one. My life is simple here in the dorm room. Life for me was never about simplicity. I caved in for every chance at typical enjoyment. I felt I wanted this space from my obligation to be with him. I somehow felt suddenly that maybe I would fill the empty hole inside. Veracity be told, the gap felt less empty when surrounded by him. Asking Briggs to venture off with his previous playmate made me want him more. A jealous manor or not.
The way out would be easy. The path paved clear for a nice summer’s day. Flashbacks of the cold silence Malachi provided me recognized I didn’t belong here. It would be easy to vanish, disappear and start over new. Some place I could establish. Another property to declare a loveable household. I’d leave a note with a comment or two. Even though my speechless messages to him now are so comforting. I saw in the moments the time for a grand escape would be now.
Gypsy, the word popped into my mind as a flickering notion of what my life could become. My family isolated my existence. My whole upbringing a default of the sorrows of mistakes made yesterday. They would never ask me for repentance. Acceptance that I no longer sought out their domineering approval.