what if…
11 “Everyone Starts Off As Strangers”
“Does anyone know why Josh Devin is so insane?” Nathanial started a conversation as they drove on. They’d been on the road for hours and were making good time. The sun was falling down in the sky, and they were just starting to make progress.
“No, Nathanial, why don’t you educate us?” Clair said. She meant to sound funny but she sounded snide. Nathanial continued anyway.
“He was molested by a babysitter and a Lionel Richie song was playing when it happened, so anytime he hears that song, Hello by Lionel Richie, he freaking goes nuts. He has like fucking crazy fits.” Everyone was quiet. “That was why earlier when you wanted to play your mix CD or whatever, I said I was in the mood for The Cure. Like…you will always relate a song to a certain memory, like if that song was playing when it happened or…you know what I mean?”
“Okay…I don’t understand, you want me to molest you to The Cure?” Clair played.
Nathanial looked at Clair and laughed. “You’re such a cunt.”
A moment of silence passed.
“No, I get it, I mean…that’s terrible about Josh.” Clair agreed.
“So anyway, now can we play my mix tape?”
“Uh…” Nathanial teased. “Yeah sure.” She dug it out and passed it to him.
“I freaking worked very hard on this,” Clair informed, a bit defensive. “I put songs on there I knew everyone would like – well everyone I already knew.”
“Clair, Jimmy has proven he has good taste in music, right, Jimmy?”
“I sure have, Nathanial, thank you.” Jimmy was being audaciously polite. “I mean if it were up to me we’d listen to The Wrist Burns all the time.”
Nathanial was very flattered. It was obvious in the way he laughed approvingly.
“Oh god, seriously?” Clair griped. “I mean I think they’re great but I live with the guy, I hear it all the time. When he practices, when he plays the songs back on youtube. I hear it all the time – its like the air, its always around.”
“Clair?” Nathanial said as he popped in the tape. “Are you sure you brought those tampons? Sounds like you’ll be needing them soon.”
“Hey!” Marisa said. “Everyone just chill out. Man, are we even in New Hampshire yet? And we’re fighting like this?”
“Yeah dude,” Jeremiah said. “Oh, by the way I did bring that pot.”
“We need to figure this driving thing out,” Nathanial stated. “Take turns – so I can get stoned.”
“Yeah, I was thinking we could just stop somewhere and get some food – refuel. Make sure we have everything. Talk, bond, be happy,” Jeremiah suggested. “Remember that this is supposed to be a good time.”
“Yeah…sounds cool,” Nathanial said. Loretta Young Silks by Sneaker Pimps came on Clair’s mix CD, prompting Nathanial to pick on her.
“Where do you find this stuff? What the fuck is this?” he said.
“My ex-roommate, she was a lot older than me, was always into grunge bands. She was in a band back in the 90s called Pouty Soldier. You like Wilco,” she added. “They’re a 90s band.”
“Not entirely,” he said, his voice still hoarse.
“That’s cool, I like that, Pouty Soldier,” Marisa said.
“Okay, we need to set some rules,” Nathanial said. “From now on, after Clair gets to torture us with her music, only the driver gets to pick the music, that will kind of make it fair since the driver has to be sober – give him some kind of therapy.”
“Sounds fair,” Jeremiah nodded.
“I think Jeremiah’s already stoned, so he won’t be driving next,” Clair said.
“Jeremiah is always stoned. Fuck, Marisa do you even have your license?” Nathanial thought to ask.
“No…” Marisa atoned.
“Well Clair has hers,” Nathanial said, at least.
“Why do I have the feeling that I’m going to get stuck being the responsible one here? There’s no way I’m driving the whole time,” Clair stated.
“Chill,” Nathanial said. “No one said you had to drive the whole time. Besides no one wants that because of the rule – you’d be playing your weird ass music the whole time.”
“I’ll drive,” Jimmy volunteered, reminding everyone that he was still in the car.
“That’s okay,” Clair shot the idea down.
“What?” Nathanial was being very combative now. “If he wants to drive let him drive. Fuck, Clair.”
“But we don’t know him.”
“Oh my god,” Nathanial laughed. “That’s all you can say? Everyone starts off as strangers.”
Clair was quiet for a whole minute and Nathanial got his hopes up that this subject had been retired.
“You invited him, dude,” she said, her tone rather stabbing. “You invited him on a trip that was supposed to one be you, me and Jeremiah.”
“Can’t you just have fun, Clair?! At all, at any time in your life?” Nathanial had never snapped like that before, at least not at Clair. It scared her so much she wished she were a turtle so she’d have shell to draw back into. She couldn’t believe it. Nathanial took note of her dismay.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “But Jesus…you just complain…all the time. Life is to be explored, not solved.”
“Don’t touch me, I’m full of snakes,” Jimmy suddenly blurted. No one said anything at first. Clair looked back over her shoulder at him and grimaced.
“Please,” she begged. “Please if you really are insane, can you just get out of the van? Please?”
Jimmy looked at her with bright-eyed, unapologetic alertness.
“I was quoting Jack Kerouac,” he said, quite debonair.
“Oh,” Clair threw her hands up and turned around in her seat. “I guess that makes it okay,” she quipped.
“I love Jack Kerouac,” Nathanial said to Jimmy, looking in the mirror.
“Jack Kerouac was a nut, a homeless, creepy nut,” Clair said.
“Clair!” Nathanial was so disturbed by her comment he had to laugh. “He was actually very romantic, he was a writer, like I said earlier, life is…”
“Writer’s are nuts,” Clair cut him off. “They think too much.”
“Just go back to your cherry little girl mind then and don’t think,” Jimmy quipped.
“My…what?” Clair snapped, absolutely heated. Marisa grew more and more agitated, wrapped up in her own thoughts, her own uncertainty. What had she done? Quite her job, left her cat to a sitter she hardly knew, for this? For fighting? To sit in the back of a smelly van with a total stranger like Jimmy?
“What you’re doing is very On The Road,” Jimmy praised Nathanial.
“I know, right?” Nathanial smiled, showing his little white teeth. “Thank you. So where is that quote from?”
“We just missed the exit for food,” Clair said.
“No we didn’t,” Nathanial said.
“Yeah we did,” Marisa argued.
“Well I can turn around, no big deal,” Nathanial said. He wanted to stay positive. Jeremiah was right – this was supposed to be a good time.
“That’s right,” Jimmy came in with bizarre positivity. “It doesn’t matter what road you’re on, you can always turn around.”
“Did Kerouac say that too?” Clair snipped.
Jimmy was quiet as he stared her down. Everyone else stared out of their window. Nathanial kept his eyes on the road. But Jimmy never took his eyes off Clair.
12 “I See Someone In You”
The Dead Joneses were in their recording studio to work on a new song, I See Someone In You. They were waiting on Birth, who was supposed to be here a couple of hours ago.
“This is just fucked,” Stokey said, who was so passed the point of angry he walked around like he was about to smash things up.
“We can put the vocals down, how about that?” Chris, their engineer, suggested.
“We need piano though,” Josh said. “I’d like to at least get the piano stuff down.”
“I can do that,” Lyle said.
“Okay, yeah, Stokes you can go.” Josh couldn’t deal with his terrible energy, not when they were about to work on a song that was already very intense. It had to be right. He’d worked on a the song a lot, in his home, in his head. He really wanted Birth here for this.
Stokey was not pleased. First he wasted time here waiting around for Birth, and now he was dismissed as if he were a needless thing – a speck of dust. He flung his drumsticks down and marched out.
“He’s pissed,” Lyle sighed.
“And the sky is blue,” Josh said muttered.
They went into the booth. When The Dead Joneses played, it was Josh and Lyle who connected to the music the most. They got lost in it. That translated to their fans, and their fans were able to get lost too. It all became magical.
The song started – or was supposed to start if they had the whole band here. Josh could hear it all in his head anyway, and started singing.
“I See Someone In You, I see someone in you, Someone I broke
A long time ago…So I’m gonna stay away so…” he paused, waiting through what was supposed to be the guitar part. “So I’m gonna stay away so, Not to ruin something perfect Again…” Lyle came in perfectly on the keyboard like they’d played this a hundred times already.
“We didn’t start out as friends, We were immediate rain, Thieves in the night, We took the sky and we took the stars, We left nothing but dark, We thought it wouldn’t be the same for us, I am now the one I don’t trust…and I…” his voice softened, “I see someone in you, Someone I killed, A long time ago, So I’m gonna stay away so, So I’m gonna stay away…so,