through his hair.
“I’m going to bed. This is it, sweetheart. Tomorrow…I have to do it.”
16
He didn’t apply the handkerchief neatly and Sophie could see splinters of light the next morning. She could hear birds sing. She could hear his footsteps above her. The world moved without her.
She heard him coming down the stairs. He came over to her and pulled her handkerchief down with a slight, effortless tug, avoiding scratching her. He left the tape on for now. She was angry he’d left her this way. Her body hurt like she’d been beaten. And she had to pee again.
He, on the other hand, looked very fresh-faced. It was setting in that he was a handsome guy despite his malnourished appearance, despite the fact that he’d been depressed. He certainly smelled like he’d showered. He was wearing new clothes and had gotten a great night sleep.
“I’ll make you toast, I don’t have a lot of time, gotta run some errands.” He sounded happy today. Supposed that’s what happened when one got a nice night’s sleep in a comfy bed, she bitterly thought.
He popped two pieces of wheat bread into the toaster and started making coffee. Sophie loved coffee. Her heart beat excitedly at the aroma of it.
She watched him put the cutting board on the counter and place the toast on it.
“Butter?” he asked, looking over at her. Sophie nodded. “Jelly?” She nodded again. He smeared just the right amount of butter on it while it was hot enough to melt it, then he cleaned the knife and added jelly. He dropped it on a small plate, washed the knife and poured a glass of juice.
He came over to her and pulled the tape back. He didn’t take his time. He just yanked it off and noticed how red her skin was.
She winced, she couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Everything hurts,” she sobbed.
“Shh. It’ll be over soon,” he promised. He got up and went back into the kitchen and wetted a dishcloth. He picked up his coffee and came back to her, walking so fast and carelessly a little hot coffee spilt over his thumb. He didn’t so much as wince. He knelt down in front of him and gently pressed the rag to her face as she started to sob.
“Don’t cry,” he fussed. “That’s not gonna help.”
“It hurts…everything hurts, its just sore.”
He dropped the cloth and hid his face in his hands. “Listen, I don’t know what to do okay? I don’t know what to do. What do you want?”
He reached for the toast, tearing off a piece.
“Here, eat.” He waited for her to open her mouth and he pushed the food in impatiently. She thought about chopping down on his fingers. She wondered what he’d do to her. She reframed from doing this and just ate, all she could really think about was how badly she wanted to press that cold jelly jar against her skin to soothe it.
“Can I have some coffee?” she asked.
“Coffee? You’re going to be tied to a chair all day – you really want to have caffeine in your blood when you can’t move?” he glanced down at the coffee on his thumb and held it up to her. She just stared at him, not sure how to respond. He wiped the coffee on his jeans.
“Take me with you to run errands,” she said next.
“Uh yeah, because I’m sure you’ve been reported missing and then you’ll be seen with me. I thought you were smarter than that?”
“I told you no one is looking for me – no one cares. I don’t even care.”
“You care, I can see it in your eyes every time I point the gun at you.” He had another piece of toast in his hand, waiting for her to open.
“Open your mouth,” he instructed. She noticed how his tone calmed but remained firm when he gave her simple orders. She opened her mouth wide enough for another piece of toast.
“I’d like to brush my teeth,” she said after chewing.
“Would you now?” he taunted. “Dink your juice.” He held the glass up to her lips and poured it down her throat until she started coughing, almost choking.
He got very annoyed and hurled the glass across the room. He stood up and paced around the room as she continued to cough.
“Listen,” he placed his hand on the back of her neck. “Breathe, calm down and breathe.”
She tried desperately but no air was getting into her lungs.
“Stay calm,” he said. “You’ll be okay.” She listened to what he said. He picked up the rag and pressed it against her forehead. She didn’t know why he did this. It was something her mother would do when she was much younger and had a fever. Soon she was breathing okay again.
“Okay?” he checked.
“Yes.”
“Good.” He sounded relieved. He dropped the rag and walked into the kitchen. His boots made loud thumps against the floor.
“I’ll be out for a couple of hours. I’m getting you a present.”
A present? Was he serious?
“What are you getting me?” she asked, a little scared.
“Not telling. You’ll see when I get back.”
“How long will you be gone?” she asked, before he could put a new piece of tape over her mouth.
“Not long.”
She stared up at him. He noticed how she looked at him different now, there was some sort of attachment there. For him as well.
“Promise?” she asked.
“I promise. Tonight we’ll get pizza…if you continue to be good.”
“I’ll be good…” her eyes got teary when he ripped off a piece of tape. “Please, you don’t have to do that, please, I won’t make a sound.”
“I know you won’t,” he informed, placing the tape over her cold, moist face. He stared at her, made sure it stuck. This strip of tape was even bigger than the last, so long it nearly went to her ears. He played with her hair for a minute, like he was prepping her for a picture.
“Okay,” he stood up and took the dishes into the kitchen and washed them. He made sure every single thing was back in its place before he picked up his keys and headed to the door.
“Be back in an hour,” he said, twirling his keys around.
An hour. She knew how slowly it would go by. She was tired of thinking. There wasn’t anything else to do. Where was he going? What if he lied? What if he was never coming back here? What if she had to stay like this forever?
Sophie’s head snapped up when the phone rang. It was the first time it had rang since she’d been held captive. It sounded extremely loud and imperative in the silent house. It rang five times and silenced. Then whoever it was called right back. Was it him? Had something happened and he was trying to get in touch with her? It rang another five times and stopped. It did not ring again.
Sophie’s mind went back to last night. Who had knocked on the door? She wondered if this morning’s “errand” had anything to do with it.
17
He returned an hour later just like he said he would. She looked longingly at the warm sunshine that poured in and smelled the cooling air outside forewarning fall before he shut the door. He had some bags of groceries with him. She watched as he slipped his hand in the paper bag and brought out vegetables, a fresh head of lettuce, and a six pack of beer. The veins in his arms became more defined as he pulled the groceries out and placed them on the counter. He took a beer, flipped the metal cap off and came over to her.
“Just like I left you,” he said, pleased. He took a sip of beer and sat the bottle down on the table next to her. She could smell the alcohol on his breath, and that cologne she noticed yesterday was more potent today. She stared down at the mysterious shiny black plastic bag and wondered what was inside it.
“Do you want to see what I got you?” he asked, making direct eye contact with her for just a second. She nodded and he picked up the bag.
“I was thinking since you have that book you’ve been wanting to read, I could read to you later.” Put a new story in her head before you send her off to permanent darkness.
She nodded. She wou
ld like that, but she would really like to know what was in the little glossy black bag. Something new? Something pretty?
“I stopped at Black Soap…” he glanced up at her, hesitant. “The sex shop…” he looked down into the bag and shook his head when she got scared. “Its not what you think. Its just so I don’t have to use the tape anymore.” He brought out a ball gag. The ball was red and shiny and a little smaller than an apple. The black leather straps attached so it fastened like a belt in the back of her head. He put his hand to her face to pull the tape back. She shut her eyes and prepared herself.
“You want me to do it fast? Or slow?” He knew she couldn’t answer him. It didn’t matter at this point. She hung her head in desperation and just shook it. She shut her eyes and felt the tear as he ripped it off. There was a shiny spot on her chin where she’d lost some skin. He picked up the rag he’d used earlier and went into the kitchen to wet it. He pressed it against her face, moved her hair back and held up the ball gag.
“Open your mouth,” he said, quite softly, almost like he was apologizing. She did as he was told but it wouldn’t fit.
“Can you open any wider?”
She shook her head but tried. He forced it in, her teeth scraping against the rubber. He got behind her and fastened the straps.
“I took a long drive up to Montauk – you know where that is?”
She nodded.
“At the end…on the tip. Anyway,” he sighed, coming around so he was in front of her, his hand barely touching her shoulder as he did so. “I think I know what I’m going to do with you but…” he knelt down and put a