interview, I put forth every effort I had to impress those bitches, and a week later I get an email telling me that the position that was open was no longer open because the person they were going to replace decided to stay. How unfair is that? I mean I went out and got a whole new outfit for the interview! And yeah…now my ex is stalking me. Yeah, I want to go. I’ll go.”
“Well, there’s plenty of room in the van. And you have all night to prepare,” Nathanial said, smiling. “This is gonna be fun!” He looked at the others, who were not as gassed. A new road trip companion they hardly knew…?
“Yeah – so what’s the plan exactly, have you mapped it all out?” Marisa asked.
“Oh god,” Jeremiah covered his face. “Show her the map.” Jeremiah shook his head for a moment, trying not to feel too overwhelmed – but Clair’s facial expression spelled drama. Nathanial whipped out the brick-sized map and handed it to Marisa, smiling extravagantly.
“Wow…this is huge!” Marisa said.
“That’s what she said!” Nathanial responded, causing Clair to roll her eyes. She gulped her beer and just tried to accept things. Maybe you could meet some hot dude in the next five minutes and invite him along, she thought, grinning bitterly.
“You okay there, Clair-o?” Nathanial asked, wrapping his arm around her and rubbing his knuckles against her head until she could break free. She scrunched up her face and pushed him away harder than she meant to.
“Wow,” Marisa studied the map. Finally someone actually admired it. Nathanial was pleased. “What are all these lines?”
“Yeah, see,” Nathanial slid out of the booth and knelt down next to her. He didn’t care if he was in anyone’s way.
“Everyone thinks its funny, but see look…” Marisa followed Nathanial’s finger as he pointed out places he drew hearts around. “Those are the places I want to stop at – the ones with the hearts. The ones with the smiley faces are the ones I hope we have time to stop at.”
“That’s cute,” Marisa said, smiling at him. He gazed up at her, those eyes of his sparkling. It was a moment that might have turned into a kiss if so many people weren’t around, like the guy that just bumped into Nathanial and spilt beer down the back of his neck. But out there, on the road, he’d get some time with her…
The Sopranos theme song, Woke Up This Morning, blared from the speakers as a sexy girl danced on the little stage. She was scantily dressed and used a toy gun as a prop, aiming it at the crowd before sliding it up her thigh.
But you’re, you’re lookin good baby, I believe you’re a-feeling fine, shame about it, born under a bad sign…
“So what’s the plan, anyway?” Clair asked. “For tomorrow?”
“The plan, Clair, is to fuck life and make it my bitch,” Nathanial responded. What was that? Why was he so crude with her? He was pretty sweet with Marisa just a minute ago.
“I meant where are we meeting?” Clair restated.
“I don’t know – I need like five more beers. That’s the immediate plan,” he said, moody. “There is going to be a mandatory meeting between alcohol and my liver and then after that I don’t know and then after that, I don’t care.”
“You are so bad,” Marisa cooed, practically batting her eyes at him. “I could get us more beers,” Marisa happily volunteered.
“I wanna dance,” Clair said. “And you owe me a dance,” she pointed at Marisa. There was no way she was going to let her sit here and bond anymore with Nathanial. Interpol's Obstacle 1 played very loud anyway, preventing conversation.
“Come on! I love this song!” Clair pulled Marisa up out of her seat. It was her time to have to dance. “This is like…a guilty pleasure of mine…this song,” Clair confessed as she dragged Marisa away from Nathanial.
“Oh fuck guilty pleasures!” Marisa declared. She wasn’t mad, she
was trying to get along with everyone, because that made it easier to get what she wanted. “Don’t feel guilty about shit!” she went on.
Nathanial stayed behind since he wasn’t much of a dancer.
“Not gonna join them?” Jeremiah asked.
“I can’t dance,” Nathanial said. Jeremiah kept a puzzled grin as he watched the girls.
“I’d go somewhere and learn very fast,” Jeremiah said, nodding at them. Marisa was doing a sexy move that involved touching her breasts while Clair rubbed against her.
Nathanial looked back at Jeremiah, wildly amused. “This is going to be a hell of a road trip my friend!”
Jeremiah agreed, slowly giving himself over to the idea of taking a whole other human being along, another bundle of energy. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. They toasted to that. A few minutes later Jeremiah slid out of the booth.
“Where you goin?” Nathanial asked.
“To find that hot little Sopranos dancer,” Jeremiah grinned. He was going to have some fun too. Nathanial watched as Jeremiah vanished. He’d get laid, Jeremiah usually had no problems in that area. Nathanial looked over at the dance floor for Marisa and Clair. After a minute he spotted them. Marisa almost tumbled but Clair saved her by grabbing her wrists and that was a moment that showed they’d be good friends, despite both wanting Nathanial. The girls laughed and went back to dancing.
Nathanial realized he was smiling. It was a faint smile that proved he was happy in the moment. He was happy with his life. It was quite astounding. He’d spent so many years miserable, crying, ever since he was kicked out of his house when he was just fourteen. Hey look atcha now, you live in New York, you’re in a rock and roll band, you have great friends – you have a whole new family. You didn’t give up. You didn’t slip into the cracks of this hard, dirty city and disappear. Well how bout that?
He decided he should just go to the dance floor. Fuck it, none of these white people could dance, he thought, snickering at his own thoughts.
He made his way over to them when a guy just popped up out of nowhere. It was like he’d sprung up from the floor. He had mousy brown hair, a terrible receding hairline, and a puzzling grin. His glasses were big and smudged. He sort of reminded Nathanial of an older version of Corey Feldman’s character in Stand By Me. He was the same guy who’d been starring at Marisa and Clair earlier.
“Man,” the guy sounded out of breath, like he’d been running a great distance to find Nathanial. “You were great.”
“Oh,” Nathanial laughed. “Thanks.”
“I mean you were awesome, not great, I meant awesome. You were awesome,” the man seemed upset with his choice of words. “I’m Jimmy.” Jimmy held his hand out and looked directly into Nathanial’s eyes the whole time, not ever blinking. He had a laser beam of a stare. He seemed to be desperately searching for something, a good friend maybe.
“Nathanial,” Nathanial said, not seeing the harm in shaking his hand. After all, he did come out in the rain to see his show. Jimmy’s hand was sweaty and he had a limp hold. Nathanial took his hand back and wiped it on his jeans.
“You have great…” Jimmy threw his hands up in sudden angst, “What’s the word I’m searching for…god! Its like my brain’s just not working today, you know days like those?” he rolled his eyes around, desperately thinking. “Gosh…intensity!” he suddenly shouted, getting a little spit on Nathanial’s face in the process as he pointed at Nathanial. “Stage presence…you’re just great and I’m wondering how I have never heard of you?”
“It’s a big city – lots of fish with guitars,” Nathanial joked. Jimmy laughed very hard at that.
“And funny!” Jimmy complemented, abruptly. “I have always wanted to be a rock star,” Jimmy revealed, nodding his head, overly emotional. “I have. Its not the kind of thing your parents support over the dinner table,” he laughed. “Hey mom, hey dad, I wanna be a rock star when I grow up, is there anymore chicken salad?” Jimmy laughed nervously.
“Right. I understand.” Nathanial spoke timidly, not sure what to make of Jimmy.
“Why do you think it is? Do you think they just think you
’re…you’re not going to succeed or…what?”
“I don’t know,” Nathanial said. “They say we don’t understand our parents until we become parents ourselves.”
“They do? Who says that?” Jimmy seemed genuinely confused.
“Oh, I don’t know, they as in people.” Nathanial glanced at the girls. Clair had her arm around Marisa’s back. They looked good together, happy. That was where Nathanial wanted to be, in the middle of that.
“Well I gave up,” Jimmy went on, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “I did, I gave up on music, Nathanial, and honestly it felt like an abortion. I mean…guys can have abortions too, just not with babies.”
A strange awkwardness occurred. Nathanial, probably for the first time in his life, had absolutely no response.
“Its sad…” Jimmy mourned, looking at the floor as he shook his head. “Its sad how I just gave up on myself…as though I’m already dead!” All of the sudden Jimmy laughed a little. “First we march through this world trying to pick up a worthy reason to and then we end up under dirt! Well, I for one have no answers.”
“Listen, you realize that now right? That you’re not dead? So you can just try again – buy a new guitar and write a new song,” Nathanial wanted this odd meeting to end on a positive note and then he could just slip away.
“Boy, I like your gusto!” Jimmy said.
“Um, thanks.”
“And that’s why I had to find you, and thank you, because