Aliah stepped back, his hands in front of his face like a shield. "Don't touch me!"
"I won't hurt you, Aliah. I'm here to help you. Both you and Shai." Remiel picked Aliah's bag off the ground and slung it across his own back. "Let me help you. You look tired."
Aliah rubbed his hands over his face. Go away, go away! "I don't want your help, Remiel! I thought I made that clear a long time ago. How..." He let the rest of the question dangle. He knew Remiel had an uncanny way of answering questions before they were asked.
Remiel began walking and Aliah followed two feet behind. This is not happening.
Pictures suddenly flashed through his mind, pictures he had stuffed away in the corner of his memory: yelling at Remiel on the bridge in Lael, punching him over and over until the blood ran from a deep gash in his face and Aliah's knuckles swelled. Pushing Remiel off the bridge and watching him float down the river. The faces of the children as they witnessed it all. Shai, her eyes swollen with tears and refusing to listen to his explanation.
He stared at the back of Remiel's head as he walked. Is he really alive?
"I'm alive because my life was never in your hands, Aliah. You wear that pendant because Samael convinced you that you'd die without it. But what you don't know will kill you. The Essence inside it is poisoning your mind. Altering your memories."
Remiel turned around. His blue eyes shone with unshed tears. "You went to Samael to cover up what you believed you'd done to me. He convinced you of your guilt and helped you cover it up. But you couldn't erase your conscience. I know you remember."
Aliah shook his head then held his hands over his ears. Shut up! If he yelled at the top of his voice maybe it would drown out Remiel.
"Now the Laelites live with the lie that Samael helped you create: the lie of the pendants. No one remembers that day. No one remembers me because you traded the truth for a lie. But you remember. Even if you remember nothing else about us, I know you remember that day. And Mara remembers, doesn't she? Because she lives without the pendant now." Remiel's eyes remained fixed, staring into Aliah's soul, piercing through flesh and bone.
Still Aliah yelled. His throat hurt and his head ached from his own screams, but he could still hear Remiel. He closed his eyes and dropped to his knees, squeezing his ears so hard they popped with the pressure.
"Get rid of the pendant, Aliah." Remiel's voice spoke softly, but ripped through his head like a double-edged blade. "You sold out to your enemy. You've forgotten who you are, but that can change. Just take the pendant off."
Aliah could barely breathe. His chest hurt. His head hurt. Blood trickled down his throat. He'd probably die in Conley's streets with everyone watching.
Remiel's voice became softer. "Shai is going to find the Book. She has to do it, Aliah. Don't try and stop her."
Aliah collapsed on the ground, his breath coming in jerks. His face was wet. Had he been crying? He uncovered his ears and opened his eyes. He wasn't on the street. He was laying on a cot in a shelter, with the old nurse leaning over him. The light of the full moon revealed her wrinkled face, full of concern.
"Maybe you want some more of that tea, Ace? You've been crying in your sleep."
He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. His tunic stuck to his damp skin. All around him people slept on cots or on the floor under a mound of blankets. He shook his head.
"No, no. Thanks, Nurse. I... I just need air."
She smiled and nodded at him. He stepped over the sleeping bodies and stood in the entrance to the shelter. A gentle wind ruffled his hair and he inhaled the breeze with a shuddering breath. He knew better than to believe it'd only been a dream. It must have been a trance, or a vision similar to Shai's visions of Remiel.
Shai started having visions of Remiel after Aliah had killed him. He never knew why she had them, just like he didn't know why he couldn't erase certain images from his mind. He couldn't remember anything else though, like how long ago it had happened. Time seemed to have folded in on itself.
No one remembered anything about that day, not even Shai. Pieces of memories that were more like flashbacks rained down on him periodically like ash during a raid-fire. He wished he could erase them entirely, but somehow it always flowed back to him on waves of guilt.
He touched the chain at his throat. Twisted the glass pendant until it pinched his neck. He'd seen Shai play with hers like that more than a dozen times ever since the day Samael put it around her neck. She was always touching it and twisting it, like she knew it didn't belong there.
But he knew she didn't remember the day Samael brought the pendants to Lael.
Aliah turned his face up to the star-speckled sky. He inhaled the crisp, evening air and rammed his fingers into his hair. An image flashed into his mind, and beads of sweat broke out on his upper lip.
Amusement on Samael’s face made the corners of his mouth twitch. His fingers lingered on
Shai’s skin as he fastened the pendant around her neck.
“No,” Aliah whispered to the moon. I should have ripped that pendant off her. I should have told her it was all a lie. A big mistake. If I would’ve confessed to the infraction none of this would be happening.
He pulled on his own chain and felt it give slightly. One quick tug and he'd be rid of it. He dropped it back inside his tunic. I can’t do it. I don’t want the other memories.
How much longer would it be until his mental anguish became greater than the pain it took to change? He clenched his teeth. Hold it together. For Shai’s sake.
CHAPTER 41
Shai
She had let her guard down for too long. She enjoyed these people too much. She had even begun to enjoy their physical contact, breaking her own personal Rule. Shai caught herself stealing glimpses of Kael, looking at him longer than the situation called for while her heart raced its warning: strong feelings are dangerous.
She laid in bed staring up at the ceiling. The moon shone brighter here than in Lael, and its soft light came through the window and slanted across one wall.
She didn't want to leave these people, but her time was running out. In seventeen days Elchai would come to get her unless he had already discovered her missing. What would he do? Send a search party? Come for her himself?
I have to leave, but where should I go? Ava confirmed that the old world of Edan had been divided into seven Sectors with Lael in the center. Conley was Sector Three but, Shai didn't know where the other Sectors were located or which one she should go to.
She had followed the trail East from Thunder Manor through the Borderless, so going west was out, she'd only be backtracking, so that left North or South. But she couldn't leave without finding the Book. Even though she didn't know what to do once she found it.
The old nurse said Kael always kept the Book hidden. After the fire he'd been looking through the ashes of the Supply House for it, but she didn't think he found it yet.
Ava told her the Watchers had started the fire. If Aliah was known to them as "Ace," then it confirmed he had another identity. Why is Aliah here? To look for me? Or to look for the Book? She turned to face the wall and ran a thumb nail along a thin crack in the paint. The shadows of her fingers stretched long and skinny. A strange and dark version of her hands. She shuddered and rolled back over. Lately it seemed as though Aliah had become a strange, dark version of himself. Who is he really? Who is his father?
If only Remiel would appear now. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to conjure him up. She even tried chanting his name a few times, but neither the familiar colored dots appeared nor the darkening of her vision.
She finally flipped off the covers and sat up. A strangled sound erupted from her throat. A shadowy form filled the window. She started to scream, but the figure leaped on her and smashed his hand over her mouth.
She tried to bite his hand, but her lips were pressed so hard against her teeth that she tasted blood. She gagged and struggled against him. He pushed her down and straddled her, his
hand pressing her lips harder against her teeth. The more she squirmed and kicked the tighter he held her down. She could hardly breathe.
She pressed her arms against the bed and grabbed two fistfuls of bed sheet. Just breathe…
The moonlight glinted off the man's short blonde hair and when he leaned closer to her she saw his face in the half-light.
Zev.
She hadn't noticed until then that he had one arm behind his back. When he brought his arm out she saw the glint of steel in his hand. He pressed the tip of the knife against her throat. It pricked her skin and she winced. Something wet and warm trickled down her neck. She stared at him, his face half hidden by shadows. His mouth curled into a snarl. He leaned over her, his mouth so close to her face she felt the brush of his lips against her cheek.
"Your life is in my hands," he whispered. His breath sent waves of heat down her neck as his mouth moved to her ear. "If you deliver the Book to me in Gershom I will spare your life. You have seventeen days."
She twisted beneath him until one arm became free. She dug her fingers into the flesh of his wounded shoulder. He yelled, his body contorted and she kicked him off her. He twisted sideways and grabbed her nightshirt as she rolled to the edge of the bed.
She heard fabric ripping. She grabbed the hem of her nightshirt and wrenched it from him. The momentum made her lose her balance and she fell to the floor.
"Shai, you alright?" Kael's voice came through her closed door. Her heart leaped into her throat. Zev's face appeared at the edge of the bed looking wild-eyed and furious. Before she could move he leaped.
The door opened and Kael stepped in. The moon shone across his bare feet, his night clothes a ghostly-white.
"My room's next door. I heard you yelling..." She watched his feet come closer. She laid still, face down on the soft rug beside the bed. He got down on one knee near her head.
"Are you going to get up?" He offered her his hand. Her throat squeezed. Where was Zev? She got up on her hands and knees then took Kael's hand. He pulled her to her feet and gave her a funny look, his mouth twisted in a half-grin, eyes bright in the moonlight.
"Must've been some nightmare. You, uh, ripped your nightshirt and you must have scratched yourself. You're bleeding."
She glanced down. The neck of her nightshirt had torn several inches, exposing her left shoulder. She touched her throat where the tip of Zev's knife had nicked her. It stung, but didn't bleed much.
She turned around and scanned the room.
He's gone.
A shadow flitted past the window. She ran and looked out. No sign of Zev, just a wolf that ran across the street and disappeared into the trees.
CHAPTER 42
Aliah
The sky had turned a soft pink and began deepening to rose when he shoved his blanket, cloak, and the table knife he'd stolen into his bag before leaving the shelter. He began walking to the last row of shelters to find Shai.
His eyes hurt like they'd been washed with sand and he smelled briny. There was no time to wash. He had to find Shai and leave Conley. Heading to Kent, where Elchai was, seemed to be the safest option. Since Elchai and Samael were enemies, Elchai would likely offer protection. He didn't relish the thought of seeing Elchai, but he had too many things to worry about, like Zev, who was still out there somewhere. His sudden appearance at the Manor pointed to something disturbing. What if he was working for Samael? If he found Shai before Aliah did, then Shai would be delivered to the enemy. Exactly as Samael wanted.
He rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger. He was already in trouble without entertaining those kinds of thoughts. He could almost feel the breath of his pursuers on the back of his neck. He thought of the stories that circulated around Lael. The stories of Samael's Hunters-- wraiths that chased the souls of the wandering Borderless who had no pendant for protection.
Aliah cursed himself for being afraid of such a thing, but a shiver still ran up his back like he'd passed through a cold shadow. Sileas's death proved that Samael was capable of anything. What if Samael realized I’ve left Lael and he already sent out his Hunters? The death-spirits will suck the life from me.
"Leaving?"
Aliah spun around. Ava stood behind him. Her long hair, free of its braid, rippled in the breeze like a black cape behind her.
"Yes. I...uh, don't want to complicate things around here. You're in the middle of re-building and I told you I only came to find Shai."
"Go home, Ace." Ava narrowed her eyes the way her brother did. "Shai doesn't want to see you. She's with Kael right now. We will look after her. Just... go home."
Aliah frowned. "I thought you understood why I need to take her with me when I leave. It seems like you're doing everything you can to keep me from her. You and your brother. But there's something you don't know. Something that doesn't involve you."
"Oh, I think it does. When you stepped onto Conley land, took what doesn't belong to you and started that fire, you involved me. Shai came to me, and if she says she doesn't want to see you then that's good enough for me."
Aliah's pulse throbbed in his neck. He stepped in front of Ava. The scent of sage and lemongrass swirled around her on the breeze, making him dizzy.
He searched her face, looking past the steely eyes and set jaw. She’s vulnerable.
He dug into his tunic pocket and pulled out Eliana's pendant. It was his last hope. He stepped close and skimmed her arm with his thumb. He heard her inhale sharply at his touch, then exhale slowly while her shoulders dropped a little. He spoke softly, keeping his eyes steady on hers.
"Ava, just give this to her. I need you right now. Please do this for me. And tell her I won't leave until I see her." He coiled the chain into Ava's palm and let his fingertips brush hers. "And tell your father and Arlie I'm sorry... for what happened."
Her face softened. "I don't know who you really are, Ace, Watcher of Lael, but I wish... I wish things were different between us." She closed her hand around the pendant. "When you leave, I'm sure Arlie will come out of hiding, and I'll let him know your regrets." She smiled a little. "And I'll make sure Shai gets this. But whether or not she sees you will be up to her."
Aliah watched her walk away. His fingertips tingled where he'd touched her. He hoped the memory of their contact would linger on her skin for a while.
When she'd touched his birthmark earlier he felt something pass between them that he thought only existed between him and Shai. Something powerful and frightening. And the hunger he saw in Ava’s eyes compelled him to act on his impulse.
He hoped it worked.
CHAPTER 43
Shai
Breakfast was awkward as Shai sat at a long table in the Dining Room, slowly stirring a steaming bowl of oats and cream. Ava's bowl sat beside her untouched, her father's needs coming before her own. Kael's dark head bent over his breakfast across from Shai. His eyes never quite met hers every time she stole a glance in his direction.
"Want to talk about last night?" He spoke into his bowl making his voice sound as thick as the porridge he hunched over.
"There's nothing to say." Shai continued to stir the cream in her bowl, staring but not really seeing.
Kael dropped his spoon on the table, the loud clang startled Shai. "Nothing to say? C'mon Shai. I'm not stupid. I know about your friend Ace. Don't forget I studied the Division history. I know who he is." He looked at her with fury.
"No, Kael. You don't know anything at all." Shai pushed back her chair and took her half-eaten breakfast to the sink. She felt Kael's eyes on her.
"I know more than you think. I know you're running. Away from everything you were taught to believe. Away from that guy who thinks he owns you."
Shai laughed. "That's what you think I'm doing?" She wiped her hands on a towel. "Well, you're half right. I am running. Running from being chosen to be the mother of the next Leader. Running from a life in Lael, which isn't a life at all." She twisted the towel in her hands until her knuckles turned white
. She'd never admitted it before-- the deep dissatisfaction with her life and the yearning for something more. She'd often felt it, but crammed it down, shoved it deep inside until only an achy-numbness remained.
Kael walked over to her, took the towel from her, and held her hands in his. Their warmth comforted her, but also unnerved her.
He whistled softly. "Wow. I didn't know that. I'm sorry." The softness in his voice hurt. She didn't have the energy to sort through emotions she'd avoided feeling her whole life. Anger was less complicated and fear was familiar. This feeling in her stomach was different. It frightened her. Made her feel like a sleeping giant was lying coiled up inside her. If it woke up she feared she'd never be able to control it.
Kael put his hands on either side of her face. The intimacy of his touch sent waves of heat racing down her back and into her toes. She resisted the impulse to pull away.
"Kael, I..." She started, but he slid his thumb over her lips.
"Shai, I know about you too. Where you're from. I know that Lael teaches you to believe that you won't be accepted until you've kept every Law and Rule. I've studied the Laelite ways. I can even say I understand it, sort of." He moved his thumb from her mouth to gently touch the tiny wound on her throat. "But what you believe doesn't change what I believe."
Shai's face flamed. Her legs threatened to buckle. "What do you believe?" She whispered.
"I believe that one day you'll trust what you feel right now." He moved closer. His mouth was suddenly against her neck, then along her collar bone. His hands on the back of her head and lacing up through her hair, pulling her gently towards him. His chest against hers. Her heart beating with his. His mouth worked its way up to her ear, each warm exhale made tiny shivers run up and down her arms.
When his lips touched her cheek she moved her hands around to his back without thinking. Her fingers curled into his shirt, her knuckles pressing against the hard knot of his back muscles. She breathed through slightly parted lips, the smell of his skin and hair made her too light-headed.
His mouth was at the corner of hers, sharing her air. And then his lips met hers. Soft and sticky-sweet. The room spun and she closed her eyes. She moved her trembling hands from his back to his chest, felt his heart beating, almost as fast as hers. Felt him inhale. Felt the sleeping giant open one eye. Oh no. Stop!