pushing one lizard into the other. The lizards tried to get away from each other but little Lenny wouldn’t let them. If one lizard tried to climb up the bucket’s side, he would knock it down and push the other lizard on top of it. If one lizard tried to bite or climb his stick, he would jab it into the other lizard. But not too hard. God-like. It was a test.
After a few minutes, the lizards turned on each other and little Lenny stopped poking them. Their vicious lizard mouths chomped down on lizard flesh. First one, then the other lizard, lost its tail but to no avail. The little brown lizard decoys wiggled and twisted on the bottom of the bucket in a useless reptilian sword fight.
Little Lenny Helzerman, who was now in control or something, noticed that lizards go rigid when they fight. They attack and retreat in short, jerky movements. Snap. Jerk. Twist. Lunge. Their bodies crouch; their heads tilt back, mouths open; their bulging lizard eyes pierce down their flaked lizard cheeks. Dart. Thrust. Lunge. Twist. Snap. Clamp. One lizard had the other lizard by the throat.
The lizards stopped, not moving but for their stomachs. In and out, in and out, sucking air through their pinhole nostrils. Twist. Jerk. Slice. A cut opened on the bitten lizard’s neck. A fleshy blood bubble floated from the wound. The other lizard chomped down harder. The bubble swelled.
Little Lenny turned the white bucket over, dumping the embattled lizards on the ground. Nothing changed. The wounded lizard lay there blinking stupidly. The victorious lizard slowly chewed on its nemesis’ neck. Little Lenny poked it with his stick but its death grip held fast. What could he do? Little Lenny Helzerman found a large rock and with a single blow, he squashed both lizards. Damn them anyway. They had failed his test.
BLUE
In Tarzan movies, if it’s a good Tarzan movie, a headhunter or a hungry lion or someone trying to catch the ape man would perish in quicksand. Sometimes a good guy would get caught in quicksand and Tarzan would save them, but little Lenny Helzerman liked it when the bad guy disappeared in the quicksand and all that was left to suggest what had happened was a safari hat or some feathers from a war bonnet.
Little Lenny had already seen his mother disappear in a fit of hysteria as they crossed over the enormous bridge on the outskirts of Charleston. The Helzerman family along with Grandma Dobson had driven to the beach for the weekend and on the way back they had to drive over the enormous bridge but little Lenny’s mother couldn’t contain her fear of heights and water and was reduced to a shattered heap on the passenger’s side floorboard. Little Lenny’s dad tried to calm her but he had to drive and they were on the biggest bridge little Lenny could imagine with nothing but hundreds of feet of fall between them and the ocean.
From the backseat, little Lenny couldn’t see his mother and Grandma Dobson was leaning over the back of the passenger seat telling his mom to stop crying and to get up but little Lenny knew Grandma Dobson had taken a bunch of nerve pills and if the truth was known, it was Grandma Dobson’s fault that little Lenny’s mother was so afraid of everything. Lenny’s little brother Lloyd just sat there in the middle looking at Lenny. Little Lenny met Lloyd’s gaze then looked out of the window and felt sorry for his mamma and Lloyd, who being two years younger than Lenny, probably didn’t realize that everything would be okay as soon as they were off the enormous bridge.
The last time little Lenny Helzerman saw his mother cry was a few months after they moved back from living in South Dakota. Little Lenny was going to be taking the bus to Six Mile Elementary and he had to be added to the school’s bus route. Little Lenny’s mother had driven over to the bus driver’s house to give her directions because when they got back from South Dakota they moved to Six Mile and close to Grandma Helzerman’s house which meant they were close to Grandma Helzerman’s television but that was still in the middle of nowhere and one needs directions to the middle of nowhere.
So, little Lenny and Lloyd waited in the car while their mother walked up the dusty driveway to the bus driver’s house to give her directions. A bunch of fat, dumpy-looking people were sitting on the screened-in front porch of the dilapidated house. Little Lenny’s mother stopped when she saw a Beware of Dog sign nailed to the handrail of the wooden steps leading up to the screen door on the porch. Little Lenny’s mother was even more afraid of dogs than she was heights and water because one can stay away from heights and water but dogs can move around and show up where you are even if you are trying to stay away from them. So, little Lenny’s mamma got all nervous and asked the fat, dumpy-looking people if they had a dog. One of the fat, dumpy-looking people said that it wasn’t a mean dog and told her to come on up on the porch.
And little Lenny and Lloyd watched from the car as their mamma walked up the steps and opened the screen door. And little Lenny and Lloyd watched from the car as a German Shepherd leaped from behind the bushes near the porch and attacked their mamma. And little Lenny and Lloyd watched from the car as the German Shepherd’s teeth slashed at their mamma’s neck but she stumbled forward and the German Shepherd’s teeth clenched on the collar of her dress and ripped the back of her dress off.
Little Lenny doesn’t know if he or Lloyd or his mother screamed first but they were all screaming as the German Shepherd fell back to the ground and his mother fell onto the floor of the screened-in front porch and the screen door slammed shut behind her. And little Lenny and Lloyd watched from the car as their mamma lay there on that dirty porch floor with her dress ripped half off crying for someone to help her. And the fat, dumpy-looking people who needed directions to the middle of nowhere just sat there on their fat, dumpy bottoms staring at her.
But that was a while ago and little Lenny Helzerman knew that this time everything would be back to normal as soon as they got to the other side of the bridge. Little Lenny also knew that sometimes you just don’t know any better than to be scared out of your mind over something. Like earlier this morning when little Lenny Helzerman was stuck in quicksand.
Little Lenny had been feeling all hard-to-breathe and while his dad took Lloyd to the beach, little Lenny went shopping with his mom and Grandma Dobson. At the last shop they went to, Grandma Dobson had bought one of those little white Styrofoam surfboards for little Lenny to play with when they went to meet his dad and Lloyd at the beach. Little Lenny couldn’t wait to ride the waves with his new surfboard but his mom wanted him to be careful and his grandma warned him about sharks and as they walked across the beach little Lenny rolled his eyes and let out a loud sign. Way off in the distance little Lenny saw his dad and Lloyd playing in the surf. So, with his new surfboard in hand, little Lenny took off at full sprint across the sand. He ran so fast that he could feel the sand from his galloping feet raining down on his back. The salt air whizzed through his hair and his lungs felt strong and full of breath...then it happened. One moment he had been running as fast and free as the wind and the next he was stuck waist deep in quicksand.
Now, one could try to explain to little Lenny that it wasn’t really quicksand and that it was just a washed out bog where a steady flow of water from an inlet trickled to the ocean; and one could explain to little Lenny that it wasn’t over his head and that he had no reason to panic and that for Christ’s sake, he wasn’t in any real danger, but that would have been a waste of time.
Little Lenny Helzerman was too busy screaming for help and trying to clutch onto a piece of his now broken surfboard to listen to any sound words of reason. All he knew was that he was about to die like some cannibal headhunter and that his surfboard was broken and that no matter how much he screamed for help all his dad did was watch.
But that was a while ago and little Lenny Helzerman knew that everything would be back to normal as soon as they reached the other side of the enormous bridge. So, he just looked out of the window to where the dark blue ocean merged with the light blue sky and imagined that there was another shade of blue between the ocean and the sky that he couldn’t see from the bridge but if he could see it, it would be true blue.
YELLOW
The
rifle leaning against the swing in the garden held little Lenny Helzerman’s attention. They were over at Mr. and Mrs. Cleveland’s house because little Lenny’s brother Lloyd (who was younger than Lenny by two years) was going to stay with the Cleveland’s while little Lenny was at the doctor. It was nothing important. They just had to fix his breathing and getting tired all the time.
For little Lenny Helzerman even walking a little ways made him feel like he’d been running all day and last week he even fainted and that had felt cold and dreamlike but it didn’t hurt and most people didn’t know anybody who had ever fainted. Little Lenny didn’t—he was the only one. But little Lenny wanted the doctor to go ahead and fix him because getting tired and hard-to-breathe all the time wasn’t any fun and little Lenny Helzerman had plenty of fun things he wanted to do. So, Lloyd was staying there while Lenny went to the doctor.
The rifle leaning against the swing in the garden held little Lenny Helzerman’s attention and he was careful not to knock it over when he sat on the swing. The swing was one of those big, whitewashed porch swings only it wasn’t on a porch it was in a garden and it