He’d told me he was hanging out with Ryder. Since Ryder didn’t live that far from the school, I started toward the Yates’ house. It took me about ten minutes to reach Ryder’s place. My cheeks, nose, feet and hands were icicles. My ears were so cold they burned and gave me a headache. My teeth chattered hard enough to make my jaw ache; I couldn’t get them to stop.
The good thing was I’d stopped hyperventilating. It was too cold to breathe heavily anyway.
Tears clogged my lashes, freezing them together, when I knocked on Ryder’s window. I didn’t realize the lights were off until I knocked again and a muffled illumination made the closed blinds glow as someone flipped on a light. I was so relieved to see that light come on I almost started crying again. Or maybe I did start all over again. I can’t remember.
The blinds zipped up and I stared down into Ryder’s face.
I was a little shocked to see him. For some reason, I’d been expecting Todd. I’d even forgotten I was at Ryder’s house.
From inside the lighted room, Ryder obviously couldn’t see who his visitor was. He leaned forward and squinted out at me. Finally, he shook his head and reached for the pane glass, pulling it up.
Even before he had his window all the way open, I blurted, “Can I talk to Todd?”
Ryder paused. When he finally blinked me into focus, then took in my red eyes and chattering teeth, his eyes grew big.
“Grace?” He held out both hands. “Oh, my God. Get inside. Where’s your coat?”
I clutched his hand as soon as he reached out to me. He gasped at the connection.
“Woo, your hands are freezing.” But he didn’t let go. He pulled me into the warmth of his room. I closed my eyes from the delight of all that blessed heat soaking into my bones.
When I heard Ryder closing the window behind me, I cracked my lids up a peek but didn’t see Todd anywhere. Frowning in confusion, I turned and looked at Ryder just as he whirled from the window, rubbing at his arm that had gotten chilled from the cold, wet breeze he’d let in.
“Where’s Todd?” I said numbly.
Ryder gave a slight frown. “Uh…I don’t know. Home maybe?” He hurried to his bed and ripped off his top comforter before bringing it back and throwing it around my shoulders.
I just stared at him as he drew the blanket more snugly around me, gathering two ends together under my chin.
“He already left?” Lifting my hand, I took the gathered sides and held them closed, trapping my own body heat inside the makeshift cape.
Ryder paused and blinked as if he had no idea what I was talking about. “Left where?”
I continued to shiver and pulled Ryder’s blanket tighter since it was still warm from him sleeping under it. “He told me he was hanging out here with you tonight.”
Ryder shook his head slightly, letting me know he hadn’t seen Todd all evening. “Do you want to call him?” he said, already turning away to dig up his phone.
He carried the cell back to me. I met his gaze. He stared back with acute concern, but he didn’t ask any questions. He quietly handed me the phone. I took it, staring down at the numbers I needed to dial. After blinking a couple of times, I wiped at the tears dripping down my cheeks.
Todd had lied to me; he hadn’t been with Ryder. For all I knew, he was probably busy with some other girl. But right now, I needed him. I had nowhere else to go. I looked up at Ryder.
He stood at attention as if ready to jump in and do anything I asked. I could tell he’d been sleeping. Hair tousled, he wore an old t-shirt and flannel pants. His eyes were half-closed and a red sleep line ran across his cheek. But he was awake and he looked ready to help me…in any way.
That made me want to cry even more.
“I can’t dial,” I said in a hoarse voice. “My fingers…” They just wouldn’t move. They were too stiff and burned with cold pain.
“Here,” Ryder said quietly and took the phone from my hand. He dialed Todd’s number before handing the receiver back. But the answering machine picked up immediately. More tears dripped down my cheeks.
“He’s…his phone’s not on.” Of course, he’d shut his phone off. He was busy with another girl.
“What about Mindy?” Ryder said.
I blinked up at him.
“You’re friends with Mindy, right? Do you want to call her or someone from Hillsburg?”
I stared stupidly. He seemed too eager to help…I didn’t understand. The one boy I’d figured would slam the door in my face was the first person eager to help me.
I nodded. “Okay.” I wasn’t too certain what I had agreed to until Ryder took the phone again.
“Do you know her number?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No.” And man, my throat was really starting to burn.
“I’ll call Cory and ask him.” After a few more clicks on the keypad, Ryder pressed his phone to his ear and waited a second before he winced. Slapping it closed, he sighed, sending me an apologetic look. “Everyone must turn off their phones at night.”
I wilted, shoulders slumping, head falling. What was I going to do now? The next person I wanted was my mother. But how could I explain anything to her?
Oh, dear Lord, how was I going to tell my mother?
Could I tell my mother?
Would she even believe me?
I kind of thought not. We were on the outs. I’d been treating her awful lately. What if she believed I was attempting some stupid melodramatic teenage stunt, hoping to break her up with her new husband?
No. I couldn’t tell her. A month ago, there’s no doubt in my mind, she would’ve already known by now. But everything had changed since then. Barry had made certain of it.
After that, what I wanted to seek were my Hillsburg friends. But I hadn’t heard from them in forever. Adam’s explanation of why they’d shied away from me sort of made sense, but it still hurt to be abandoned. Plus, they were too far away tonight.
Laina would’ve been my next choice, but I suddenly realized I didn’t know her last name to even begin researching how to get a hold of her.
“Look,” Ryder said, cutting into my thoughts. “Why don’t I just take you over to Mindy’s house?”
I wasn’t sure Mindy was the person I wanted, either. We spoke at school, and I liked her better than I liked anyone else in their group, yet I’d never confided anything personal to her. And this would be the biggest confidence I would place with anyone. But what else was there to do? I couldn’t just stand around Ryder’s bedroom all night, huddling under his blankets.
I mutely nodded, accepting his suggestion.
When I met Ryder’s gaze, he opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but then he thought better of it and turned away.
“Let me throw some shoes on.”
He strode to a door and opened it, momentarily disappearing into his closet. When he returned, he held a pair of shoes in one hand and a couple thick coats in the other.
“Coat,” he called, tossing one toward me so it would land on his bed just to my left.
I glanced down and stared stupidly at the thick black leather jacket. When I lifted my face, I found Ryder already wearing both shoes and buttoning his letterman’s jacket up to his throat, bundling himself warm and snug.
Noticing my confused expression, he lifted his eyebrows. “As much as I’d do anything to help you right now, you can’t wear my blanket out into the snow.
Shifting my attention back to the coat he’d offered me to wear, I licked my cold, dry lips. “Why…why haven’t you asked me what happened yet?”
Pausing as he slipped on a pair of really warm-looking gloves, Ryder lifted his face. “Would you tell me?”
I thought about it, then shook my head.
He almost smiled; his lips tightened as if he wanted to but knew he probably shouldn’t. “That’s what I thought.”
Dressed and ready to go, he strode toward me and gently took a handful of his bed cover. I let him tug it away. After tossing the blank
et onto the bed, he dug out the leather jacket and held it open for me to slip my arms into the sleeves.
If I’d been in my right frame of mind, I would’ve sent him a get-real look and jerked the coat from his grasp, putting it on myself. Actually, I would’ve declined to wear a piece of his clothing altogether. Talk about the level of my crush shooting through the roof. Being surrounded by his coat, his smell cloaking me, it was way too dangerous.
But being as shaken as I was, I stiffly followed his prompting and lifted my fingers, putting them into the armholes.
Once my hands poked through the ends, Ryder turned me to face him so he could zip the coat closed. Then he stepped back to give me an encouraging smile. “If you’re lucky, you might find an extra pair of gloves in the pockets.”
I checked; found two gloves and half a pack of Orbit Sweet Mint gum, plus an iPod.
Ryder snatched the music player out of my palm. “Hey, I’ve been looking for this.” Lifting it to flash me a smile, he said, “Thanks.”
With that, he turned his back to me, strode to the window and hauled it up. A gust of wind swept into the room, making me fumble in my haste to slip on the oversized leather gloves.
He helped me climb up through the opening and then pulled himself outside after me. “My truck’s this way.” Grasping my gloved hand, he led me through the dark, all the way to the passenger side door, which he held open for me and even waited until I climbed inside before he shut the door.
I huddled into the warm coat, inhaling the scent of leather and Ryder as he started his engine. We didn’t speak to each other, though he did glance at me quite a bit as he pulled out of the drive and took off down a road.
“Do you know where Mindy lives?” I finally had the presence of mind to ask.
He nodded. “It’s not too far.”
I guess Todd’s house sat on the way to Mindy’s because a few minutes later, Ryder pointed it out. “There’s Stangman’s place…and it looks like he’s home.”
I stared at Todd’s Jeep sitting in the driveway to his house, German in style with cream-colored siding and brown beams slanting diagonally above the garage to the roof.
Ryder slowed his truck. “Would you rather see him…or Mindy?”
There was no censure in his voice, no how-could-you-kiss-my-best-friend anger. He truly wanted to help me in any way he could.
I thought about the answer I needed to give. To be honest, I didn’t want to go to either place. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to curl into a ball, hide in my bed—the bed at my house, the house I’d left behind in Hillsburg—and just sob the rest of my life away.
But that wasn’t an option.
“I don’t…” I really didn’t want Ryder to know I didn’t care to go to either place; he’d probably try to drive me back to Barry’s. So I cleared my throat and said, “Todd’s, I guess.” I figured he wouldn’t be as interested in hearing about my devastating night as Mindy would be. He’d ask less questions.
Ryder didn’t argue or send me a dirty look for my decision. He just nodded and pulled in behind Todd’s Jeep, killing the engine. Both he and I sat there without moving. For a moment, I wondered if we were both thinking the same thing.
Which girl was inside with him?
A light glowed from one of the windows near the back of the house. “That’s his room,” I said, stupidly stating the obvious as I remembered how Todd had desperately tried to shoo his sister out of that very room so he could lock me alone inside it with him. In case he didn’t have a girl with him, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be alone with him right now. I sank deeper into my seat.
Ryder sighed and turned to me, looking suddenly hesitant. “You know, there’s no need for you to get back out in the cold again. Why don’t I just go get him?”
I didn’t want to see who Todd was keeping company, so I nodded.
Ryder’s shoulders eased. “Be right back.” He slipped out of the truck to hurry to Todd’s window. I rolled my eyes, wondering why no one used a door anymore. But I’m glad he went to the window because I really didn’t want him to wake Todd’s parents and involve adults in this mess.
Lifting his hand to knock on the pane glass, Ryder paused. For a moment, he stood frozen, staring through the window, then he leaned closer as if he wanted to make sure he was seeing what he was seeing.
I watched him, holding my breath. Suddenly, he jerked backward as if he thought he’d been spotted. But he didn’t hover in the shadows, hiding. He whirled my way, his bearing stiff and angry as he stalked back toward his truck.
Inside the cab, I muttered to myself, “Grace, you idiot.” There was no reason for me to sit there, wondering what Ryder had seen when I could just go see it myself. If Todd really was with another girl, I had a right to see who it was.
I pushed open the door and scrambled out. After hurrying to Ryder, I was beginning to ask what was going on when I caught sight of the lethal expression on his face.
“Come on,” he said. His voice was steely, surprising me. He grabbed my arm in a hard, commanding grip and steered me back around toward his truck. It more than startled me; it downright frightened me, not of him but of what he’d seen.
I pulled free. He jerked to a stop to glare at me and once again grappled for my arm, which I kept out of his reach.
“What’s going on?”
“We’re leaving.”
I turned to look at Todd’s house. “Who’s with him?”
Shaking his head, Ryder reached out one more time, saying, “Let’s go.”
I was so busy staring at the soft glow coming from Todd’s window, I let Ryder drag me a few steps away before I dug my feet in. “I know he’s got another girl in there. Who is it?”
Ryder’s jaw clamped tight as he refused to answer me.
“Dang it, Ryder!” I growled and pulled out of his grip. “Let go of me.”
He finally snarled, “It’s Kiera, okay.”
Oh.
My mouth fell open. I stared at Ryder and saw all the rage, pain and shock boiling in his gaze.
He’d had no idea.
I should’ve been upset, hurt, furious. But I was mostly just shocked, not that Todd had cheated, but that he’d just backstabbed his best friend in the back. I felt so bad for Ryder. He had been completely blindsided. Besides, technically Todd and I weren’t a couple. Ryder and Kiera most definitely were…at least they had been.
What a mess.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered.
“If you want to stay here, fine, but I’m leaving.” Ryder spun away and marched off.
Gulping hard, I stumbled after him.
Chapter 20
Ryder is orange. Crisp autumn, ripe citrus, red calmed down but not as bright as yellow. Energy, and warmth, the sun I needed to badly to shine, a soothing balm to ease my troubled life. So, what color am I? I still don’t know. I’m too tired, too cold to be colorful.
* * * *
I climbed into the passenger seat of Ryder’s truck as he slid behind the wheel. After starting the engine, he got us out of there. He didn’t take me to Mindy’s house, and I didn’t remind him that was supposed to be our next destination choice. I feared he’d chauffeur me home, but when he pulled into his own driveway and cut the engine, I let out a silent breath of relief.
Afraid to talk because he looked so mad, I sat silently, waiting. When he turned to me, I jolted.
Hey, I couldn’t help it. The boy looked capable of murder.
But he didn’t sound like a cold-blooded killer when he said, “You can stay here as long as you need. I’ll sleep on the couch.” Then, dismissing me, he pushed open his door, slammed it, and marched off.
I couldn’t believe it. He was still going to help me, even after he’d seen his girlfriend with his best friend. Hurrying after him, I caught up to him at his window just as he yanked it open. Stepping aside, he motioned me to go first.
Clearing my throat, I said a quiet yet heartfelt, “Thank you.”
Once we we
re warmly tucked inside, I sat cautiously on the edge of his bed and watched him pace laps around his room as he repeatedly ran his hands through his hair.
“What are you going to do?” I finally asked.
He stopped in his tracks and glanced at me. “I don’t know.” Whirling away again, he pressed the palm of his hand to his head.
I huddled there uneasily and watched his misery.
He’d been a wonderful boyfriend to Kiera. I’d seen him carry her books to class, and he never complained when she hung all over him, which she did nonstop when they were together. Now that I think of it, she’d been the one to instigate all their kisses and touching, and he simply allowed it. He let her do whatever she wanted. And the wicked witch had cheated on him for it.
Growing steamed on his behalf, I muttered, “You know, this is why teens should avoid sex. It leads to nothing but trouble.”
Ryder paused to send me a glare. “I hate to break it to you, Grace, but I did avoid sex.”
I frowned. “What? But—”
“Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t believe all the gossip you hear because I never had sex with Kiera. I turned her down, but obviously that wasn’t acceptable because she went to my best friend for it.”
When my mouth fell open, he frowned and put his back to me, his hands fisting at his sides before his rigid shoulders wilted. Sagging his head, he moved toward his couch and plopped onto a cushion to cradle his face in his hands.
“You turned her down? But why?”
“I don’t know.” He ripped his hands through his hair yet again. Moments later, he calmed enough to add, “Because I didn’t want her to be my first, I guess.”
“Oh.” My small voice lacked the true feelings swirling around inside me in so many ways, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Feeling lame, I sat on his bed, my hands folded in my lap and my hair slipping over my shoulders as I concentrated on his brown and blue-speckled carpet.
Breathing in and then exhaling loudly, Ryder patted his hair back down over his head, probably trying to restore some of the disorder brewing inside him. Once he was calmer, he lifted his face to pin me with an intense look. “Where’s your necklace?” he demanded so unexpectedly I pulled back and blinked.