‘No, no, Mamma. Look, it’s Mr Hnw!’ Everything was confused.
‘But the grandchildren?’
‘They’re here!’ I shouted, ‘and the cushion is here, too!’
The twins must long before have made a secret hiding place for themselves in the thickness of the nebula, and they had hidden the cushion there, to play with. As long as matter had been fluid, they could float in there and do somersaults through the round cushion, but now they were imprisoned in a kind of spongy cream: the cushion’s central hole was clogged up, and they felt crushed on all sides.
‘Hang on to the cushion,’ I tried to make them understand. ‘I’ll pull you out, you little fools!’ I pulled and pulled and, at a certain point, before they knew what was happening, they were already rolling about on the surface, now covered with a scabby film like the white of an egg. The cushion, instead, dissolved as soon as it emerged. There was no use trying to understand the phenomena that took place in those days; and there was no use trying to explain to Granny Bb’b.
Just then, as if they couldn’t have chosen a better moment, our visiting relatives got up slowly and said: ‘Well, it’s getting late; I wonder what our children are up to. We’re a little worried about them. It’s been nice seeing all of you again, but we’d better be getting along.’
Nobody could say they were wrong; in fact, they should have taken fright and run off long since; but these relations, perhaps because of the out-of-the-way place where they lived, were a bit gauche. Perhaps they had been on pins and needles all this time and hadn’t dared say so.
My father said: ‘Well, if you want to go, I won’t try to keep you. But think it over: maybe it would be wiser to stay until the situation’s cleared up a bit, because as things stand now, you don’t know what sort of risk you might be running.’ Good, common sense, in short.
But they insisted: ‘No, no, thanks all the same. It’s been a really nice get-together, but we won’t intrude on you any longer,’ and more nonsense of the sort. In other words, we may not have understood very much of the situation, but they had no notion of it at all.
There were three of them: an aunt and two uncles, all three very tall and practically identical; we never really understood which uncle was the husband and which the brother, or exactly how they were related to us: in those days there were many things that were left vague.
They began to go off, one at a time, each in a different direction, towards the black sky, and every now and then, as if to maintain contact, they cried: ‘Oh! Oh!’ They always acted like this: they weren’t capable of behaving with any sort of system.
They had hardly left when their cries of ‘Oh! Oh!’ could be heard from very distant points, though they ought to have been still only a few paces away. And we could also hear some exclamations of theirs, whose meaning we couldn’t understand: ‘Why, it’s hollow here!’ ‘You can’t get past this spot!’ ‘Then why don’t you come here?’ ‘Where are you?’ ‘Jump!’ ‘Fine! And what do I jump over?’ ‘Oh, but now we’re heading back again!’ In other words, everything was incomprehensible, except the fact that some enormous distances were stretching out between us and those relatives.
It was our aunt, the last to leave, whose yells made the most sense: ‘Here I am, all alone, stuck on top of a piece of this stuff that’s come loose . . .’
And the voices of the two uncles, weak now in the distance, repeated: ‘Fool . . . Fool . . . Fool . . .’
We were peering into this darkness, criss-crossed with voices, when the change took place: the only real, great change I’ve ever happened to witness, and compared to it the rest is nothing. I mean this thing that began at the horizon, this vibration which didn’t resemble those we then called sounds, or those now called the ‘hitting’ vibrations, or any others; a kind of eruption, distant surely, and yet, at the same time, it made what was close come closer; in other words, all the darkness was suddenly dark in contrast with something else that wasn’t darkness, namely light. As soon as we could make a more careful analysis of the situation, it turned out that: first, the sky was dark as before but was beginning to be not so dark; second, the surface where we were was all bumpy and crusty, an ice so dirty it was revolting, which was rapidly dissolving because the temperature was rising at full speed; and, third, there was what we would later have called a source of light, that is, a mass that was becoming incandescent, separated from us by an enormous empty space, and it seemed to be trying out all the colours one by one, in iridescent fits and starts. And there was more: in the midst of the sky, between us and that incandescent mass, a couple of islands, brightly lit and vague, which whirled in the void with our uncles on them and other people, reduced to distant shadows, letting out a kind of chirping noise.
So the better part was done: the heart of the nebula, contracting, had developed warmth and light, and now there was the Sun. All the rest went on revolving nearby, divided and clotted into various pieces, Mercury, Venus, the Earth, and others further on, and whoever was on them, stayed where he was. And, above all, it was deathly hot.
We stood there, open-mouthed, erect, except for Mr Hnw, who was on all fours, to be on the safe side. And my grandmother! How she laughed! As I said before, Granny Bb’b dated from the age of diffused luminosity, and all through this dark time she had kept saying that any minute things would go back the way they had been in the old days. Now her moment seemed to have come; for a while she tried to act casual, the sort of person who accepts anything that happens as perfectly natural; then, seeing we paid her no attention, she started laughing and calling us: ‘Bunch of ignorant louts . . . Know-nothings . . .’
She wasn’t speaking quite in good faith, however; unless her memory by then had begun to fail her. My father, understanding what little he did, said to her, prudently as always: ‘Mamma, I know what you mean, but really, this seems quite a different phenomenon . . .’ And he pointed to the terrain: ‘Look down!’ he exclaimed.
We lowered our eyes. The Earth which supported us was still a gelatinous, diaphanous mass, growing more and more firm and opaque, beginning from the centre where a kind of yolk was thickening; but still our eyes managed to penetrate through it, illuminated as it was by that first Sun. And in the midst of this kind of transparent bubble we saw a shadow moving, as if swimming and flying. And our mother said: ‘Daughter!’
We all recognized G’d(w)n: frightened perhaps by the Sun’s catching fire, following a reaction of her shy spirit, she had sunk into the condensing matter of the Earth, and now she was trying to clear a path for herself in the depths of the planet, and she looked like a gold and silver butterfly as she passed into a zone that was still illuminated and diaphanous or vanished into the sphere of shadow that was growing wider and wider.
‘G’d(w)n! G’d(w)n!’ we shouted and flung ourselves on the ground, also trying to clear a way, to reach her. But the Earth’s surface now was coagulating more and more into a porous husk, and my brother Rwzfs, who had managed to stick his head into a fissure, was almost strangled.
Then she was seen no more: the solid zone now occupied the whole central part of the planet. My sister had remained in there, and I never found out whether she had stayed buried in those depths or whether she had reached safety on the other side until I met her, much later, at Canberra in 1912, married to a certain Sullivan, a retired railwayman, so changed I hardly recognized her.
We got up. Mr Hnw and Granny were in front of us, crying, surrounded by pale blue-and-gold flames.
‘Rwzfs! Why have you set fire to Granny?’ Father began to scold, but, turning towards my brother, he saw that Rwzfs was also enveloped in flames. And so was my father, and my mother, too, and I—we were all burning in the fire. Or rather: we weren’t burning, we were immersed in it as in a dazzling forest; the flames shot high over the whole surface of the planet, a fiery air in which we could run and float and fly, and we were gripped by a kind of new joy.
The Sun’s radiations were burning the envelopes of the planets, made
of helium and hydrogen: in the sky, where our uncles and aunt were, fiery globes spun, dragging after them long beards of gold and turquoise, as a comet drags its tail.
The darkness came back. By now we were sure that everything that could possibly happen had happened, and ‘yes, this is the end,’ Grandmother said, ‘mind what us old folks say . . .’ Instead, the Earth had merely made one of its turns. It was night. Everything was just beginning.
A Sign in Space
Situated in the external zone of the Milky Way, the Sun takes about two hundred million years to make a complete revolution of the galaxy.
Right, that’s how long it takes, not a day less—Qfwfq said—once, as I went past, I drew a sign at a point in space, just so I could find it again two hundred million years later, when we went by the next time around. What sort of sign? It’s hard to explain because if I say sign to you, you immediately think of a something that can be distinguished from a something else, but nothing could be distinguished from anything there; you immediately think of a sign made with some implement or with your hands, and then when you take the implement or your hands away, the sign remains, but in those days there were no implements or even hands, or teeth, or noses, all things that came along afterwards, a long time afterwards. As to the form a sign should have, you say it’s no problem because, whatever form it may be given, a sign only has to serve as a sign, that is, be different or else the same as other signs: here again it’s easy for you young ones to talk, but in that period I didn’t have any examples to follow, I couldn’t say I’ll make it the same or I’ll make it different, there were no things to copy, nobody knew what a line was, straight or curved, or even a dot, or a protuberance or a cavity. I conceived the idea of making a sign, that’s true enough, or rather, I conceived the idea of considering a sign a something that I felt like making, so when, at that point in space and not in another, I made something, meaning to make a sign, it turned out that I really had made a sign, after all.
In other words, considering it was the first sign ever made in the universe, or at least in the circuit of the Milky Way, I must admit it came out very well. Visible? What a question! Who had eyes to see with in those days? Nothing had ever been seen by anything, the question never even arose. Recognizable, yes, beyond any possibility of error: because all the other points in space were the same, indistinguishable, and instead, this one had the sign on it.
So as the planets continued their revolutions, and the solar system went on in its own, I soon left the sign far behind me, separated from it by the endless fields of space. And I couldn’t help thinking about when I would come back and encounter it again, and how I would know it, and how happy it would make me, in that anonymous expanse, after I had spent a hundred thousand light-years without meeting anything familiar, nothing for hundreds of centuries, for thousands of millennia; I’d come back and there it would be in its place, just as I had left it, simple and bare, but with that unmistakable imprint, so to speak, that I had given it.
Slowly the Milky Way revolved, with its fringe of constellations and planets and clouds, and the Sun along with the rest, towards the edge. In all that circling, only the sign remained still, in an ordinary spot, out of all the orbit’s reach (to make it, I had leaned over the border of the galaxy a little, so it would remain outside and all those revolving worlds wouldn’t crash into it), in an ordinary point that was no longer ordinary since it was the only point that was surely there, and which could be used as a reference point to distinguish other points.
I thought about it day and night; in fact, I couldn’t think about anything else; actually, this was the first opportunity I had had to think something; or I should say: to think something had never been possible, first because there were no things to think about, and second because signs to think of them by were lacking, but from the moment there was that sign, it was possible for someone thinking to think of a sign, and therefore that one, in the sense that the sign was the thing you could think about and also the sign of the thing thought, namely, itself.
So the situation was this: the sign served to mark a place but at the same time it meant that in that place there was a sign (something far more important because there were plenty of places but there was only one sign) and also at the same time that sign was mine, the sign of me, because it was the only sign I had ever made and I was the only one who had ever made signs. It was like a name, the name of that point, and also my name that I had signed on that spot; in short, it was the only name available for everything that required a name.
Transported by the sides of the galaxy, our world went navigating through distant spaces, and the sign stayed where I had left it to mark that spot, and at the same time it marked me, I carried it with me, it inhabited me, possessed me entirely, came between me and everything with which I might have attempted to establish a relationship. As I waited to come back and meet it again, I could try to derive other signs from it and combinations of signs, series of similar signs and contrasts of different signs. But already tens and tens of thousands of millennia had gone by since the moment when I had made it (rather, since the few seconds in which I had scrawled it down in the constant movement of the Milky Way) and now, just when I needed to bear in mind its every detail (the slightest uncertainty about its form made uncertain the possible distinctions between it and other signs I might make), I realized that, though I recalled its general outline, its overall appearance, still something about it eluded me, I mean if I tried to break it down into its various elements, I couldn’t remember whether, between one part and the other, it went like this or like that. I needed it there in front of me, to study, to consult, but instead it was still far away, I didn’t yet know how far, because I had made it precisely in order to know the time it would take me to see it again, and until I had found it once more, I wouldn’t know. Now, however, it wasn’t my motive in making it that mattered to me, but how it was made, and I started inventing hypotheses about this how, and theories according to which a certain sign had to be perforce in a certain way, or else, proceeding by exclusion, I tried to eliminate all the less probable types of sign to arrive at the right one, but all these imaginary signs vanished inevitably because that first sign was missing as a term of comparison. As I racked my brain like this (while the galaxy went on turning wakefully in its bed of soft emptiness and the atoms burned and radiated) I realized I had lost by now even that confused notion of my sign, and I succeeded in conceiving only interchangeable fragments of signs, that is, smaller signs within the large one, and every change of these signs-within-the-sign changed the sign itself into a completely different one; in short, I had completely forgotten what my sign was like and, try as I might, it wouldn’t come back to my mind.
Did I despair? No, this forgetfulness was annoying, but not irreparable. Whatever happened, I knew the sign was there waiting for me, quiet and still. I would arrive, I would find it again, and I would then be able to pick up the thread of my meditations. At a rough guess, I calculated we had completed half of our galactic revolution: I had only to be patient, the second half always seemed to go by more quickly. Now I just had to remember the sign existed and I would pass it again.
Day followed day, and then I knew I must be near. I was furiously impatient because I might encounter the sign at any moment. It’s here, no, a little further on, now I’ll count up to a hundred . . . Had it disappeared? Had we already gone past it? I didn’t know. My sign had perhaps remained who knows where, behind, completely remote from the revolutionary orbit of our system. I hadn’t calculated the oscillations to which, especially in those days, the celestial bodies’ fields of gravity were subject, and which caused them to trace irregular orbits, cut like the flower of a dahlia. For about a hundred millennia I tormented myself, going over my calculations: it turned out that our course touched that spot not every galactic year but only every three, that is, every six hundred million solar years. When you’ve waited two hundred million years, you can also wait six hundred; and I waited
; the way was long but I wasn’t on foot, after all; astride the galaxy I travelled through the light-years, galloping over the planetary and stellar orbits as if I were on a horse whose shoes struck sparks; I was in a state of mounting excitement; I felt I was going forth to conquer the only thing that mattered to me, sign and dominion and name . . .
I made the second circuit, the third. I was there. I let out a yell. At a point which had to be that very point, in the place of my sign, there was a shapeless scratch, a bruised, chipped abrasion of space. I had lost everything: the sign, the point, the thing that caused me—being the one who had made the sign at that point—to be me. Space, without a sign, was once again a chasm, the void, without beginning or end, nauseating, in which everything—including me—was lost. (And don’t come telling me that, to fix a point, my sign and the erasure of my sign amounted to the same thing; the erasure was the negation of the sign, and therefore didn’t serve to distinguish one point from the preceding and successive points.)
I was disheartened and for many light-years I let myself be dragged along as if I were unconscious. When I finally raised my eyes (in the meanwhile, sight had begun in our world, and, as a result, also life), I saw what I would never have expected to see. I saw it, the sign, but not that one, a similar sign, a sign unquestionably copied from mine, but one I realized immediately couldn’t be mine, it was so squat and careless and clumsily pretentious, a wretched counterfeit of what I had meant to indicate with that sign whose ineffable purity I could only now—through contrast—recapture. Who had played this trick on me? I couldn’t figure it out. Finally, a plurimillennial chain of deductions led me to the solution: on another planetary system which performed its galactic revolution before us, there was a certain Kgwgk (the name I deduced afterwards, in the later era of names), a spiteful type, consumed with envy, who had erased my sign in a vandalistic impulse and then, with vulgar artifice, had attempted to make another.