That was about the time when I fell in love. Lll and I spent our days together, chasing each other; no one as quick as she had ever been seen before; in the ferns, which were as tall as trees in those days, she would climb to the top in one burst, and the tops would bend almost to the ground, then she would jump down and run off again; I, with slower and somewhat clumsier movements, followed her. We ventured into zones of the interior where no print had ever marked the dry and crusty terrain; at times I stopped, frightened at having come so far from the expanse of the lagoons. But nothing seemed so far from aquatic life as she, Lll, did: the deserts of sand and stones, the prairies, the thick forests, the rocky hillocks, the quartz mountains: this was her world, a world that seemed made especially to be scanned by her oblong eyes, to be trod by her darting steps. When you looked at her smooth skin, you felt that scales had never existed.
Her relatives made me a bit ill at ease; hers was one of those families who had become established on Earth in the earliest period and had finally become convinced they had never lived anywhere else, one of those families who, by now, even laid their eggs on dry terrain, protected by a hard shell, and Lll, if you looked at her when she jumped, at her flashing movements, you could tell she had been born the way she was now, from one of those eggs warmed by sand and sun, having completely skipped the swimming, wriggling phase of the tadpole, which was still obligatory in our less evolved families.
The time had come for Lll to meet my family: and since its oldest and most authoritative member was Great-Uncle N’ba N’ga, I couldn’t avoid a visit to him, to introduce my fiancée. But every time an opportunity occurred, I postponed it, out of embarrassment; knowing the prejudices among which she had been brought up, I hadn’t yet dared tell Lll that my great-uncle was a fish.
One day we had wandered off to one of those damp promontories that girdle the lagoon, where the ground is made not so much of sand as of tangled roots and rotting vegetation. And Lll came out with one of her usual dares, her challenges to feats: ‘Qfwfq, how long can you keep your balance? Let’s see who can run closest to the edge here!’ And she darted forward with her Earth-creature’s leap, now slightly hesitant, however.
This time I not only felt I could follow her, but also that I could win, because my paws got a better grip on damp surfaces. ‘As close to the edge as you like!’ I cried. ‘And even beyond it!’
‘Don’t talk nonsense!’ she said. ‘How can you run beyond the edge? It’s all water there!’
Perhaps this was the opportune moment to bring up the subject of my great-uncle. ‘What of that?’ I said to her. ‘There are those who run on this side of the edge, and those who run on the other.’
‘You’re saying things that make no sense at all!’
‘I’m saying that my great-uncle N’ba N’ga lives in the water the way we live on the land, and he’s never come out of it!’
‘Ha! I’d like to meet this N’ba N’ga of yours!’
She had no sooner finished saying this than the muddied surface of the lagoon gurgled with bubbles, moved in a little eddy, and allowed a nose, all covered with spiky scales, to appear.
‘Well, here I am. What’s the trouble?’ Great-Uncle said, staring at Lll with eyes as round and inexpressive as stones, flapping the gills at either side of his enormous throat. Never before had my great-uncle seemed so different from the rest of us: a real monster.
‘Uncle, if you don’t mind . . . this is . . . I mean, I have the pleasure to present to you my future bride, Lll,’ and I pointed to my fiancée, who for some unknown reason had stood erect on her hind paws, in one of her most exotic poses, certainly the least likely to be appreciated by that boorish old relative.
‘And so, young lady, you’ve come to wet your tail a bit, eh?’ my great-uncle said: a remark that in his day no doubt had been considered courtly, but to us sounded downright indecent.
I looked at Lll, convinced I would see her turn and run off with a shocked twitter. But I hadn’t considered how strong her training was, her habit of ignoring all vulgarity in the world around her. ‘Tell me something: those little plants there . . .’ she said, nonchalantly, pointing to some rushes growing tall in the midst of the lagoon, ‘where do they put down their roots?’
One of those questions you ask just to make conversation: as if she cared about those rushes! But it seemed Uncle had been waiting only for that moment to start explaining the why and the wherefore of the roots of floating trees and how you could swim among them and, indeed, how they were the very best places for hunting.
I thought he would never stop. I huffed impatiently, I tried to interrupt him. But what did that saucy Lll do? She encouraged him! ‘Oh, so you go hunting among those underwater roots? How interesting!’
I could have sunk into the ground from shame.
And he said: ‘I’m not fooling! The worms you find there! You can fill your belly, all right!’ And without giving it a second thought, he dived. An agile dive such as I’d never seen him make before. Or rather, he made a leap into the air—his whole length out of the water, all dotted with scales—spreading the spiky fans of his fins; then, when he had completed a fine half-circle in the air, he plunged back, head-first, and disappeared quickly with a kind of screw-motion of his crescent-shaped tail.
At this sight, I recalled the little speech I had prepared hastily to apologize to Lll, taking advantage of my uncle’s departure (‘You really have to understand him, you know, this mania for living like a fish has finally even made him look like a fish’), but the words died in my throat. Not even I had ever realized the full extent of my grandmother’s brother’s fishiness. So I just said: ‘It’s late, Lll, let’s go . . .’ and already my great-uncle was re-emerging, holding in his shark’s lips a garland of worms and muddy seaweed.
It seemed too good to be true, when we finally took our leave; but as I trotted along silently behind Lll, I was thinking that now she would begin to make her comments, that the worst was still to come. But then Lll, without stopping, turned slightly towards me: ‘He’s very nice, your uncle,’ and that was all she said. More than once in the past her irony had disarmed me; but the icy sensation that filled me at this remark was so awful that I would rather not have seen her any more than to have to face the subject again.
Instead, we went on seeing each other, going together, and the lagoon episode was never mentioned. I was still uneasy: it was no use my trying to persuade myself she had forgotten; every now and then I suspected she was remaining silent in order to embarrass me later in some spectacular way, in front of her family, or else—and, for me, this was an even worse hypothesis—she was making an effort to talk about other things only because she felt sorry for me. Then, out of a clear sky, one morning she said curtly: ‘See here, aren’t you going to take me to visit your uncle any more?’
In a faint voice I asked: ‘Are you joking?’
Not at all; she was in earnest, she couldn’t wait to go back and have a little chat with old N’ba N’ga. I was all mixed up.
That time our visit to the lagoon lasted longer. We lay on a sloping bank, all three of us: my great-uncle was nearest the water, but the two of us were half in and half out, too, so anyone seeing us from the distance, all close together, wouldn’t have known who was terrestrial and who was aquatic.
The fish started in with one of his usual tirades: the superiority of water respiration to air breathing, and all his repertory of denigration. ‘Now Lll will jump up and give him what for!’ I thought. Instead, that day Lll was apparently using a different tactic: she argued seriously, defending our point of view, but as if she were also taking old N’ba N’ga’s notions into consideration.
According to my great-uncle, the lands that had emerged were a limited phenomenon: they were going to disappear just as they had cropped up or, in any event, they would be subject to constant changes: volcanoes, glaciations, earthquakes, upheavals, changes of climate and of vegetation. And our life in the midst of all this would have to face con
stant transformations, in the course of which whole races would disappear, and the only survivors would be those who were prepared to change the bases of their existence so radically that the reasons why living was beautiful would be completely overwhelmed and forgotten.
This prospect was in absolute contradiction to the optimism in which we children of the coast had been brought up, and I opposed the idea with shocked protests. But for me the true, living confutation of those arguments was Lll: in her I saw the perfect, definitive form, born from the conquest of the land that had emerged; she was the sum of the new boundless possibilities that had opened. How could my great-uncle try to deny the incarnate reality of Lll? I was aflame with polemical passion, and I thought that my fiancée was being all too patient and too understanding with our opponent.
True, even for me—used as I was to hearing only grumblings and abuse from my great-uncle’s mouth—this logically arranged argumentation of his came as a novelty, though it was still spiced with antiquated and bombastic expressions and was made comical by his peculiar accent. It was also amazing to hear him display a detailed familiarity—though entirely external—with the continental lands.
But Lll, with her questions, tried to make him talk as much as possible about life underwater: and, to be sure, this was the theme that elicited the most tightly knit, even emotional discourse from my great-uncle. Compared to the uncertainties of earth and air, lagoons and seas and oceans represented a future with security. Down there, changes would be very few, space and provender were unlimited, the temperature would always be steady; in short, life would be maintained as it had gone on till then, in its achieved, perfect forms, without metamorphoses or additions with dubious outcome, and every individual would be able to develop his own nature, to arrive at the essence of himself and of all things. My great-uncle spoke of the aquatic future without embellishments or illusions, he didn’t conceal the problems, even serious ones, that would arise (most worrying of all, the increase of saline content); but they were problems that wouldn’t upset the values and the proportions in which he believed.
‘But now we gallop over valleys and mountains, Uncle!’ I cried, speaking for myself but especially for Lll, who remained silent.
‘Go on with you, tadpole, when you’re wet again, you’ll be back home!’ he apostrophized, to me, resuming the tone I had always heard him use with us.
‘Don’t you think, Uncle, that if we wanted to learn to breathe underwater, it would be too late?’ Lll asked earnestly, and I didn’t know whether to feel flattered because she had called my old relative uncle or confused because certain questions (at least, so I was accustomed to think) shouldn’t even be asked.
‘If you’re game, sweetie,’ the fish said, ‘I can teach you in a minute!’
Lll came out with an odd laugh, then finally began to run away, to run on and on beyond all pursuit.
I hunted for her across plains and hills, I reached the top of a basalt spur which dominated the surrounding landscape of deserts and forests surrounded by the waters. Lll was there. What she had wanted to tell me—I had understood her!—by listening to N’ba N’ga and then by fleeing and taking refuge up here was surely this: we had to live in our world thoroughly, as the old fish lived in his.
‘I’ll live here, the way Uncle does down there,’ I shouted, stammering a bit; then I corrected myself: ‘The two of us will live here, together!’ because it was true that without her I didn’t feel secure.
But what did Lll answer me then? I blush when I remember it even now, after all these geological eras. She answered: ‘Get along with you, tadpole; it takes more than that!’ And I didn’t know whether she was imitating my great-uncle, to mock him and me at once, or whether she had really assumed the old nut’s attitude towards his nephew, and either hypothesis was equally discouraging, because both meant she considered me at a halfway stage, a creature not at home in the one world or in the other.
Had I lost her? Suspecting this, I hastened to woo her back. I took to performing all sorts of feats: hunting flying insects, leaping, digging underground dens, wrestling with the strongest of our group. I was proud of myself, but unfortunately whenever I did something brave, she wasn’t there to see me: she kept disappearing, and no one knew where she had gone off to hide.
Finally I understood: she went to the lagoon, where my great-uncle was teaching her to swim underwater. I saw them surface together: they were moving along at the same speed, like brother and sister.
‘You know?’ she said, gaily, ‘my paws work beautifully as fins!’
‘Good for you! That’s a big step forward,’ I couldn’t help remarking, sarcastically.
It was a game, for her: I understood. But a game I didn’t like. I had to recall her to reality, to the future that was awaiting her.
One day I waited for her in the midst of a wood of tall ferns which sloped to the water.
‘Lll, I have to talk to you,’ I said as soon as I saw her, ‘you’ve been amusing yourself long enough. We have more important things ahead of us. I’ve discovered a passage in the mountains: beyond it stretches an immense stone plain, just abandoned by the water. We’ll be the first to settle there, we’ll populate unknown lands, you and I, and our children.’
‘The sea is immense,’ Lll said.
‘Stop repeating that old fool’s nonsense. The world belongs to those with legs, not to fish, and you know it.’
‘I know that he’s somebody who is somebody,’ Lll said.
‘And what about me?’
‘There’s nobody with legs who is like him.’
‘And your family?’
‘We’ve quarrelled. They don’t understand anything.’
‘Why, you’re crazy! Nobody can turn back!’
‘I can.’
‘And what do you think you’ll do, all alone with an old fish?’
‘Marry him. Be a fish again with him. And bring still more fish into the world. Goodbye.’
And with one of those rapid climbs of hers, the last, she reached the top of a fern frond, bent it towards the lagoon, and let go in a dive. She surfaced, but she wasn’t alone: the sturdy, curved tail of Great-Uncle N’ba N’ga rose near hers and, together, they cleft the waters.
It was a hard blow for me. But, after all, what could I do about it? I went on my way, in the midst of the world’s transformations, being transformed myself. Every now and then, among the many forms of living beings, I encountered one who ‘was somebody’ more than I was: one who announced the future, the duck-billed platypus who nurses its young, just hatched from the egg; or I might encounter another who bore witness to a past beyond all return, a dinosaur who had survived into the beginning of the Cenozoic, or else—a crocodile—part of the past that had discovered a way to remain immobile through the centuries. They all had something, I know, that made them somehow superior to me, sublime, something that made me, compared to them, mediocre. And yet I wouldn’t have traded places with any of them.
How Much Shall We Bet?
The logic of cybernetics, applied to the history of the universe, is in the process of demonstrating how the galaxies, the solar system, the Earth, cellular life could not help but be born. According to cybernetics, the universe is formed by a series of feedbacks, positive and negative, at first through the force of gravity that concentrates masses of hydrogen in the primitive cloud, then through nuclear force and centrifugal force which are balanced with the first. From the moment that the process is set in motion, it can only follow the logic of this chain.
Yes, but at the beginning nobody knew it—Qfwfq explained—I mean, you could foretell it perhaps, but instinctively, by ear, guessing. I don’t want to boast, but from the start I was willing to bet that there was going to be a universe, and I hit the nail on the head; on the question of its nature, too, I won plenty of bets, with old Dean (k)yK.
When we started betting there wasn’t anything yet that might lead you to foresee anything, except for a few particles spinning around, some el
ectrons scattered here and there at random, and protons all more or less on their own. I started feeling a bit strange, as if there was going to be a change of weather (in fact, it had grown slightly cold), and so I said: ‘You want to bet we’re heading for atoms today?’
And Dean (k)yK said: ‘Oh, cut it out. Atoms! Nothing of the sort, and I’ll bet anything you say.’
So I said: ‘Would you even bet ix?’
The Dean answered: ‘Ix raised to the power n!’
He had no sooner finished saying this than around each proton its electron started whirling and buzzing. An enormous hydrogen cloud was condensing in space. ‘You see? Full of atoms!’
‘Oh, if you call that stuff atoms!’ (k)yK said; he had the bad habit of putting up an argument, instead of admitting he had lost a bet.
We were always betting, the Dean and I, because there was really nothing else to do, and also because the only proof I existed was that I bet with him, and the only proof he existed was that he bet with me. We bet on what events would or would not take place; the choice was virtually unlimited, because up till then absolutely nothing had happened. But since there wasn’t even a way to imagine how an event might be, we designated it in a kind of code: Event A, Event B, Event C, and so on, just to distinguish one from the other. What I mean is: since there were no alphabets in existence then or any other series of accepted signs, first we bet on how a series of signs might be and then we matched these possible signs with various possible events, in order to identify with sufficient precision matters that we still didn’t know a thing about.
We also didn’t know what we were staking because there was nothing that could serve as a stake, and so we gambled on our word, keeping an account of the bets each had won, to be added up later. All these calculations were very difficult, since numbers didn’t exist then, and we didn’t even have the concept of number, to begin to count, because it wasn’t possible to separate anything from anything else.