After inventing the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell struggled to come up with the money to make his invention a household name. No one really took the invention seriously at first and even his closest family and supporters encouraged him to focus on his improvements to the telegraph instead of that “speaking telephone nonsense.” Bankers laughed at him and Western Union initially turned him down. But Alexander refused to give up which is why we have the telephone today.3
A Hungarian physician named Ignaz Semmelweis discovered that a deadly infection common in childbirth could be greatly reduced when attendants and doctors thoroughly washed their hands in between patients. Despite lowering the mortality rate of women giving birth, he was laughed out of Vienna for his belief. Still, he wrote down his findings and he is now credited with making childbirth safer.4
Margaret Knight worked in a paper bag factory in the mid-1800s when she invented a new machine part that automatically folded and glued paper bags, creating square bottoms instead of the envelope shape that was common at the time. Workmen refused to listen to her advice when installing the equipment because they thought “what does a woman know about machines?” She went on to start the Eastern Paper Bag Company in 1870 and developed more than twenty-six other patented inventions in her lifetime.5
Hedy Lamarr is known as a popular movie star from the 1930s and 1940s but she also had an extremely creative and intelligent mind. She earnestly wanted to help with the war effort during World War II and considered leaving acting to join the National Inventors Council but was told her pretty face and star status could do more for the war by encouraging people to buy war bonds. But Hedy never gave up on her dream and helped invent a remote-controlled radio communications system that was patented during World War II and two decades ahead of its time. In addition to her invention that has contributed to multiple technologies used today, she raised millions of dollars to help the war effort.6
It has amazed me to read the stories of these men and women who contributed so much to the progress of society in almost every conceivable field and yet they had to endure tremendous criticism, judgment and persecution in order to make something in the world better. This clearly shows how Satan fights progress of any kind. He uses all kinds of fears to try and stop people, but the confident woman will keep pressing on and say “Yes” even when the world screams “No.”
What’s Wrong with Being Different?
It seems the world opposes, or even fears, anything that is different than the norm. When people are different or they try to do something different, they must be ready for opposition.
Many people who have done great things in life were willing to stand alone and that is not possible without confidence.
Timothy, Paul’s “spiritual” son in the ministry, was very young and he was fearful and worried about what people thought of his youth. Paul told him to let no man despise his youth (1 Timothy 4:12). It really does not matter how old or young a person is. If God calls someone to do something and they have the confidence to go forward, nothing can stop them.
The Lord recently spoke to my own heart and said, “Don’t ever make decisions based on your age.” As Dave and I advanced in age, we found ourselves wondering if we should try new things since we were getting older. God made it very clear that age was not to be the deciding factor. Moses was eighty years old when he left Egypt to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land. At the age of eighty-five, Caleb asked for a mountain to be his property inheritance.
And now, behold, the Lord has kept me alive, as He said, these forty-five years since the Lord spoke this word to Moses, while the Israelites wandered in the wilderness; and now, behold, I am this day eighty-five years old.
Yet I am as strong today as I was the day Moses sent me; as my strength was then, so is my strength now for war and to go out and to come in.
So now give me this hill country of which the Lord spoke that day. For you heard then how the [giantlike] Anakim were there and that the cities were great and fortified; if the Lord will be with me, I shall drive them out just as the Lord said. (Joshua 14:10, 12)
How a person responds to your age and, for that matter, how others respond is really up to you. Of course we all age in years but we don’t have to get an “I’m too old” mind-set. Adlai Stevenson said “It is not the years in your life, but the life in your years that counts.” Confident people don’t think about how old they are, they think about what they can accomplish with the time they have left. Remember, confident people are positive and look at what they have, not what they have lost.
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Celebrate the fact that you’re not exactly like everyone else. You are special! You are unique!
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Even if you are reading this book and let’s say you’re sixty-five years old and feel you have wasted most of your life doing nothing but being shy and timid—you can still start today and do something amazing and great with your life.
At the time of this writing my husband, Dave, is 65 and I am 62. We are doing as much now or perhaps even more than ever, but we had to make a decision not to get a “retirement” mentality or to think in terms like, “I’m getting too old for that.”
We are determined to let God lead our decision making, not people or our age. I am going to be a confident woman as long as I am on this earth and I know when I go to heaven I will have perfect confidence because there is no fear in God’s Presence.
I can say that I am a confident woman because I have decided to be one, not because I always feel confident!
Celebrate the fact that you’re not exactly like everyone else. You are special! You are unique! You are the product of 23 chromosomes from your father and 23 from your mother. Scientists say there is only one chance in 10/2,000,000,000 of your parents having another child just like you. The combination of attributes that you have cannot be duplicated. You need to explore the development of your uniqueness and make it a matter of high priority.
It does not increase your value when you find that you can do something that nobody else you know can do, nor does it diminish your value when you are with people who can do things that you cannot do. Our worth is not found in being different or the same as others, it is found in God.
Thousands of years ago the Greek philosopher Aristotle suggested that each human being is bred with a unique set of potentials that yearn to be fulfilled as surely as the acorn yearns to become the oak tree that is within it. I believe thousands upon thousands of people who read this book are people yearning to fulfill a deep longing inside of them. Don’t settle for “average” or “getting by.” You may have some limitations but you can be extraordinary if you decide to be.
The famous actor Sidney Poitier tells of his life under the colonial system. He shared that in those times the darker your skin was, the less opportunities you could expect to have. His parents, however, and especially his mother cultivated a fierce pride in him that made him refuse to be anything other than extraordinary. They were extremely poor and enough poverty can eventually mess with your mind if you let it, but Sidney kept on believing he could rise above it and he certainly did.7 Tenacity is a wonderful trait to have. The eagle is tenacious. Once it sets its sights on its prey it will die rather than let go.
Truly confident people are not defeated by opposition; they are actually challenged by it and even more determined to succeed than they were without it.
The world said “No” to Sidney, but he said, “Yes!” What will you say when the world says “No?”
Chapter Nine
ARE WOMEN REALLY THE WEAKER SEX?
One of the misguided ideas about women is that they are weaker than men and that is not true. The Bible says that they are physically weaker (1 Peter 3:7), but it never indicates they are weaker in any other way. Women have the babies and believe me when I say that you cannot be weak and do that.
I might need my husband to open the lid on the new jar of mayonnaise, but I have tremendous endurance when it comes to stickin
g with something until it is finished. I am not weak and I am not a quitter. As a woman, refuse to see yourself as the “weaker sex.”
Don’t let that wrong mind-set take hold of you. You can do whatever you need to do in life.
The world is filled with single mothers whose husbands walked out on them and refuse to support their children financially. These moms are giants in my eyes. They work hard and try to be both mom and dad to their children. They sacrifice time, personal pleasures and everything else imaginable because they love their children fiercely. They are certainly not weak.
Men who merely walk away need to remember that strength does not walk away, but it works through situations and takes responsibility.
More than 10 million single mothers today are raising children under the age of eighteen. That number is up drastically from the 3 million reported in 1970 and it’s estimated that 34% of families headed by single mothers fall under the poverty line (making less than $15,670 annually).1 Their biggest concerns are much more basic than many two-parent homes—they worry about affordable, quality child care for their children, keeping a car running and living in a safe, affordable house or apartment.
Some men think that if a woman is a stay-at-home mom and homemaker that she does nothing all day. He may say things like, “I worked all day, what did you do?” These types of comments can make a woman feel devalued, but they are made by men who have a tremendous lack of knowledge. Raising a family, taking care of a man and being a good homemaker is a full-time job that requires overtime with no overtime pay. I applaud the stay-at-home moms, especially those who do their job with joy. You are my heroes!
Going to Bed
Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, “I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed.” She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches, rinsed out the dessert bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and sewed on a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer.
She watered the plants, emptied a wastepaper basket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the school outing, and pulled a textbook out from under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick list for the supermarket. She put both near her purse.
Mom then creamed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and trimmed her nails. Hubby called, “I thought you were going to bed.” “I’m on my way,” she said. She put some water into the dog’s bowl and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the children and turned out a bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the laundry basket, and had a brief conversation with the one child still up doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, and straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her list of things to do for the next day.
About that time, the hubby turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular, “I’m going to bed.” And he did.2
Men have a lot of wonderful strengths and as we have already stated in this book they have abilities that we don’t have, but we are definitely not “the weaker sex.”
History Has Not Been Fair
No one could possibly wish to underestimate the influence of women in keeping the home and raising children. Where history has not been “fair” is in failing to record the outstanding achievements of women in areas generally thought to be dominated by men: government, politics, business, religion and science. Men have received credit in these fields but fail to report on the women who have succeeded in them. They seem shocked that a woman could accomplish anything outside the home. This is all part of the record that needs to be set straight. Throughout history, women have accomplished great things.
Let’s take a look at ten women who proved everyone wrong. Some of these are well-known and some are not, but all made incredible contributions to the world around them.
Elizabeth I
Wrong gender, great ruler—that about sums up the life of Queen Elizabeth I of England. Her notorious father, King Henry the Eighth, one of the great scoundrels of history, married eight times to father a boy, and accidentally begat a great who was never part of his plans. Elizabeth came to power when her sister Queen Mary, known as “bloody Mary” for her persecution of Protestants, died in 1558. Elizabeth ruled what came to be known as the “Golden Age” of history until 1603.
Elizabeth maintained her rule by pretending to be interested in Catholic suitors so the King of Spain would not invade England. In 1588, King Philip II finally realized he was dealing with a Protestant and sent the great Spanish Armada to conquer England once and for all. Just before this great deliverance for England and as the Armada was approaching, Elizabeth said to her troops at Tillbury, “I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England too; and think foul scorn that Parma or Spain, or any prince of Europe should dare to invade the borders of my realm.” At the end of her reign, she said to her people: “Though God hath raised me high, yet this I count the glory of my crown: that I have reigned with your love.”3
I love the fact that Queen Elizabeth did not look at her body that she said was frail and weak, but she looked at her heart. She followed her heart and ignored her deficits. God will always strengthen those who are willing to look their weaknesses in the face and say, “You cannot stop me.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
Born to a family active in politics but not always progressive when it came to women, Eleanor Roosevelt (1884–1962) received an exclusive boarding school education before she married her distant cousin Franklin Roosevelt in 1905. Over the next few years, with little other than family background, she became the leading woman politician of her day. She had an executive talent that couldn’t be denied. With Franklin, she had five children and immediately became active in politics when Roosevelt was elected to the New York Assembly. She worked for the New York State League of Women Voters and the Women’s Trade Union League to pass minimum wage laws. When her husband was struck with polio in 1921, she organized Democratic women to help Franklin be elected governor in 1928 and then as president six years later. After her husband’s death in 1945, President Truman appointed her as a delegate to the United Nations where she largely shaped the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Eleanor Roosevelt said: “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along . . .’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.’” She learned that “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”4
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You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along . . .” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
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Eleanor Roosevelt definitely knew that she had to take action even though she felt fear. We need to “know fear,” not look for “no fear.” So many times we want to dismiss fear and keep it away, but fear cannot stop faith and determination. When fear comes knocking on your door, let faith answer and perhaps someday you will be in the history books.
Elizabeth Fry
Elizabeth Fry (1780–1845) was a Quaker minister and European prison reformer. The mother of ten children, Mrs. Fry was invited to do social work in England’s Newgate prison. Unaware of prison conditions, she said she found “half naked women, struggling together . . . with the most boisterous violence . . . I felt as if I were going i
nto a den of wild beasts.” Mrs. Fry did nothing sophisticated to initiate reform but began reading her Bible to prisoners: “There they sat in respectful silence, every eye fixed upon . . . the gentle lady . . . never till then, and never since then, have I heard anyone read as Elizabeth read.”
From such simple beginnings, Fry went on to such innovations as suggesting that men and women be segregated in prison, that more violent offenders be kept from the less violent, and that prisoners be employed in some useful work. Her influence ranged throughout France and the British Colonies.5
I admire the fact that although Elizabeth Fry did nothing sophisticated to help bring prison reform, she did do what she could do. She read the Bible to the prisoners. Most of the world never does anything about the atrocities that confront society because they feel that what they could do would be so insignificant that it would not matter anyway. Elizabeth disproves that theory. If you will do what you can do, God will do what you cannot do. Doors will open, a way will be made, and creative ideas will come. You will also inspire others to do what they can do and even though each person can only do a little, together we can make a big difference.