“Are you firing me?” she whispered, looking like she might cry.
“Of course not! The thought of you leaving breaks my heart. If you can have friend soul mates, you’re mine, and I don’t want you going anywhere.” She laughed through her glassy eyes. “I just can’t bear to watch you lose something that matters so much to you.”
“I get that. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to sit back and look at your life right now?”
I sighed. “My life is a different thing entirely. And, like you said, I could do worse.”
“Eadlyn, please rethink this. There must be a better way to stop Marid.”
“If there is, I don’t have the time to wait for it. If I don’t secure my place now, I’ll either have a reign filled with people trying to usurp me and failing, or people trying and succeeding. Those options aren’t acceptable. This matters to me. I can’t compromise.”
She nodded. “Well, neither can I. And I couldn’t leave you like that.”
I took her hand, grateful, as always, for her presence in my life.
“Let me know if you change your mind,” I insisted. “If you need to leave, I could—”
I was stunned into silence by the sight of Josie coming into the office balancing a tray in her hands. She set a cup of coffee in front of Neena and one in front of me before she spoke.
“Everyone said you took your coffee with two sugars, but if it’s wrong I can go back.”
“No, no,” I said, still slightly confused. “That’s right.”
“Okay. And I was walking by the mailroom and they had these, so I figured I could get them to you.” She placed a handful of letters in the wooden in-box on my desk.
“Thank you.”
She nodded. “Also, I saw your mother this morning. She’s doing very well. I haven’t seen any of the boys.”
“Good luck hunting them down,” I said with a smile. “Thank you, Josie.”
“It’s the least I could do.” She shrugged. “I’m not busy, if you need another set of hands.”
“Neena?”
I turned, and saw she was still taking in this change. “How’s your penmanship?” she finally asked.
“Excellent,” Josie replied, beaming.
“All right, then.” And just like that, I got an unexpected addition to the office.
Fox was quiet as we walked the palace halls. It wasn’t the most exciting of dates, but the constant cloud of worry hanging over my head had sapped any creativity I had. Still, as the photographer checked the images on the back of his camera, he seemed pleased.
“It’s kind of sad that we can’t go out to a restaurant or do something fun like . . . Do you bowl?” Fox asked.
“No,” I answered with a laugh. “Putting on shoes that a thousand other people have worn and putting my fingers into holes with goodness knows how many germs in there?” I stuck out my tongue. “Not my thing.”
He smiled. “But it’s so fun! How can you even think about germs?”
“Osten once asked to go bowling for his birthday. We rented an entire bowling alley for the afternoon. After I realized you were supposed to wear used shoes, I couldn’t get over it. No matter how much disinfectant they sprayed in there, I wasn’t up for that. Everyone played, even Mom, but I watched.”
“That’s sad. Are you afraid of germs?” His tone was almost mocking.
I let the snub go. “No. It’s just incredibly unappealing.”
“Well, that settles it,” he said.
“Settles what?”
“If you marry me, the first order of business is putting in our own personal bowling alley.”
I laughed.
“I’m not kidding. Maybe we could do away with the studio and put it there.”
“No more Reports?” I asked joyfully. “Okay, that might be a tipping point for me. I’m on board.”
“You could design your own shoes!”
“Oooooh!” I could already imagine taking those weird shoes and making them worthy of royalty. That would be a fun project. “That’s one thing I really like about you, Fox. You’re good at lightening the mood.”
“I think we’re good, Your Majesty,” the photographer said, retreating. “Thank you.”
“Thank you,” I called. “Sorry about that. With things getting to the end, people really want a peek into the final four.”
“Oh, I don’t mind,” he said. “I feel lucky, getting this far, getting to be with you.”
I rubbed my thumb across his hand. “Thanks, Fox. I know I’ve been busy.”
“Do I look upset? I’m on the first date with you as queen. How incredible is that?”
I hadn’t even considered how that might be taken. I’d been hoping to hint that he might be leaving soon. Now I felt trapped.
“I’ve been so rude. How are you doing? How’s your family?”
“Dad’s all right. He’s been bragging to everyone who’ll stop and listen. ‘You saw Fox was in the final four, right? That’s my boy.’” He shook his head. “I guess he hasn’t had much to celebrate for a while, so even though I kind of want to tell him to calm down, I can’t. At least I don’t have to watch it firsthand.”
I giggled. “I know what you mean. My dad’s into photography, and he likes to document every little thing. For some reason it can be way more embarrassing when he’s there than a journalist, even when they’re doing the exact same thing.”
“It’s your dad. It’s personal.”
“Yeah.”
We fell silent, and the palace felt empty. For a moment I missed the crowding mass of boys who’d stormed into my life barely two months ago. I wondered if I would keep thinking about them after this was all over.
“Anyway, he’s doing well, all things considered,” Fox said, filling the space. “He’s really proud, but he keeps asking me questions that I’m never quite sure how to answer.”
“What do you mean?”
I watched Fox’s expression shift from determination to embarrassment.
“He keeps asking me if I love you. Or if you love me. I’ve told him that I can’t go walking into your office and demanding a declaration of love.” He grinned, showing he understood how unreasonable the request was. “I would never ask you to tell me your feelings. I’m not sure that’s fair. But I thought you should know that I . . . I . . .”
“Don’t say it.”
“Why not? I felt it for a while now, and I’ve wanted to tell you.”
“I’m not ready to hear it.” I backed away, my heart pounding in my ears. This was too fast, too sudden. I’d hardly gotten to speak to him recently, and now this?
“Eadlyn. I want you to at least know how I feel. You’re going to have to pick someone soon, so wouldn’t it be wise for you to have this information?”
I turned to him and squared my shoulders. If I could face reporters and dignitaries, I could face a boy. “Tell me everything, Fox.”
His smile was tiny but sincere. “I think I’ve been a goner for you from the night you let me stay. You were so kind to me in the middle of the worst night of my life, and I’m desperate for you to meet my family. I want to see you on the beach in Clermont; I want you to spend an evening around the table with us. In a million ways, I think you’d fit right in with the Wesleys.”
He paused, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe he’d said that.
“I want to help you. I want to be there for you in any way I can. And I’d like to think that you could be there for me. I don’t know how much longer I have with my dad. I’d like him to know I’ve chosen a path before he dies.”
I closed my eyes, feeling overwhelmed with guilt. It wasn’t that long ago my mother was on what I thought was her deathbed. I understood that wish.
“But that doesn’t mean I can make it come true,” I mumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I answered, shaking my head clear. “Fox, these are beautiful sentiments. And I admire your honesty, but I’m not ready to make any promises.??
?
“I’m not asking you to.” He came closer, taking my hand. “I just needed you to know how I felt.”
“And now, as you said, I’ll take all this into consideration as I’m making my choice. Which will be soon.”
He rubbed his finger across my hand, a gesture that felt less comforting than it should have.
“I’m serious about you, Eadlyn. Don’t doubt it.”
“Oh, I don’t,” I whispered. “Not in the slightest.”
CHAPTER 27
“I DON’T UNDERSTAND,” NEENA CONFESSED the next morning as I recounted the date to her. “Isn’t him confessing his devotion a good thing? Like, maybe he could be one of the top two instead?”
Everyone else was still at breakfast, so the office was empty. As the sun beamed through the windows, we sat together on a couch, legs curled beneath us, as if this was the morning after a slumber party.
“I don’t think so. Something about it felt so forced. Not that he didn’t actually feel those things, but it was like he orchestrated a moment so I would have to hear it.” I rested my head on my hand, the lines repeating in my head. “And then I felt guilty. He talked about his dad and said I’d make a good Wesley and . . . it was all just off somehow.”
My free hand picked at the hem of my skirt as if my fingers could undo my tangled thoughts. “I think what it was,” I began, “is that he said he’d felt this way since the night of the kitchen fight, but we haven’t really had much interaction since then, at least not one-on-one. So for him to have this growing, deep, serious attraction to me . . . where does it stem from?”
Neena nodded. “It’s like he’s in love with someone he thinks you are, not who you really are.”
My whole body wilted in relief. “That’s it. That’s exactly what this feels like.”
“So send him home?”
I shook my head. “No, I promised Hale he could leave next. He’s ready, and I don’t want to disappoint him, not after everything he’s done for me.”
“Good morning, Your Majesty. Hi, Neena.” Lady Brice walked in, holding a muffin in her hand. “Your Majesty, I have some documents from your brother for you to review. It appears France wants to renegotiate their trade deal. I think this will be the easiest one in years.”
“Aww, what a handy little thing, that Ahren.” I was sure this was more Camille’s doing than his, but I knew his presence was helpful.
“He sure is. I also have three contracts for you to review from New Asia; they’re waiting on your desk. And the producer of the Report would like to film an interview with you this afternoon, something about transition pieces, I don’t know.”
“Oh, so, a nice, easy day?” I joked.
“As always!”
“Lady Brice, did you help Dad this much?”
She laughed. “Only for a short time. Once you grew up, he wanted you to take on a bigger role. And as soon as you feel you’re on your feet, I’ll happily step back, or maybe retire.”
I scrambled off the couch and grabbed her by the shoulders. “No. Not ever. You will live and die in this office!”
“As you wish, my queen.”
“Your Majesty! Your Majesty!” someone yelled.
“Josie?” I called, watching as she ran in. “What’s the matter?”
“I was watching TV. Marid.” She was gulping in breaths.
“What about Marid?”
She swallowed. “He was seen shopping for engagement rings. It’s all over the news.”
All the advisers flooded into the parlor as we watched everything unfold. Very quickly, the many people I didn’t trust with my secrets were made all too aware of what Marid had been plotting and just how close he was coming to the crown.
“He’s got the look of a king, doesn’t he?” one newscaster said.
“Of course he does! He’s descended from one!” her cohort replied.
“Really, wouldn’t that be so romantic?”
“It would. Oh, it so would, but she is in the middle of a Selection.”
The newscaster brushed her hand across the air. “Who cares? Let them go. None of them has the charm of Marid Illéa, not by a long shot.”
I flipped channels.
“According to the jeweler, Mr. Illéa was looking at some rather expensive pieces, which would only be fitting if he is indeed planning to propose to the queen.”
“This is yet another unlikely event in a series of unprecedented moves surrounding the royal family. First, we have a Selection led by a princess instead of a prince. Second, we have a young woman ascending well before she’s been either fully trained or her father has passed. And now we have an outside suitor trying to steal the queen’s heart before one of the Elite has a chance. It is absolutely fascinating.”
I flipped channels again.
“Kathy here was on hand when the young Mr. Illéa came in. Can you tell us what you saw?”
“Well, he seemed a little bashful at first, as if he wasn’t ready to admit why he was here. But after about fifteen minutes of him lingering along the case, it was pretty obvious what he was looking for.”
“And did he seem drawn to anything in particular?”
“He had me pull out at least a dozen different rings, and when nothing was quite what he was looking for, I told him we could design a piece for him if he liked, and he lit up. I’m hoping he comes back soon.”
“So would you choose Marid over, say, Sir Hale or Sir Kile?”
“Oh, goodness! I really can’t say. All I know is, Queen Eadlyn is a very lucky woman to have so many eligible men fawning all over her.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned off the TV and fell with a huff onto the couch.
“I should have known,” I said. “Silence seemed smart, but now he’s made this huge.”
Mr. Rasmus grunted. “We need a plan.”
“We have a plan,” I snapped. “Is there anything we really could have done besides marrying me off faster?”
General Leger stood with his back against a bookshelf, still staring at the blank screen. “We could kill him.”
I sighed. “I really don’t want that to be my go-to move.”
Sir Andrews was angry, too, but for all the wrong reasons. “You shouldn’t have provoked him.”
“I’ve done nothing,” I shot back.
“You were actively ignoring him.”
“Calm down, Andrews.” Lady Brice paced behind the couch, enraged. As I watched her, I caught Josie standing in a corner. She must have missed her opportunity to escape and was now trapped, looking afraid of the loud voices and anger that surrounded her. “We have to shut him up, once and for all.”
“The only way to do that is to get Eadlyn engaged,” Sir Andrews stated.
“Yes, we’re aware,” Lady Brice agreed in a tired tone. “But she shouldn’t be rushed into this. How can she have anything close to a successful marriage if she forces it?”
“It’s her duty to make it successful!”
“Duty? She’s a person,” Lady Brice argued. “She’s agreed to do this, and there’s no reason—”
“She has never been just a person!” Andrews reminded her. “From the second she was born, she’s been a commodity, and we need to—”
General Leger was moving toward Andrews. “Say that again. I’m not afraid to make death my go-to move.”
“Are you threatening me, you little—”
“Stop,” I breathed. And it was amazing. With the quietest of commands, the entire room came to a standstill.
I’d known it was coming for me. And I really had come to terms with it. Marid had shown how much influence he truly had, and I had to fight him off. I couldn’t help worrying that even marriage wouldn’t keep the people on my side, but it was all I had left. “Lady Brice, if you would, please, bring Fox to the office. It’s time we said our good-byes.”
“Are you sure, Your Majesty? Once you narrow it down to three—”
“I’m not narrowing it down to three.” I swallowed. ?
??Please send Hale soon after. I’ll be making my final choice this evening, and we will do a live broadcast tomorrow night instead of a Report. No doubt, after this week, everyone will be watching.”
“Absolutely, Your Majesty.”
“There, Sir Andrews. You have your progress. My official engagement announcement will come from the palace tomorrow afternoon.”
“Are you sure we ought to wait that long? If Marid—”
“If Marid pulls another stupid stunt, it will be shot down in less than twenty-four hours. That is good enough for me, sir, so it is certainly good enough for you.”
I stood. It was done.
I was certain something would give me away, convinced that everyone in the room would see that a part of me had lost oxygen and was suffocating then and there. In my head, I watched Eikko pack his suitcase and disappear from my life forever. It was a new kind of pain, pressed into this doomed heart of mine.
CHAPTER 28
EVERYONE LEFT IN A HUFF for lunch, and I stayed in the parlor, craving solitude. In truth, I craved Eikko, but there was no way I could get to him without raising suspicion. Gritting my teeth, I turned the TV back on. I muted it, watching the images of Marid play across the screen.
Maybe the people were right. Maybe I should step down now. If we trained Kaden for the crown, that might save everything. It would be humiliating for me to abdicate after less than a week, but it might at least keep the rest of my family from being shamed.
“Your Majesty?” Josie snuck up on me. “Can I get you anything? Some food? Coffee?”
“No, Josie. I’ve lost my appetite.”
“I don’t blame you,” she said with a tiny smile.
“I want to thank you for coming to warn me today. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but those extra five minutes helped me brace myself. It would have been a thousand times worse if Sir Andrews had found out first.”
She widened her eyes. “He’s horrible. Do they yell like that all the time?”
I nodded. “Not Lady Brice or General Leger. But the others were like that with Dad, too. It’s as if they think the only way to make you understand how adamant they are is to scream about it.”