***
After a breakfast of roasted bear meat, no one felt much like talking. They stretched out on the bed of soft pine needles in the grove of trees they had chosen for their campsite. As tired as he was, Kelden found to his frustration that he couldn't get to sleep. Theodus had agreed to keep first watch and sat with his back against a pine, looking almost like a colorful rock that had been resting there for ages.
Kelden sat up and stretched his arms. He yawned, feeling tired to the bone, but he knew if he lay back down he still wouldn't sleep. He glanced at Dameon, who was snoring away. Ellistar and Thayan also appeared to be sound asleep.
"You should get some rest," Theodus said. "You look quite tired."
"Maybe later," said Kelden. "There's a lot on my mind."
Theodus looked at him curiously. "What troubles you?"
Kelden sighed. "You know I've been at the end of my rope for sometime. Every day I wonder if I'm going to finally lose my mind."
"But you've stayed strong," said Theodus. "You're no different than the man I knew at Valganleer."
"I am different," said Kelden. "Stronger in some ways, but weaker in others. My burdens have hardened me to some things, but sapped my spirit in ways I can't easily explain. It's strange that a man can become stronger and more confident but still be on the edge of losing his sanity. It doesn't seem to make sense."
"It does to me," said Theodus. But he didn't explain.
Kelden leaned forward and lowered his voice. "What I'm getting at is that I'm thinking of splitting off from this group and heading to Frindagan."
Theodus nodded. "I thought as much. I could see it in your eyes."
"Does that make me a coward?" said Kelden. Theodus was honest, and Kelden expected a straightforward answer--although he still cringed when he heard it.
"To a degree, yes," said Theodus. "You're putting your fears ahead of a possible greater good. But possible is the key word. Who could blame you if you don't fully trust the vision you had in the Gald village? I certainly don't trust it."
"At the time," said Kelden, "I thought I believed in it. But now I think it might have been some kind of trick. Supposedly, this mind soothe can help the Galds stop the worm plague. But maybe the worms shouldn't even be stopped. Maybe humans are the real danger to this world. Has anyone ever considered that?"
"Perhaps," said Theodus. "But humans are intelligent, and without intelligent life, what purpose would the universe serve?"
Kelden shrugged. "I guess that's one way to look at it. And the worms don't seem particularly intelligent or fit to run anything. Still, I don't trust the Galds. If their god is so wise, why does it let them do cruel, evil things? Their shaman supposedly communicates with this god, and then goes off and murders and tortures humans. What kind of god allows such things to happen?"
"Excellent point," said Theodus. "Only an evil or misguided god would allow its children to commit such brutal acts--unless it prefers they act with free will. I personally think all these gods of Americk Dreeth are deceivers, and all have bad intentions. They're all liars, delivering empty promises. A true god would be wise and wonderful, unfathomable to mortals and free of greed and evil schemes. It would be like the White Guardian that the shade of Kuran Darkender spoke of when he communicated with the Knights of Tembros a thousand years ago--though I'm not certain the White Guardian ever really existed. Truth is often difficult to separate from myth. But if it did exist, then perhaps at least one real god once dwelt in this land."
Kelden felt he was gaining some momentum and pressed on. "I'll bet their so-called god needs that mind soothe for his own purpose--maybe to gain power from it. I'll bet he's no better than Jarvin. All of these mighty beings just want more power. Like the seers always claim, no human is born a god. They have to make themselves into one by gaining power. It's all they think about--like rich men who dream of nothing but more riches. They don't care about humanity or the fate of the world."
"Again, so it would seem," said Theodus, looking thoughtful.
"I'm leaving for Frindagan," said Kelden, in a whisper. "Are you going with me?"
"Do you need to ask?" said Theodus. "You're still my master. I'm still your link. I go wherever you do, to whatever fate awaits you."
"Do you think I'm a coward?" Kelden asked. "I want a straight answer."
"If you truly believe in what you're doing," said Theodus, "then you may be misguided, but you're not a coward. Do you believe that going to Frindagan is the right choice?"
Kelden put his head in his hands. "I don't know." Then he looked up, his eyes focused and determined. "But I'm going, coward or not. Credesar is finished!"
Theodus frowned and looked away.
"What's wrong?" said Kelden.
"I just wonder," said Theodus, "how many times throughout the ages people have uttered those words--Credesar is finished. Yet the demon still lives."
Kelden shuddered, then rose unsteadily to his feet. "It's time," he whispered. "Everyone is asleep, and we have nothing to take with us. Let's go."
Theodus rose. "This is an enormous decision. Once we stray too far from the others, we'll lose them and there may be little chance of finding them again. Are you sure?"
"It has to be done," said Kelden. "The seers intended it. Credesar may not be as evil as they believe, but we really don't know what his intentions are. And he has a history of hurting people and serving Jarvin. We have to trust the wisdom of the seers."
"As you wish," said Theodus, looking troubled.
"Credesar may only have pretended to be friendly," said Kelden, "just to cast doubt on my mind. He probably intended to serve Jarvin all along."
"Even though Jarvin tried to kill you?" said Theodus. "Assuming that was his assassin who threw the spear?"
"Like the seers said," Kelden explained, "killing me would probably free Credesar so that he could serve Jarvin. It makes perfect sense."
"And what about the Blue World sorcerer's claims?" said Theodus. "The things he said to Thayan and I in that cave?"
"Lies," said Kelden. "Who could trust a being like that?"
"Who indeed?" said Theodus.
"Looks fairly clear to me," said Kelden.
"A window can be gazed through from both sides," said Theodus. "But the view from either side is completely different."
"What's that supposed to mean?" said Kelden, annoyed.
"Are we leaving, then?" said Theodus, ignoring the question.
"Absolutely," said Kelden. "Come on." He crept off through the pines, with Theodus right behind him, his heart pounding with excitement, his spirit weakened by doubt.
Here ends The Curse of Credesar, Part I
The Curse of Credesar, Part 2 is now available for purchase.
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