“No,” Brett said absently, staring out the window at the sea of lights that stretched as far as he could see. Like New York, Los Angeles never slept. On the ranch, when night came, the livestock bedded down and so did the people.
After Evan had gone to his own room, Brett still stood at the window, but he no longer saw the lights. His body felt the pressure of her soft flesh against him, and his jaw tightened. He wanted her. He didn’t even have to think her name; all other women became faceless, without identity, even sexless, when compared with her.
He gave the hotel bed a disgusted look, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep when he did finally lie down in it. His bed at the ranch was big and wide, and suddenly he pictured her in it, her soft dark hair spread across his pillow while she slept quietly, with the quilts pulled up over her bare shoulders to protect her from the frosty bite of the early spring morning. He shook his head to dislodge the picture, but it remained with him, and another disturbing image joined it: that of long winter nights, of making love to her in that bed, and knowing that the next night he’d have her again.
He scowled. He wasn’t going to let her get to him like that. He’d take her and then forget about her, because in the taking he’d find that she was just like all the other women he’d had and then forgotten.
CHAPTER FOUR
TESSA WAS ALWAYS at her desk a little early, and today Sammy brought in a cup of coffee for her before it was time to start work. “I couldn’t remember if you took cream and sugar or not, so I brought both,” he said, flushing a little as he dug in his pockets and produced two packets of sugar and a small plastic container of nondairy creamer, with a peel-off top.
She took the coffee gratefully; after lying awake half the night, she’d overslept a little and had missed her usual leisurely breakfast. She felt more than a little bruised, and only the assurance of her mirror had given her the courage to face the day. She looked normal, except for faint circles under her eyes, but she didn’t feel normal. “You may have saved my life,” she sighed. “Thanks, Sammy. I missed breakfast this morning.”
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “We’ve been working on Nelda practically all night. Hillary’s really great, isn’t she? I don’t have to explain things to her; she already knows.”
“She’s perfect for you,” Tessa said firmly. It went right over his head.
“I’d still be putting Nelda together if Hillary hadn’t been helping me. She has some contacts who might be able to help us with marketing Nelda, too; she meets all sorts in the bank.”
“She’s a wonderful girl. Very pretty, too.”
He looked a little surprised. “Well, yeah, but the best thing about her is that she’s so smart. She wrote the program for Nelda.”
Tessa gave up; she’d done everything but propose to him for Hillary. She doubted that any woman held the same degree of fascination for him as Nelda did, but that was Hillary’s problem. Right now, Tessa felt that she had a large problem of her own to worry about, and that problem was about six-four with indigo eyes. Hadn’t she known from the start that Brett Rutland was more than she could handle?
She caught a movement just past Sammy’s shoulder, and she looked up, feeling her heart skip a beat as she met Brett’s narrowed eyes. He gave Sammy a hard look, then turned that look on her. “Good morning,” he said, but Tessa heard the anger under the cool tones.
“Good morning,” she returned evenly. “Mr. Rutland, this is Sammy Wallace, from data processing. Sammy, Brett Rutland.”
Sammy thrust out his hand with a quick, awkward movement, and his face lit with eagerness. “Nice to meet you!”
With impeccable control, Brett shook hands. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Mr. Wallace. You’re something of a genius with computers, aren’t you?”
Sammy glowed. Before he could say anything, however, Perry Smitherman came rushing over, having spotted Brett. He practically skidded to a stop when he reached them. “Mr. Rutland!” Perry cried with a pleasure so obviously feigned that Tessa winced for him. “May I help you with something, sir?”
“Yes,” Brett said curtly. “I’d like to speak with you privately, and I thought I’d stop by on my way up to the office. There’s some information I’d like you to get for me.”
“Yes, of course, of course,” Perry babbled. “Right this way—my office—”
With a nod to both Tessa and Sammy, Brett went into Perry’s office, with Perry skittering around him like a nervous poodle.
“Can you believe that?” Sammy asked incredulously. “He’s actually heard of me.” He was beaming with pleasure, his eyes sparkling behind the lenses of his glasses.
Tessa sat very still, but Sammy didn’t notice her lack of response; he was too bemused and too pleased to notice anything. It was time for him to be on the job, so he ambled out as casually as he’d ambled in. Tessa turned on her video screen but sat staring at the blinking cursor without really seeing it. Brett had been as controlled as usual, but she was acutely sensitive to his mood, and she’d felt the seething anger beneath his calm exterior. Had something happened this morning to put him in a bad mood, or was he angry because he’d walked in and found her talking with Sammy? He’d expressly ordered her not to see Sammy after working hours, but this was on the job; surely he didn’t expect her to go out of her way to avoid the people she worked with? It was ridiculous even to think that he might be jealous of Sammy. Sammy wasn’t even in the same class with Brett, and Brett had to know it. She’d also told him that Sammy was just a friend, but he’d been glaring at Sammy as if he’d like to take a swing at him, and poor Sammy wouldn’t even have an inkling of what was going on.
Was Brett jealous? The possibility made her almost dizzy with hope. He had no reason to be, but wouldn’t jealousy signal that he cared more deeply for her than she’d thought?
Tessa was good enough at her job, and disciplined enough, that she managed to be productive even though she kept one eye on Perry’s door, waiting for Brett to reappear. She was jittery and excited, and she smiled a little in amusement at herself, because none of her friends here would ever believe that Tessa Conway could be nervous over a man. The difference was that Brett wasn’t just a man, he was the man, and that was quite a lot of difference. Not even Andrew had ever made her feel the way she felt with Brett, and at the time Tessa had thought herself sincerely in love with Andrew. She was learning that there were many different degrees of love, and that the deep, hungry need she felt for Brett far surpassed anything she’d even imagined.
At last Brett came out of Perry’s office, but he passed her without even glancing in her direction. Tessa felt a pang of unreasonable hurt; after all, she’d been the one who’d said that she would feel uncomfortable with office gossip, so Brett was only following her wishes in not making their relationship obvious. But she found that she still wanted something from him: a look, a smile, anything to reassure her that he didn’t feel as cold as he looked.
Whatever he’d wanted from Perry, evidently Perry hadn’t found it to be a pleasant visit. Through the open door of Perry’s office, Tessa could see him pacing back and forth, alternately wringing his hands or shoving his fingers through his thinning hair. She’d heard that Brett often had that effect on the executives and department heads who had to deal with him. There were two sides to his personality, and she felt a little disoriented because she couldn’t quite reconcile the coldly scathing executive who tore strips of hide off anyone who crossed him with the man of burning sensuality who kissed her with such sweet fire.
How could she find herself so helplessly in love with a man she didn’t really know? He was a puzzle to her, his personality an intricate maze that she longed to solve, because she felt that her reward for finding the secrets of his personality would be a fiery love that would last a lifetime.
By noon, the fact that Brett Rutland had had a private meeting with Perry was all over the office. “What’s going on?” Billie asked eagerly over lunch. “Is Perry in tr
ouble?”
“Not that I know of,” Tessa said, startled at the thought.
“Then why did Rutland have a private meeting with him?”
“Now, you know you’re always telling me not to get too friendly with people,” Tessa said innocently. “What was I supposed to do, go up to the man and say, ‘Mr. Rutland, honey, what are you doing in here?’”
“No one would be surprised,” Billie grumbled. “And the hell of it is, he’d probably say, ‘Miss Conway, honey, why don’t I take you out to dinner tonight and tell you all about it?’”
Yes, he might say exactly that, Tessa thought, and smiled. She had to be a blue-ribbon fool, but she longed for the hours to pass so she could see him again, even knowing that he wasn’t in the best of moods and that he was hard to handle even when he was feeling good. But she wanted to see him; she wanted to rest her head on his hard chest and soak up his nearness, like a flower soaking up the sun. She’d known him less than a week, but he’d embedded himself so deeply in her thoughts that it was difficult for her to remember how it had been before, when there had been no tall man with tawny hair and navy eyes who overshadowed every other man she’d ever known, who had taken over her dreams in daylight and dark. Was there a moment in her life now when she was actually unconscious of him? She couldn’t think of one. Even when she was asleep, he was in her mind, so that she went to sleep thinking of him and woke to a continuation of the same thought, as if he had been there all along.
“You’ve gone moony-eyed again,” Billie said, watching her. “Whoever he is, he must be something else.”
Tessa caught her breath. “He is.”
“It’s Brett Rutland, isn’t it? The way you smiled a moment ago, when we were talking about him…I can’t describe it.”
There was no use in denying it, since Tessa felt that she couldn’t control her expression right then, and in any case she wasn’t inclined to deny the way she felt about him. She wasn’t ashamed of loving him; she felt glorified by it, as if she were more alive now than she’d ever been before in her life. “Yes,” she admitted quietly.
Billie was concentrating fiercely. “Did you meet him for the first time this week, in the elevator?”
“Yes. We had dinner that night…and last night.”
“You’ve been out with him twice, and you think you’re in love with him? The Ax-Man? Tessa, there can’t be two people any more mismatched than you and Brett Rutland! You’re the life of any party, and he…well, picture it yourself. He walks into a room, and it’s instant silence.”
That was the public Brett; Billie would never comprehend the potent charm he could exert in private, the intense concentration he turned on a woman that demanded the same degree of attention in return. But Tessa had known his kisses, felt the heat of him straining against her, and she would never be able to think of him as the cold, ruthless troubleshooter who reported only to Joshua Carter.
“Will you keep this to yourself?” she asked Billie. “He said that he doesn’t mind who knows, but I don’t like the thought of everyone gossiping about us.”
“Sure,” Billie agreed readily, and reached over to pat her hand. “You didn’t pick an easy one to fall for, did you?”
“Of course not.” Tessa’s soft mouth curved wryly. “The easy ones were all too…easy.”
Billie felt that she’d been watching out for Tessa ever since the younger woman had moved to Los Angeles, but never before had she felt that Tessa was heading for deep trouble. Even when she’d just begun to adjust to the differences between Tennessee and California, Tessa had always approached everything with high spirits and good humor. But Brett Rutland could break Tessa’s bright spirit with his cool ruthlessness if Tessa cared too much and he cared too little. Billie’s eyes were troubled as she looked at her friend. “If you need me, all you have to do is pick up the telephone and call me,” she offered. “I can always offer you a drink, an extra bed and a shoulder to cry on, singly or in any combination.”
“Thanks. I know that you’re there for me if I need you.” Tessa smiled warmly at her friend. “But don’t be so glum! I’ve always landed on my feet before, haven’t I?”
“You haven’t been in love before,” Billie retorted. “Believe me, love can be hell.”
Yes, it could be, and Tessa had already been singed by its fires, but the small flames Andrew had generated were nothing compared to the inferno Brett lit just by walking into the room. Faintly confused, because she’d never before doubted that she’d loved Andrew, she was now beginning to wonder if she’d ever been more than fond of him. There was simply no comparison between the way she’d felt then and the way she felt now about Brett. With Brett, she felt an irresistible compulsion to walk into his arms and never leave them, to simply press herself against him and cling until her flesh had melded with his, until they were no longer two separate beings but a part of each other, eternally linked in flesh and heart and mind. When she wasn’t with Brett, she felt…lonely, and she’d never been lonely before in her life. She’d been alone many times, and enjoyed her solitude as much as she enjoyed the company of friends, but now she felt oddly incomplete.
When Brett came to her apartment that night, Tessa had only to look at him to know that he was angry. His anger wasn’t violent, but it was all the more potent for his control. Her spine felt chilled as she looked up into his narrowed eyes. “If you don’t want to break off with Wallace, all you have to do is say so. I don’t like being lied to.”
“I haven’t lied to you,” she replied steadily. “Sammy is a friend, nothing more. We work on the same floor; I’m forever running into him. I can’t hide under my desk to keep from seeing him.”
There was something primitive in his expression as he looked down at her, and he touched her delicate jaw with hard, lean fingers, a light touch that nevertheless shocked her with its possessiveness. “Don’t ever lie to me,” he rasped; then he bent down and kissed her.
It seemed as if it had been forever since she’d tasted him, felt his mouth move hungrily on hers, and she raised her hands to his shoulders to cling to him. Shaking slightly, reveling in the delight that crashed through her in response to his lightest touch, she kissed him with all the sweet fire she could give him. Finally, he raised his head, his eyes searing, and a faint film of perspiration had broken out on his forehead.
The tension between them increased as the night grew older. Though she loved seafood, Tessa could do little more than pick at her lobster, because every nerve ending in her body was picking up the signals of his sensual arousal, and a hot, answering need coiled achingly inside her. He made her feel so female that it was as if she’d never before had any concept of her own femininity. With him, she was a primitive, and the intensity of her emotions frightened her, but at the same time she was lured by their power. The time for running away was past; perhaps it had been too late for her from the first moment she’d looked up into the blue beauty of his eyes.
“Spend the day with me tomorrow,” he said abruptly, for the first time in his life putting his personal concerns ahead of business. There was a job to be done, but it paled in importance when compared to the urgency he felt to consolidate his relationship with Tessa. When he’d seen Sammy Wallace hovering over her desk that morning, he’d been seized by a cold rage that had made him want to choke the man. He’d never been possessive of a woman before, but women had come to him so easily and so early that he hadn’t valued them for anything other than physical pleasure. But Tessa hadn’t offered herself to him; she’d enticed him with her teasing smile and laughing eyes, then danced away from his touch. He was a man, and a hunter. He’d have her, and soon.
“Yes,” Tessa agreed, though it hadn’t been an invitation as much as a command. Her eyes wandered over his hard, rough face, and a tightness in her chest warned her that she’d forgotten to breathe again.
He swore softly, the words a barely audible rasp. There was a soft, drowning look on her face that made his body tighten in need. “Let’s g
et out of here,” he rasped, surging to his feet and pulling her from her chair. She didn’t protest; she was silent as he paid the bill; then she leaned on him a little on their way out to the car.
The night had turned cool, and Tessa lifted her flushed face to the fresh breeze. She felt heated, as if her internal furnace were burning away at top capacity, and she wanted to remove the clothing that was suddenly too restrictive. He unlocked the car door and opened it, then put her inside, and Tessa drew a deep, shuddering breath. How could she control the wild need inside her? It was burning her up, turning her body into a cauldron of love and wanting. When he got behind the steering wheel, she said, “Brett,” in a dazed voice, and reached out for him.
He jerked as her hands touched his chest. “You’re driving me out of control,” he said in a low, savage tone. “I want to push you down on the car seat and take you right now. Damn it, if that’s not what you want, too, then don’t tease me now, because you’re skating on thin ice.”
She was barely in control herself, but she heard the taut warning in his voice, and she moved away from him, clenching her hands in her lap in an effort to resist the need to touch him. Did he really think she was only teasing him? The party girl wasn’t laughing now; she loved, and she wanted, and she hurt. Why was love portrayed as the ultimate happiness when it was so painful? Her emotions for him were so powerful and deep that she felt as if the greater part of herself, the essence of her very being, had been taken away from her own control and placed in his hands. Love like that was a sword, and in loving Brett she was balanced precariously on the cutting edge; he wasn’t a safe man to love. She risked more than her heart in loving him; she risked her very life, for that was what he meant to her, and if anything happened to him the light would go out of her life, and her laughter would fade away. It was frightening to love anyone like that, but Tessa found that, with Brett, her protective barriers of wit and laughter were useless. He demolished them with his intense masculinity and tapped the deep vein of passion within her. She had always thought herself capable of loving deeply, but until Brett, she hadn’t known just how deeply.