Ethan kept my body pinned so I couldn't move. The more I squirmed against him the more irritated he looked. His eyes were so green and captivating it seemed like they were glowing.
"Not this way," he whispered. "When you come to me… fully as yourself. When your love for me and only me blots out any sort of physical need you have — that's when I'll give in."
"And if that never happens?" I fought against him; I just wanted a taste, and I didn't even like him. It made no sense.
He shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time."
I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the pain rather than on him… because when I focused on him, I hated myself a little bit more.
"Questions—" he choked out. "I know you have questions… so ask."
"Can't…" I shook my head. His voice was so pretty, so deep. What would it feel like to be with him? Just once. He'd make the pain go away; he'd make everything better. If I could just touch him more, taste him. My body strained toward his. "I can't stop thinking about you."
"Flattered," he said dryly. "Try."
"But—"
"Favorite color."
"What?" My eyes jerked open. "Did you just ask me my favorite color?"
He smirked. "Tell me it's green."
I rolled my eyes, some of the need dying a bit at his arrogance. "White."
His nostrils flared. "Cassius would be pleased."
"Not because of Cassius," I said in a soft voice. "Because white's like a blank slate. It means starting over."
"You wish…" He swallowed, his head tilting to the side, pieces of dark hair falling across his sculpted face. "…to start over?"
"I wish I would have run…" My body trembled as more heat invaded my stomach. "…when they called my number."
His smile made my stomach clench. "You can't run from destiny."
"I could have tried."
"You would have failed," he said in an amused tone. "And you would have most likely died at Cassius's hand for trying."
"Why did he mark me? How did he mark me?"
Ethan sighed. "His touch… if he touches any part of you, it marks you. He has to will it to happen, so it's a switch he can turn on and off. All of the Dark Ones can. He touched your shoulder, infused your body. It never takes much from a Dark One. They're… powerful."
I nodded my head, remembering the sting of cold that hit me when Cassius had touched my shoulder. "And the only way to take the marking away?"
"Is to cover it up." Ethan clenched his teeth. "Or in this case… infuse you with my essence."
"Your essence is strong enough to do that?" My teeth clenched together in pain. The heat from my stomach had traveled to my mouth. I eyed the water greedily.
Ethan lifted it to my lips. "Only if I'm without a mate…"
I sipped the liquid and took a breath. "You had a mate."
"Had," Ethan repeated.
I didn't push him; if there was one thing I'd learned, it was that when his eyes glowed, it wasn't because he was in a particularly happy mood. Water dripped from my chin; he caught it with his fingertip and brought it to his lips.
"You taste…" He closed his eyes. "…heavenly."
"Did you bite me?" I blurted.
He dropped his finger from his mouth and smirked. "You'd know if I bit you."
"So what did you do?"
"Shared my blood with you… the old fashioned way. With a knife."
"But wouldn't it have been easier to—"
"Biting is too personal," he finished, "intimate… not something shared with strangers."
"Or humans?" I asked.
"Or that."
"But Mason bit me."
"Mason has a different way of doing things, and, not that it matters, but his bite wasn't one of mating. It was done to try to cover up Cassius's mark, nothing more."
"So…" I pulled myself away from him; I was starting to get too hot again. "You've saved me… to what end?"
Ethan's eyes turned very serious as he whispered, "Hopefully, one day… you'll be able to return the favor. And save us."
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Ethan
HER EYEBROWS DREW TOGETHER IN WHAT I could only assume was frustration. Her heart started to race, and then her eyes dilated as she glanced at my mouth again. If she did that one more time, I was going to lose my mind. I was already trying desperately to keep her from touching me too much. Because it affected me, as much as I wanted to deny it, to deny her.
Her physical contact was everything I'd been craving.
Giving in would be easy.
Staying away would be hard.
But traveling down that road again — knowing how it was likely to end — well, I wasn't so sure I would survive it. I was immortal, but my heart was still fragile.
And when it broke…
As an immortal, I suffered with unimaginable pain. Pain I never wanted to experience again, thus the reason for keeping myself firmly tucked away from the weak little human with the pretty smile.
I liked her hair.
It was gold, not really brown, not blond — just gold. The firelight made certain pieces glow. It was tempting to grab it, to sniff it, to wrap it around my fingers and imagine what she'd be like in the throes of passion.
"Ethan…" My name on her lips was ecstasy. I shook the thought away and tried to appear indifferent.
"Yes?"
"I can't save anyone… I can't even save myself."
"You're stronger than you think," I encouraged. "Trust me."
"That's just it." She tugged her lower lip into her mouth and chewed, her dark blue eyes sad. "You've given me no reason to."
"You're alive," I pointed out. "That's reason enough."
"He's not the best at comforting humans," came Alex's voice from the door. I could hear the amusement in his tone.
I rolled my eyes and turned, ready to bark at him to leave.
"Cassius called," Alex said in a bored tone. "Wanted to know if I know where the human is."
"And?"
"I lied." Alex rolled his eyes. "Of course."
"And he didn't believe you?"
"Naturally." Alex examined his fingernails and shrugged. "So I told him you'd trapped her in your lair and were having your way with her."
Genesis let out a little whimper and ran her hands down my chest again.
I clenched my teeth and hissed out a breath. "Could we not discuss this now?"
Alex held up his hands. "Just thought you should know… he isn't pleased that you've bonded with her. I lied and said it was complete."
"He'll still try to take her, regardless." I licked my lips and tried to focus on Alex rather than the fact that Genesis was drawing circles on my chest, making me want to lean into her, capture her lips and suck.
"Yup." Alex grinned as he watched the scene in front of him like it was some hilarious movie and not my life. "So, this looks cozy."
"Was there anything else?" I barked.
"Complete the mating." He nodded. "At least then her eyes will be opened fully… and we can see if this was all worth it."
Genesis let out a moan. Heat shot through my body, slicing me nearly in half. She was transitioning into the final phase.
Alex had the good sense to look like he felt sorry for her before nodding his head again and shutting the door.
"Please!" Genesis begged, gripping my shirt with both of her hands. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. "Make it stop, please! It's so hot."
It was about to get worse.
The final stage always was.
Like taking knives from a fire and slicing up your body. I'd always been told that during this stage, humans dreamt of Death.
And because of that fact, Death visited them, beckoned them, and many, took his outstretched hand and never woke up.
"Listen…" I cupped her face with my hands. "…focus on me… not the pain. It's almost over."
"And you'll be here?" Her body started to convulse as my blood merged with hers. The same blood I
'd shared with her when I'd marked her. "P-promise?"
"Yes."
Her eyes flashed green, mimicking mine.
"I won't leave your side."
"My mouth…" She shook her head violently, her lips swollen from the heat. "…hurts."
I pressed my mouth to hers gently and then pierced the skin of her upper lip, relieving the pressure of the blood in her system — my blood fighting hers as it should, her blood refusing to give up as it should.
Humans always tasted the same — like life — like earth mixed with sugar. It was addicting. I'd always thought it was too sweet.
But she tasted perfect.
"More…" She tugged at my shirt again.
I kissed her again, this time slanting my mouth over where my fangs had dug into her tender skin.
I was old.
Able to control myself.
At least that was what I said when I kissed her a third time, this time more passionately. And when she clung to me like I was her only chance at survival, I wanted to roar with excitement. It was the bond.
Nothing more.
I kissed her harder.
Her nails dug into my skin.
"Fight it, Genesis." I was speaking to myself as much as I was to her. I needed to fight it too… because I knew firsthand there was nothing worse than mating with someone, wanting someone so badly, and thinking it was love.
And realizing it was nothing but a very pretty lie.
Her head dropped back, exposing her full neck.
Sweat dripped from her face down her neck as another stab of pain hit me and her in the chest.
She was fighting it.
But she was also fighting me.
She had spirit.
I only hoped that when death visited her in her dreams, she wouldn't take his cold lifeless hand.
Because maybe I could never love her. Maybe she could never love me. But I respected her strength.
And in all my years — I was beginning to think maybe it was time to have a friend I could at least share the loneliness with.
A real mate.
She screamed.
And blacked out.
I pulled her into my lap and kissed her forehead. She moved against me and then stopped.
Her body went ice cold.
Death was visiting.
All I could do was wait.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Genesis
I FELT ETHAN NEXT TO ME. I wanted to ask him what was happening next, why my body was suddenly cold — why everything felt numb — but I couldn't open my eyes.
I was trapped in darkness.
"So," a low whispery voice spoke into the darkness, "will you stay or will you go?"
"What?" I spoke into the darkness, unable to see anything around me. White smoke suddenly appeared in front of me, and then a hand reached out through the smoke.
"Will you come with me? Allow me to ease all your pain? Or will you stay?"
The hand looked so welcoming.
The closer it came to my body the more I wanted to take it.
But I could still feel Ethan, and leaving him… felt so wrong. My body shuddered at the thought.
"Choose," the voice commanded.
I didn't want to choose. I just wanted to go back to my normal existence, where I went to Starbucks in the mornings and did homework in the afternoons.
Those days were long gone.
"Choose," it said, louder this time.
I swayed toward the hand.
But something held me back.
The pain flared again — unbearable — as if someone had stabbed me in the heart.
"I can take it all away," the voice soothed. "Just take my hand."
Was I crazy? To choose the pain over this man's hand? Over what I was sure would be complete and total peace?
Ethan meant pain.
And as much as I hated him in that instant — I needed him… even if it meant pain.
It was his eyes.
They reflected what I felt in my own body — in my soul.
He was suffering, just like me, only it was a different kind of suffering, one that I'm sure had to do with the vision I'd seen of him and the woman.
"Choose!" the voice boomed.
I stepped backward and wrapped my hands around my body. "Him. I choose him."
The cloud disappeared, revealing a man who looked a lot like Cassius. I wasn't sure if he was a Dark One, but the air around him seemed to freeze in place. I shivered.
His eyes flashed white.
So he was a Dark One.
His teeth were shaped like tiny knives.
"It won't be easy," he spoke softly, "choosing life."
"It shouldn't be easy…" I found my voice. "…to choose death."
He smiled, bowed his head, and disappeared.
The pain in my chest spread to my back. I arched, and then everything stopped. The pain, the heat, my heart slowed.
And I blinked my eyes open.
Ethan hovered over me in a shielding stance, almost like he was protecting me from someone coming into the room and knifing me in my sleep. His eyes were black.
"I…" My voice sounded groggy, foreign to my ears. "I think it's done."
His eyes slowly faded to gray and then green. "You chose me." His voice cracked.
"Well…" I licked my lips, just looking at his mouth at my body, yearning for his touch. "It was either you or the guy with the creepy voice."
Ethan's delicious mouth broke out into a smile. "Does that mean you don't find me creepy?"
I examined the fangs protruding over his plump lips. "You're a different kind of creepy."
He leaned back on his knees and pulled me up so I was in a sitting position. "Didn't think you'd wake up spouting compliments and poetry." He sighed. "It's almost complete."
"Almost?" I croaked. "I have to go through more pain?"
"No…" His eyes flashed. "…just pleasure."
"Wha—"
His mouth was on my neck before I had a chance to utter any more words. His tongue twisted and pushed against the base of my throat.
I bucked off the bed as a sweet sensation of euphoria washed over me.
When he pulled back, his eyes were so bright green it hurt to stare directly at him. "Now that… was me biting you."
"Yeah…" I managed to push the word past my stunned lips. "It was."
He moved off the bed at epic speed and was already at the door when I blinked for a second time. "Stephanie will be in to help you shower and dress. We'll discuss your… duties… when you've regained some of your strength."
"Wait!" I blurted.
He paused at the door, his hands digging into the wood. "Yes?"
"Am I still human?"
He burst out laughing and turned. "Of course… still weak, still fragile, still very much… human."
"Oh…" I nodded, my studies of vampires were clearly lacking since I'd learned that a bite could turn you or worse, kill you. "…that's good, right?"
"Depends on who you ask, I suppose." He shrugged and shut the door softly behind him.
I was too tired to focus on what that cryptic sentence may have meant and didn't have time to mull it over like I typically would because Stephanie burst through that same door two minutes later yelling, "You lived!"
Did that mean she'd thought I would die?
"Good for you." She nodded. "Things are finally looking up!" She clapped her hands and dropped a set of clothes onto the nearby chair. "Let's get you showered and looking your best so you can start producing little vampire babies."
I felt my stomach drop. "Wh-what?"
"It was a joke." She winked. "Well, the vampire babies part. Now, let's get you feeling better. I'll have Alex in here a bit later to stabilize you and—"
"Stabilize me?" I repeated. "What?"
"It's what he does." She nodded. "He's a siren — makes girls feel calm when all they want to do is pull their hair out and scream. I'd do it, but it only works on men… thus
the need for him to do it. Don't worry though. It's like taking a Xanax, only it feels way better."
"I don't want to feel drugged," I mumbled, my body aching in places I didn't know even existed. "I think right now I just want a shower."
Stephanie shifted on her feet. "He didn't hurt you… did he?"
Well, my physical body was intact, but my heart was really confused. Did it hurt? No, but something felt wrong. Like I should be happy, elated even, rather than depressed and rejected.
"No," I finally answered. "I'm great."
"Good." She exhaled. "Now, about that shower."
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Ethan
I STILL TASTED HER BLOOD ON my lips, was embarrassed for the first time in a century when Alex glanced up from his spot at the kitchen table to see me licking my lips like I'd just devoured the poor girl.
He shook his head. "Been that long, huh?"
"Alex…" I closed my eyes and prayed for patience. "…remind me why I let you live here?"
"I'm good-looking," he answered simply. "Besides, I'm a hell of a fighter — scrappy, I think is how you define my kind. You need me."
"Stop." I pressed my fingertips to my temples and rubbed. The ache to have her had consumed me so much that I'd run down the stairs moving so fast I'd nearly collided with a wall, and grabbed blood from the fridge.
I didn't need it.
But I craved it.
And if I didn't drink the donated blood, I sure as hell was going to drain her and enjoy very last drop.
"I wonder…" Alex's voice pierced my thoughts. "What's it like?" He leaned forward. "Having to learn self-control all over again… being as ancient as you are?"
I ignored him.
He kept talking.
"Blood-free for a century and now…" He grinned and licked his lips. "Kind of like falling off the wagon, yeah?"
"You're giving me a headache." I threw the empty bag of blood at his face. He moved to the side and snickered. "And I'm fine. Everything is just—"
Her smell was intoxicating. She was walking down the stairs, so her heart picked up speed, her body giving off a scent of burnt vanilla and oranges with a hint of sugar. My mouth literally watered.
"Fine?" Alex said in a mocking voice. "Was that what you were going to say? Damn, man show a little decorum, you look… starved."