"I'm sniffing another nexus, maybe. It's not far ahead."
"Maybe? Don't you know?"
"Nexi aren't necessarily simple. Some are minor, some are significant. I have to study each to be sure. And since the appearance of the Sea Hag, they may even be dangerous."
"Dangerous for you, you mean."
"Of course. What else could I mean?"
"How about the people you hurt?" she demanded.
"I don't hurt anyone. I merely change events. They never know what they are missing."
He had a point. Not a great one, but it was true that he wasn't actually harming others, just denying them benefit. So as bad men went, he was mediocre.
A dim bulb flashed. That could be why the Good Magician wanted to help the Dastard. To make some use of him, since he had a very strong and devious talent. And--a second bulb flashed--that must be what that spell of Awareness Humfrey had given her did: It enabled her to remember things the Dastard unhappened. Because otherwise she might never have realized what the man was doing.
"What were those flashes?"
She was tempted to say none of his business. But it was his business, and she didn't want to lie, albeit for different reason than the Dastard had. To her a lie was not a valuable thing, it was a dirty thing. So she told him. "I just realized that the Good Magician must want to make some use of you, and that's why he sent me. And that he gave me a spell to enable me to remember your unhappenings."
The Dastard actually paused in his walking, looking at her. "You must be right. The old codger never does a favor for anyone without demanding a year's Service or the equivalent. So he fixed it so you could help me. But he's an idiot if he thinks I'll do anything for him in return."
Becka doubted that the Good Magician was any idiot, but she didn't argue the case. They resumed their walk toward his next nexus.
They rounded a bend in the path and saw a girl looking confused. She was dark of hair and eye and unusually pretty for her age. "Who are you?" the Dastard demanded.
"I am Nadine Naga, daughter of Prince Naldo Naga and Mela Merwoman."
"You're a princess!" the Dastard exclaimed.
"Of course. Shouldn't I be?"
"But you're young."
"I'm eight years old," she said proudly.
Becka realized that the Dastard was trying to figure out how to marry a princess when she was too young to marry. This needed to be broken up. "What are you doing here, alone?"
"I wasn't alone. I was with my mother. But she gets tired of walking on legs, so she slipped into a pond and made her tail, and I walked around exploring and then I got, well, lost. So I was wondering how to find my way back to the pool. Then you came. Do you know where it is?"
"No," the Dastard said, in his careless-of-feelings way.
Nadine angled her head, looking canny. "Suppose I show you where the leak in the Fountain of Youth is? Then will you help me find my mother?"
"The Fountain of Youth?" the Dastard asked. Becka could almost see the wheels turning in his head. He was old, at least twenty-two, and surely felt the ravages of age. If he had a secret source of Youth Elixir, he would never have to grow yet older.
"Yes. There's a leak, and the water dribbles out and forms an underground streamlet that winds secretly o'er hill and dale and comes out near an ancient farmstead known only to me. I'll show you that, and maybe more." She twitched her little skirt.
At that point Becka became suspicious, but she wasn't quite sure. Maybe the girl was just inventing a story in order to enlist the Dastard's help.
"Yes, show me that," the Dastard agreed eagerly.
It had to be the Youth Elixir he wanted; he couldn't be interested in the skirt. Becka hoped.
"Certainly." The girl assumed her naga form, with the body of a serpent and the head of a person, and slithered off the trail. In the process, she left her clothing behind. Becka picked up shirt, skirt, and shoes, and followed. The naga girl would need them again, at such time she changed back to full human form.
They lunged through thick and thin forest, and o'er hill and dale, and came to a farmstead in a small hidden valley. But it was hardly ancient. The house looked as if it had been built last week. The farmer's boy seemed to be about twelve years old, and his sister eleven. The crop seemed to be youthful lollipops.
"See? There it is," Nadine said.
The Dastard plowed right ahead. "How old are you?" he asked the farmer.
"Three hundred and two," the boy said. "And my wife here is two hundred and ninety-eight. We haven't seen another person for fifty years, and that was an old hag who filled her canteen with our water and hobbled away. How many lollipops do you want for your family?"
"None at the moment. I'm more interested in a drink of your water."
Meanwhile Nadine had slithered behind a young silo and reverted to human. Becka hastily returned her clothing to her. "Thank you, my pet."
"You're the Sea Hag!" Becka exclaimed.
"Curses! Foiled again." She changed to full serpent form, deserting her clothing again, and slithered instantly out of sight.
Becka ran up to the Dastard. "Nadine's the Sea Hag!" she cried.
The Dastard paused in his negotiation. "How do you know?"
She realized that he might not appreciate the significance of the phrase, "My pet" or the shaking of an underage skirt. So she tried reason instead. "She has to be. She said she couldn't find her mother at a nearby pond, yet she knew her way unerringly to this long hidden farmstead. How could she know its secret, when no one has been here for fifty years?"
"What secret?" the farmer asked. "We have no secrets here. Just good clean living and hard work keep us young."
"They don't know," the Dastard murmured appreciatively. "You're right, girl: She must be the Sea Hag. Where is she?"
"She turned serpent and slithered away when I caught on to her real nature. We'll never find her now."
"Find who?" the farmer asked.
"She's dangerous," the Dastard said. "She's probably setting a trap for us, now that she has us isolated."
"I can turn dragon and defend us," Becka said.
"Dragon? Where?" the farmer asked.
"Not from her devious devices. She might douse you with Youth Elixir and make you a baby. Then there would be no bar to her getting at me. I'll have to unhappen this whole sequence."
"What are you talking about?" the farmer asked.
Then the Dastard focused. He slid into limbo, but this time he grabbed Becka's hand and hauled her into limbo too. She hadn't realized he could do that, but it figured, because she was part of the sequence being unhappened.
They slid back and forth in limbo, watching the vague scenery pass. They located a lovely buxom woman and her daughter walking through the forest. The daughter was Nadine Naga. The woman paused at a pond, and lifted her skirt. Becka put her hand before the Dastard's eyes just before the woman's plaid panties showed, so that he didn't quite freak out. "Thanks," he said, somewhat gruffly. Becka almost thought he wanted to be freaked out, but of course that was ridiculous, because that would prevent him from doing the unhappening.
This was obviously Mela Merwoman. She pulled her dress the rest of the way over her head and off, then stepped out of her panties. She set them carefully on a dry rock. Then she walked into the pond. Her two nice legs became a nice tail, and she plunged into the water.
"What can I do?" Nadine asked. "I'm dying of boredom."
"Pick some posies," Mela called. "But don't talk with any strange men."
"Oh, pooh," the child muttered. "I can handle strange men, and strange women too."
"That's what you think," Becka whispered.
Nadine wandered on, picking posies. Then she paused, looking surprised, then horrified, then smug. The spirit of the Sea Hag had Possessed her. Becka understood her feelings perfectly.
They slid back to just before the Possession. They emerged into Xanth, just out of sight of the girl. "Give her a herb," the Dastard said tersely. "
She'll believe you."
That was right, because her mother had warned her against strange men, and the Dastard was the strangest of men. So Becka walked out to intercept the girl.
"Hello," she called.
"Hi," the girl replied, happy to encounter someone halfway close to her own age.
"I'm Becka. I found some nice herbs. They protect me from Possession. Would you like some?"
"Sure," Nadine said.
So Becka strung three herbs on a vine and made a necklace, and Nadine put it on over her head. In return she gave Becka three pretty posies.
"I have to go now," Becka said. She knew these unhappenings had to be brief, because the Dastard didn't like to stay long in the past. Maybe it was a strain on his magic.
"Awww."
"Maybe we'll meet again." She walked back to the spot where the Dastard hid.
"Good job," he said. Then he hauled her back into limbo, and slid forward to wherever the present was. That turned out to be the forest path where they had originally met the naga girl who was the Sea Hag. But now the path was empty. They left limbo and walked on.
"You did a nice thing for Nadine," Becka said. "You freed her of the Sea Hag, and protected her from reinfestation."
The Dastard paused, reflecting. "I suppose I did," he agreed. “I didn't mean to."
Becka knew he wasn't joking. He didn't do favors for others, only for himself. He had saved Becka in order to protect himself, and saved Nadine for the same reason. So his good deeds were incidental, and did him no credit. He would be doing more dastardly deeds soon enough.
"I'm getting hungry," Becka said. "And I don't see much of anything to eat."
"And we're not near another nexus," the Dastard said.
"I can turn dragon and chomp something," she suggested. "Then you can cook some of the meat for yourself"
Another girl came down the path. She looked to be about eighteen, and was strictly average in appearance. "Okay, chomp her," he said. "She's not a nexus."
Becka shuddered, because as usual he wasn't joking. He literally had no use for people he couldn't get something from or do something to. "No. No people. I never chomp people if they aren't trying to hurt me. We'll let her be."
"Suit yourself," he said indifferently. "You're the one who's hungry."
"Hello," Becka said as they met the girl. "I'm Becka, and this is--" She hesitated, not wanting to identify the Dastard by his real name and talent. The Sea Hag would know it anyway, and an innocent person did not need to be burdened by it.
"Dashing," the Dastard said.
That wasn't a name Becka would have come up with, but she let it be. "My talent is turning dragon, and his is--is changing events."
"I'm Janell," the girl said. "My talent is exaggeration."
"You mean you tend to say things that are more than they really are?"
"No. I exaggerate things."
"Isn't that really the same thing? Like saying a berry is big, when really it's small?"
"No. I exaggerate the berry."
Becka was having trouble with this. "I don't think I understand."
Janell glanced to the side. There was a bush with a single dried up greenberry. "Like this." Janell reached down to pick the berry. As she did, it expanded, becoming a big juicy fruit. "See: Now it's this big."
"It's exaggerated!" Becka exclaimed. "This would make a meal for a person!"
"Or for three," Janell said, touching it again. This time it expanded to watery melon size.
"Then let's eat it!" Becka said, delighted. "I was hungry, and this will feed us all."
"We don't have any place to sit down and eat," the Dastard grumped.
"Let me exaggerate this rock," Janell said. She touched a stone by the side of the path, and it expanded into a small boulder. Then she touched three pebbles, and they swelled into rocks big enough to sit on.
"This is wonderful," Becka said, sitting down and setting the fruit on the table stone. She rummaged for her pen knife, but it was too small to cut the huge berry.
"Allow me," Janell said, touching the knife. It expanded into a full-sized kitchen knife. But it was dull. So Janell touched it again, and it became super sharp.
Even the Dastard was becoming impressed. He reacted in his customary way. "Let's see your panties."
"What?" Janell asked.
"He says you must have some pantry," Becka said quickly. "With all that exaggerated fruit."
"Oh. No, I simply exaggerate things as I need them, so I don't need to store them."
"What I said," the Dastard said carefully, "was for you to show me your--"
"Your talent!" Becka. said. "But Dast--uh, Dashing, she's already shown us more than enough. It's our turn to show her ours. Our talent, I mean." She rushed on, afraid of his next clarification. "For example, here's mine." She stepped away from the rock table and turned dragon for a moment, spreading her wings.
"Oh, that's impressive," Janell said. "You really are a dragon girl."
Becka turned back. "Yes. My sire is Draco Dragon. I'd like to meet him someday for more than an hour." She returned to the table. Draco didn't mind flying with her, but was always afraid she would turn girl and reveal his guilty secret to other dragons. So most of her life had been spent in girl form with her mother. That could get tiresome.
"What I'm trying to say," the Dastard said determinedly, "is that you may not look like much, but if you can exaggerate your panties the way you can other things, you can really become interesting."
"My panties!" Janell said, coloring.
"He didn't mean that!" Becka cried. "He's joking."
"I am not joking," the Dastard said in his most dastardly way. "And while you're at it, exaggerate your figure, too. Then we can--"
"It's just talk!" Becka said desperately. "He doesn't realize how it sounds."
But her protests were inadequate to stem the tide. "I think I understand him well enough," Janell said grimly. She looked at the Dastard. "All you see of me is a pair of panties to get into. If you deem them good enough."
"Now at last you understand," the Dastard agreed.
Little hard lines appeared around Janell's eyes. "And do you know what I see in you?"
Becka decided to butt out. It was becoming apparent that this woman could handle herself.
"No. Who cares?"
Janell reached across the table to touch his hand. "I see a surpassingly ugly man, with a dirty mouth."
The Dastard suddenly sprouted green warts, purple tufts of hair in the wrong places, and brown wrinkles galore. He resembled a huge toad with a loathsome disease. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead a big dead fly fell out.
"Who is already halfway to hell," Janell continued inexorably.
The Dastard disappeared. Becka understood: He was literally halfway to hell, wherever that might be. Exaggeration was versatile.
"Sorry about that," Janell said. "But I doubt he's worth your time. As boyfriends go, he's a stinker."
"Oh, he's not my boyfriend," Becka said. "I don't even like him. I'm just on an assignment to help him."
"I can't bring him back. My talent is one way. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten mad, but the way he talked--"
"No man has the right to demand a girl's panties," Becka. said. "I'll have to tell him that. Maybe after this he'll listen."
"It may take you some time to find him. I think hell is a long way away."
"That won't be a problem. It's been nice knowing you, Janell. I'm sorry you won't remember me."
"Of course I'll remember you, Becka! You're a really pretty dragon."
Then Becka found herself back on the path, walking beside the Dastard, and she was hungry. He had unhappened the whole episode, as she had known he would.
"This way," he said, drawing her off the path.
They waited while Janell walked past from the other direction. After she was gone, they stepped out on the path again and resumed walking.
"You've got to stop being so blunt about panties,"
Becka admonished him.
"Why?"
"Because girls don't like being seen as mere walking panties. They want to think you care for their personalities."
He laughed. "Who cares about personalities? Take away panties, and all that's left is bras."
She was having trouble getting through, as she had thought she might. "Dastard, I'm supposed to help you, though I think you're an utter creep. And maybe the best way I can help you is to make you realize that you're never going to impress a princess or any other woman if you don't clean up your language."
"$$$$!" he swore.
"Exactly. If I hadn't been corrupted by the Sea Hag, that word would have freaked me out. Now why don't you try to be nice to the next girl you meet?"
"Oh, I can do it," he said. "I just don't see why I should bother."
"Because maybe you can unhappen things when they go wrong, but if you, perish the thought, should meet an available princess, you won't be able to marry her by unhappening the encounter. You'll have to impress her favorably. Your talent won't impress her, because she'll never see it. You have to do it without magic."
He looked surprised. "I never thought of that."
"Now let's try to find something to eat. You just unhappened a good meal."
They walked on, but the pickings remained sparse. This was a barren region of the forest.
One more girl came down the path. She was cute, but looked to be only five years old. "Nothing there," the Dastard muttered. "She not a nexus, and too small for--"
"So you have nothing you want from her," Becka said. "So try to be nice to her. It'll be really good practice."
"All right!" he snapped. "Then will you stop bugging me?"
"Yes."
"Hello, cute little girl," the Dastard called as they came within range. He sounded friendly.
"Hello, strange homely man," the child replied.
"I am Dashing, and this is Becka, who can change into a dragon. Would you like to see that?" He sounded excited.
"Yes!" the child cried happily.
So Becka turned dragon, and suffered herself to be petted in that state. The child turned out to be Piper, the daughter of Hiatus and Desiree. Hiatus was the son of the dour Zombie Master and Millie the Ghost, while Desiree was a dryad: a tree nymph. How the two had ever gotten together was a long but interesting story, and now here was Piper, the point of it all, whose talent was healing. "Not like healing elixir," she said. "I'm not that good. But I can heal some, and maybe more when I grow older."