Harmony spoke to Sim, Becka, and Repulsive. "I must go into limbo to relieve the Dastard. The three of you must make sure Melody doesn't escape physically, while Rhythm and I keep her out of limbo. The Dastard is the one who must do what has to be done. Don't interfere."
What did they have in mind? They must have worked out a plan of some sort, but why would they let the Dastard, of all people, implement it?
Harmony disappeared. In a moment the Dastard appeared. Becka was struck again by how handsome he had become. It wasn't just the princely costume; it was the soul. He had been a cad; now he had the aura of goodness. He nodded to the others, then addressed Melody. "I am going to try to persuade you to take your soul back, Princess. Then you will be as you were."
"The bleep I will," Melody retorted. "You can keep my old soul; I don't want it back." She, in contrast, had the aura of indifference verging into badness. She most resembled a disreputable peasant girl pretending to be a princess.
"Listen to me, Melody. I had a soul once. Then I spent four years without it. Now I have a soul again. I know both sides of this situation--know them well. You don't want to lose your soul."
"The bleep I don't. For the first time in my life I have perfect freedom--and the magic to exploit it. I'm staying the way I am." In fact, Becka realized with a shock, she was coming to resemble the Sea Hag.
"You have freedom--but not satisfaction," he said. "You have a chronic hunger that you can't ever abate. You can only keep feeding it, and never come to the end of it."
"Oh, pooh! I could satisfy it if I ever got the chance without being pestered by my cloying sisters."
"No, you could not. I had four unfettered years to satisfy my hunger, and it only got worse. Nothing was ever enough. Now, at last, I know why."
"Why?" Melody asked derisively.
"Because what I really craved, without knowing it, was my soul back. Now I have yours, and I understand what I lost."
"You lost your scruples. You lost your chains. Now you're serving a new mistress, as bad as the Sea Hag. Worse, because it makes you think you like it. You can keep it."
"No, you must take it back."
"Why?"
"Because it is your soul. It belongs to you, not to me. It is your most precious possession."
"I tell you I don't want it! So why don't you just go away, and consider it a fair deal: You have what you want, and I have what I want."
"No, that must not be." Becka was amazed at the Dastard's patience. He was addressing Melody politely despite her repudiation of decency.
"Listen, frog brain: If you really found my soul so &&&&ing precious, you'd be eager to keep it."
He shook his head. "How I wish I could keep it! But the fact that I have it means that I understand why I can't keep it. The only soul to which I am entitled is my own, and I forfeited that four years ago."
Seeing that she wasn't persuading him, Melody tried another tactic. "It really doesn't matter, you know. We can't change back. The Random Factor changed us, and he never does the same thing twice. So it's academic; there's no way."
"There is a way," he said.
"Really? How?"
"You must go back and unhappen the first opening of that forbidden door. Then the exchange will never have happened, and you will never have lost your soul."
She stared at him. "You're right! That would do it." But she reconsidered immediately. "Except that I can't unhappen my own life before I got the talent."
"You can if I cooperate. The moment my talent comes back to me, I will complete the unhappening. Together we can do it."
She nodded. "So it may be possible. But I'm not going to do it." She returned to her prior tactic. "If you think it's so great having a soul, why are you so eager to give it up?"
"Melody, I do not want to give it up. I wish I could have it forever. It's much better than my own soul ever was. But I must return it to its proper owner."
"This is ludicrous. You say you are determined to get rid of what you most want to keep. Why should I believe you?"
"Because I have your soul. It provides me with a conscience, and so much more."
"More?"
"It makes me aware of the awfulness of the way I was before. I am chagrined that I can never undo the damage I have done. My remorse knows no bounds."
"Oh, pooh! You never really hurt anybody. You were never violent. You never tried to force anything on a girl."
"Oh, but I did. Becka can tell you how I tried to kiss her and see her panties."
Melody burst out laughing. "You call that criminal? All men try to do those things. Want me to kiss you and show you my panties? &&&&, Das, I'll stuff them in your face!"
Still the Dastard did not react to her baiting. "That won't be necessary. I still wish I could atone for what I did. I can't. All I can do is see that it never happens again."
"What a nothing you have become! You were a piker before; now you're zilch. The Sea Hag could have made a man of you." She shot a sidelong glance at him. "That must be it! I think you want to get rid of the soul so you can be free again. To go fetch the Hag and get really wild. You've fooled my sickly sweet sisters, but you can't fool me."
That was a shot that made Becka take stock. Could it be true? Yet the Dastard was being so honest now that she found it hard to believe. Melody was also right about him never being truly criminal before; his deeds had been dastardly rather than vicious. The Sea Hag had been truly ugly--and the Dastard had not trusted her. So now Becka had to believe that he was really trying to do the right thing.
The Dastard paused. Then he asked "What motivates you, Melody?"
Surprised, she evaded the question. "Why do you want to know?"
"Because your answer will enable me to clarify mine."
She shrugged. I want to have fun. I want to mess up other peoples' lives. I want to freak men out. I want to signal the stork, and never get a delivery." She lifted the hem of her skirt. "Are you interested?"
"Yes, but--"
"But what?" she asked, lifting higher. "I have got your number, Das: You cannot tell a lie. You are interested."
Becka could see how the man's eyes began to sweat. She realized that a beautiful bitchy woman could make quite an impression. That was another thing she had learned from the Sea Hag--and probably the Hag had taught it to Melody as well. Those legs were formidable, much sexier than they had ever been when Melody had her soul. Still, the Dastard fought visibly to maintain his equilibrium. "But I know it's not right."
"Because of that stupid soul. Well, I don't care what's right. Take a good look, fool." She hauled her skirt all the way up to show her panties.
But the Dastard, warned by her prior lift, closed his eyes before getting freaked out. "I don't need to look at you, Melody; I just want to talk to you."
"Let me go, and you can have my body," she said. "I know you want it."
"Yes. And I would have taken it, when I had no soul."
"Now I have no soul, and I'll give it to you. I just want to get out of here." She continued to hold her skirt up, just in case he peeked.
He didn't. Becka marveled at his control. She would have peeked, from sheer curiosity, had she been a man. "You asked me a question. Now I will answer it. You define fun in terms of gratifying your immediate desires. But that can never satisfy your long-term welfare. My quest, now, is for the satisfaction that comes from meaning and love."
"Here is love," she said, waving her lifted skirt. The suggestion was so strong it made his closed eyelids blush.
"That is sex," he said, his breathing heavy. It was evident that he couldn't handle much more of this. "Love is immeasurably greater. Just as meaning is immeasurably greater than accomplishment. True happiness can be achieved only by these routes."
"Love," Melody repeated thoughtfully. "It is true I don't have that. Maybe it would be nice."
"Yes, it is the most wonderful thing a person can experience," the Dastard said fervently. Becka knew he was sincere; he had never spoken lik
e that before. She could almost love him herself; his possession of a soul made him lovable. In fact, the soul gave him an aura reminiscent of the power of the magic she had felt when the three princesses had adapted her into the castle.
But of course Melody couldn't see it. "How do you know?"
He hesitated. "Maybe that's not relevant."
"Sure it is. You say love is the greatest. So you must love someone. Who?"
He yielded. "You, of course. As you are when you are complete. Now at last I understand the way of it."
She burst out laughing. "Well, I don't love you, you idiot! You won't even look at me." She waved her skirt again, fanning air past his face. A trace of glaze began to form on his closed eyelids.
"I know you don't," he said sadly. "And when you recover your soul, and are able to love, I won't be there, even if you think of me."
"You'll be out of here, free again. Unhappening things galore."
"No. I will be gone. I will not do any more harm. I will pay for those terrible four years the only way I can."
"What do you mean, gone?"
"I will die," he said simply. "So that I will do no more mischief."
Becka was shocked. What was this?
"What do you mean, die?" Melody demanded. "People don't just die."
"They do when they have taken poison. I will die before this day is done. I must return your soul to you before then."
Poison! He had done that? Becka realized that he must have. Harmony and Rhythm could have gotten it for him, and agreed that this was the way it had to be. It had obviously been his decision, because of his mortification over his past deeds. He was sacrificing his life for what he believed was right. To restore Melody, and abolish the soulless Dastard.
This got to the princess, despite her lack of soul. "Why in Xanth would you die, just as you get free?"
"Because, with your soul, I appreciate why I must not be allowed to resume my dastardly ways. I have done immeasurable harm to innocent folk, and I grieve that I can never undo it. At least I can ensure that the harm stops."
"Oh, pooh! It's fun doing mischief. I've hardly had the chance, yet. At least I got Repulsive." She glanced at the woman, who nodded sadly.
"And how do you feel about that?" the Dastard asked Melody.
"I feel great! I want to do more of it."
"How does it help you to hurt her?"
"It makes me better than her. And when I get the chance, I'll mess up everyone else, so I can be best of all."
"And when you are the best in all Xanth, what then? Will you be happy?"
"Of course I will! Isn't it obvious?"
"It seemed so to me, before I got your soul. Now I know that I was not capable of true happiness, only of the momentary illusion of it. I would rather die decently, than live soullessly."
"Well, you can throw away your stupid life if you insist. I'll never be such an idiot."
He shook his head. "You must live, Melody, and you must take back your soul. Otherwise it will be lost when I die, and that would be an unconscionable waste."
"I will live, but I won't take back my soul."
"I know it's no use appealing to your finer sensitivities, because you lost those with your soul. But I speak from greater experience in this respect than you have. Soullessness is a desolate business; it is not for you, Melody."
"Will you stop wasting my time with this nonsense? Once my sisters have to exchange back, I'll be free, and you can't stop it."
"Melody, what can I do to persuade you?"
"You can help me to pass the time interestingly. Open your eyes." She still held her dress up.
Becka knew that if he did open his eyes, he would be lost, because her panties would freak him out. Their mere proximity had already weathered his face somewhat, turning it faintly green in emulation of the panties. But Becka couldn't interfere; the princesses had made it clear that this was strictly between Melody and the Dastard. Becka's role was only to prevent Melody from leaving physically. So she had to watch the disaster unfolding.
"If I open my eyes, will you open your ears?" The Dastard asked.
"What do you mean?"
"You want me to see your body, knowing that it will freak me out. I want you to see my point, trusting that it will persuade you to do the right thing. I will look if you will listen and try to understand."
Melody shrugged. "Okay, jerk," she said insincerely.
Becka wanted to cry out to him not to do it. But she had to stifle her voice, and hold back a tear.
He opened his eyes. They saw her panties. They turned green and began to glaze over. He was definitely freaking out. Becka hated to watch.
"Come here," Melody said smugly.
He came to her. He could not do otherwise. She had mesmerized him.
She put her arms around him. "Now we shall take off our clothes," she said.
But she had brought him too close. He could no longer see her panties. The glaze chipped off his eyeballs and his gaze cleared. "Now you must listen," he said. "You agreed to."
"I lied. Take off my clothes."
It was obvious that though he was no longer freaked out, his contact with the princess put him in her power. He began to remove her blouse. But as he did, he spoke. "What you are experiencing is the onset of a life without values. You have a hunger that is not really for food, a longing that is not really for power, a desire that is not really for the stork. You can try to oblige these cravings, but they will never satisfy you. Your appetites can be indulged endlessly but will never be sated. The more you struggle to fulfill them, the less happy you will become, until at last you are left with only the misery of your own emptiness."
"That sounds like a curse," Melody said. "I spit on it. Now take off my skirt."
He had to do her bidding. Becka wished she could go and put the princess's clothing back on, but she had to stay clear no matter what happened. "It is a curse--the worst possible one," the Dastard said. "The curse of meaninglessness."
Melody seemed shaken by the notion of a curse. She had evidently experienced just enough of it to have some doubt. "So you say that if I do with you what I am about to, it won't make me happy?"
"Did depriving Repulsive of her Answer make you happy?"
Now she stood without clothing. "No. It wasn't enough. But if I can make bigger mischief--"
"It can never be enough, Melody! I know; I have done endless mischief, and never found peace."
"So how do you say I can find peace?"
"Take back your soul!"
Melody laughed. "Nice try, fool. I know better. Very well, stand still while I take off your clothing."
He stood still. "Maybe a compromise. If you took it back for just a minute, to see if it does what I promise--"
She paused with his shirt off. "For just a minute? That might be interesting. But it's a trap: I can unhappen the Random Factor only once. I can't unhappen an unhappening. You know that. So I'd be stuck with it."
Becka marveled at the neatness of the trap. But the princess hadn't fallen for it.
"There may be another way," the Dastard said. "Hold me close. Then the soul I bear will overlap your body, and you should be able to get the feeling of it. It is after all your soul. If you don't like it, you don't have to take it."
Melody considered as she got his trousers off. Becka had to avert her gaze; she couldn't afford to see a naked man. "Okay, I have to get pretty close to you anyway, to signal the stork. I'll try to tune in to my soul for a moment. But I want a deal."
"A deal?"
"You didn't think I'd do what you want for nothing, did you? I want to get you off my case. If I don't like the soul, you and my sisters will have to let me go. Immediately."
Becka's heart skipped half a beat. Melody was putting everything on the line! If they agreed to that, she could win, and they would lose. All Xanth would lose. He couldn't agree to any such condition.
"I agree," the Dastard said.
Oh, no!
"That'
s not enough. My sisters have more magic." She looked around. "Show yourselves, Sisters dear. Agree."
There was a pause. Then Harmony slid out of limbo for a moment. "I agree," she said reluctantly.
Rhythm appeared. "I agree too."
Then both were gone, still guarding limbo. Had they all gone crazy? They were handing victory to the one without a conscience.
Melody looked at Becka. "And you, dragon girl. And the others. You all have souls, so will be bound by your word. You all must agree."
Amazingly, Sim squawked agreement. Repulsive spoke. "I agree."
They had to know something Becka didn't. What could she do? "I agree," Becka said, turning back to face them. Fortunately the man was facing away from her.
"This will last only as long as it takes us to summon the stork," Melody said. "I will overlap my soul, and then be gone."
Both of them were naked. The princess stepped into the man, wrapping her arms around him, flattening her body against his. She kissed him, hard. There was a faint shimmer as they turned in place.
Then she pulled her head back. "Oh my gosh! I feel it. Not a lot, just a little. It's like a distant lovely melody. Like the sun coming out faintly after a storm. It's calling me. I miss it. I want it. I must have it back." She paused, then came to her decision. "I'm going to take it back!"
"Unhappen the Random Factor," the Dastard said. "I'll help." Becka could view his face now, and was amazed to see a tear on his cheek. He knew what he was losing. Everything: soul, woman, life.
Then suddenly the two of them were standing fully clothed. The tears were on Melody's cheeks, but she was lovely in a way she had not been a moment before. "Oh, that was horrible!" she cried. "How could I have been that way?"
"$$$$!" the Dastard swore. "We didn't finish with the stork!"
Melody looked at him. "I suppose I do owe you that. You gave me back my soul." She started to remove her blouse.
"No!" Becka cried. "Don't do it!"
Melody looked at her. "Becka, I have my conscience back. This man has given up the most valuable possible thing for my sake. I must give him something before he dies."
Becka realized that the other two princesses remained in limbo, guarding it so that the Dastard could not escape that way. She and Sim were supposed to see that he did not flee physically. He had to remain here until the poison killed him, This unhappening had been quite selective: The soul had changed, but not the poison. But this was awful. "No! I'm supposed to help him, not kill him. There has to be another way."