RHRC: Let’s have some fun. Pretend we’re at “The Party.” You don’t have to share too many intimate details with your readers, but what do you remember about your own first kiss?
EB: I remember everything! It’s alluded to in “The Party.” One night, there was a small party at my house. I think I was twelve. We played spin the bottle and I got Paul Adams and we went into the kitchen by the washing machine and I told him he could only kiss me on the cheek. Then I got Jerry Drever and I told him the same thing but he kissed me on the lips anyway. I really did feel like I’d been pleasantly electrocuted. I couldn’t sleep that night. I kept imagining the scene over and over as “Theme from A Summer Place” played in my head—after our kiss, Jerry and I had slow-danced to it. Oh, what heaven! He had on aftershave—I think it was his dad’s Old Spice. I had on Evening in Paris.
RHRC: Did you conceive this collection from the outset as small moments of liberation for women? Or did that unifying concept present itself after you looked at the stories together?
EB: It was the latter. I had meant for this collection to be a bunch of funny, lighter stories. But they turned out to be more than that. Many have poignant moments, and “Rain” is downright sad. But it was only when they were all done that the idea of liberation came up.
RHRC: Our donut-eating heroine in the title story describes her image of contentment: “sitting in a chair by a window in my little yellow house, lilac trees outside and nothing hurting inside.” (this page). I’m curious to know what your picture of “content at last” would be.
EB: Oh, I would say sitting by the window in my little yellow house, lilac trees outside and nothing hurting inside. Really! And I’ll be content if my children and grandchildren are healthy and living in a new and improved world fueled less by greed than by compassion. I’ll be content if I can continue to do work that is joyful and full of meaning for me for a few more years, and then step down gracefully. Then I’d like to spend the rest of my life giving back in one way or another.
RHRC: Did you eat a lot of junk food to get in the mood to write the title story? What is your favorite splurge?
EB: Nah. I never have to eat to imagine eating. I’m often imagining eating. My favorite splurge is homemade chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream or a Sausage McMuffin with egg or scalloped potatoes or turkey yanked right off the carcass and dipped in gravy or See’s chocolates or …
RHRC: In the story “Returns and Exchanges,” your character Agnes says that in heaven she would sit on a barstool between Buffalo Bob and Elvis. Whom would you sit between?
EB: Two of the friends I’ve lost to cancer. I’d like to sit between them and have them say, “See? Isn’t it swell here? Hey, did you get our messages?”
RHRC: Weight Watchers plays a big part in these stories. I’m sure lots of readers can relate. Have you ever tried one of those plans personally? Why write so candidly about weight?
EB: I have been to Weight Watchers. I think it’s a great program. I wrote about weight because it’s such a preoccupation with so many people, especially women, and it is a dangerous preoccupation, as I suggested in “Full Count.” That story was inspired by my reading in the paper about two sisters, models, who starved themselves to death. I wondered, How does it start, that kind of shame about our bodies? This story was one way I imagined it might start.
RHRC: Animals inhabit many of your stories, from the intrepid Dogling to Gertrude the lumpy cat. Are you a pet owner or animal lover? Have you ever lost a pet?
EB: I love animals. I have always had dogs and in fact must have them. I have a cat, too. I have lost pets and I don’t want to talk about it because it still hurts and it always will.
RHRC: Aging is another theme that you explore in many ways in this collection, from the dear neighbor Flo to best friends Birdie and Ethel to dispirited Helen in “Over the Hill and into the Woods.” What aspects of aging did you want to capture in these various portraits? Do you ever worry about seeing yourself or your loved ones grow older?
EB: I wanted to talk about how important it is that older people are still allowed to be themselves, to be seen and treated as the unique individuals that they are. And of course I worry about getting older! Losing your looks is hard enough, but then arthritis and memory loss happen. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And one would like one’s parents to hang around and not get old and die, but oh well. I suppose it’s a bit of a trade-off, because there is a certain grace in accepting all this. A certain wisdom. But it’s hard-won.
RHRC: I love the male-female dynamics in your work, especially in “Double Diet” (why do men lose weight faster than women?) and in those sadder relationships like Laura’s failed marriage in “Truth or Dare” and the sexual tension between longtime friends in “Rain.” How do you approach writing about men and women? Do the sexes seem to view life and love in fundamentally different ways, in your experience?
EB: One of my friends is always telling me that I want my man to be my girlfriend, and in some respects she’s right. But men and women do view things differently, and really, I’m grateful for that. In terms of writing about them, it’s always the same process, whether I’m writing about a man, a woman, or a child: I try to inhabit the characters, to feel them from the inside out. It’s like acting on paper.
I do believe that men and women are hardwired differently, now and forevermore, and the ideal would be for each sex to appreciate our differences rather than decry them. But you know, the phrase “battle of the sexes” didn’t come out of nowhere. And if men and women weren’t complaining about each other now and then, we’d have to talk more about politics and then we’d all get depressed.
RHRC: Many of your stories are told from the perspective of female narrators. Why so? Do you ever write or think in a male voice?
EB: My novel Say When is from a man’s point of view, and my short story “Martin’s Letter to Nan” is, too.
RHRC: Your stories sound like everyday life. How do you achieve that level of realism? What advice would you give to aspiring writers who want their writing to be “true”?
EB: I think the way to make things seem real is to include a lot of detail, but to do it in a way that feels natural. It’s a tall order, and it has to do with making careful, conscious choices about what to put in and what to take out. But even more than that—for me, anyway—it has to do with getting out of your own way and letting the story pass through you, guiding you, rather than you guiding it.
RHRC: What can readers expect from you next?
EB: After a long string of novels, I’m now in the process of writing a nonfiction book with the working title Looking Up, and that’s exactly what it’s about. I want to push away from my desk, go out into the world, and see what I might discover. It is a kind of memoir, travelogue, intimate diary, and novelist’s sketch pad. (With the occasional recipe, of course. How could I ever write a book without food?)
RHRC: Final question: Truth or dare?
EB: Oh, truth. Always truth. So much more interesting than any dare, if you (ahem) dare to be really truthful.
QUESTIONS AND TOPICS
FOR DISCUSSION
1. The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted presents a thrilling proposition: What would you do—what wild impulse would you fulfill—if you knew there would be no consequences? What would you do if no one was looking?
2. The speaker in the title story describes the humiliation of overeating: “you have so much shame when you gobble things down you hardly even taste them.” (this page) Why is so much shame associated with food and weight? In contrast, what allows a woman like Sigrid, the Dunkin’ Donuts clerk, to be proud of her body?
3. Agnes describes her whimsical view of heaven in “Returns and Exchanges”: Diana Krall’s jazz, fried food, and house-trained puppies. What is your idea of heaven?
4. Long-lost love: Is it ever as good as you remember? Discuss Agnes’s encounter with her first, Jon Vacquer, in “Returns and Exchanges.” Is Agnes ultimately happy with her husband
and her life? Why does she feel unable to share her true self with Harold at the beginning of the story? Can you relate? What might your longtime partner be surprised to learn about you? What keeps you from telling him or her?
5. In “The Party,” a group of women bond instantly over intimate stories of their first kiss. What were the circumstances surrounding your own first kiss?
6. Why do you think Helen loses her holiday spirit this year in “Over the Hill and into the Woods”? Why does she feel so lost? What gift does Earl give to her?
7. How does Janey’s perception change over the course of “Full Count”? Consider her new awareness of her body, her cousins, her parents, and her grandfather. Do you remember when your own childhood innocence ended?
8. In “Rain,” Michael “pulled the veil from his heart’s desire” when he decided to build a house and live off the land. Consider the choices you have made in life. Is there a “self that never got to be”? What is your own heart’s true desire?
9. In “Rain,” Berg writes: “So many of us dream of complete honesty in our love relationships, believing it to be the way to achieve true intimacy. Then we discover that the truth can be dangerous, even cruel, and we struggle with what to offer and what to withhold.” (this page) Discuss the tension between honesty and intimacy; do you favor complete truthfulness in relationships, or do you agree that too much truth can be detrimental? In the story, why does Dennis suggest that his wife sleep with Michael? Do you think she loved Michael and wanted to be with him, and if so, why did they choose never to cross that boundary?
10. Compare the two women in the pair of stories “The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted” and “The Day I Ate Nothing I Even Remotely Wanted.” How are they the same or different in their approach to food and dieting? Do you relate to one more than the other? Why?
11. Describe the friendship between Mrs. Ethel Menafee and Mrs. Birdie Stoltz. How do the two women complete each other? Have you ever had a friendship like this one?
12. Consider the husband-and-wife team in “Double Diet.” How do men and women approach dieting differently? How do they approach marriage differently? Life? How do marriage, sexuality, and love change in a marriage over time?
13. Evaluate Monica’s reaction to Dogling’s illness versus her husband’s “heart attack” in “The Only One of Millions Just Like Him.” Were you surprised by the couple’s ultimate reaction to Dogling’s death? Why are animals so important in people’s lives?
14. In “Truth or Dare,” Judy asks, “Isn’t there anyone you ever wonder about, that you’d just like to see again? Just to talk to?” (this page) Who would that person be in your own life?
15. In her letter about baking an apple pie, Flo writes, “I wonder why we are so often embarrassed by things we do that almost any other person would like to do, too.” (this page) Does this insight strike a chord with you, and if so, why?
16. Reflect upon the proposition at the heart of the story “Sin City”: If you had only had one sentence to say to your children to let them know everything you wanted to tell them—something besides “I love you”—what would that sentence be?
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ELIZABETH BERG is the author of many novels, including the New York Times bestsellers Dream When You’re Feeling Blue, We Are All Welcome Here, The Year of Pleasures, The Art of Mending, Say When, True to Form, Never Change, and Open House, which was an Oprah’s Book Club selection in 2000. Durable Goods and Joy School were selected as ALA Best Books of the Year, and Talk Before Sleep was short-listed for the ABBY Award in 1996. The winner of the 1997 New England Booksellers Award for her work, she is the author of the nonfiction book Escaping into the Open: The Art of Writing True. She is also a playwright, having adapted her novel The Pull of the Moon for the stage. She lives in Chicago, where she is at work on her next novel.
ALSO BY ELIZABETH BERG
Dream When You’re Feeling Blue
The Handmaid and the Carpenter
We Are All Welcome Here
The Year of Pleasures
The Art of Mending
Say When
True to Form
Ordinary Life: Stories
Never Change
Open House
Escaping into the Open: The Art of Writing True
Until the Real Thing Comes Along
What We Keep
Joy School
The Pull of the Moon
Range of Motion
Talk Before Sleep
Durable Goods
Family Traditions
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2008 by Elizabeth Berg
Reading group guide copyright © 2011 by Random House, Inc.
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Random House, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
RANDOM HOUSE and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.
Random House Reader’s Circle and Design is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc.
The following stories were previously published: “The Only One of Millions Just Like Him” appeared in Bark and “The Party” appeared in Ploughshares.
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
Berg, Elizabeth.
The day I ate whatever I wanted: and other small acts of liberation / Elizabeth Berg.
p. cm.
1. United States—Social life and customs—21st century—Fiction. 2. Women—United States—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3552.E6996D39 2008
813'.54—dc22 2007034704
www.atrandom.com
eISBN: 978-1-58836-718-1
Cover photograph: Katrine Naleid Photography.
v3.0
Elizabeth Berg, The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted
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