So I called the bar number. And when the phone was ringing I heard feet outside and I put the phone in my pyjama pocket but it was girl feet going to the other toilets.
And I picked the phone back out of my pocket and it was Dads voice Dads real voice not his ghost voice and it was saying Hello. This is the Castle and Falcon. Nottinghamshires home for REAL Ale. We are closed right now so please leave your message after the beep.
beeeep
Mum must have forgot to change the message. It felt weird listening to Dads voice in front of his ghost and I forgot to speak but then Dads Ghost nodded and I knew what the nod meant so I said in a loud quiet voice Mum. Mum. Can you hear me? Mum. Mum. Its me. Youve got to go to Renukas tonight because something bad is going to happen in the Pub. Mum. Wake up. Please wake up.
And I kept talking but Mum didnt wake up and I went quiet when I heard the chain flush next door and girl feet go by the door again.
And I looked at Dads Ghost and said in a whisper What should I do?
And I worried he was going to flicker out but he wasnt flickering at all.
The Mini Bus
Dads Ghost looked at me with the most serious face I had ever seen like Norman Osborn in the first Spiderman when he has the nerve gas before he becomes the Green Goblin and he said By his phone were some keys.
And I said What?
He said By Mr Rosens phone there were some keys. They will be the keys to one of the mini buses.
My face was now even more serious than Dads Ghosts face because I was very scared about what he was about to say and about what I was going to say and it was one of those times when you know the words before you say them but you say them anyway as if you are reading from a book and they went like this.
He said You have to take the keys.
I said Why?
He said You have to drive the mini bus.
I said I cant.
He said I will teach you. I will tell you what to do. You have driven before. Remember I showed you in the car park in Mums Ka car.
I said Thats a small car not like a mini bus and I only did it for ten minutes and I was rubbish and this is stealing and Ill be in trouble.
He said Sometimes you have to do something that is wrong to do something bigger that is right. Mum is in a lot of trouble tonight Philip. A lot of trouble. Some men are coming to the Pub later tonight Philip. Theyve got baseball bats and one of them has got a gun. Youve got to get to Mum and make her safe.
I said I wont have time.
And he said You will have time. They are coming to the Pub at half past four when all the streets are quiet. It is only midnight and a three hour drive if we go fast.
And I thought of other things I could do like tell a Teacher but they wouldnt believe me or phone Renuka or Nan but I didnt have their numbers. I could have phoned 118 118 for Renukas number but she is X Direct because of the bad phone calls and I couldnt remember Nans address. Dads Ghost was mind reading because he said Theres no other way.
I went back down the corridor.
The quiet was screaming and I got to the door and I pressed down the handle and held my breath like I was going underwater. I opened the door and closed it but not all the way and Dads Ghost went through me and in front and pointed at the floor where the keys were. Mr Rosen was snoring and I bent and didnt breathe and my hand went low and touched the carpet and then I moved my hand like a SPIDER and touched cold metal and picked them up in a tight fist clink and I stood up and started to walk out still dark underwater and Mr Rosen turned over and said my name like a question Philip? and I looked at Dads Ghost and Dads Ghost said Tell him youre going to the toilet and I said Im going to the toilet and Mr Rosen made a noise which was like OK but he was falling back to sleep and Dads Ghost pointed to my shoes and my jumper on the floor and I picked them up and I kept going and out and shut the door click.
We went back down the corridor fast and quietly on the Brillo Pads and one of my shoes was wanting to escape and not steal the mini bus and was coming out of my arms. I walked really fast past Mrs Fells room and the toilets and the girls room but at the end of the corridor the shoe dropped clump on the floor. I picked it up and pushed the door at the end which had glass like Maths books and then I turned right past the posters about Hadrians Wall and Housesteads and the fire alarm and got to the other door which had a special handle I had to turn but Dads Ghost just went through.
Outside it was COLD and I sat on the step under the lamp and put my shoes on. They felt weird because I had no socks and I put my jumper on but still felt cold because I had my pyjama bottoms on.
Dads Ghost was halfway to the car park and telling me with his hand to hurry up so I stood and ran and let my feet get louder as we got further away from the building and the light. And then I saw Dads Ghost turn white and turn into a strange shape with lots of straight lines moving in the air and the lines came towards me fast and that is how ghosts fly. And when he got to me he landed and looked like Dads Ghost again and said There are two mini buses.
I said Yes I know.
He said Lets see the keys.
I showed him the keys and he said I think its for the red mini bus not the white one.
And I got to the car park and I couldnt see the red bus because you cant see colours in the dark but I could see white so I went to the other mini bus.
Beatbeatbeat
It was very WINDY now and there were trees near the car park and they were just black shapes like thin necks and round faces with big hair coming out of the ground and the wind was making them shake their heads and their hair like they were saying Dont do it. Dont steal the mini bus.
I looked back at the building and the other building and the stables and I thought of everyone sleeping and I felt sick but I thought of Mum and that was more important. I got to the red mini bus and put the key in the lock and my hands were shaking not just because of the COLD and Dads Ghost was right it was the right key.
I looked up at the sky I dont know why and the clouds were like black smoke but there was a gap and there were some stars like ghosts flying away from Earth and I climbed into the mini bus and the door was heavy and Dads Ghost was already there.
The seat was high and I stretched my legs like I was elastic and my feet could only just reach the pedals. Dads Ghost pointed and he said Thats the clutch and thats the brake and thats the accelerator just like in the Ka.
Then he told me about the gearstick and told me how to use it and that was like the Ka too but VERY HEAVY.
And I said Should I put on the lights?
He said Not until you are on the road away from the buildings.
And I put my seat belt on click but Dads Ghost didnt need one and I wondered if Dads Ghost was having bad memories of the bridge in Kelham but if he was he wasnt saying. I turned the key and the engine started and warm air came in and I started to follow what Dads Ghost said and move the mini bus and steer which was very hard and I couldnt move it much because I am not Dominic and cant even do one press up.
It was like the Chariot Racing in the Circus Maximus when the Roman Slaves died because they couldnt control the four horses.
And when I turned Dads Ghost was shouting saying RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT because the wheels were going on the grass of the car park and nearly down a ditch. And he tried to grab the wheel and forgot he was a ghost and his hand fell through it but I made myself think of Spiderman and I made myself stronger and the mini bus stayed in the car park and then we went out on the road which was like a snake very thin and bendy.
There was a lot of noise and Dads Ghost said Were going too fast for first gear.
It felt like I had gone miles but the hostel was still there right behind us and then we heard a noise like the engine getting louder. That is when Dads Ghost said Oh God.
I said What?
He said Theyre following.
&n
bsp; I looked in the mirror and it was the lights from the white mini bus growing very fast behind us and the lights were bright and had rays like Dads Ghost when he flies.
Dads Ghost said Put your foot down quick.
And I put my foot down and the thing like a second hand went up through the numbers 15 20 25 30 and the hedge on the side of the road was blurry but the lights behind were really close now and they were starting to overtake. And when their mini bus was level with ours I could see Mr Rosen and Mrs Fell screaming through the windows and Mr Rosen was driving and Mrs Fell was waving her arms and in her pyjamas and I couldnt hear them but I knew they wanted me to stop and Mrs Fell looked frightened.
And I was looking at their faces and Dads Ghost was saying FASTER and that was when the mini bus went too far left and we were on the side grass but I couldnt get off and everything went shaky and I was bouncing in my seat and Dads Ghost said BRAKE but my foot was bouncing too much. And then we were bucked like the ground was a horse and we tipped but not right over because of the hedge and it scraped the side and then stopped the mini bus with a bump and my head went forward and hurt my neck. I looked to my left and Dads Ghost had gone and I could hear the door open and Mr Rosen going Philip Philip can you hear me?
I could hear him so I turned and saw Mr Rosen opening the door. He climbed in and got me out of the seat belt and said Can you stand up?
I said Yes I think so yes.
I saw Mrs Fell and she was standing on the road in the dark in her pyjamas and over in the fields behind her there were ghosts of Roman soldiers pulling wooden carts full of stones and another ghost with his hands on his hips and his uniform glowing red and gold in the night and a face sad cross like Mr Rosen and a beard and maybe it was Emperor Hadrian and my heart was going like mad beatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeat beatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeat beatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeat
Dad dy
Dad is a weird word if you say it over and over DadaDada DadaDadaDadaDadada it sounds like guns. Mum is weird too. MumuMumuMumuMumu. It looks like moomoomoo like a cow in a baby book. Father is weird Fat her and Mother MOT her and Daddy or Daddie or Dad die
Dad
dy
Dad
dy
Dad
dy
Dad
dy
ing
If you spell Newark new ark which means new work in a different order you get wanker or town you get nowt which means nothing.
Mrs Palefort
Nothing had happened to Mum or the Castle. Dads Ghost had been lying to me and now I was in Big Trouble. I had broken a mini bus and got Mr Rosen and Mrs Fell in Mrs Paleforts bad books.
Mrs Palefort is the Head Teacher and she wanted to see me and Mum when I got back from Hadrians Wall so we went to her office which is on the left when you go into school before you see the corridor which goes past the library and into the main hall where there are assemblies on Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays.
Mum knocked on the door knock knock and I saw her rings werent on her hand. We waited and Mum looked at me and she had her black Trouser Suit on and her hair back and she closed her eyes and let air out of her nose and behind us there were giggles and stares and cough words burning and burning into me.
We waited and waited behind the brown DOOR and smelt the sick smell of the clean shiny FLOOR mixing with Mums perfume and then a voice all fuzzy from nowhere said Come in.
Mum nodded for me to open the door so I did and the room peeled open until I could see Mrs Palefort sitting with her worst face EVER with her hands joined togETHER making a church and a steeple but a fallen over church lying sideways on the desk.
Mrs Palefort has dark brown and light white hair in a bun and a big forehead and big square glasses that melt the top half of her face but the bottom half stayed still like it was frozen.
There were two empty seats on the other side of the room and Mrs Palefort nodded her head one millimetre and this meant sit down in them.
Mrs Palefort said Now Im sure I dont have to explain why Ive asked you both to come and see me.
Mum said in her trying to be posh voice No you dont.
And then both Mum and Mrs Palefort looked at me until their eyes had enough power to shake my head. When Mrs Pale-forts eyes got what they wanted they turned to Mum and said Do you know how many children in this town are now travelling to state schools outside of Newark?
Mum said No I dont.
1000 was the answer and then Mrs Palefort said Can you imagine what kind of damage an incident like this does to our reputation? Weve got half our catchment area already travelling into Lincolnshire. The best half to be perfectly honest. And we hardly need Year Sevens stealing mini buses on school trips a month before we have an OFSTED inspection. You do understand?
Mum said Yes I do.
Mrs Palefort made a noise then locked her words up in her mouth and went into a long silence like this
and then she came out of the silence and said Under normal circumstances we would have no choice but to take Philip out of school either temporarily or permanently.
When she said this Mum started to say something but Mrs Palefort raised her chin like it was climbing over Mums words and said Mrs Noble I understand that these are not normal circumstances and that Philip is still in a state of bereavement for the loss of his father. I also understand that Philip may have been sleep walking or at least not truly aware of what he was doing. This is why he will stay with us for the time being. Under special conditions of course.
Mum lost her posh voice and said Special conditions? What special conditions?
And I didnt hear the first special conditions because I was looking at my bendy shape in one of the trophies on the shelf on the wall. But Mum said later the special conditions were that I had to see the school counsellor once a week but that was all right because the school counsellor was Mrs Fell who is a counsellor as well as a Teacher.
And then I stopped looking at the trophy and I heard Mrs Palefort still talking saying But obviously if these difficulties CONtinue we may have to consider the option of a PUPIL REFERRAL UNIT which could mean taking Philip out of school altogether. But I am sure as time goes by Philip will start to find himself better adjusted to our school environment and I doubt we will see any more incidents involving school mini buses. Dont you Philip?
She wanted a Yes so I gave her one.
Rudyard Kipling
Mrs Fell taught us about the First World War and about a man called Archduke Franz Ferdinand. He got shot and that is how the War started and then millions and millions of men died because of that and that means there are millions and millions of ghosts all over Europe of soldiers and only one ghost of Archduke Ferdinand and I bet the soldier ghosts get cross with him.
Mrs Fell gave us a printed sheet of Facts about the War and at the top of the Facts were some words by a man called Rudyard Kipling who is famous because of The Jungle Book which I watched when I was little but dont watch now because Im too old and because it is on video not DVD and it has Baloo the Bear singing Yes its true I want to be like you who who and the words on the sheet said
‘If any question why we died,
Tell them, because our fathers lied.’
COMMON FORM, ‘EPITAPHS OF THE WAR (1914–1918)’
Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936)
I didnt know what Epitaphs meant or Common Form but I liked the words at the top because my father lied about people coming to the Pub and I didnt die but I did get into BIG TROUBLE. And the words told me that I should tell the truth about Dads Ghost lying and telling me to take the mini bus. Later that day I was with Mrs Fell again and she wasnt my Teacher now she was my counsellor but she looked the same except her head was more sideways when she was my counsellor.
She asked me Why did you do it Philip?
I said Because my father lied.
She said What?
And I said If any question why we died tell them
because our fathers lied.
She looked at me for a long while with a very sideways head but she still looked pretty even sideways especially when she crinkled her nose at the same time.
Mrs Fell is the prettiest Teacher because she has green eyes that look into you and black curly hair and a big smile and her top lip is like an M but flatter and her bottom lip is bigger on the left than the right and she wears lipstick but not bright like Mums lipstick and she has white skin that is soft. She wears nice clothes like jeans and a pink T shirt which says ATHLETIC and she has a necklace with a small gold cross like how Jesus died with nails in him. And she is from Ollerton which is near Newark but she does not speak like Nottinghamshire which is sad with the words going
with her words not falling even though she is called Mrs Fell. And she just looked at me with sideways eyes the way I look in my tank to see if fish have died.
After a long time she said very quietly as if I had eggshell ears she said Thats from a poem Philip.
I said Yes I know but my dad really did lie to me when I was in Hadrians Wall.
She said You have had a very tough time recently.
And I said Yes my dad died.
She said Yes I know.
I said Its not my dad lying to me.
She smiled and her shoulders dropped down but she stopped smiling when I said Its my dads ghost.
She said Philip when boys your age have to deal with something as terrible and difficult as what you have had to deal with it is possible for them to get slightly confused about some things.
I said He comes to me sometimes and he speaks to me but he is not there all the time. He flickers on and off like a bad light bulb.
She sighed and crinkled her nose again and made her eyes thin and she said Philip you have an exceptional imagination and that is a good thing to have it really is. But you must be able to separate the things that are real from the things that are not real.