The world was falling apart all over town and Herb Dean, a retired military man of 57 years, knew nothing about it. That morning he and his wife had been fighting about something menial and tedious when he decided that it was best for him to go outside and mow the lawn again.
"You did that two days ago Herb!" Phyllis yelled as he took out his hearing aids and went outside.
Herb took out his hearing aids most of the time when he mowed the lawn, the noise of the lawn tractor bothered him. Today it had the added benefit of him going to be able to ignore his wife if she came outside and wanted to talk some more.
"No, Phyllis, I don't like your meatloaf. I don't like anything you cook." Those were the words that started his day on a downward spiral. All his wife wanted to do was to make something new for breakfast, a recipe she had seen in a magazine. To Phyllis, those were fighting words. Those were the words that made Herb sleep on the couch for the night. Those were the nights that Herb enjoyed the most, the nights where he had peace and quiet.
Herb walked out the back door and into the back yard, completely oblivious to anything that might have been happening on the street outside of his privacy fence.
A few years before, Herb had decided that he wanted to build a privacy fence around the yard to keep his younger neighbour from just dropping by unannounced whenever they were outside enjoying the sunshine. The 10-foot wall only went around the front by the house and more importantly the side that faced Ted's house.
Ted had been careful enough when they had first moved in, always coming over and making sure they had settled into the area, pointing out the local destinations and things to see. It had been over 15 years ago since they first moved in and Ted was still constantly trying to get them to visit locations he had already been before.
Herb looked around the back yard. "I'll put up a fence around the rest of the garden soon enough; I just like looking at the woods. And we both enjoy seeing the rabbit tracks in the winter."
The happy memory from the winters in the house watching rabbits bounce through the backyard brought a smile to his face. He could never stay mad at her for very long. No matter what.
"I'll just do a few strips around the outside of the yard and go give her a kiss." He said to himself as he walked to the shed.
He took the key ring from his pocket and fumbled with the keys.
"They give you two keys for every lock," Herb thought ", but I always put them both on the same ring. You'd think I'd learn after losing the house, boat, and cabin keys when we first got married."
Herb laughed as he thumbed the small gold key on the key ring from the others and slid it into the heavy duty lock on the door of the shed. The lock was the best lock that Henry could find at the hardware store. The clerk said it would take a large man to break this steel with a pair of bolt cutters. He kept his most valued possessions in this shed; the snow blower, lawn tractor, a set of old golf clubs that his grandfather gave him when he first joined the military, and a locked box containing a few marijuana cigarettes that he got from his doctor to help with his insomnia.
Herb picked up the gas can sitting next to the back wheels of the tractor and shook it a little.
"It's light. Might need to pick some up tomorrow to finish the lawn," Herb said as he opened the gas tank on the lawn mower and poured the few litres into the gas tank.
Herb did a little walk around on the lawn mower kicking the tires to make sure they had enough pressure in them and then climbed on the tractor. He took the biggest key on the ring, put it in the ignition of the tractor and turned the key.
The engine sputtered a little; Herb kept the key turned, and the engine finally roared to life.
"I really should get that checked out." he said to himself, almost trying to talk over the roaring noise of the mower's engine.
Herb looked over his shoulder as he released the break, backed the mower out of the barn and onto the grass. He engaged the mower blades and started towards the back of the yard to mow around the outside a few times before going inside for some breakfast after all.
He started the mower moving and was looking at the lawn, making extra care was taken around his wife's flower gardens so that a rogue mower blade accidentally damaged nothing. That was the last thing he needed, insulting Phyllis' cooking was one thing, but destroying her roses was a death warrant.
He rounded the corner at the back of the yard and made his way around the snaking garden they had built along the tree line. The way the flowers bloomed in the summer was something incredible to look at but keeping a garden that size clean was an entirely different matter.
He made it to the end of the backyard and took a look over his right shoulder to make sure nothing was damaged; there were a few blades of grass in with the tulips, but he could take those out after lunch when things were smoothed over with his wife. Herb turned the wheel and began his journey to the back of the house before bringing the mower around by the shed. He decided at the last minute he would not do behind the shed and would stick to the edging of the yard before the mower ran out of fuel.
Herb followed the same track around the yard that he had created the first time. He didn't pay attention to where he was driving and just enjoyed the feeling of the early morning sunshine on his face. The light breeze coming through the trees was refreshing after such a heated argument.
Before long Herb had circled the back of the yard and was coming around the back of the house. He tried to look in the kitchen window to see if his wife was there so that he could wave to her and blow her a kiss. The only thing that he could see was the light from the front door; she must have gone out front to check the mail.
"I'll come to the house and surprise her," he said with a sly smile. There was nothing more that Herb loved than surprising and scaring his wife. She was getting older, and his pranks were not as grand as they had once been. He did not want to scare her to death.
Herb turned away from the house and swung by the shed again when he saw some movement by the corner.
"Was that an eye?" he thought to himself.
He was coming around the shed and looking along the side trying to see if he had seen someone when something pushed him from the lawnmower and landed on the ground. The mower continued for a few feet before sputtering to a stop.
Towering over Herb was a man and woman who were in bad shape, as they had apparently been spending their nights sleeping in the woods. They opened and closed their mouths, but Herb could not understand any words that they might be saying. He reached into his pockets for his hearing aids but remembered that he left them on the counter next to the door on his way out.
He pushed himself backwards as they continued towards him, reaching out for him. He put up his hand to show that he was not dangerous and did not want to harm them. That was when another person came from inside the shed and bit him on the hand.
Herb screamed as their teeth sunk into his skin and tore off his thumb and index finger. The dirty woman standing over him jumped on his chest and began hitting him with her fists in his ribs; he could feel the bones in his chest weaken and start to crack with each forceful hit.
He tried to call to his wife, get her to call the police, but there was no air in his lungs anymore. He gasped for breath but felt like he was breathing under water. The woman sitting on him threw her hands over her head and brought them down in the middle of his chest with one final thud as he started to black out from the pain.
The last thing the Herb remembered seeing was the woman sitting on his chest grinning at him with a mouthful of his sternum clenched between her teeth.