Massetto di Lamporechio, _by counterfetting himselfe to be dumbe,became a Gardiner in a Monastery of Nunnes, where he had familiarconversation with them all._
The first Novell.
_Wherein is declared, that virginity is very hardly to be kept, in allplaces._
Most woorthy Ladies, there wantes no store of men and women, that areso simple, as to credit for a certainty, that so soon as a yong virginhath the veile put on hir head (after it is once shorn and filletted) &the blacke Cowle given to cover her withall: shee is no longer a woman,nor more sensible of feminine affections, then as if in turning Nun,shee became converted to a stone. And if (perchance) they heard somematters, contrary to their former setled perswasion; then they growe sofuriously offended, as if one had committed a most foul and enormoussinne, directly against the course of nature. And the torrent of thisopinion hurries them on so violently, that they will not admit theleast leisure to consider, how (in such a full scope of liberty) theyhave power to do what they list, yea beyonde all meanes of sufficientsatisfying; never remembring withall, how potent the priviledge ofidlenesse is, especially when it is backt by solitude.
In like manner, there are other people now, who do verily believe,that the Spade and Pickaxe, grosse feeding and labour, do quenchall sensuall and fleshly concupiscences, yea, in such as till andhusband the grounds, by making them dull, blockish, and (almost) meeresenslesse of understanding. But I will approve (according as the Queenehath commanded me, and within the compasse of her direction) and makeit apparant to you al, by a short and pleasant Tale; how greatly theyare abused by error, that build upon so weake a foundation.
Not far from _Alexandria_, there was (and yet is) a great & goodlyMonastery, belonging to the Lord of those parts, who is termed theAdmirall. And therein, under the care and trust of one woman, diversvirgins were kept as recluses or Nunnes, vowed to chastity of life;out of whose number, the Soldan of _Babylon_ (under whom they livedin subjection) at every three yeares end, had usually three of thesevirgins sent him. At the time whereof I am now to speak, there remainedin the Monastery, no more but eight religious Sisters only, besidethe Governesse or Lady Abbesse, and an honest poore man, who was aGardiner, and kept the garden in commendable order.
His wages being small, and he not well contented therewith, would servethere no longer: but making his accounts even, with the _Factotum_or Bayliffe belonging to the house, returned thence to the villageof _Lamporechio_, being a native of the place. Among many other thatgave him welcom home, was a yong Hebrew pezant of the country, sturdy,strong, and yet comely of person, being named _Masset_. But because hewas born not farre off from _Lamporechio_, and had there bin brought upall his yonger dayes, his name of _Masset_ (according to their vulgarspeech) was turned to _Massetto_, and therefore he was usually calledand knowne, by the name of _Massetto_ of _Lamporechio_.
_Massetto_, falling in talke with the honest poore man, whose name was_Lurco_, demanded of him what services hee had done in the Monasterie,having continued there so long a time? Quoth _Lurco_ I laboured in theGarden, which is very faire and great; then I went to the Forest tofetch home wood, and cleft it for their Chamber fuell, drawing uppeall their water beside, with many other toilesome services elsee: butthe allowance of my wages was so little, as it would not pay for theshooes I wore. And that which was worst of all, they being all yongwomen, I thinke the devill dwelse among them, for a man cannot doe anything to please them. When I have bene busie at my worke in the Garden,one would come & say, Put this heere, put that there; and others wouldtake the dibble out of my hand, telling me, that I did not performeany thing well, making me so weary of their continuall trifling, asI have lefte all businesse, gave over the Garden, and what for onemolestation, as also many other; I intended to tarry no longer there,but came away, as thou seest. And yet the _Factotum_ desired me at mydeparting, that if I knew any one, who would undertake the aforesaidlabours, I should send him thither, as (indeed) I promised to do; butlet mee fall sicke and dye, before I helpe to send them any.
When _Massetto_ had heard the Words of _Lurco_, hee was so desirous todwell among the Nunnes, that nothing elsee now hammered in his head: forhe meant more subtilly, then poore _Lurco_ did, and made no doubt, toplease them sufficiently. Then considering with himselfe, how best hemight bring his intent to effect; which appeared not easily to be done,he could question no further therein with _Lurco_, but onely demandedother matters of him, and among them said. Introth thou didst well_Lurco_, to come away from so tedious a dwelling; had he not need to bemore then a man that is to live with such women? It were better for himto dwell among so many divelse, because they understand not the tenthpart that womens wily wits can dive into.
After their conference was ended, _Massetto_ began to beat his braines,how he might compasse to dwell among them, & knowing that he could wellenough performe all the labours, whereof _Lurco_ had made mention: hecared not for any losse he should sustaine thereby: but onely stoodein doubt of his entertainment, because he was too yong and sprightly.Having pondered on many imaginations, he saide to himselfe. The placeis farre enough distant hence, and none there can take knowledge ofmee; if I have wit sufficient, cleanely to make them beleeve that Iam dumbe, then (questionlesse) I shall be received. And resolving toprosecute this determination, he tooke a Spade on his shoulder, andwithout revealing to any body, whether he went, in the disguise of apoore labouring countryman, he travelled to the Monastery.
When he was there arrived, he found the great gate open, and enteringin boldly, it was his good hap to espy the _Fac-totum_ in the court,according as _Lurco_ had given description of him. Making signesbefore him, as if he were both dumbe and deafe; he manifested, thathe craved an Almes for Gods sake, making shewes beside, that if needrequired, he could cleave wood, or do any reasonable kinde of service.The _Fac-totum_ gladly gave him food, and afterward shewed him diversknotty logs of wood, which the weake strength of _Lurco_ had leftuncloven; but this fellow being more active and lusty, quickly rentthem all to pieces. Now it so fell out, that the _Fac-totum_ must needsgo to the Forrest, and tooke _Massetto_ along with him thither: wherecausing him to fell divers Trees, by signes he bad him to lade the twoAsses therewith, which commonly carried home all the wood, and so drivethem to the Monasterie before him, which _Massetto_ knew well enoughhow to do, and performed it very effectually.
Many other servile offices were there to bee done, which caused the_Fac-totum_ to make use of his paines divers other dayes beside: inwhich time, the Lady Abbesse chancing to see him, demanded of the_Fac-totum_ what he was? Madam (quoth hee) a poore labouring man, whois both deafe and dumbe: hither he came to crave an almes the otherday, which in charity I could do no lesse but give him; for which heehath done many honest services about the house. It seemes beside, thathee hath some pretty skill in Gardening, so that if I can perswade himto continue here, I make no question of his able services: for the oldsilly man is gone, and we have neede of such a stout fellow, to do thebusinesse belonging unto the Monastery, and one fitter for the turne,comes sildome hither. Moreover, in regard of his double imperfections,the Sisters can sustaine no impeachment by him. Whereto the Abbesseanswered, saying; By the faith of my body, you speake but the truth:understand then, if hee have any knowledge in Gardening, and whetherhee will dwell heere, or no: which compasse so kindly as you can. Lethim have a new paire of shoes, fill his belly daily full of meate,flatter, and make much of him, for wee shall finde him worke enough todo. All which, the _Fac-totum_ promised to fulfill sufficiently.
_Massetto_, who was not farre off from them all this while, but seemedseriously busied, about sweeping and making cleane the Court, heardeall these speeches; and being not a little joyfull of them, saide tohimselfe. If once I come to worke in your Garden, let the proofe yeeldepraise of my skill and knowledge. When the _Fac-totum_ perceived, thathe knew perfectly how to undergo his businesse, and had questionedhim by signes, concerning his willingnesse to serve there still, andreceived the like answer also, of his dutifull readin
esse thereto;he gave him order, to worke in the Garden, because the season didnow require it; and to leave all other affayres for the Monastery,attending now onely the Gardens preparation.
As _Massetto_ was thus about his Garden emploiment, the Nunnes began toresort thither, and thinking the man to bee dumbe and deafe indeede,were the more lavish of their language, mocking and flowting him veryimmodestly, as being perswaded, that he heard them not. And the LadyAbbesse, thinking he might as well be an Eunuch, as deprived bothof hearing and speaking, stood the lesse in feare of the Sisterswalks, but referred them to their owne care and providence. On a day,_Massetto_ having laboured somewhat extraordinarily, lay downe to resthim selfe awhile under the trees, and two delicate yong Nunnes, walkingthere to take the aire, drew neere to the place where he dissembledsleeping; and both of them observing his comelinesse of person, beganto pity the poverty of his condition, but much more the misery of hisgreat defectes. Then one of them, who had a little livelier spirit thenthe other, thinking _Massetto_ to be fast asleepe, began in this manner.
Sister (quoth she) if I were faithfully assured of thy secrecie, Iwould tell thee a thing which I have often thought on, and it may(perhaps) redound to thy profit. [Sidenote: Example, at least excusesformed to that intent prevaileth much with such kind of religiouswomen.] Sister, replyed the other Nun, speake your minde boldly, andbeleeve it (on my Maiden-head) that I will never reveale it to anycreature living. Encouraged by this solemne answer, the first Nun thusprosecuted her former purpose, saying. I know not Sister, whetherit hath entred into thine understanding or no, how strictly we arehere kept and attended, never any man daring to adventure among us,except our good and honest _Fac-totum_, who is very aged; and thisdumbe fellow, maimed, and made imperfect by nature, and therefore notwoorthy the title of a man. Ah Sister, it hath oftentimes bin told me,by Gentle-women comming hither to visite us, that all other sweetes inthe world, are meere mockeries, to the incomparable pleasures of manand woman, of which we are barred by our unkind parents, binding us toperpetuall chastity, which they were never able to observe themselves.
A Sister of this house once told me, that before her turne came to besent to the Soldane, she fell in frailty, with a man that was bothlame and blinde, and discovering the same to her Ghostly Father inconfession; he absolved her of that sinne; affirming, that she hadnot transgressed with a man, because he wanted his rationall andunderstanding parts. Behold Sister, heere lyes a creature, almostformed in the selfe-same mold, dumb and deafe, which are two themost rational and understanding parts that do belong to any man, andtherefore no Man, wanting them. If folly & frailty should be committedwith him (as many times since hee came hither it hath run in my minde)hee is by Nature, sworne to such secrecie, that he cannot (if hewould) be a blabbe thereof. Beside, the Lawes and constitutions of ourReligion doth teach us, that a sinne so assuredly concealed, is morethen halfe absolved.
_Ave Maria_ Sister (said the other Nunne) what kinde of words are theseyou utter? Doe not you know, that wee have promised our virginity toGod? Oh Sister (answered the other) how many things are promised tohim every day, and not one of a thousand kept or performed? If weehave made him such a promise, and some of our weaker witted Sisters doperforme it for us, no doubt but he will accept it in part of payment.Yea but Sister, replied the second Nunne againe, there is anotherdanger lying in our way: If wee prove to be with childe, how shallwe doe then? Sister (quoth our couragious Wench) thou art afraid ofa harme, before it happen, if it come so to passe, let us consideron it then: thou art but a Novice in matters of such moment, and weeare provided of a thousand meanes, whereby to prevent conception. Or,if they should faile, wee are so surely fitted, that the world shallnever know it: let it suffice, our lives must not be (by any) somuch as suspected, our Monasterie questioned, or our Religion rashlyscandalized. Thus shee schooled her younger Sister in wit, albeit asforward as she in will, and longed as desirously, to know what kinde acreature a man was.
After some other questions, how this intention of theirs might besafely brought to full effect: the sprightly Nunne, that had wit atwill, thus answered. You see Sister (quoth she) it is now the houreof midday, when all the rest of our Sisterhood are quiet in theirChambers, because we are then allowed to sleepe, for our earlier risingto morning Mattins. Here are none in the Garden now but our selves,and, while I awake him, be you the watch, and afterward follow me in myfortune, for I will valiantly leade you the way. _Massetto_ imitatinga dogges sleepe, heard all this conspiracie intended against him, andlonged as earnestly, till shee came to awake him. Which being done,he seeming very simply sottish, and she chearing him with flatteringbehaviour: into the close Arbour they went, which the Sunnes brighteye could not pierce into, and there I leave it to the Nunnes owneapprobation, whether _Massetto_ was a man rationall, or no. Ill deedesrequire longer time to contrive, then act, and both the Nunnes, havingbeene with _Massetto_ at this new forme of confession, were enjoyned(by him) such an easie and silent penance, as brought them the oftnerto shrift, and made him to proove a perfect Confessour.
Desires obtained, but not fully satisfied, doe commonly urge morefrequent accesse, then wisdome thinkes expedient, or can continuewithout discoverie. Our two Joviall Nunnes, not a little proud oftheir private stolne pleasures, so long resorted to the close Arbour;till an other Sister, who had often observed their haunt thither, bymeanes of a little hole in her window; that shee began to suspect themwith _Massetto_, and imparted the same to two other Sisters, all threeconcluding, to accuse them before the Lady Abbesse. But upon a furtherconference had with the offenders, they changed opinion, tooke the sameoath as the forewoman had done, and because they would be free from anytaxation at all: they revealed their adventures to the other threeignorants, and so fell all eight into one formall confederacie, but bygood and warie observation, least the Abbesse her selfe should descrythem; finding poore _Massetto_ such plenty of Garden-worke, as made himvery doubtfull in pleasing them all.
It came to passe in the end, that the Lady Abbesse, who all this whileimagined no such matter, walking all alone in the Garden on a day,found _Massetto_ sleeping under an Almond tree, having then very littlebusinesse to doe, because he had wrought hard all the night before.Shee observed him to be an hansome man, young, lusty, well limbde, andproportioned, having a mercifull commisseration of his dumbnesse anddeafenesse, being perswaded also in like manner, that if he were anEunuch too, he deserved a thousand times the more to be pittied. Theseason was exceeding hot, and he lay downe so carelesly to sleepe,that something was noted, wherein shee intended to be better resolved,almost falling sicke of the other Nunnes disease. Having awaked him,she commanded him (by signes) that he should follow her to her chamber,where he was kept close so long, that the Nunnes grew offended, becausethe Gardener came not to his dayly labour.
Well may you imagine that _Massetto_ was no misse-proud man now, to bethus advanced from the Garden to the Chamber, and by no worse woman,then the Lady Abbesse her selfe, what signes, shewes, or what languagehe speaks there, I am not able to expresse; onely it appeard that hisbehaviour pleased her so well, as it procured his daily repairingthither; and acquainted her with such familiar conversation, as sheewould have condemned in the Nuns her daughters, but that they were wiseenough to keepe it from her. Now began _Massetto_ to consider withhimselfe, that he had undertaken a taske belonging to great _Hercules_,in giving contentment to so many, and by continuing dumbe in thismanner, it would redound to his no meane detriment. Whereupon, as heewas one night sitting by the Abbesse, the string that restrained histongue from speech, brake on a sodaine, and thus he spake.
Madam, I have often heard it said, that one Cocke may doe serviceto ten severall Hennes, but ten men can (very hardly) even with alltheir best endeavour, give full satisfaction every way to one woman;and yet I am tied to content nine, which is farre beyond the compasseof my power to doe. Already have I performed so much Garden andChamber-worke, that I confesse my selfe starke tired, and can travaileno further; and therefore let me entr
eate you to lysence my departurehence, or finde some meanes for my better ease. The Abbesse hearinghim speake, who had so long served there dumbe; being stricken intoadmiration, and accounting it almost a miracle, saide. How commeth thisto passe? I verily beleeved thee to be dumbe. Madam (quoth _Massetto_)so I was indeed, but not by Nature; onely I had a long lingeringsicknesse, which bereft me of speech, and which I have not onelyrecovered againe this night, but shall ever remaine thankfull to youfor it.
The Abbesse verily credited his answer, demanding what he meant,in saying, that he did service to nine? Madam, quoth he, this werea dangerous question, and not easily answered before all the eightSisters. Upon this reply, the Abbesse plainly perceived, that not onelyshee had fallen into folly, but all the Nunnes likewise cried guiltytoo: wherefore being a woman of sound discretion, she would not grantthat _Massetto_ should depart, but to keepe him still about the Nunnesbusinesse, because the Monastery should not be scandalized by him. Andthe _Fac-totum_ being dead a little before, his strange recovery ofspeech revealed, and some things elsee more neerely concerning them: bygenerall consent, & with the good liking of _Massetto_, he was createdthe _Fac-totum_ of the Monasterie.
All the neighbouring people dwelling thereabout, who knew _Massetto_to be dumbe, by fetching home wood daily from the Forrest, and diversemployments in other places; were made to beleeve that by the Nunnesdevoute prayers and discipline, as also the merits of the Saint, inwhose honour the Monastery was built and erected, _Massetto_ hadhis long restrained speech restored, and was now become their sole_Fac-totum_, having power now to employ others in drudgeries, and easehimselfe of all such labours. And albeit he make the Nunnes to befruitfull, by encreasing some store of yonger Sisters; yet all matterswere so close & cleanly carried, as it was never talkt of, till afterthe death of the Ladie Abbesse, when _Massetto_ beganne to grow ingood yeares, and desired, to returne home to his Native abiding, which(within a while after) was granted him.
Thus _Massetto_, being rich and old, returned home like a wealthyFather, taking no care for the nursing of his children, but bequeathedthem to the place where they were bred and born, having (by his wit andingenious apprehension) made such a benefit of his youthfull years,that now he merrily tooke ease in his age.