Darrak sighed. “Exorcists? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Speak, dark demon!” Rosa hissed, squeezing Eden’s face even tighter. Eden tried her best not to bat the woman’s hands away. “What is your reply?”
Another internal sigh. “Eden, let’s talk about this.”
“I’m rewwy shorry.” Her words were distorted due to her current pursed-lip situation. “But you habben gibben me any udder choice here.”
“So, you what? Called 411 to find the nearest Exorcists ‘R’ Us?”
Eden cleared her throat. “Akshlee, I just rooked in the phone book.”
“I already told you I can’t leave, but it’s not because I don’t want to. Believe me, I want to, but I can’t.”
“He says he can’t leeb me,” Eden said
“Liar!” Rosa snapped.
“You can tell this lady to bite me, though,” Darrak added. “And she can take that holier-than-thou attitude of hers and shove it right under her granny panties.”
“Does the demon show fear for my abilities?” Rosa asked.
“Not rewwy,” Eden admitted, though she was finding it increasingly hard to talk while in the forcibly pursed position. Her cheeks began to ache. “You can let go of my faysh now. Preesh.”
She finally released Eden, who sighed with relief and rubbed her sore cheeks.
“Right,” Darrak said. “Actually, I’m not afraid because I’ve been faced with a lot of exorcists in the last three hundred years. Believe me, there have been a lot of yahoos who think they can get rid of me, but a true exorcist needs to completely believe in demons and the Netherworld—their faith needs to be absolute. And they have to use actual holy water—”
“Malcolm, pass me the holy water, please.” Rosa held out her hand.
“Yes, Mother.”
Darrak scoffed. “They say it’s holy water, but that could just be from the tap for all we know.”
“What’s this we thing?” Eden said.
“Now, you must repeat after me,” Rosa said. “I, Eden Riley—”
“I, Eden Riley.”
“Commit to ridding my physical being of all things demonic—”
Eden repeated it.
“And renounce evil and all forms of black magic—”
Well, of course. “And renounce evil and all forms of black magic.”
“And all lustful thoughts.”
Eden frowned. “And all lustful thoughts?”
“Lust is a deadly sin. You may have been chosen as a vessel for the demon because of that sinful, cleavage-revealing blouse you’re wearing right now. Shameful, really.”
Eden held a hand to her chest. “I bought this at Sears last week. It’s machine washable!”
“Lust is the most popular deadly sin, followed closely by vanity and greed.” She gently patted Eden’s cheek. “Speaking of money, I should let you know up front that the outstanding thousand dollars on this transaction applies whether or not I am able to dispel this evil spirit from you. It will be applied directly to the credit card number you provided earlier.”
“There’s no money-back guarantee?”
“I’m afraid not. We are working with Satan’s darkest minions, here.”
“Did she just call me a minion?” Darrak grumbled. “Talk about adding insult to potential injury.”
“I also have a disclaimer for you to sign that absolves us of any responsibility should this exorcism lead to any property damage or, potentially, your death.” Rosa placed a legal-sized document in front of Eden and handed her a pen.
Eden’s eyes widened. “My death?”
“Much like a cosmetic liposuction procedure, it’s a rare side effect, but one we should never gloss over. But wouldn’t you rather be dead than be possessed by a demon?”
“Well…”
“Look, Eden,” Darrak said. “I’ve tried to be patient, but you need to send these people away right now before this gets out of control.”
“You think they’ll be able to do it?” she asked out loud. Rosa and Malcolm would know she was chatting with her inner demon, so she saw no reason to whisper or try to otherwise hide it.
“No. But do you even know what an exorcism does?”
“Yeah, it’ll get rid of the demon I’m possessed with.”
“It will also damage your soul.”
She tensed. “Really? Why would it do that?”
“Because that’s what I’m going to grab onto when they try to get rid of me. I’m going to cling onto your sparkly silver soul like a lifeline. If she’s really good, she’ll eventually be able to rip me loose. Then my essence will be torn apart—we like to use the term decimate—I’ll be cast into the void, a place of endless darkness and despair from which there’s no escape—”
“Sounds like Hell to me.”
He laughed humorlessly. “The void is the innermost ring of Hell—all of it, the rings of Hell, the void, and the Underworld make up the Netherworld. Actually the rest of Hell’s a Las Vegas theme hotel compared to the void. When a demon is exorcised, it’s not the same as simply being vanquished. If I was vanquished, I’d be sent on a one-way ticket back to Hell. I’d be damaged. It would take a long time, if ever, for me to recover, but I’d still exist. An exorcism is a bit more permanent than that. It’ll be a few days of ultimate pain and suffering, and then it’s all over.”
Rosa continued to study Eden closely during Darrak’s speech, taking down notes from what Eden said in reply in a small notebook she carried.
Eden swallowed. “Sounds like a root canal with no anesthetic.”
“A trillion times worse than that.”
“A trillion?”
“Well… a lot. I don’t know the exact equation. I’m a demon, not a mathematician.”
“Don’t listen to whatever the demon is telling you right now,” Rosa said in a commanding tone. “He’ll try to convince you he is worthy of staying on this mortal level of existence. He may promise you great things—wealth, eternal beauty, or perhaps hours of evil, orgasmic sex—”
Eden’s eyebrows went up at that. “Pardon me?”
“Well, now that she mentions it,” Darrak said. “I do seem able to take corporeal form during daylight hours, don’t I?”
“Where do I sign?” Eden asked. “Let’s do this.”
Rosa pointed to the right place on the form and Eden signed her name. Then the woman snatched the document away, rolled it up, and put it into her bag.
Darrak sighed. “I guess the thing about three whole days of torture leading to my complete decimation gave you no pause at all?”
“You’re a demon,” Eden said under her breath. “Demons lie.”
“We don’t have to have hours of so-called evil, orgasmic sex. I was just saying that because it’s been so long for me. Vicarious sex through my hosts has been unfulfilling to say the least.”
“I don’t really care.”
Would he really be in torturous pain for days before finally dying? Did demons die? She suddenly wished she’d paid more attention back in Sunday school. But that was a long time ago and, now that she thought about it, this hadn’t been one of the topics. She remembered hearing about Noah and his ark of friendly animals, but the subject of what to do when one was possessed by a demon had not been covered, surprisingly enough.
“Aren’t you scared?” Eden asked quietly. “Not even a little bit?”
“No. From what I’ve seen so far, I don’t think this woman has enough power to get rid of me—she’s weak. Even if that vial was filled with real holy water it wouldn’t make any difference at all. And you already found out yourself what happens when you read from the Bible. Nothing. And you know why? Because I’m not evil. I mean you no harm. All I want is your help to solve this problem in a different and much more mutually beneficial way.”
“You sure talk a lot.”
“It’s been three hundred years without somebody to talk to. So sue me. No, this lady is the one who’s all talk. And, besides, how can I possi
bly be afraid of somebody wearing a dress that ugly?”
“Darrak—” Rosa began, “I say your true name in order to bind you.”
“You told her my name?” Darrak asked with annoyance.
She frowned. “Aren’t you supposed to be… binded, or whatever, now?”
“Bound. And no. Not so much.”
Rosa’s forehead creased. “Does the malevolent presence not acknowledge his true name?”
Eden shifted nervously in her seat. “Doesn’t seem to.”
“Darrak,” Rosa said again. “I bind you, you filthy spirit.”
“See, now she’s just being a bitch about it,” Darrak said.
Eden rolled her eyes. “This isn’t working.”
“He must have lied about his name,” Rosa said emphatically. “If he’d given you his true name, this wouldn’t be a problem.”
“She’s right,” Darrak said. “One point for the lady in the muumuu.”
“Darrak’s not your real name?”
“More of a nickname. Sorry, I don’t give out my real name to someone I’ve just met. I’d say you shouldn’t be offended if you hadn’t just tried to use it against me. Now can we end this while we all still have our dignity intact?”
“Mother, let me try,” Malcolm stepped forward.
She nodded. “Very well.”
The college kid, lanky and lean with that angelic face, approached Eden and leaned against her desk. He had a Bible in his hand. The vial of holy water rested on the desk next to him.
He leaned over and looked her directly in the eyes. “Demon, I commit myself to casting ye from this innocent woman’s body.”
Darrak let out a small gasp inside of her. “Shit. This guy’s the real deal.”
He was? This college kid was a genuine exorcist—a true believer—when his mother wasn’t?
“Unclean spirit—” Malcolm dipped his fingers into the bottle of holy water and brought it to Eden’s forehead, before drawing a small cross there. There was a slight burning sensation as it dried.
Darrak must have felt more than a slight burn because he gasped again. “No—”
“Leave this place,” Malcolm continued evenly. “Return to the eternal darkness from which you were spawned and never return.”
Eden inhaled sharply. She felt something then. An unpleasant tightening deep inside of her. Whatever Malcolm was doing was working.
And that’s what she wanted, right?
“Eden—” Darrak didn’t sound happy. “Please, stop this. Don’t let him exorcise me.”
Malcolm then took the small black Bible in his hand and without any warning, pressed it firmly against Eden’s forehead. She shrieked out loud as her chair skidded back a few feet on its wheels to crash against the wall.
“Leave her!” Malcolm raised his voice. “And do not return. I bind ye and cast ye into the pit forevermore.”
The tearing and tightening sensation increased and Eden began to panic. Was this the right decision? Was she going to hurt somebody who—although their presence was more than a bit disconcerting to say the least—hadn’t actually hurt her in any way? Were demons really capable of being good as Darrak claimed? And if so, was she the one being evil by essentially hiring somebody to tear him apart in order to get rid of him—as if she was simply cauterizing an unwanted wart?
“What is your true name, demon?” Malcolm’s pressure on the Bible against her forehead increased. “Tell me. You now look into the face of justice and all that which is good in the world. You shall be incapable of lying to me now.”
“My name…” Darrak began. “It’s… it’s… no. No. Please, Eden, stop this. I’ll do anything. I promise we can fix this in another way!”
Eden gritted her teeth and grabbed Malcolm’s wrist. “Okay, I think that’s enough. Stop it.”
“Mother, restrain her. The demon is forcing her to resist me.” Rosa moved quickly, placing her cane to the side, and kneeled beside Eden’s chair to hold her wrists down against the armrests. Either she was really strong or Eden was suddenly really weak, but it was enough to keep her firmly pinned in place.
“It’ll be okay, honey,” she said. “Just think pleasant thoughts. Pure, virginal thoughts. We’ll get rid of that demon for you just like you asked us to.”
“I’ve changed my mind,” Eden gritted out. “It’s not really a demon.”
Rosa tilted her head to the side. “It’s not?”
“No… I… I had this spicy Mexican food last night. It’s only a bad case of heartburn. I don’t need an exorcism. I need some Pepto-Bismol!”
“Her tongue is forked with lies,” Malcolm growled.
“You’re the one who’s forked.” Eden glared at him. “Now, stop this right now or you’re going to be in big trouble!”
Sure. That sounded insistent enough, didn’t it?
“This exorcism won’t stop until I’m finished.” Malcolm pulled a notebook from his pocket and flipped forward a few pages. “Sancte Michael Archangele, defende nos in praelio et colluctatione, quae nobis adversus principes et potestates…”
“Eden!” Darrak had begun to sound panicked and the pitched tone of his voice, even though she only heard it internally, now held great pain.
“Stop this exorcism right now.” Eden looked directly at Rosa, who was staring back at her with a confused expression.
“She is not entirely human,” Rosa said in a soft voice.
“She’s touched with magic that gives this demon special strength. But I don’t know what it is that makes her different. Be careful, Malcolm.”
Could Rosa sense Eden’s mild psychic abilities? Before she could ask for clarification, Malcolm roughly grabbed a handful of Eden’s hair and pulled her head back around to look at him.
“So the demon is not the only unclean being in the room. Perhaps that’s why he was attracted to your form. You are a minion of Satan as well.”
“Get your hands off me,” Eden growled.
“I can help you,” he insisted. “But I need you lucid enough to break free of the demon’s influence.”
He let go of her hair only to backhand her hard across her face. The pain and shock was enough to knock any thoughts or protests out of her head.
“Malcolm,” Rosa said sharply. “That wasn’t necessary.”
“Mother, please. Let me do my job here.”
There was a knock on the door a moment before Malcolm struck the other side of her face, which left her ears ringing and pain reverberating through her skull as Rosa continued to hold her in place.
Eden looked over and was surprised to see that Ben had returned. He peered through the glass door at them, and his eyes met with Eden’s.
He rattled the handle as he tried to get in, but the door was locked. Then he banged at the door hard with his closed fist.
This probably didn’t look too good, Eden thought absently, both relieved and disturbed that her exorcism had another witness.
The next moment something shattered—it was the door. Ben had wrapped part of his leather jacket over his fist to break the glass, then he reached through to unlock it and let himself in.
“What the hell is going on here?” he demanded.
“Leave us,” Malcolm growled over his shoulder.
“I don’t think so. Let go of her”—Ben unsheathed his gun and pointed it at Malcolm—“right now.”
SIX
Malcolm put up his hands and took a few steps away from Eden. “You’re making a grave mistake.”
“I think you’re the one making the mistake. And that goes for you, too, lady. Get the hell away from her.” Ben’s gaze moved to Eden. “Are you okay?”
She felt shaky and cold. She couldn’t feel Darrak’s presence anymore, which disturbed her. Was he gone? Had Malcolm been successful at exorcising him?
“Yes, I’m fine,” she managed after a moment.
Ben narrowed his eyes as he looked at Malcolm and Rosa. “You’re both under arrest for assault.”
“No, wa
it,” Eden said getting to her feet. “I’m not pressing charges.”
She couldn’t let Ben arrest them. She’d paid the exorcists to come here. They’d only done what she wanted them to do. That is, until she changed her mind.
It was a possessed woman’s prerogative, after all.
“You’re not…” Ben’s forehead was furrowed. “What the hell do you mean? I saw this son of a bitch hit you.”
Eden grimaced. “It wasn’t what it looked like.”
“Then what was it?”
“A misunderstanding, that’s all,” Rosa said evenly.
Ben’s gun wavered. “Eden? Explain this.”
She nodded. “It was a misunderstanding. No harm done.” She glanced at the broken door. “Well, almost no harm done.”
“But, I saw him hit you—”
She moved toward him and put a hand on his hard-muscled arm so he’d lower his weapon completely. “Seriously, Ben. Just let it go. Please. Let them leave.”
It was obvious that Ben was torn about this decision. He searched her face for whatever answer he was looking for. Finally and reluctantly he holstered his gun. “Fine. Have it your way.” There was no humor to the words.
Eden breathed out a sigh of relief and then looked at the exorcists. “You can leave now,” she said firmly. “We’re done here.”
“You heard the lady,” Ben growled. “Get out of here. Now. Before I change my mind.”
Rosa quickly gathered her cane and the rest of her exorcism paraphernalia. “As I said earlier, Ms. Riley, the full price for this service stands. Thank you for your business and have a lovely day.”
Malcolm moved toward Ben. “Do you have any idea what you’ve interrupted here?”
Ben glowered at him. “A piece of shit abusing a friend of mine?”
“Just the opposite, actually. Your friend is very dangerous right now and must be dealt with.”
The cop clenched his fists at his sides. “You have no idea how dangerous I can be.”
Malcolm nodded at the chain that held a small gold cross pendant Ben wore around his neck. “I see you’re a believer in the difference between good and evil.”
Ben’s eyes narrowed. “It’s how I live my life. What I’ve chosen to do as a career.”