He fumbled with the clothes still between them. She heard a tear—her drawers? Such impatience! She almost laughed, but he was kissing her again. And then there was a new pressure between her legs that made her purr in her throat, but no sooner did it feel wonderfully pleasant than it started to hurt. She pressed back away from the pain, but it followed her, increased to where she started to cry out. But with a swift thrust from him, it was suddenly gone, leaving just a tight fullness behind that she didn’t yet know what to make of.
The mood was broken however, and he’d leaned back slightly to see her reaction. She was understandably glaring at him, feeling somehow betrayed.
“That was—,” he began, but amended with a sigh, “It won’t happen again, you have my word.”
“What won’t? The pain?”
“Yes. That was your body fighting to retain its innocence. You didn’t really want to keep it at this point, did you?”
She understood now and said with a good deal of annoyance, “No, but my mother should have mentioned to me that there would be pain involved, instead of just telling me that if I was lucky, I’d enjoy the matrimonial bed or, more to the point, lovemaking. She said that not all women do. I suppose I didn’t get lucky.”
She could see he was fighting to hold back a laugh. The urge rose up to hit him. This was not funny. To have such pleasure end on such a bad note…
“Are we done then?” she asked stiffly.
“Good God, I hope not. But I have a feeling your mother rushed through that conversation. She should have told you luck has nothing to do with it.”
“What does?”
“The skill of your partner,” he said with a grin. “Shall I prove it?”
He moved in her as he said it. Her eyes flared wide. The sensation he evoked with his fullness was nothing but pleasant, and in fact, it was nearly too pleasant. That quickly, her passion returned to take full control of her again. And what he was doing went beyond her meager experience. Had she thought she’d discovered the ultimate pleasure yesterday in the coach with him? The exquisite slow thrusting he was treating her to was sliding across nerves she didn’t know she possessed. So deep the pleasure went in her, so stirring, that she seemed to feel it everywhere, until a tension built that would have to explode, and it did, blissfully pulsing, draining her to repletion.
She was barely aware that he’d reached his pleasure with her. Such sensual languor filled her now she didn’t want to move. And she felt a moment of profound tenderness for the man still wrapped in her arms. This odd emotion almost brought tears to her eyes, no sadness, just the opposite, utterly unique, certainly nothing she’d ever felt before for anyone.
“That was wicked of you,” she remarked once her breathing had calmed down. She was still running her fingers gently through his hair.
“Yes, it was,” he said against her neck. “But did it work? Are you at peace again?”
“I have no idea, I’m too filled with pleasure at the moment to feel anything else.”
He leaned up to look at her. He was grinning. “Enjoyed that, did you?”
“Yes! You simply can’t imagine.”
“Ah, but I can, or do you think men do this just to pass the time?”
She laughed. She was in such a bubbly mood now, she was surprised she hadn’t started giggling. But then she had a disappointing thought.
“It’s rather obvious that my temper is still going to show up, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but I’ll wager a guess that you’ll find that you have much better control of it now. That was the point, m’dear. Not that you’d never get angry again, which is unlikely for anyone, not just you, but that all of your volatile emotions wouldn’t be channeled into only one outlet, which was making them too abrasive and detrimental.”
“So I didn’t need to really test it—this way?” she guessed.
He was grinning again. “At the risk of ending a beautiful moment—he kissed her lips softly so she couldn’t doubt what he was talking about—“probably not. However, you only need to recall the tranquillity you experienced yesterday to realize that lovemaking does have certain additional benefits, at least for you. As testing goes, it was already proven that for a while it will drain your passions for you. It did so nicely, didn’t it?”
“Indeed. I was quite incredulous.”
“And now?”
“Sublimely peaceful again.”
He nodded. “So in that regard I would say further testing was necessary and proved successful. And I will, of course, offer my help anytime you feel a need to release some of those passions again.”
“How generous of you.”
“I thought so.”
His teasing brought on the urge to hug him. Actually, the urge had shown up at his first grin. She was so pleased with him at the moment and felt a closeness she’d never experienced before with any other man. Friendship or…? No, she wasn’t going to go there. She didn’t want to examine more deeply what she was feeling for him now, when nothing more would ever come of it. She ought to assure him of that. There was no need for him to worry needlessly that she’d take advantage of what had just occurred.
She moved her gaze away from his, even felt a blush mounting over the subject she was going to broach. “About what we did, I’m not compromised, so don’t give that another thought. As it happens, I wouldn’t marry you anyway. I refuse to make my father that happy. So what happened here will remain strictly between us. No one needs to know.”
He was giving her an odd look. “That’s rather—noble of you.”
“No, it’s not. It’s quite vindictive, just not against you.”
“I see.” He started to frown.
She guessed the direction his thoughts just went. “Don’t even think of discussing my relationship with my father or the lack thereof, or any resulting vindictiveness on my part because of it. What’s between him and me is just that, none of your concern.”
“A sweet, kind woman wouldn’t have such thoughts,” he pointed out, despite her warning.
“A sweet, kind woman wouldn’t have a father like mine, either.”
He winced. “Touché.”
Chapter Twenty-six
I T WAS EASY TO STRAIGHTEN her clothes, as if nothing untoward had happened in that parlor. Rafe even helped, lifting the bodice of her dress back over her breasts and depositing a brief kiss on the upper edge that didn’t get quite covered and wouldn’t, because of the low neckline. She pulled up her stockings, which were bunched about her ankles, and almost laughed that she was still wearing her boots. That he’d removed none of her clothes to make love to her was rather tawdry by all accounts, if she cared to think about it. She didn’t, but he obviously did.
Before he unlocked the door, he drew her into his arms and kissed her one last time. “We really should do this in a bed sometime.” His smile was somewhat embarrassed. “Where I can devote the proper time to your pleasure. Rushing like a wet-behind-the-ears schoolboy—”
She put a finger to his lips. “Your ears are quite dry, I do assure you.”
“That’s kind of you to say so, but I do seem to lose my finesse when I’m around you.”
“Fishing for more compliments, are you?”
“Was I?” He grinned.
“And I’d be careful about calling me kind,” she teased. “Or you might have to take me back to London immediately, task finished.”
He coughed, opened the door, and gently shoved her through it. “Go change your dress before luncheon. My aunt will be down soon.”
“I just need to dispose of the evidence.” She was grinning now.
“Would you like me to?”
She’d bunched her torn drawers in her hand, since she had no pocket on this dress to stuff them in, but she’d prefer not to be caught running up the stairs with them in hand. She glanced at the fireplace behind him.
“Would you toss them in the fire for me? Sadie can’t be allowed to find them.”
“Certainly.”
<
br /> She handed them over with a slight blush, then rushed upstairs. It wasn’t as easy to dispose of her stained petticoat. Water alone wasn’t going to remove the splotches of virginal blood, and Sadie knew well it wasn’t her time of the month. She ended up hiding the petticoat under her mattress for now. When she had more time, she would cut it up and feed it to the fire as well. Evidence gone. No one the wiser.
She did change dresses, though, after getting a better look at the wrinkles they’d managed to put on the lavender one. But it was amazing how quickly she rushed through doing so. She was back downstairs in less than fifteen minutes, to spend more time with Rafe today. So she was quite disappointed to find that he was no longer in the parlor, where she’d left him.
She moved over to the window to wait for him to return. She kept stealing glances at the sofa behind her, where they’d made love. She didn’t think she’d be able to sit there again without blushing.
It was starting to sink in. She was a woman now. She’d had the sophistication of one for several years, but now she really was one. Oddly, it felt no different—no, that wasn’t true. It felt wonderful. No, actually, what she was feeling had nothing to do with crossing the line into womanhood and everything to do with who had helped her across it. That first time could have been a horrible experience, she realized now, but Rafe hadn’t let it be. He’d made sure she could look back on it with a smile. And she had a feeling it was going to be quite a wide smile for a long time.
Rafe came back downstairs with his aunt beside him. He’d changed his clothes as well and combed his hair—she’d made it look rather wild threading her fingers through it. She hoped no one had noticed before he was able to fix it. The man never looked untidy, certainly not the way he was when she’d left him earlier.
With Esmerelda present, there was no further opportunity to talk about what they’d done together, though Ophelia did catch the secretive grin he gave her and returned it. And her wonderful mood lasted through luncheon. Nor was it daunted when he suggested afterward that they adjourn to his study, rather than the parlor.
“I don’t believe I will be able to concentrate just now in the other room,” he admitted in a low voice as he escorted her across the hall.
She understood perfectly. And she didn’t think he had another intimate tryst in mind, more’s the pity. Every time he’d suggested they adjourn to another room by themselves, it was to discuss her past peccadilloes. Today she didn’t even mind. Today she could probably withstand any subject he felt like introducing.
“Let’s discuss Sabrina,” he said as she took a seat across from his desk.
Well, any subject except that one. “Let’s not.”
She smiled at him as she said it. She didn’t want him to think she was being difficult. But she had such mixed feelings about Sabrina Lambert, she didn’t really want to delve into them.
Rafe didn’t say another word, was staring at the letter opener he’d picked up and was now twirling through his fingers. She knew what he was doing, using silence against her. It wasn’t going to work this time….
“I was fool enough to give her a chance, you know,” Ophelia said after a few more moments of his ignoring her. “When she arrived in London with her aunts to stay with us for the Season, she seemed so sweet. I doubted it at first, but then I realized her sweetness probably wasn’t false because she was a country girl, so I actually broke my own rule. I thought we could be real friends.”
He let out a long-suffering sigh. “So this is a case where you really did backstab a friend? I must admit I was hoping to hear a valid excuse.”
He looked so disappointed in her it actually brought a tightness to her chest. What the devil? And she didn’t even know what he was talking about!
“Explain that remark, if you please. How exactly did I backstab her?”
“You reintroduced her family scandal, which had been long forgotten, and you did so maliciously.”
“Don’t be absurd,” she said curtly. “I was doing her a favor.”
He raised a skeptical brow. “By ruining her chances for a good match in London? I think I’d prefer to decline favors like that.”
Ophelia sat back with a sigh of her own. “Very well, I see I’m going to have to explain. You probably won’t believe this, but I was trying to save the girl a lot of grief later.”
“Grief?”
“Yes. I didn’t want to see her get hurt by falling in love with someone, then not being able to marry him because of the scandal. It was bound to come out on its own. After enough people had met her, someone would have remembered the Lambert name. And it was such a silly scandal. To assume that just because a few ancestors killed themselves everyone else in her family was bound to do the same, herself included, was preposterous. Yet you know how people are. Some will believe such nonsense. So my idea was to get it out in the open and point out just how silly it was. I would have laughed down anyone fool enough to give credit to it. It would have died a quick death and no more would have been heard about it.”
“Good God, you’re trying to say that you were championing her?”
Ophelia gritted her teeth. “You don’t have to sound quite that incredulous. That was the idea—originally.”
“Ah.” He nodded. “Are we going to get to the malicious part now?”
“No, I see what we are going to get to is my final flaw. Coupled with my temper, it’s probably my worst flaw.”
“And that would be?”
“Jealousy.”
“Do you realize how absurd that statement is?” he said incredulously. “You are quite possibly the most beautiful woman in England. Every woman you meet is probably jealous of you. Even my sister is! Out of all of them, you are the one woman who would have no conceivable reason to be jealous of anyone.”
“Everything you’ve said is true. I’m well aware of it. But that has absolutely nothing to do with it. Knowing I have no reason to be jealous doesn’t stop me from becoming jealous. I know it’s ridiculous. And it can happen over the most silly things. But it still happens! Once that emotion shows up, it’s there, and I don’t deal with it very well.”
“So you’re telling me you got jealous over Sabrina?”
“Yes. It was Mavis who provoked my jealousy when we saw three of my admirers flocking around Sabrina at a ball. So while I had intended to introduce the Lambert scandal with good intentions, I did so jealously instead. I would have gotten over the jealousy and I would have continued with the original plan, but Sabrina and her aunts were determined to return home. And since my family received the summons from Summers Glade for me to meet Duncan, we all traveled there together. By then I was afraid of meeting the “barbarian,” so I forgot about laughing down Sabrina’s scandal. Not that it matters now if, as you say, she’s soon to marry Duncan.”
“I still find it hard to believe that you could be jealous of Sabrina.” But then he appeared thoughtful and added, “That wasn’t the only time you became jealous of her, was it?”
She blushed. “No, it happened again when I kept seeing Duncan with her, but I thought he was merely trying to make me jealous.”
“And?”
“Oh, very well, also when I kept seeing you with her. So, yes, I was jealous that day I told you it looked like you and she were—”
“You needn’t go into that again.”
“Very well, but since you’ve brought this up, I’m going to tell you why I didn’t want to discuss Sabrina. Because I have very mixed feelings about her. When I’m not in the midst of a jealous snit over the girl, I actually like her.”
“That’s understandable. Everyone likes Sabrina.”
She raised a brow at him when he didn’t add to that. “You’re not going to finish that statement and remind me that everyone doesn’t like me?”
He grinned at her. “Actually, m’dear, that wouldn’t be a true statement anymore, so, no, I can no longer say it.”
She started to blush, sure that he was talking about himself, that
he no longer disliked her. But he added, “My aunt has grown quite fond of you.”
She wasn’t sure why she felt hurt, but she quickly shook it off and said, “You’ve missed the point I was making. Everyone else I’ve become jealous of, I don’t like. Sabrina is the only one I do like. So each time I got jealous of her, I felt as if I were betraying her, which made it quite worse. But as soon as the jealousy would pass, I’d chide myself for being so silly, and I’d be back to liking her. Quite unusual feelings for me.”
“Not unusual a’tall.”
“That might be the case for other people, but for me, this was very unusual,” she insisted.
“Perhaps you were still hoping you and she could be friends.”
“I don’t think there is any perhaps about that. I did still think we could be real friends, and I still found myself wanting to help her.”
“When did she need help?”
“When it looked like she was making too much of Duncan’s interest in her.”
“His interest was quite real.”
“I know that now,” Ophelia said impatiently, “but at the time, how the deuce was I supposed to figure out that they were falling in love with each other? I told her that Duncan kissed me at the inn the day I met him there to apologize to him.”
“A lie.”
“Indeed, but just a minor one, intended to keep her from being hurt, not hurt her.”
“As it happens, I was going to bring up a few of your lies. That was one of them.”
She rolled her eyes. “Why does that not surprise me? And the others?”
“There’s just one other that I know about.”
“Not a long list? I thought you were better prepared than that.”
“Are we getting angry this soon?”
She blinked, then actually smiled. “Not a’tall. Merely a little annoyed, but now that you’ve pointed it out—” She shrugged. “It’s gone.”
He sat back, looking surprised. “I’m amazed. That’s quite a turnabout, Phelia. How do you feel about it?”
She grinned. “I love it. It is so nice not to have my temper take over. Now what was this other lie you mentioned?”