CHAPTER XXII
Master Percy Edgar Smith James. Mrs. James (of Sutton) visits us againand introduces “Spiritual Séances.”
MAY 26, Sunday.—We went to Sutton after dinner to have meat-tea with Mr.and Mrs. James. I had no appetite, having dined well at two, and theentire evening was spoiled by little Percy—their only son—who seems to meto be an utterly spoiled child.
Two or three times he came up to me and deliberately kicked my shins. Hehurt me once so much that the tears came into my eyes. I gentlyremonstrated with him, and Mrs. James said: “Please don’t scold him; I donot believe in being too severe with young children. You spoil theircharacter.”
Little Percy set up a deafening yell here, and when Carrie tried topacify him, he slapped her face.
I was so annoyed, I said: “That is not my idea of bringing up children,Mrs. James.”
Mrs. James said. “People have different ideas of bringing upchildren—even your son Lupin is not the standard of perfection.”
A Mr. Mezzini (an Italian, I fancy) here took Percy in his lap. Thechild wriggled and kicked and broke away from Mr. Mezzini, saying: “Idon’t like you—you’ve got a dirty face.”
A very nice gentleman, Mr. Birks Spooner, took the child by the wrist andsaid: “Come here, dear, and listen to this.”
He detached his chronometer from the chain and made his watch strike six.
To our horror, the child snatched it from his hand and bounced it downupon the ground like one would a ball.
Mr. Birks Spooner was most amiable, and said he could easily get a newglass put in, and did not suppose the works were damaged.
To show you how people’s opinions differ, Carrie said the child wasbad-tempered, but it made up for that defect by its looks, for it was—inher mind—an unquestionably beautiful child.
I may be wrong, but I do not think I have seen a much uglier childmyself. That is _my_ opinion.
MAY 30.—I don’t know why it is, but I never anticipate with any pleasurethe visits to our house of Mrs. James, of Sutton. She is coming again tostay for a few days. I said to Carrie this morning, as I was leaving: “Iwish, dear Carrie, I could like Mrs. James better than I do.”
Carrie said: “So do I, dear; but as for years I have had to put up withMr. Gowing, who is vulgar, and Mr. Cummings, who is kind but mostuninteresting, I am sure, dear, you won’t mind the occasional visits ofMrs. James, who has more intellect in her little finger than both yourfriends have in their entire bodies.”
I was so entirely taken back by this onslaught on my two dear oldfriends, I could say nothing, and as I heard the ’bus coming, I left witha hurried kiss—a little too hurried, perhaps, for my upper lip came incontact with Carrie’s teeth and slightly cut it. It was quite painfulfor an hour afterwards. When I came home in the evening I found Carrieburied in a book on Spiritualism, called _There is no Birth_, by FlorenceSingleyet. I need scarcely say the book was sent her to read by Mrs.James, of Sutton. As she had not a word to say outside her book, I spentthe rest of the evening altering the stair-carpets, which are beginningto show signs of wear at the edges.
Mrs. James arrived and, as usual, in the evening took the entiremanagement of everything. Finding that she and Carrie were making somepreparations for table-turning, I thought it time really to put my footdown. I have always had the greatest contempt for such nonsense, and putan end to it years ago when Carrie, at our old house, used to haveséances every night with poor Mrs. Fussters (who is now dead). If Icould see any use in it, I would not care. As I stopped it in the daysgone by, I determined to do so now.
I said: “I am very sorry Mrs. James, but I totally disapprove of it,apart from the fact that I receive my old friends on this evening.”
Mrs. James said: “Do you mean to say you haven’t read _There is noBirth_?” I said: “No, and I have no intention of doing so.” Mrs. Jamesseemed surprised and said: “All the world is going mad over the book.” Iresponded rather cleverly: “Let it. There will be one sane man in it, atall events.”
Mrs. James said she thought it was very unkind, and if people were all asprejudiced as I was, there would never have been the electric telegraphor the telephone.
I said that was quite a different thing.
Mrs. James said sharply: “In what way, pray—in what way?”
I said: “In many ways.”
Mrs. James said: “Well, mention _one_ way.”
I replied quietly: “Pardon me, Mrs. James; I decline to discuss thematter. I am not interested in it.”
Sarah at this moment opened the door and showed in Cummings, for which Iwas thankful, for I felt it would put a stop to this foolishtable-turning. But I was entirely mistaken; for, on the subject beingopened again, Cummings said he was most interested in Spiritualism,although he was bound to confess he did not believe much in it; still, hewas willing to be convinced.
I firmly declined to take any part in it, with the result that mypresence was ignored. I left the three sitting in the parlour at a smallround table which they had taken out of the drawing-room. I walked intothe hall with the ultimate intention of taking a little stroll. As Iopened the door, who should come in but Gowing!
On hearing what was going on, he proposed that we should join the circleand he would go into a trance. He added that he _knew_ a few thingsabout old Cummings, and would _invent_ a few about Mrs. James. Knowinghow dangerous Gowing is, I declined to let him take part in any suchfoolish performance. Sarah asked me if she could go out for half anhour, and I gave her permission, thinking it would be more comfortable tosit with Gowing in the kitchen than in the cold drawing-room. We talkeda good deal about Lupin and Mr. and Mrs. Murray Posh, with whom he is asusual spending the evening. Gowing said: “I say, it wouldn’t be a badthing for Lupin if old Posh kicked the bucket.”
My heart gave a leap of horror, and I rebuked Gowing very sternly forjoking on such a subject. I lay awake half the night thinking of it—theother half was spent in nightmares on the same subject.
MAY 31.—I wrote a stern letter to the laundress. I was rather pleasedwith the letter, for I thought it very satirical. I said: “You havereturned the handkerchiefs without the colour. Perhaps you will returneither the colour or the value of the handkerchiefs.” I shall be rathercurious to know what she will have to say.
More table-turning in the evening. Carrie said last night was in ameasure successful, and they ought to sit again. Cummings came in, andseemed interested. I had the gas lighted in the drawing-room, got thesteps, and repaired the cornice, which has been a bit of an eyesore tome. In a fit of unthinkingness—if I may use such an expression,—I gavethe floor over the parlour, where the séance was taking place, two loudraps with the hammer. I felt sorry afterwards, for it was the sort ofridiculous, foolhardy thing that Gowing or Lupin would have done.
However, they never even referred to it, but Carrie declared that amessage came through the table to her of a wonderful description,concerning someone whom she and I knew years ago, and who was quiteunknown to the others.
When we went to bed, Carrie asked me as a favour to sit to-morrow night,to oblige her. She said it seemed rather unkind and unsociable on mypart. I promised I would sit once.
JUNE 1.—I sat reluctantly at the table in the evening, and I am bound toadmit some curious things happened. I contend they were coincidences,but they were curious. For instance, the table kept tilting towards me,which Carrie construed as a desire that I should ask the spirit aquestion. I obeyed the rules, and I asked the spirit (who said her namewas Lina) if she could tell me the name of an old aunt of whom I wasthinking, and whom we used to call Aunt Maggie. The table spelled out CA T. We could make nothing out of it, till I suddenly remembered thather second name was Catherine, which it was evidently trying to spell. Idon’t think even Carrie knew this. But if she did, she would nevercheat. I must admit it was curious. Several other things happened, andI consented to sit at another séance on Monday.
JUNE 3.—The laundress called, and said she was very sorry about thehandkerchiefs, and returned ninepence. I said, as the colour wascompletely washed out and the handkerchiefs quite spoiled, ninepence wasnot enough. Carrie replied that the two handkerchiefs originally onlycost sixpence, for she remembered bring them at a sale at the Holloway_Bon Marché_. In that case, I insisted that threepence buying should bereturned to the laundress. Lupin has gone to stay with the Poshs for afew days. I must say I feel very uncomfortable about it. Carrie said Iwas ridiculous to worry about it. Mr. Posh was very fond of Lupin, who,after all, was only a mere boy.
In the evening we had another séance, which, in some respects, was veryremarkable, although the first part of it was a little doubtful. Gowingcalled, as well as Cummings, and begged to be allowed to join the circle.I wanted to object, but Mrs. James, who appears a good Medium (that is,if there is anything in it at all), thought there might be a little morespirit power if Gowing joined; so the five of us sat down.
The moment I turned out the gas, and almost before I could get my handson the table, it rocked violently and tilted, and began moving quicklyacross the room. Gowing shouted out: “Way oh! steady, lad, steady!” Itold Gowing if he could not behave himself I should light the gas, andput an end to the séance.
To tell the truth, I thought Gowing was playing tricks, and I hinted asmuch; but Mrs. James said she had often seen the table go right off theground. The spirit Lina came again, and said, “WARN” three or fourtimes, and declined to explain. Mrs. James said “Lina” was stubbornsometimes. She often behaved like that, and the best thing to do was tosend her away.
She then hit the table sharply, and said: “Go away, Lina; you aredisagreeable. Go away!” I should think we sat nearly three-quarters ofan hour with nothing happening. My hands felt quite cold, and Isuggested we should stop the séance. Carrie and Mrs. James, as well asCummings, would not agree to it. In about ten minutes’ time there wassome tilting towards me. I gave the alphabet, and it spelled out S P O OF. As I have heard both Gowing and Lupin use the word, and as I couldhear Gowing silently laughing, I directly accused him of pushing thetable. He denied it; but, I regret to say, I did not believe him.
Gowing said: “Perhaps it means ‘Spook,’ a ghost.”
I said: “_You_ know it doesn’t mean anything of the sort.”
Gowing said: “Oh! very well—I’m sorry I ‘spook,’” and he rose from thetable.
No one took any notice of the stupid joke, and Mrs. James suggested heshould sit out for a while. Gowing consented and sat in the arm-chair.
The table began to move again, and we might have had a wonderful séancebut for Gowing’s stupid interruptions. In answer to the alphabet fromCarrie the table spelt “NIPUL,” then the “WARN” three times. We couldnot think what it meant till Cummings pointed out that “NIPUL” was Lupinspelled backwards. This was quite exciting. Carrie was particularlyexcited, and said she hoped nothing horrible was going to happen.
Mrs. James asked if “Lina” was the spirit. The table replied firmly,“No,” and the spirit would not give his or her name. We then had themessage, “NIPUL will be very rich.”
Carrie said she felt quite relieved, but the word “WARN” was again speltout. The table then began to oscillate violently, and in reply to Mrs.James, who spoke very softly to the table, the spirit began to spell itsname. It first spelled “DRINK.”
Gowing here said: “Ah! that’s more in my line.”
I asked him to be quiet as the name might not be completed.
The table then spelt “WATER.”
Gowing here interrupted again, and said: “Ah! that’s _not_ in my line._Outside_ if you like, but not inside.”
Carrie appealed to him to be quiet.
The table then spelt “CAPTAIN,” and Mrs. James startled us by crying out,“Captain Drinkwater, a very old friend of my father’s, who has been deadsome years.”
This was more interesting, and I could not help thinking that after allthere must be something in Spiritualism.
Mrs. James asked the spirit to interpret the meaning of the word “Warn”as applied to “NIPUL.” The alphabet was given again, and we got the word“BOSH.”
Gowing here muttered: “So it is.”
Mrs. James said she did not think the spirit meant that, as CaptainDrinkwater was a perfect gentleman, and would never have used the word inanswer to a lady’s question. Accordingly the alphabet was given again.
This time the table spelled distinctly “POSH.” We all thought of Mrs.Murray Posh and Lupin. Carrie was getting a little distressed, and as itwas getting late we broke up the circle.
We arranged to have one more to-morrow, as it will be Mrs. James’ lastnight in town. We also determined _not_ to have Gowing present.
Cummings, before leaving, said it was certainly interesting, but hewished the spirits would say something about him.
JUNE 4.—Quite looking forward to the séance this evening. Was thinkingof it all the day at the office.
Just as we sat down at the table we were annoyed by Gowing enteringwithout knocking.
He said: “I am not going to stop, but I have brought with me a sealedenvelope, which I know I can trust with Mrs. Pooter. In that sealedenvelope is a strip of paper on which I have asked a simple question. Ifthe spirits can answer that question, I will believe in Spiritualism.”
I ventured the expression that it might be impossible.
Mrs. James said: “Oh no! it is of common occurrence for the spirits toanswer questions under such conditions—and even for them to write onlocked slates. It is quite worth trying. If ‘Lina’ is in a good temper,she is certain to do it.”
Gowing said: “All right; then I shall be a firm believer. I shallperhaps drop in about half-past nine or ten, and hear the result.”
He then left and we sat a long time. Cummings wanted to know somethingabout some undertaking in which he was concerned, but he could get noanswer of any description whatever—at which he said he was verydisappointed and was afraid there was not much in table-turning afterall. I thought this rather selfish of him. The séance was very similarto the one last night, almost the same in fact. So we turned to theletter. “Lina” took a long time answering the question, but eventuallyspelt out “ROSES, LILIES, AND COWS.” There was great rocking of thetable at this time, and Mrs. James said: “If that is Captain Drinkwater,let us ask him the answer as well?”
It was the spirit of the Captain, and, most singular, he gave the sameidentical answer: “ROSES, LILIES, AND COWS.”
I cannot describe the agitation with which Carrie broke the seal, or thedisappointment we felt on reading the question, to which the answer wasso inappropriate. The question was, “_What’s old Pooter’s age_?”
This quite decided me.
As I had put my foot down on Spiritualism years ago, so I would again.
I am pretty easy-going as a rule, but I can be extremely firm when drivento it.
I said slowly, as I turned up the gas: “This is the last of this nonsensethat shall ever take place under my roof. I regret I permitted myself tobe a party to such tomfoolery. If there is anything in it—which Idoubt—it is nothing of any good, and I _won’t have it again_. That isenough.”
Mrs. James said: “I think, Mr. Pooter, you are rather over-stepping—”
I said: “Hush, madam. I am master of this house—please understand that.”
Mrs. James made an observation which I sincerely hope I was mistaken in.I was in such a rage I could not quite catch what she said. But if Ithought she said what it sounded like, she should never enter the houseagain.