want, but it doesn’t make me feel bad. You always talk like it’s a duty or something for Buddy and me to take over your business and support you. I’m not coming back here to live … never. As soon as school’s over, I’ll get a job and stay there. I don’t mind coming to visit, but this is no life for me.” She looked away as the last words trailed off. She focused on her dinner; she hated this recurring dialogue with her parents. Why couldn’t they understand? They’d never experienced anything other than the island and just didn’t get it; this wasn’t a life for her.
John noted that Mary had the ability to speak using better English when she chose to, mostly when being emphatic.
Gort sounded apologetic, “Child, I know this isn’t a life for everyone, and I do wish I had something more to give you, but this is the life your mother and I chose, and it ain’t a bad life.”
“Daddy, look around. I want a husband and a family and nice things. There’s not one boy on this Island that qualifies, and there aren’t any good ones that would move here.” She almost said “excepting John.” “It’s a big country out there, and you’ve never seen any of it. I don’t want that, and I’m not going to debate it with you again and again.” Shiny droplets began forming in her eyes. Mary had a sensitive side that contrasted with the playful persona he’d met just yesterday. He could tell that she loved her parents and was conflicted at a deeply personal level between disappointing them and trying to realize her own happiness. She stayed at the table for the rest of the meal but remained silent and unhappy. She loved her parents, but why couldn’t they see things from her perspective?
John was tired and ached from physical work that he was not accustomed to but needed to buy some proper working gear. After dinner, he excused himself and started to leave when Mary rushed to join him. He didn’t bother looking at Gort, suspecting that he wouldn’t be happy about it. Gort knew his daughter better than she understood.
John stepped out of the porch and down the steps quickly with Mary behind, trying to keep some distance for Gort’s benefit. She called, “Hey, slow down, what’s the hurry?”
He turned too abruptly. “Mary, you’re going to get us both in trouble. Look, I like what’s going on with your dad’s business, and I don’t want to blow it. I don’t know what else I’d do here.” She didn’t look away, and he immediately felt bad. He wasn’t naturally a harsh person, and she’d done him an immense favor bringing him into her home.
She countered, “You’re not here to write a book, and you sure aren’t starting a career in lobster bait. If you wanted peace and quiet to concentrate, you wouldn’t want to spend all day every day working on the dock. You’re running or hiding from something. Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think my folks haven’t figured it out too?”
He knew his charade was miserably transparent. “Look, I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve got some things to work out; that’s all.” The night air was cold, but the stars were clear. It was one of the middle-fall nights that caused people to sit under the stars, almost squinting at their brightness, while bundled in heavy clothing and sipping something warm. There were harbor noises from the moving currents: bells clanging, moorings rubbing on chocks and even some small waves lapping on the rocks. She didn’t pry further as they walked in silence the rest of the way to the store.
She wanted someone, him, to talk to; before John appeared mysteriously, there was nobody. “I’m sorry you got to see the Swensen’s recurring family argument.” She stiffened in the cold night air, and he slowed to walk beside her. “It’s just that … well, Gort and my mom, they just don’t want to see my side. They’re so afraid of growing old alone out here that they can’t see anything else. It’s not fair, John. I deserve a life, too, and they keep trying to control me.”
He slowed and looked at her, genuinely feeling her pain. She was conflicted and shouldn’t be. She was right; her parents should give her wings. “I know, Kiddo. I’ve never had to deal with your kind of situation so can’t really give good advice. About all I can see is that your folks really do love you. Deep down, they want you to be happy, too. I’d place your odds of finding someone to spend your life here with at almost zero. You’re right about that. I think that they’ll understand it over time, maybe not before you graduate, but they’ll get it eventually. Hell, I could see Gort and your mom moving to Portland when he retires.”
She shook her head. “Yeah … retire. The only thing they have is the house and the business, and I don’t think either of them is worth much. I guess I worry about them. They’re trapped, and I don’t know what they’d do for money if dad can’t work the business any more. It’s nice to think that they would follow me instead of vice versa, but I don’t see it happening.”
He just nodded as they reached the store. They would have this discussion again; he was certain.
She helped him select the right bib pants and work jacket, rubber gloves and boots, looking approvingly at him all dressed in brand new gear, which would soon look like old gear working on the dock. “These’ll be good for the winter. It gets miserably cold here – and you need some insulation, or your fingers’ll be numb in minutes.”
He looked like an Eskimo with everything on. She couldn’t help laughing, and Ben just looked away. John grinned, “Are you sure this is the right stuff, most of the fishermen weren’t so bundled.”
Mary was still smirking, “You don’t have to wear the jacket and gloves all the time, but the bibs and boots are mandatory.”
They left the store with everything bundled under his right arm. She held on to his free arm, and he didn’t resist. He knew the limits of acceptable behavior, and there wasn’t any reason to make her feel worse just walking together. In general, he felt that she was a nice girl with an odd living situation. She actually seemed to have her head on right. She probably wouldn’t go on to college after high school and would work for minimal wages, and then marry some mainland tradesman and live happily ever after with a dozen kids. He could imagine it.
She snuggled tighter to his arm, “John, I’m sorry if I scared you by saying you were running. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
He stopped and turned away, toward the harbor, and she rotated beside him, still holding his arm. “You were right, Mary. I can’t tell you more, but I needed some time away to think things through.”
“It’s about a girl, isn’t it? You got a girlfriend, or a wife you left behind?”
He just stared out over the boats. “It’s not about her; well, maybe it is a little.”
“So, you do gotta girl!” She still held on. Her rational mind already knew this obvious conclusion, but she hoped it wasn’t true on another level.
“Maybe. I left without talking to her. I can’t believe I did that.”
“Musta been serious. Did you have a fight?”
“No, it wasn’t anything to do with her. I just found out something that … it’s related to my job, I just don’t know what to do.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
He turned and kept walking with her latched onto his arm. He couldn’t help thinking that for a teenager, Mary had amazing insight and empathy. He had the fleeting urge to confide in her. “No, not now.”
She pulled his arm closer as they walked. “Okay then, some other time, I’m a good listener.”
All he could think about was how little this girl knew of the real world, and certainly not his world. What could he tell her? He really wanted to talk to someone.
As he reached for the front door, she released his arm. “See you later tonight!”
The nymph was back! He started to stammer but didn’t have time to object as she opened the door.
Bedtime came early at the Swensen house and all was quiet. Gort and Mrs. Swensen would be up around four in the morning. They had turned in right after cleaning the dishes at supper and watching the evening news on TV at the same time. It didn’t seem to serve any other functio
n; except, maybe when the kids were home.
A few minutes after returning and hanging his new gear on the porch, John was lying awake in Buddy’s room, still pondering how stupid he’d been to leave Kelly in the lurch, without even saying goodbye. She would be worried. He’d been an idiot -- an insensitive jerk-- by not confiding in her. Would she really be in danger at work if he told her why he was leaving? His walk with Mary along the bay started bringing it into perspective. Instead of sleeping, he put on a jacket and walked as quietly as possible down the stairs and out the front door. There was no worry of it locking behind him; nobody locked doors on the island. The cold damp air chilled him as he walked farther away from the house, out of earshot. He pulled the smartphone from his jacket pocket and hesitated before pressing the speed-dial number. What would he say to her?
It was past eight o’clock, and the call went to voicemail; he quickly disconnected. He wasn’t going to leave her a message after the way he’d behaved. There was a park bench along the waterfront halfway around the edge of the harbor between the