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5
Philip turned and smiled at me. I forced my tensed muscles to relax. Hey, Erin. Headed home?” He pointed out at the mist. “You should have an umbrella. This will soak you. That’s why I’m waiting under the roof for the bus.”
I could see one coming down the street. “Is that it?”
He grinned. “It is. I’ll see you tomorrow!” He ran out to the bus stop. The bus pulled up. He waved, got on, and the bus roared away.
I walked home in the thick mist that had become a swirling fog around the streetlights. My thoughts were on Philip and the other junior masters. I was making friends at the dojo. This happened quite often. People who are serious martial artists have a certain maturity that isn’t aged based as much as it is training based. As one of my Sanseis had put it, as you learn how to do harm to others, you must learn how to control your mind and emotions so you do not use that knowledge for the wrong reasons.
Most of the kids at school seemed very immature. I didn’t really know Rebecca. Real friendships usually take more than a couple of weeks to form. I had seldom had that, especially lately.
Mom was laying down but not asleep when I came in. “How was your day?”
“Are you sure you want to know?”
She sat up. “Erin, what happened?”
I sat beside her and put my arm around her shoulders. “Just stupid high school stuff, kids being mean to each other, the typical things.”
She hugged me. “I know it’s rough. I’m sure jumping around like this doesn’t make it any easier.”
“Sometimes it does.” I took her hands in mine. “Mom, who are you afraid is going to find us?”
She kissed me on the forehead. “It’s late. We’re both tired. Why don’t you change and crawl into bed?”
She was trembling. I didn’t want to upset her. I went into the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. By the time I came out, she was laying down again. I got into bed and she turned out the light.
The sky outside the window had a strange reddish cast. I knew it was from the fog reflecting the lights of the city. My overtired mind had its own ideas. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. I wished I hadn’t asked.
Fusan seem to dance inside my tired eyelids. “A mind focused on the past is lost in sorrow. A mind focused on the future is lost in fear. Only a mind that is here in the present is conscious and can pay attention.”
I struggled to be here in the present. I closed my eyes and surrendered to sleep. My dreams seemed haunted by shadows. I woke several times during the night. I was relieved when the sky finally brightened enough to be called morning.
I planned to spend the entire weekend at the dojo. This was normal for me. The Saturday morning junior masters class was fun. Max rotated us in pairs so that by the end of the first half of class, we had all had a chance to work with each other. Max taught us several new Sinawali patterns. Max paired me off with Philip. By the end of the class, we were working at full speed. Not only did it look cool but it sounded amazing. Philip laughed. “Now that will make people sit up and pay attention!”
I had to smile at his enthusiasm. He was a lot of fun to work with. “You said the stick art of your local region was similar. What does it look like?”
He demonstrated a few of the techniques. Several others came over to see what we were doing. Linda came up beside me. “That looks cool.”
Philip began explaining some of the uses. Max joined us. “That’s an interesting move. I like how it makes use of the momentum of your entire body.”
I watched him perform it again. “It reminds me of a bo-kata move.” We ended up in a discussion of comparative moves from several different arts.
We broke for an early lunch around eleven. Linda walked beside me to the kitchen. “I wish I had known that move before.”
The tone of her voice had an odd ring to it. I could see the tension in her body. “Who would you have used it on?”
She shivered. “The guys who attacked me. I was only twelve.” Her face twitched. She turned away. “Has anyone ever attacked you? You know, not in class, but in the real world?”
I felt my stomach tighten. “Not really attacked. I’ve defended myself from a few kids who were being stupid but they were trying to frighten me, not actually hurt me.”
She didn’t look up. “That’s why I started coming to class. I didn’t want to feel helpless like that anymore.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I took a plate and went to the counter where Max was dishing out rice noodles, vegetables, and chicken in a creamy sauce. “Are you still worried about being attacked?”
Linda poured herself a cup of tea. “Not as much as I used to be. The self-defense class that Max teaches really helped and then I started trying out the different martial arts. I like Eskrima the best. Anything can become a baston, even a tightly rolled newspaper. It makes me feel safer.”
We went to the library and sat down. Philip took the place next to me and Linda sat on the other side. The afternoon students began arriving. Max assigned me to a class of very young children who were just beginning to learn Taekwondo. It turned out to be a lot of fun.
Later in the afternoon, an unhappy parent kept Max over the class break. He asked me to go into his class and make sure everyone had begun warming up. I didn’t even know what art it was. Max was proficient in quite a few.
I found a group of high school aged boys. “Max will be in shortly. Please begin your warm-up exercises.”
A couple of the boys snickered. One in the front row looked at me. “My partner isn’t here today. Are you going to spar with me?” His tone was very condescending.
Max walked in the door at the same time. “I think that would be an excellent idea. Brian, come to the front mat.”
The boy looked shocked. “I don’t want to hurt her, Max.”
Max smiled and looked at me. “Be gentle with him, Erin.” He named a move and I knew we were doing Aikido.
Brian came to the mat and I moved to face him. We bowed to each other. I took the defensive. He looked uncertain. “Maybe you should do the attacking.”
I shrugged. “If that’s your choice.” I changed stance and he took the defensive stance.
Max was struggling to hide his grin. “Begin.”
I moved forward, took advantage of his slightly higher center of gravity, and took him down as gently as I could. He looked up at me wide-eyed. I controlled my expression. “Try a little harder next time.” I held out my hand and helped him up. We bowed and he returned to his place. I looked at Max, expecting to be assigned to a younger class.
He moved to stand next to me. “We’ve been working on Ryote-mochi Tenchi-nage. Erin and I will demonstrate the correct flow of motion for this move.” He turned and I moved to face him. We bowed to each other. Without warning, he reached forward and grabbed my wrists. I pulled my arms apart, one upward and the other downward, pulled him off balance, and took him down. The entire move had been fast. I could hear the students gasp.
Max looked up at me and smiled. I held out my hand and helped him up. He grinned. “Thank you.” He pointed to a couple of boys at the end of the row. “If you would assist Paul and Martin, I will work with the other three.”
We ate dinner and moved onto evening classes. Several of the classes were all adults. Max broke apart a very large class that Steven had been teaching and assigned me to the other half. It was a Tai Chi class and half of the class was far more advanced than the other. I ended up with the advanced group. I hoped Steven wouldn’t be offended.
At the end of class, an older man with silver hair paused next to me. “I have been doing Tai Chi for over thirty years. How is it that one as young as you has such perfect form?”
I considered the question. “I’ve been doing Tai Chi since I could stand. My first teacher was an elderly Zen Buddhist Monk. I learned by emulating his movements.”
He bowed to me. “I am honored to have you to emulate.” He left the classroom.
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Steven was standing in the doorway. The man wished him good night and Steven came in. “I was going to ask how it went but by Mr. Callen’s comment, I’m guessing it was fine.”
“So it seems.” I was trying to tell by his tone and posture how he felt about it. “How long have you been working with this group?”
He grinned. “About six months. I’ve seen your Tai Chi form during class. It’s impressive. I knew this group would appreciate your level of ability.”
I was touched by the compliment. “Thank you.” We walked together to the locker rooms.
Linda and Amy had already finished changing. Amy smiled at me. “I heard you wowed the evening Tai Chi class. One of the ladies couldn’t stop saying what a great form you have.”
I felt the heat rise in my face. “Tai Chi has been part of my life forever. It’s like breathing. I don’t even think about it anymore unless I’m teaching specific moves.”
We went out. The others were still milling around in the hall. Ryan caught up with us. “Do you need a ride?”
Linda looked at me. I shook my head. “I only live a few blocks away but thanks for the offer.”
She chewed on her lip. “Okay.” They walked out together.
Philip glanced at his watch. “Oh, my goodness! I’m going to miss my bus if I don’t hurry. Have a good night, Erin!” He ran out the door.
I said good night to the others and left. Philip’s bus was just pulling away. I started walking down the sidewalk. The overcast sky made the night unnaturally bright. It still wasn’t really raining, just a light mist. It was like the spray on the vegetables at the supermarket. I was soaked by the time I got home.
Mom wasn’t back yet. The diner must stay open a little later on Saturday nights. I got changed and sat down on my cot to meditate. It was close to midnight by the time she finally came home. She was drenched, too, and she had a much shorter walk.
Sunday was another day of classes at the dojo. We had a shorter junior masters class. Not everyone was there so only a few of us practiced Sinawali. Philip and I spend the better part of an hour working on precision at speed.
Max pulled me aside at lunch. “I realize you’re dedicated but you aren’t required to come every day.”
“I don’t really have anywhere else to go. Besides, I like it here.”
Philip came up behind me chuckling. “Is he trying to toss you out in the cold, too?”
Max grinned. “I never turn away anyone. I just don’t want you to get burned out.”
Philip gave me a look. “That’s what he says to all of us.” Then he laughed so hard I had no choice but to laugh, too. It’s something I don’t do very often but Philip is contagious!
Classes ended early on Sunday evenings. Max closed up the dojo around eight so he and Susan could spend a little time together. I walked home, watching the few other people out and about in the persistent mist.
I woke Monday morning to the light spatting of rain against the window. The weather had finally broken the stalemate. I pulled the raincoat out of my pack. Sui Riu stood out against the medium blue vinyl of the jacket. I decided to wear Sirrush. He was one of my favorite chaos dragons. He looked fierce with his head perched on one shoulder and a claw on the other.
I was surprised when I got to school. I’d figured with the rain, everyone would be inside. Tony and his pack were clustered under the overhang near the front door. I noticed Rita and her clutch hanging back behind them. She was no longer using crutches. She was trying to get closer to Tony but he kept moving around the pack.
David came running down the sidewalk as I got close. He sprinted up the stairs.
Tony almost looked relieved. He darted forward and grabbed David. “Did you seriously think you could sneak past me?” He pulled him up by the front of his jacket. “Hand it over!”
“Come on, Tony. Give me a break. I missed breakfast because of you.”
Tony snickered. “How did you get out of the bathroom? Did your mama let you out?”
“I need my lunch money. My dad gave you some. I saw him. You should be grateful for everything my family has done for you and your mom.”
Tony snarled in David’s face. “You leave my mama out of this!” He dragged him toward the corner of the building where one of the downspouts ejected water down a heavy metal chain attached to a rock filled urn. He pushed David under the stream of water. “Give!”
David sputtered and waved his hands around. “Let me go!”
Tony grinned maliciously. “Not until you fork over the cash.”
“Okay! Whatever!” Tony pulled him out of the water. David dug into his pocket and threw the soggy money at his cousin. He turned and stomped inside.
I waited until all of their attention was focused on Tony and made my way up the stairs and inside the school. I managed to read more of the Grapes of Wrath before the bell rang. Mr. Yenny hit us with a pop quiz right off the bat. It wasn’t hard. I aced it. He caught one of the kids trying to look up an answer on his phone and took it away. He talked the rest of the period about cell phone technology.
About five minutes before the end of class, one of the office assistants came to the door. Mr. Yenny looked at me and held up a hall pass. I picked up my things and headed for the office, wondering if this was about the dye bomb incident.
I held up the pass as I walked into the office. The lady at the desk pointed to a chair. “Just a moment. I’ll let Ms. Henning know you’re here.”
That wasn’t who I expected to get a lecture from. I could hear the stern voice of Principal Granger in his office giving some unfortunate student a lecture. I wondered if it was Tony.
Ms. Henning appeared. She had an odd expression on her face. “Let’s go back to my office.” I followed her through the maze. She shut the door behind us and motioned to the chair by her desk. She sank into her own. My new folder was open on her desk. “I got a call from Lincoln High School this morning.” She looked down at a piece of paper in the thin stack. “They had red-tagged your file.” She looked up at me. “Someone tried to get information from it on Friday.”
I struggled to breathe. “Who?”
“I don’t know. When a student’s file is red tagged, it requires a court order to access it by anyone not on the list, which would be you, me, or your mom.”
I could tell by the way she was talking that something was still to come. I don’t know why it is that adults tend to slow down when they talk about stuff they think is going to upset us. But she was doing that, saying every word very precisely and slowly. “Okay.”
She sighed. “The reason Mr. Utek called me was because someone claiming to be a school counselor called trying to get a copy of your transcripts. This immediately caused concerned because your folder had been red flagged and I’d spoken personally with Mr. Utek and he knows where you are. He was very careful not to say anything that would give that away.”
My mind was reeling. This meant more than Ms. Henning probably realized. Not only did it mean that someone was using my school files to track us but it meant… “She was right. Someone is following us.”
This has been a point of contention as long as I can remember. I’ve had school counselors claim my mother was either paranoid or crazy, or maybe both. We’d been jumping every few months since I was six. I’d never seen anyone but my mother insisted they were there.
On another very different level, this bothered me. It meant that I was not as observant as I thought. I had tried numerous times to see the people chasing us but had never accomplished it. Yet here was the final proof. I felt numb.
“Erin?” Ms. Henning was staring at me.
“I’m sorry. It’s just a bit of a shock.” I tried to process everything. The proverbial gears seemed to be jammed.
“Do you have any idea what your mother is running from?”
Max had asked me almost the same question. “I don’t know.”
Ms. Henning folded her hands on her desk. “Erin, I want to help you. You are a ver
y special person with amazing gifts. I want to see you succeed. I know someone who works with social services…”
“No.” I’d heard enough horror stories from other kids to know I didn’t want anything to do with those people. I needed answers. “I have to talk to my mom about stuff.”
Ms. Henning frowned. “It sounds like you and your mom could use some help.”
I’d gotten a speech like that when I was eight. I had been a trusting kid back then and believed the lady who told me that. It had been a disaster. I wasn’t worried that people were going to try to take me away from my mom anymore. I’m probably too old for that, but I had learned that people who want to help are often in the dark. The things they do make a bad situation even worse.
I realized the bell had rung. “I’ll think about what you said and talk to my mom. As long as no one got any information from the folder, we should be safe.”
“Mr. Utek said he would remove any reference to Hamilton High School from your folder and keep it in a sealed envelope in his personal files. He thinks you’re one amazing student and is willing to do whatever it takes to help you feel safe.”
That did help. I focused on a couple of deep breaths. “I really do need to go to class.”
She smiled. “I’ll write you out a hall pass.” She led the way back to the main section of the office. She wrote it out and handed it to me. “Please don’t be afraid to ask for help.”
“Thanks.” I took the pass and escaped out into the empty hall. I had to stop at my locker to drop off my books. I headed for the art room.
I paused at the door to catch my breath and heard something talking behind me. It was an odd sounding voice that stuttered. I turned to see Kevin in the room across the hall. He was standing at the teacher’s desk showing her a piece of work. “It is … f-f-for my m-m-mom.” He seemed to struggle with just that small sentence.
I moved quietly across the hall and looked at what the teacher was holding. “This is a beautiful plaque, Kevin. Your mom is really going to like this. Is she still in the hospital?”
He shook his head. “Hos-pice … care.”
She nodded sadly. “I know how hard it is to see someone you love go through chemotherapy. Do they think it helped?” Her voice was soft.
Kevin looked like he was struggling not to cry. He shook his head. He took the plaque back. I could see the intricate raised flower pattern that bordered the plaque. It must have taken a long time and a lot of work to make. It was beautiful. He put it in a box and covered it with tissue paper before closing the lid.
I went into my own class. Everyone was working. I handed the hall pass to Ms. Gilbert. Her brow wrinkled. She leaned forward and dropped her voice. “Is everything okay?”
What was I supposed to say? “I’ll live.” It was the truth. I got my board and a clean sheet of paper to start on the next angle of the still life. I couldn’t stop thinking about Kevin. Now I knew why he never talked. He’d struggled so hard for just those few words. I knew he wasn’t dumb. He always did his homework in math and he obviously understood it.
My sketchy outline took shape. From the angle I was sitting at, the handles on the vase reminded me of curling dragons. One began to take form in the drawing. I was disappointed when Ms. Gilbert gave us the five minute warning. I had just found the balance point of the piece. But I put away my board and washed my hands.
The bell rang and kids poured out into the hall. I saw Kevin come out of his classroom. He had the box between two of his books and he was watching the halls ahead of him. My gut turned to stone. I could almost feel Sirrush crawling across my skin, waiting for chaos to strike.
I heard him before I saw him. Tony was somewhere ahead of us in the hallway. Kevin went pale. He hurried toward his locker. Tony came into view. He wasn’t alone. Several of his boys, Rita, and a couple of girls from the team were coming down the hall. Rita was trying to work her way next to Tony. He was sidestepping, using the other kids in the hallway as a shield.
I knew the moment Tony spotted Kevin. The expression on his face changed. He said something to the group and headed toward the boy who was struggling to reach his locker. The girl who had the locker next to mine, I’d discovered her name was Kiyana, was there. Kevin tried to get to his. She got mad. “Just wait your turn. It’s not like I don’t wait for you to move.”
Tony was only a few steps away. I could see the intent. He started to raise his arm. Something in me snapped. I slid around several other kids and pushed my hand forward to block his slap.