THE EARTH INVASION BUDGET CUTS
By
Antony Bennison
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The Earth Invasion Budget Cuts
Copyright 2012 by Antony Bennison
Published by Tattooed Bear
Cover image by Alexandre Dulaunoy on Flickr
Released under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 licence
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Also by Antony Bennison
Plus One
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THE EARTH INVASION BUDGET CUTS
His mandibles sharpened to commanding upward points, his mesosoma broad and imposing, and his exoskeleton covered in a fresh matt polish, General Boont entered the War Room and took his place with the other officers.
The thin and sharp Parliamentarian Drone Ouvre stood before them and pointed at the screen. An image of a blue and green sphere flashed up. The group, more out of politeness than approval, clicked with applause.
PD Ouvre said, 'Peers, the vote had passed. This is our next planetary target. Population is seven billion. An easy take. You shall all receive files, eyes only of course, detailing the location, defence systems, and,' he waved a claw, 'so on. However, I'm available for any immediate questions.'
An Associate Drone, whose name escaped Boont, stood and, keen to look involved, asked, 'What are their interplanetary capabilities?'
PD Ouvre smiled. 'Minimal,' he said. 'Evidence suggests they have made it no further than their own, singular, moon. Some of their technology has travelled further, even making it beyond their solar system, but no more.'
Boont stayed seated. unwilling to stand, but said, 'On the screen there, the blue sections on this planet. It doesn't look like gas.'
'Quite right, General, uh...?'
'General Boont.'
'Well Boont, you are correct. That is liquid. The population are, for the most part, restricted to land mass. That will be the, well, the non-blue areas.'
'What liquid?' Boont asked.
'Does it matter? The population, or rather the population of the dominant intelligent species, is restricted to land. Making them a much easier to target, I must add.'
'I asked what liquid covers their planet.'
'Hmm?' Ouvre said, faking deafness to prepare an answer. Much like Boont's own offspring did when he asked who had expelled their sac waste without disposing of it.
Boont didn't ask again. Just stared, waiting for a reply.
Ouvre shuffled, then said, 'I believe it is, ah yes, a two part hydrogen, one part oxygen liquid.'
'Woah, woah, woah. H2O?' Boont said. That stirred the group. Mutters filled the room. Boont continued, 'That's quite a defence, wouldn't you say? I paid little attention to my chemistry lessons in my youth, but like many here, even I enjoy crime fiction. How often is the murder weapon H2O? Always. Authors enjoy using it to kill off their characters due to its dramatic corrosive qualities. It burns innards and turns exoskeleton to mush. Just how much of this planet is covered in this poison?'
Ouvre vibrated his mandibles. 'Seventy percent.'
Outcries from the group now. Boont had to shout to be heard. 'You intend to send our troops, my troops, to such a death planet?'
'Listen to me, my peers, please listen.' Ouvre raised his claws then gave a short laugh. 'We've established the population is land based. Our troops will not have to go anywhere near the H2O.'
Calm now, even a few clicks from the drones. Boont nodded. 'Okay, we stick to land. The population, they have no access to,' the word stuck in his throat, but he pushed it out, 'to the water?'
Silence from Ouvre. The group waited. Finally he said, 'It's not weaponised but, yes, they have some.'
'Some?'
'The more developed areas have, uh, well they have a ready supply. Almost constant you might say.' Then, because he'd already admitted this much, Ouvre opened up. 'They have pipes of it leading to every dwelling, filtered and treated to its most potent.'
'Are you serious?'
'Then we entice them out of their dwellings!' Someone shouted.
'They, ah, many of them carry containers of it.'
'Why would they do such a thing?'
'To survive. They are part H20 themselves.'
Boont said, 'Excuse me? They are made of water? How much? How much of them is water?'
Everybody looked to Ouvre. 'Around forty loms,' he said. 'They expel some as waste. Use it to aid mastication. And so forth.'
No murmurs this time. Some bowed their heads. The room went silent in deep thought. One looked up and said, 'Our troops will need protection. Full armour.'
'I'm afraid our military budget won't extend to extra armour. Or any armour.'
'What?' Boont said.
'We have exoskeletons, the population of this planet are soft and entirely flesh-like, even on the outside. It was not seen necessary to extend your funding that far.'