Scott began to take out his clothes, putting some into the empty chest of drawers and hanging others in the unfortunately coffin shaped old wardrobe. What remained from the roll of bills he’d brought from the divided up stash with Neil he tucked away in a drawer inside one of his socks. That would continue to do for groceries and whatever cash they may need on a day to day basis. The cloth bag containing the money from McBlane he took out and slid under the bottom of the mattress.
He took out a small ivory Buddha and placed it on top of the chest of drawers. An ornately carved wooden box Scott used for storing his toiletries he carefully removed to put alongside it, but tripped over one of his boots as he walked across the room. Scott dropped the box as he fell to brace himself for a collision against the drawers, and raised his forearm up just in time to prevent his head from taking the brunt of the impact.
Dazed, he sat on the floor with one leg sprawled out on either side of him. Scott turned his arm to see a gash of around four inches that blood was beginning to well up in. The chest of drawers barely moved due to their sturdy build, but his uncle’s wooden box had been less fortunate, having come apart, scattering Scott’s photos and toiletries across the floor.
He wiped the emerging blood onto his pants and struggled into a kneeling position to begin gathering up the box’s contents. One side had sustained some surface damage to the intricately patterned wood and had scarred some of its paintwork onto the chest of drawers. The bottom of the box, Scott noted, had come dislodged in the collision and picking it up he attempted to slot it back into place. Turning the box upside down, Scott noticed a folded piece of paper that was still wedged in the underside of the box, behind the panel that had broken off. Removing the paper, Scott put the box down on the floor and unfolded it.
Briefly scanning through, it appeared to be a letter sent from his mother to someone called Robert. Looking at the scattered items and photos on the floor Scott saw other similar pieces of paper that he didn’t immediately recognise as his own and gathered them together. Sure enough they were more letters from his mother and judging by the dates on them, had been written over a period of many years. Scott checked them all again and organised them so the oldest were on top of the pile and began to read:
Dear Robert,
I can’t tell you how much last night meant to me. I’ve watched you around school these last couple of years and thought you would never notice me. Boys my age seem so immature and boring I could never be interested in them the way I am in you. I know we’ve only been out twice now but I don’t regret anything that happened last night, I’ve wanted it for so long and after such a wonderful night at the dance it just felt so right. I hope you still feel the same and don’t regret anything you said.
Forever Yours,
Kay.
Scott read the letter through again once he’d finished it the first time. He’d never heard mention of any Robert in her past, but the letters were hidden away in one of his Uncle Bob’s prized possessions. Was she talking about him? He’d had no idea there had been any history between his mother and Uncle Bob. He sat back feeling a little stunned, lit up a cigarette, put the first letter aside and began to read some more. Sure enough he saw even more of his mother’s lust and desire to be with Robert confirmed in the next few letters, and some in way more detail than he would have liked. They had been in a serious relationship when they were younger. The passion that flowed from his mother’s words on the pages, the intensity of the emotions she conveyed to him made her seem more real, more alive than in any of the brief memories he still held of her. Scott wondered what had happened to make the situation turn out so differently from the future that had been envisioned in his mother’s letters.
Dear Robert,
I didn’t believe Shelly when she told me about you and her. I knew she had always been jealous of our love, and bitter that you had chosen me over her but I didn’t believe the horrible things she’d said until I followed you last night. I saw you with her, Robert. I saw the two of you together. All those things you told me were lies. Are you telling her the same, making the same promises to her that you did to me? I truly believed we would be together forever but now you have broken my heart and I can never forgive you. It’s over Robert. I don’t want to see you ever again.
Kay.
So he’d cheated on her. These revelations about his family seemed in such contrast to the images and memories of them he carried around inside of him. Memories of his mother were few and distant, but this vibrant and passionate young woman seemed so different from the nurturing and level headed ideal of her that resided on the parental pedestal in his mind.
Scott looked at the remaining letters in his hand, wondering what other secrets lurked on their pages, waiting to be revealed. He flirted with the idea of just destroying them, but decided that not ever knowing be worse than any home truths he might discover.
Dear Robert,
Four months have passed since we broke up and I have spent most of that time at home alone with my studies. I know you have continued to see Shelly, and now I can say I hope things work out for you, perhaps our relationship was never meant to be. I am writing this letter for more than to wish you well, though. During the time I spent at your home I struck up a friendship with your brother Thomas and we have maintained that friendship since. From the time we broke up Thomas and I have studied together on occasion and we enjoy each other’s company. I write now to tell you that Thomas has asked me on a date and I think I would very much like to go. I’m not so much asking for your blessing as I am, perhaps, wanting to let you know that it will happen, and I don’t want you to feel in any way betrayed or that a secret has been kept from you. I know how hurtful betrayal can be and I wish if possible to spare you from that. I hope you understand and that this causes no ill will between you and Thomas.
Kay.
It was Bob then. This must be the time when she and his dad, Thomas, first began seeing each other. Angela came into the cabin looking for him as Scott finished reading the letter.
‘You just decide to trash the place?’ Angela asked, looking at his things that still lay scattered across the floor. Scott had been so engrossed in reading his mother’s letters he’d forgotten about clearing up.
‘Got sidetracked,’ he said, beginning to reread the last one again. ‘Apparently my mother used to put it about with my uncle before my parents got together. I just found a bunch of old letters hidden away in Bob’s wooden box.’
‘Oh.’ Angela said, ‘is that a bad thing then?’
‘Well I never knew about it; if there was nothing to be ashamed of or no reason to hide it then why the secrecy?’
‘Yeah but you were really young when your parents died, maybe Bob just didn’t feel it was his place to say anything. Besides isn’t that your parents ended up together what’s important, not something she did before that? Sometimes finding out stuff like this only cause pain, Scott. Maybe you should just leave them. ’
‘Maybe,’ he replied, leafing through the pages. ‘Anyway, according to what I’ve read so far, he cheated on her so she dumped him, then dad asked her on a date.
Scott kept flicking through, reading more of the letters as Angela tidied around him.
‘Bob’s relationship with the other woman ends, then it looks like dad is gonna propose. Then Bob gets caught up in all of his philosophy stuff. It makes sense though, when he was sitting for hours down by the tree he’d often say things about looking for meaning in suffering. I just never realised this is where it first came from. Samsara I think he called it, the circle of suffering before attaining Nirvana.’
‘Do you really think you should read any more?’ Angela asked. ‘I mean, this is all private stuff between two people who are now both dead, nothing is gonna change what happened in the past, maybe you should just put them back.’
‘I hardly have anything tangible of my mother to hold on to,’ Scott said, already reading on. ‘If this is gonna give me an insight into who
she really was then I want to find out. Good and bad, at least I’ll know more.’
Angela figured she should hang around so she made coffee for her and Scott as he continued reading.
‘Shit. It looks like mum still had feelings for Bob when she was about to marry dad. She asks him not to come to the wedding and everything.... Maybe dad knew something wasn’t right though cause this is where he asks mum to move overseas ..... Bob and her are still seeing each other, and she’s married to dad now.’
‘Are you OK?’ Angela asked, putting two cups of coffee down and sitting beside him on the floor.
Scott looked up from the letter and caught Angela’s eye. ‘I’m OK,’ he said and forced a smile.
‘Do you think less of your mother now because she had the affair with your uncle?’
‘No – I don’t know. I just need to go through the rest of the letters before I can process it all, I think.’
Angela nodded and finished tidying away the things that remained on the floor.
‘OK they’ve emigrated now... Bob keeps sending letters...She finally writes back, fucking hell.’
‘What is it?’
‘She doesn’t know if Bob is Jack’s father.’
‘Oh my god. Do you think he has any idea?’
‘I don’t know. Bob always seemed to have a closer bond with Jack but I assumed it was because he was older and they could do more stuff together,’ Scott said, and turned to the next page.
‘This is where my grandparents die. There’s a fire at their home. Apparently it was ruled as arson, I never knew that. I can’t believe there were so many secrets. Bob is using his share of the insurance money to move over here. Mum is telling him not to, that it could tear what’s left of the family apart – Bob ignores her and comes anyway – Yeah they start seeing each other again, I can’t believe it – Now it looks like mum is finally coming to her senses. She says she loves him but she doesn’t know if she can continue like they are. She won’t leave dad and she doesn’t want to risk hurting him if he ever found out about the affair.’
Scott flipped through a couple more pages.
‘This is the last one. It’s dated about a year before I was born.’
Dear Robert,
This is a decision I have agonised greatly over during the last months. The risks that have been taken either accidentally or carelessly have on a number of occasions almost caused our affair to become exposed to Thomas. I have tried so very hard to battle with my conscience over my right to be happy with you, but as I have said before I have a responsibility, a duty to Thomas and to Jack. It has begun to feel recently by your carefree actions as if you actually want Thomas to discover us, so I am then forced into a separation. That makes me doubt the man you are inside, Robert, and causes me to even doubt the validity of the feelings I have for you. The man I fell in love with would never have wantonly destroyed his brother’s life, even if it did mean he would be free to pursue the woman he loved. It pains me deeply to say this, but the time has come for our relationship to end. I will always cherish the memory of our time together, and no doubt we will still see each other on family occasions, but as for anything more than this, it is now over.
Please respect my wishes and write me no more,
Kay.
Scott pulled out everything Angela had replaced inside the broken box in case there were any more letters. He pushed and pressed at the box, looking for any other possible compartments where more may have been hidden, but found nothing.
‘I have to go home and talk to Jack. I need to tell him what I found in the letters, but I need to hear him say that he didn’t know anything about it.’
‘But Jeff’s leaving soon to go and sell the crop; and what about me and Boris?’
‘Will you look after the dog? I’ll probably just be gone a day or so, then I’ll come right back. Is Jeff here now?’
‘No he went out a while ago to make some phone calls and arrange the sale.’
‘OK, just give him an outline of what’s happened, tell him I’m sorry but I’ll be back as soon as I can.’ Scott said and kissed her.
Chapter 12
Scott put some things in a bag and threw it into the back of the Renault. A snow so light was falling that it looked like dandelions releasing their seeds during summer. Never seeming to touch the ground they would float around, carried by the smallest currents of air. He knew the trip would need to be quick if what Maurice had told him was right, that once the snow started to lie, the roads up to the mountain would become impassable. The winter had been relatively kind so far but heavy snow had been forecast for the coming few days.
‘Drive big, or don’t drive at all,’ the presenter on local radio crackled out from the car speakers. ‘If the south westerly catches those clouds we can expect at least six inches by tomorrow.’
The route back was easy enough to recall. Once the snaking side roads had been replaced by straighter and wider main roads Scott made a call through to Jack. His brother picked up on the second ring.
‘Where’ve you been hiding away? You know everything that’s been going on back here?’
‘Just taking a break. Why’s what’s the deal?’
‘A Detective Fallon for starters. He’s been all over looking for you, poking into stuff because of that shit with Twinkle. I told you that fucker was nothing but trouble but you wouldn’t stay away.’
‘I’ve been away, Jack. A minute ago you were complaining about that, make your mind up.’
‘Funny. What do you want then, why the call now?’
‘I’m on my way back. I need to talk to you.’
‘I’ll be at the apartment this afternoon,’ Jack said, and the line went dead.
Scott dropped the mobile phone into his lap. The gears grated before sliding into place as he accelerated along the slip-road and pulled the car onto the highway back towards Garden Heights. The snow was still falling but melting as soon as it landed on the wet tarmac. He hoped that would remain the case for his journey back.
Scott found a spot in the car park where Stan had waited during his last visit. He slid coins into the slot of the ticket machine and pressed the button, a printed parking ticket was ejected which Scott ripped free from the machine and took back to the car.
He didn’t recognise the concierge this time as he made his way inside, so reported to him that he was an expected guest and waited while the man called up to Jack’s apartment.
‘Go right up sir,’ he said, with a brief tilt from the waist.
Scott just caught an elevator as the doors were closing and pressed for the top floor. As the smooth ascent began, Scott’s mind again cast back to the lift he and Twinkle had taken on the night of his death. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This wasn’t the time to get sidetracked with remorse.
He was the last passenger onboard when the lift arrived at the penthouse floor. Scott walked to Jack’s door to find it open. He walked inside and pushed the door until he heard the metallic click of the catch falling into place behind him.
‘So what was so important to disturb you from hibernation and bring you back to the city, little brother?’
Scott whirled around. Jack was standing beside the large table in the centre of the room with his customary glass of whiskey in hand; although Scott couldn’t help but notice the apartment was far from its usual standard of pristine cleanliness. On the table there was a pile of unopened mail and an ashtray with a cigar butt amid a dusting of ash. Jack’s shoes had been kicked off and lay on the oak floor like dead fish washed up on the beach. Scott sensed this may not be the time to bring the letters to Jack’s attention, but he was here now and patience wasn’t Jack’s strongest virtue.
‘I found these,’ Scott said, holding their mother’s letters out in front of him. ‘They’re letters sent over the years from our mother to uncle Bob.’
Jack took a sip from his glass and then rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand.
‘OK then, let’s see,
’ he said, taking a seat on one of the couches. He put down the glass and extended his hand for Scott to bring him the letters.
Scott walked across and handed them over. He went to fix himself a drink and then sat on the opposite couch and waited for Jack to work his way through them all.
His brother made no comment as he read, simply laying down one sheet after another onto the table as he finished them, pausing only to take an occasional drink from his glass.
‘OK, so what?’ He said finally, relaxing back onto the couch. ‘So the old lady had a thing with Bob.’
‘It’s a bit more than that though. He might have even been your father.’
‘Unlikely, besides it’s all finished with now so what difference does it make?’
‘What about the fire? Did you know it was arson? He used the insurance money to follow you all over here to start things up with our mother again.’
‘That doesn’t prove anything.’
‘No it doesn’t prove anything, but then our parents dying in the car crash and him being a mechanic? He could have staged the whole thing when she finally wouldn’t come back to him. Think about it Jack. His suicide years later could have been due to the guilt of what he’d done. Not being able to live with it anymore. You knew him way better than I ever did, do you think it’s possible?’
‘Like I say, Scott, that’s all in the past. They’re all dead now and you have more immediate problems to deal with.’
‘Fallon, I know.’
‘Yeah, Fallon. You gonna speak to him before you vanish off again, wherever you’ve been to?’
‘I don’t know, I really just came back to show you the letters. I hadn’t thought much past that. It’s not like I have any information that can help him anyway.’
‘From what I’ve heard he thinks there’s more to the shooting and Twinkle vanishing than meets the eye, and you’re as close to it all as anyone.’
‘OK, there’s no point arguing with you about this right now, I’m gonna get going. I’ll be back in touch in a while,’ Scott said, putting down his barely touched glass of whiskey, and walked to the door. ‘I really thought those letters would have mattered to you though, Jack. Finding out stuff like that about our family? Possibly even who your father is?’’