Two can play that game. He has something I want, I’ll show him something he wants. I pick up a piece of watermelon with my fingers and take a slow bite. I cock an eyebrow at him.
“Want some?” I ask.
“Sure,” he tells me. I place the rest of the fruit in his mouth, purposely leaving my finger in there a little too long. He bites me playfully, then closes his full lips around my finger, a small kiss.
“What are you doing, Emi?” he asks me softly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I reply, fluttering my eyelashes innocently.
“Sure you don’t. Did you want a bite of this?” he asks, motioning to the pancakes. I nod slowly as he cuts into the stack and mops up some of the syrup. I lean in to take the bite off of his fork, my mouth open, tongue poised, my eyes never leaving his. My lips close around the fork, and I lick the remaining syrup from them as he pulls the fork away.
“Was that sexy?” I ask as I raise my hand over my mouth, full of pancakes, at which point we both start laughing.
“It was until then,” he tells me. “My turn.” I pick up a grape and bite it in half, making obvious gestures with my lips, drawing his attention to them. I place the other half on his waiting tongue, and he kisses my finger again.
“Let me try some more pancakes,” I say. We continue this, back and forth, until our food is gone. By the end of the meal, I’m completely turned on, and judging from the suggestive glances he’s making at me from across the table, it’s obvious that he is, too.
“Let’s get out of here,” he tells me, leaving cash on the table. He takes my hand and I follow him out of the restaurant.
As soon as he starts down the stairs leading to the sidewalk, I pull him back. “I have to kiss you,” I plead. He turns around, our faces inches apart as he stands two steps below me. I lean in and pull his head to mine, my lips greedy, his completely willing to give me everything I want.
I squeal, although my lips don’t leave his, as he picks me up and carries me the rest of the way down the stairs. When he sets me down on the sidewalk against the brick wall of the building, I take his hands into mine, keeping us close, and pout at him. “I’m not finished yet,” I whisper.
“Not here,” he tells me. Even though it’s the middle of the night, there are still quite a few people on the busy Chicago street.
“Well, where?” I ask, impatient.
“Let’s go bowling,” he suggests. “You’re making me crazy, Emi, with this... like this.”
I stand on my tiptoes to meet him again, and he obliges with a deep kiss. “I kinda wish you had gotten a hotel room,” I tell him when we part for a breath. He pulls away immediately, possibly considering it.
He looks into my eyes, tugging gently on to my hair to keep me close. “I think it’s safe to say this night is ending up very differently than what I had planned it to be,” he mutters quietly to me. “This was just supposed to be two friends, going out of town to a concert and hanging out all night... on neutral territory... where they can’t get into any trouble.
“And Emi,” he adds. “You’re getting yourself into serious trouble.” He steals my breath again with another kiss, this one more like our first one, the one that drove me crazy with unresolved desire back in college... the same one he eagerly gave me on the night before Chris and Anna’s wedding. Sweet, soft, but full of passion.
“Can we?” I ask him, my lips still on his.
“Can we what?”
“Get a hotel room?” I suggest. He finishes the kiss, then sighs.
“Oh, god... really? That’s kind of tacky, Emi.”
“What’s tacky about me wanting to be with you?” I ask, hoping to convince him. “I don’t care.”
“You care,” he says. “I care. I care about you too much for that. We’re not going to go get a room for a couple of hours.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I laugh. “Let’s just stay in Chicago for a few days.”
“I have meetings in New York in the morning, Emi,” he tells me, disappointed.
“You have to work tomorrow?”
“I do,” he laughs.
“You’re going to stay up all night, and be okay to go to business meetings in the morning?”
“I am.”
“Why did you plan this, tonight?”
“I didn’t pick the date... I picked the concert, which happened to be on this date, this particular Tuesday night... plus, I thought it would be safe for us to avoid exactly what you’re suggesting... because we agreed to not put ourselves in these situations until further notice.”
“Maybe this is ‘further notice,’” I suggest.
“The fact that you just said ‘maybe’ makes me think it’s not.”
“You don’t want this?” I ask him as his fingers trace patterns on my back.
“It should be painfully obvious how badly I want you, Emi. But you shut me down last time we let it go a little too far, remember?”
“I know,” I admit.
“What’s changed?”
“I don’t know,” I tell him. We’re not in my apartment, where I still have so many vivid memories of Nate, that’s what’s changed.
“Why are you ready now?”
“I don’t know,” I repeat.
“I want you to know,” he tells me. I can’t hide my disappointment from him. I can’t not feel rejected.
“Where’s the bowling alley?” I ask him, walking down the sloped sidewalk.
“Hey,” he says, grabbing my arm and pulling me back to him. “Don’t be that way.”
“Well,” I counter, “be a little impulsive.”
“I am being impulsive,” he states. “I’m making out with you on a crowded street, in front of throngs of people. I don’t do that. I’m a planner, Em, and I certainly didn’t plan this... so don’t say I’m not being impulsive. You bring out a completely different side to me.”
“Do you not like being this way?”
“I love it,” he tells me. “I love being with you. Everything looks brighter and feels... deeper... when I’m with you.
“But come on, Emi, when I think about our first time together, it’s not in some hourly-rate motel... I want you, but I don’t want to degrade what we have. It deserves something special. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Well when you put it like that,” I concede. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes, okay,” I repeat. “Wanna get your ass kicked now?”
“You’re asking for it...”
“Yes, I am,” I flirt, taking his hand and pulling him with me toward the large glowing bowling pin in the distance.
Even after our conversation, neither of us can keep our hands off one another at the bowling alley. They have late-night bowling where all the lights are out except for some lines of neon outlining the lanes. We somehow finish the game, even though most of my time is spent in his lap at the scoring table.
On the flight home, Jack takes my hand in his as soon as we take off. I share my earbuds with him and turn on one of my favorite playlists. We both recline our seats back, and within a few minutes, he falls asleep listening to the music.
I want to be with him so badly, and I want it to be special, too. It will be, I know. He deserves the best night of his life... what man waits this long for any woman? And why me? Am I really worth that much to him? I smile, realizing that he thinks so, anyway, and that’s really all that matters. I start to imagine different scenarios. At his house... maybe. At my apartment... no, for various reasons. In his car? No, not special. Maybe a trip somewhere, a hotel celebrating a special occasion? Christmas? He likes to plan... he seems to like to be in control of situations, and that’s fine.
My stomach gets butterflies and I feel my face blush as I imagine us undressing one another. I feel a little pang of guilt all of a sudden. Would I be able to separate this experience from my encounters with Nate? Would I be sad? I couldn’t be sad. Jack deserves the perfect night, period. It would rea
lly need to be about him. It would need to be about me thanking him for his patience... for caring... for being sensible... and for loving me even when I couldn’t love him back.
Whatever I did, I would have to make sure I was ready to commit to Jack, one-hundred percent, before moving forward. Before taking this next step, I would have to be able to tell him I loved him, too... and mean it with every part of my mind, body and soul.
I wasn’t sure I could say that now. I know that I’m falling in love with him. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve already fallen. There just can’t be any element of doubt in mind, because once we take that step, we will be moving forward. I will be moving on.
I just hope I can wait until it all comes together, because damn it, he is so incredibly sexy, his kisses so generous and tender, I can only imagine what it will be like to make love to him. Ugh! I want him now!
I nudge him softly just before we land.
“Did you sleep?” he asks, half-awake.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I just couldn’t stop thinking about... you know... you.”
“Mmmmm,” he says drowsily. “I couldn’t stop dreaming about you. What a relief to see you next to me when I opened my eyes.”
“Did you dream I left you?” I ask.
“No... but I was worried you wouldn’t be here when I came to.”
“I’m here,” I tell him, leaning over to kiss him and squeezing the hand I’d been holding for over two hours. I miss it when he finally lets go as the plane rolls to a stop.
As soon as we’re in his familiar car, I turn the seat warmers on and close my eyes. Exhaustion is finally setting in.
When I wake up, I look around cautiously, not recognizing my surroundings. It’s pretty dark, but I finally realize I’m in Jack’s bedroom, in his bed. The curtains are pulled all the way shut over the patio door, obscuring any sunlight if it was trying to come in... and I know it’s got to be out there by now. I finally gather enough courage to look beside me, realizing the other side of the bed is still made up. I check under the covers to see I’m still completely dressed in my jeans and t-shirts. On the night stand sits my watch and the rubber bands I had in my hair last night.
How he managed to put me to bed without me waking up is beyond me. I didn’t realize I was that tired...
I stretch my muscles and take a deep breath, grabbing my watch to check the time. Two o’clock. Two o’clock? Shit! Jen must be worried sick! I tear out of bed in search of my purse. I flip on the lamp and look everywhere in the bedroom, but find nothing. Bathroom... nope. I open the door, wondering if Jack is downstairs. He had meetings this morning, but it’s well into the afternoon now. I pass through the living room and his office, both quiet and empty. A pillow and blanket are neatly placed on one side of the couch. Jack’s not in the kitchen, either, but my purse is, and my phone is sitting on the counter next to it on top of a note from Jack.
Jen called. She’s quite worried. I assured her that you were fine, but she insists you call her as soon as you wake up. I’m at my meetings... I’ll call you later. P.S. I enjoyed every second with you last night and this morning. I blush and smile simultaneously before quickly dialing my sister’s number.
“Emi?” she picks up before the call finishes the first ring.
“Jen, I’m fine,” I tell her.
“I know,” she sighs. “Jack took the brunt of my anger and frustration when he called me earlier.”
“You didn’t–”
“I did... he was very apologetic. It’s really hard to be mad at him.”
“Yeah,” I admit, feeling my heart flutter a little.
“So you’re gonna tell me you’re still just friends?” she says.
“I am,” I lie, wanting selfishly to keep mine and Jack’s activities to myself.
“You spent the night with him, though...”
“I did, but nothing happened!”
“Whatever!”
“Seriously!” I confirm. “He slept on his couch.”
The line goes silent.
“Jen?”
“I’m ashamed of you,” she says, obviously joking.
“Shut up.”
“What’s holding you back?”
“I don’t want to talk about this, Jen.”
“I think he really likes you, Em. Don’t lead him on,” she warns me.
“I’m not,” I tell her. “I’m just not ready yet. But he’s great.”
“He is,” she says. “But he can’t kidnap you anymore without one of you letting us know what’s going on.”
“He didn’t kidnap me–”
“Emi, Chris and I were worried sick. And neither of you would answer our calls. We thought something had... happened.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell her sincerely. It was selfish of me, I realize. With my history, it’s only natural that my family would worry. “For both of us. You’re right. We should have let you know. But maybe it’s time you don’t worry like that anymore.”
“We’ll always worry, Em. You’re our baby sister. You’ve been through too much.”
“Alright,” I tell her, feeling bad about what we’d put them through. “I won’t do it again.”
“Okay,” she says, content. “Will I see you tonight?”
“Yes, I’m on my way home now.”
I text Jack quickly before leaving. “Enjoyed your bed... maybe you’ll join me there someday. ;)”
“Definitely,” he responds.
Later in the evening, Jack stops by with two pizzas and some wine as a peace offering to my sister. Jen, Clara, Jack and I sit around watching children’s Christmas specials on TV, enjoying each other’s company. Thankfully, Jack is easily forgiven.
CHAPTER 14
“It can’t happen tonight,” I tell Jack as soon as he closes the driver side door. He pauses before putting the key in the ignition.
“Ahhh... okay,” he nods, taking in my words but avoiding my eyes.
“Does that ruin your plans?” I ask. “I mean, I packed things for an overnight stay, like you asked... but I just don’t want it to happen tonight.”
“Umm... no, it doesn’t ruin my plans. Not all of them anyway.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I’m, like, ready, I think,” I begin, “but today just isn’t the right day.”
“You don’t have to explain–”
“I want to, though.”
“Okay, go on,” he says as he pulls out of the parking lot. “Wait, before you start... do you mind sleeping with me tonight?”
“Sleeping,” I clarify. He nods again. “Sleeping is fine. Making out is even okay. I just don’t want it to go beyond that. Not tonight. You have to promise me.”
“Emi, don’t worry. Have I ever pressured you? Ever?”
“No,” I say. “But there’s a little voice in the back of my head telling me it’s time. That you shouldn’t have to wait any longer.”
“I will, though,” he says. “If that’s what you want, I will. I promise, Emi, this night is yours. However you want to spend it.” He looks over to me briefly and smiles. “Now what happened last Christmas?” he asks.
“How do you know it was last Christmas?”
“Because, when we talked last night, you told me it would all depend on how today went... and I just assumed that the date was somehow important to you from last year.”
I frown a little, but take a deep breath. “Last Christmas,” I sigh, “is when I found out I was expecting. I’ve been trying really hard to not get lost in those feelings. It was a horrible night. I was all alone when I took the test... and I was so scared and so angry at him and at myself.”
I inhale deeply again. “Like I said, I’ve been trying to not feel that all over again. But I ran by the drug store this afternoon to pick up a few things, and there was this display of tacky plastic ornaments... but among those ugly cheap things was one pretty silver ball with a pink bow on top. It said, ‘Baby’s First Christmas.’” I duck my h
ead into my hands and frustratedly fight back the tears. Fuck, I really didn’t want to do this today... I won’t do this...
Jack pulls over to the curb and turns his hazard lights on. He puts his hand on my leg and rubs circles on my knee with his thumb.
“I’m sorry, Emi,” he says quietly.
“No, I’m sorry,” I tell him as I wipe my eyes, the tears not making it to my cheeks. I clear my throat, but feel a little triumphant over my emotions. “I’ll be fine once we get to your house. I promise.” I smile bravely at him.
“I hadn’t planned on taking you there, Em,” he says.
“Oh,” I say, confused. “Well, wherever... where are we going?”
“I’m afraid if I tell you, you’ll think I’m expecting something, but I swear to you... it’s fine.”
“Crap,” I say, realizing I really had ruined his plans for our Christmas night. “What did you do?”
“Just in case... you know. I said it should be special, so yes, I was sort of planning for something to happen–”
“Where, Jack?” I press him for more information.
“The Ritz-Carlton Suite at Battery Park,” he blurts out quickly, looking at me, unsure. “It has incredible views of the harbor and the Statue of Liberty.”
“Seriously? The Ritz? That’s too expensive, Jack,” I plead.
“I know the manager,” he tells me, giving me a sideways glance.
“Still... it’s too nice. Hell, I feel awful,” I tell him.
“Please, don’t, Emi. Really.”
“Can we do it another time?” I ask.
“Well, the room’s already paid for tonight, and my things are already there. I mean, not that it matters, but it would be a nice opportunity for both of us to leave our normal lives behind for a night. Maybe take a break from some of these memories... if you want...”
“But I feel bad,” I whine.
“I swear, Emi, you won’t when you get there. I checked it out this afternoon, and it’s spectacular. You’ll be so caught up in the view and service and food, you won’t even know I’m there.”
“Right,” I laugh. “Are you sure you’re not disappointed?”