“Why are you asking me this? Are these the shots talking?”
“No,” she says. “I just don’t... what’s so...” she stammers.
“What is it, Emi?”
“Why am I so special?”
I laugh quietly at her question. “I have a list at the cabin,” I tease her. “Shall we go back and read it?”
“Jack,” she pleads, as if she’s really curious... as if she really doesn’t know why she is so special to me. The drum beat of a new song interrupts us.
“My turn!” Matthew says as he takes her from my arms. “I got the DJ to play your song!”
“Emi, come eat something.”
“No, it’s my favorite!” she yells over the music. “One more dance.” I nod and roll my eyes, just wanting her to come back to the table with me... or actually, wanting her to come back to the cabin with me. I assume it’s the alcohol that’s causing her insecure questions. Surely I’ve told her a million times why I love her, shown her how I love her.
One song turns into six plus, and I have the food sent back, accepting that she’s not going to have dinner. Emi’s question eats away at me for some reason, and I can’t figure out what has changed... what has brought on her uncertainty in my feelings. Exhausted and no longer in the mood to be among the growing crowd in the club, I call my sister over.
“I’m going to get a cab back to the resort,” I tell her. “I’ll let Emi know, but she seems to be having fun.”
“She’s a blast, Jacks,” Kelly says. “Oh, my god, she’s so funny.”
“She’s so drunk,” I tell her disapprovingly. “Will you promise to keep an eye on her?”
“Of course,” my sister assures me. I sign the ticket for the food and drinks we’ve consumed so far, and walk to the middle of the dance floor where Emi, Renee, Matthew and Lucas are all dancing.
“Can I interrupt for a second?” I ask her. Her eyes are glazed over, but she smiles shyly and nods, following me to the side of the room. “I’m exhausted, so I’m getting a cab back to the hotel.”
“Do you want me to come?” she asks, but I can tell she is not ready to go back yet.
“No, stay and have some fun,” I encourage her.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.” By the time she gets back to the hotel, I have no doubt it will take her only mere seconds to pass out. I gave up on being intimate with her a good hour and a half ago. “Take this,” I say, handing her the card that will grant her entrance into our cabin. She looks at it curiously before putting it in her small purse.
“Okay,” she says with a nod. “Will you be ready for me when I come home?” Her finger scratches lightly down my chest.
“Oh, yes, my dear,” I laugh. “I’ll be ready for you... to crash. I’ll pull the sheets down for you.”
“I’m fine,” she argues.
“I know you are.” My words are filled with sarcasm. “I’ll be ready, don’t worry.”
“Okay,” she sighs. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Be careful. I wouldn’t be upset if you ate something.”
“You worry too much,” she tells me, brows furrowed, as she leans in to kiss my cheek. “You can feed me some fruit later.”
“Right, okay,” I agree, simply to appease her.
“Like ya,” she tells me, biting her bottom lip. I cock my head curiously at her strange choice of words. Her smile falls slightly as she shakes her head. “I mean, I love you,” she corrects herself, swallowing hard.
“I love you, too.” I kiss her forehead before leaving the club. When I get back to the cabin, I settle in to make a list prior to turning in for the night.
I wake up to the sound of Emi throwing up in the bathroom. A brief glimpse at the pillow next to me confirms that she did come to bed at some point, and I’m surprised I didn’t wake up to greet her. A dim orange glow signals the impending sunrise, but it’s obvious my sweet girlfriend will not be ready to start the day any time soon. I trip over Emi’s shoes on my way to the bathroom, her leather pants and silver shirt lying nearby.
“Em, you okay?” I ask after knocking on the locked door.
“Make the room stop spinning.”
“Open up, sweetie.”
“No,” she whines. I leave her alone to get her some sparkling water.
She is sitting on the bed with her robe on, legs crossed, eyes closed when I come back into the room. “I hate your family,” she moans.
“You loved them last night,” I smile, setting the water on the nightstand and sitting down next to her, pulling her head into my shoulder.
“Oh, don’t move me,” she says, then leans into me on her own accord. “I feel so sick.”
“I can tell. You’re clammy... and you smell like liquor.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be,” I joke with her. “What time did you get in?”
“Two-thirty, I think. I don’t really remember. What time is it now?” she asks.
“Six-fifteen. You ready to hit the slopes?” She finally opens her eyes as she looks at me with disdain.
“Tell me you’re joking.”
“Of course I’m joking, Drunky.” I try to smooth down her wild, matted hair, but there’s no use. “How many more shots did they force you to drink, anyway?”
“God, who knows?” she says with a frown. “Although I can’t blame them entirely. I think I bought a round or two at some point. Your brothers sure can drink. And Renee, too. Ugh, I don’t even want to think about it anymore.” She falls back into my chest. I wrap my arms around her as her body shudders quickly.
“Are you cold?”
“I don’t even know,” she says. Her ice-cold feet touch my thigh as she shifts uncomfortably.
“I think you are. Lie back,” I suggest, helping her under the covers. “Do you think you’ll be okay if I go work out for a bit?”
“I’m just going to try to sleep,” she mumbles.
“Okay. I’ll take my phone. Call me if you need anything, the workout center is nearby.” I move her phone to the nightstand, next to the list I had made last night. “There’s some water here for you, too.”
“Thank you,” she says, her eyes closed again as she cuddles under the blankets.
After my workout, I head back to the cabin and quietly boot up my laptop in the living area. Careful not to wake her, I catch up on some email correspondence with one of my bigger clients in Europe. As I start working on the proposal I’m set to present to them in a couple of months, I hear the faucet turn on in the bathroom. I hope she’s feeling better.
She doesn’t meet me on the couch after her shower. Instead, she calls my name from the bedroom. Putting my work aside, I go in to see if she needs anything.
“Hey, Poppet,” I say to her from the doorway. “How are you?”
“A little better now,” she smiles as she crawls back under the blankets dressed in one of the t-shirts I had brought along. She holds up the piece of paper I had left on the nightstand. “Top Ten Reasons Why You’re So Special,” she reads the heading. “You really made a list?”
“I don’t want you to have any doubt. I sensed that you did. I just didn’t know why.”
“I think I was just overwhelmed at all the new information. You’re a tra-zillionaire–”
“Not quite–”
“And,” she says loudly, cutting me off, “you’re one of Manhattan’s most eligible bachelors–”
“Not so much now,” I assure her, walking toward the bed.
“And,” she continues, “you have this perfect family that adores you–”
“I pay them to,” I tease, my expression deadpan.
“And then there’s me. Some ragged, hungover lush who has given you nothing but trouble.”
“Right,” I laugh as I sit down on my side of the bed. “And what was number... seven, I think it was?” I take the paper from her and read it to myself. “What does it say you’ve given me?”
“Was that the hope for
your future one or the best sex one?”
“Neither. You’ve given me the chance to see the world in an entirely new light,” I tell her. “Did you read the list at all?”
“Yes!” she squeals, grabbing the paper back and laughing.
“Well, then you’d know best sex was number three.” I lie down next to her and lean over her.
“Three,” she repeats as she shifts to her side, her face inches from mine. “How can we put that at the top of the list?” she whispers.
“First,” I tell her as I run my fingers through her damp hair, “you can’t sneak into bed, drunk, in the middle of the night.”
“Sorry about that,” she blushes. “Next time I’ll wake you up.”
“That’s a start,” I smile as we meet in the middle of the bed with a kiss. “We could work on that now,” I suggest.
“Ummmm...” she hesitates. “Ragged hung over lush here,” she states, pointing to herself. “I think I need a little more sleep. Raincheck? Tonight, maybe?”
“Definitely. You took some aspirin?” I ask. She answers with a nod. “You’ll let me know if you need anything else?” Again, she nods. I kiss her forehead before leaving her, getting back to my work in the adjoining room.
Early in the evening, we finally make it out of the cabin to meet my family in the resort’s casual dining room. The day Emi spent in bed must have been exactly what she needed, because from the looks of her now, I can’t even tell she was feeling bad at all. She looks stunning, her cheeks naturally rosy, eyes bright. Over dinner, my family gets caught up on the happenings of one another’s lives, and they get to know her a little better.
Matthew insists on sitting on the other side of her, and has stolen her attention for most of the meal. Even if it means less time with me, I’m happy she’s connecting and having a good time with him and Lucas, Kelly and Renee, and I can tell they’re all getting along well. Steven shifts uncomfortably as I try to engage him in some business conversation.
“Excuse me,” Emi interrupts as dessert is served, getting up from the table abruptly and heading toward the door. I start to get up, but Kelly motions for me to stay as she follows her. I look at Matthew, who looks a little stunned.
“I was just telling her how smitten you were with her after that kiss in college,” he says. “I told her that you thought she was ‘the one’ after that night. I asked her if she felt the same thing...
“She said she did,” he continues. “And then I asked her what took her so damn long... but then she just teared up... and left...”
“Okay,” I say to my brother, taking the napkin from my lap and putting it on the table. “It’s alright.”
“What did I say?” he asks.
“Nothing, Matty, don’t worry about it. She’ll be okay.” I take Emi’s coat with me and walk out the front door. My sister and Emi are embracing tightly.
“I’m fine,” Emi says to me, looking up, smiling at me with tear-streaked cheeks, sniffling.
“I know, Em,” I tell her, smiling, draping her coat around her shoulders, not too worried about her tears, almost expecting them on occasion.
“We are guessing you haven’t told anyone else about what happened,” Kelly says. “I tried to get Matty to stop, but he wasn’t reading my signals.”
“I don’t want people to be afraid to talk to me about it,” Emi says. “It’s not some big secret. It’s a part of who I am... I just figured they all knew.”
“No, I told Kelly, that’s it,” I tell her. “I can tell the rest of them, if you’d like... if that will make it easier.”
“I’d rather that than tiptoe around the subject,” she says. “I could probably tell them,” she offers, “but when people look at me, like they feel sorry for me, it just makes me sad.” She smiles.
“Got it,” I tell her. “I’ll take care of it.”
“I think I’ll drive her back to the cabin,” Kelly says.
“Is that okay?” Emi asks.
“It’s fine, love.” She walks over to me and kisses me as I hand her the key. “I’ll be there in a bit.”
The entire family is looking at me as I walk toward them across the restaurant. I take Emi’s seat and pat Matthew on the back.
“Is she okay?” he says, his eyes apologetic. The family stares expectantly.
“Yes.” I clear my throat. “I don’t know if you guys picked up on my hesitation yesterday when I was talking about the night Emi and I got reacquainted...”
“At the engagement party...” Lucas adds.
“Yes. Well, Emi was there with someone else that night. She was with her boyfriend, Nate, who had been her best friend since high school. They hadn’t been dating very long, but they were about as close as two people could be.”
I swallow, remembering the look in his eyes as he walked toward her that night, taking her away from me. I avoid the eyes of my family members, succumbing to the guilt again, trying to compose myself.
“They left the party shortly before midnight, and his car was hit by some drunk kids. Nate died at the scene. Emi was hurt, she was in a coma for three days. She missed his funeral... never really got to say goodbye to him,” I explain. “Sometimes she just gets a little sad.”
“That’s awful,” my mother says. Renee and Matthew just look shocked.
“I’m sorry,” Lucas says.
“Where does that leave you?” Steven asks. I look at him, curious.
“What do you mean?”
“She’s still upset about him,” he says. “I know you’ve laid everything out there for her. I know you’re completely in love with her. How does she feel about you?”
“She loves me,” I tell him confidently. I don’t have a doubt in my mind, even though I see it in his eyes. “You’ll see.”
“I see,” Matthew chimes in. “And I think she’s amazing.”
“Me, too,” Lucas says.
“That’s a hard thing to go through,” my mother adds, and I sense some concern in her, too.
“It’s been really hard for her,” I agree. “We took things very slowly. I thought I knew her, inside and out, just by my intense feelings for her... but she is so much more than I could ever have hoped for. As I got to know her, I just loved her more.
“She asked me to tell you all about Nate,” I explain, “because she wants you all to know her, and understand her. She didn’t want to have to see these sorrowful looks. So do me a favor, and when you see her tomorrow, don’t look at her like this.
“Yes, she still gets sad occasionally, but we really are happy together. You don’t have to avoid talking to her about her past, either, she can handle it. She thought you all knew already, so she was kind of caught off-guard. That’s my fault.”
“Okay,” my dad says. “Tomorrow’s a new day. I think she’s a very sweet girl.”
“Thanks, Dad.” When Kelly comes back in, I thank her for being there for Emi.
“She feels bad for leaving like that,” my sister says. “But she’s fine.”
“I’m on my way there,” I tell her. “Thanks again.” I tell my family good night and put my coat on. I decline my brother’s offer to drive me back to the cabin, choosing to walk back to give Emi a little more time by herself– and to enjoy the crisp mountain breeze, such a departure from Manhattan air.
It begins to snow when I’m about half-way to the cabin. My ski jacket would be nice right now, instead of the trench coat I brought with me. A hat would be even nicer, my hair becoming moist, cold as the snowflakes fall.
When I reach the cabin, the door is locked. I knock quietly and wait, but when she doesn’t answer, I knock harder and call her name. Suddenly, she swings the door open to reveal herself, wearing only a thong and the corset I had gotten a peek of the day before. The winter air freezing, blowing into the cabin, I wanted nothing more than to pick her up, but I was cold and wet from the snow and only wanted to stay away.
“My god, Emi,” I laugh, helpless. “I can’t even warm you up!”
; “I think you can,” she says, kissing me while taking my wet coat off, hanging it on a hook by the door. “You are cold,” she laughs, sounding a bit more sensible. She leads me into the bedroom, where she has pulled the down comforter and pillows off of the bed and laid them on the floor in front of the fireplace. “Get comfortable,” she says, going into the bathroom and bringing out a towel. She attempts to dry my hair with it, but I decide to take over that task and let her begin to undress me. Once she has both of my shirts off, I stop her from going any further.
“Let me see this,” I tell her. She takes a few steps back and allows me to admire her body. The smell of soap still lingers from her recent bath. I walk toward her, and turn her around, taking in the other side. I kiss her neck, then her shoulders, my hand feeling her behind... then I shiver from the cold, my head actually feeling a little numb. “Okay, I’m going to have to take a shower or something,” I tell her.
“Really?” she asks.
“I’m freezing, Em,” I tell her. “You could join me.”
“I just took a bath,” she explains.
“I don’t see how that has anything to do with my invitation.”
“But I just put this on,” she says, smiling, eager.
“And you look so incredibly sexy in it... but it’s going to come off sooner or later,” I tell her, unfastening the top hook in the middle of her back. I sit on the edge of the bed, pulling her toward me so I can work my way down the rest of the hooks. I kiss her back with each one, watching her expression in the large mirror on the wall facing us. Her eyes meet mine with each glance.
Once I finish with the last hook, I slowly lower the corset to reveal her breasts, eventually dropping it to the floor. I take her by the waist, pulling her closer, as she shyly covers herself with her arms, our gaze never breaking. My hands travel to meet hers, and she gives way to my touch, my fingers likely uncomfortably cold, but she doesn’t flinch. I stand up to kiss her neck again, and she turns around, pressing her warm torso against me, kissing my chest, her hands fumbling with my belt until she manages to unfasten it, then my pants, letting them fall. I step out of them and pick Emi up, carrying her toward the bathroom. When I set her down, she again perches on the edge of the tub, as she had yesterday, putting her nearly naked body on display. I turn on the shower and allow the water to heat up.