"Welcome to Duncan Fields' love boat," he announced.
I thought that was all there would be to it just a big, silly joke: but he had other things in mind. When he didn't loosen his grip on me, birds of panic began to flap their wings hysterically in my chest and stomach.
"Let me go," I said.
"Don't you like it here? Just lay back. Give it a chance. You'll see how comfortable it is."
"I've got to get back. Duncan."
"Hold on." he insisted, now seizing my right wrist. His fingers tightened like handcuffs around my narrow bone.
"You're hurting me."
"Then relax, will you? You're the first girl I've asked to my van here, and there's a whole line who wished it was them."
"Then go knock on one of their windows," I said. "I want to go back now."
The music was getting louder and louder.
"You sure didn't dance like a girl who wants to go back now. Why do you have to be such a tease?"
"I'm not a tease. Dancing is one thing. This is another. Please let go of my wrist."
"You crawled out of that window pretty quickly and without much convincing," he continued.
"Now I realize I shouldn't have. I want to go back."
"No you don't. You think you do, but you really don't," he argued and then he kissed me on the neck, turning me more toward him as he did so.
"Duncan, stop."
"And you came out in your nightgown. too. Anything more under that?" he asked, slipping his hand into my robe and putting his palm squarely over my breast. "Nope. Just as I thought."
"Stop!" I cried. I tried to push him away with my legs, but he just reached down and under them, lifted his body, and pushed me underneath. When he dropped himself on me, I was pinned to the seat, which was now fully reclined,
His other hand began to pull away my robe and then went down to my thighs and lifted my
nightgown.
"Duncan, what are you doing? Stop!" I screamed. He stopped my second scream by putting his lips over my mouth, where he kept them.
When he released my wrist. I tried to pound his head and push him off, but he was so heavy and so determined, my blows fell like fists of butter against him. He didn't flinch or cry out. He moaned and I felt him moving his left hand between us, undoing his pants.
"You're the first." he whispered. "The first in my love boat."
"Let me go. Stop it! Stop it!"
The shock of his hardness between my thighs took my breath away. I gasped, seemingly choking on air. I was in a terrible panic, fighting to breathe. and I think I passed in and out of consciousness within seconds because moments later. I felt him penetrating and pushing harder and harder into me. He raised my legs, sweeping away my ineffective attempts at any resistence.
I thought I was screaming, but I couldn't be sure because there was a thunderous roar in my ears. As it went on. I kept thinking. This isn't happening to me; it can't be happening. But of course, it was.
He cried out and I felt him stop almost immediately and collapse over me, his breathing hard and fast. The Bolero was in a crescendo. The music seemed to make the whole van vibrate, or was that just my body shuddering from the violation? I didn't move. I felt as though I had left myself and no longer had any control of my arms and legs. Slowly, he rose and sat up. I saw him brush back his hair and then he hit a button and the music stopped.
"It is really hot tonight. So humid. You ever been in New Orleans in the summer? I don't think it's much worse there than here tonight."
He sat quietly and I didn't move for fear I would shatter like some cracked piece of thin china. I watched him turn off the glowing small television set..
"I'm really thirsty." he said. "The next thing I'm going to do is have a refrigerator installed in here."
He fixed his clothing and then he looked at me.
"You'd better get back," he said. He hit the remote key again and the door slid open, the lights coming on. "C'mon." He reached for me. but I cried out.
"Get away from me!" I shouted and turned away,
"Suit yourself, but we've got to go," he said.
The car light resembled a harsh spotlight. My eyes felt like they were burning, I grimaced in pain. - turned my body and spilled myself onto the parking lot in my effort to get out quickly. I heard him laughing as I got to my feet.
"Having trouble walking after being in Duncan Fields's love boat?" he asked. He started around the van toward me.
"Get away from me!" I cried and started running.
"Hey. You didn't even say thank you for a nice evening. Where's your manners?"
I heard his laugh behind me, which made me run faster. When I drew closer to the dorm, I slowed down to a walk. Until that moment I hadn't realized I was sobbing madly. My face was streaked and soaked with tears, which kept coming. I stood there. gasping. In a panic I looked back and saw him sauntering toward the dorm. He paused, looked toward me and then continued to go around to the boys' side, where he disappeared in the shadows.
Slowly now. I walked to my room. When I reached the window, I looked up at it as if it was the top of Mount Everest. I guess I was moaning and crying quite loudly now, for Sarah finally woke and came to the window. She gaped out at me.
"What are you doing out there?" she asked. "Help me," I said.
"What?"
I reached up for her and she took my hand. I don't know where she found the strength, but somehow she lifted me off the around enough for me to get a hold on the windowsill and continue until I was in the room. I fell forward into her arms, but slipped quickly to the floor where I sat and sobbed.
"What is it? What were you doing out there? Summer, talk to me," she begged. "You look terrible. What happened to you? Tell me!"
I took some deep breaths and pressed my hand to my heart to keep it from pounding right through my chest. Finally, I managed to get out the words.
"Duncan... came here and talked me into going for a walk with him."
"He did? When?"
"We... we went to his car. He wanted to show me his van," I said.
"And?"
"He got me into the backseat and..."
"And what?"
She was down on her knees now, looking right into my face, her hands on my shoulders. I started to cry hard again and she shook my body hard.
"What? What?"
"He raped me!" I screamed and fell forward into her arms where she held me and rocked me and stroked my hair, telling me it would be all right, to be calm. It would be all right.
I don't know how long we sat there. but I think I passed out and woke before Sarah got me to Zet up and lie on my bed. Then she sat beside me and held my hand.
"We've got to go get Mrs. Bernard,'" she said. "You can't let him get away with this."
"No." I cried, terrified. "How am I going to explain going out the window and going off with him?"
"You thought you were just going for a walk," she said. "But it was still against the rules."
"Against the rules? Summer, you were just raped. Don't you think that's more important than some stupid dorm rule?"
My mind was so jumbled. I couldn't think; I couldn't think! "Why did I go? Why did I go with him?"
"Not to be raped. I'm sure," she said. "I can't believe he did this. He seemed so nice. He's so good looking and talented. Why does he have to rape anyone?" she asked rhetorically, but the question hung in the air like an accusation. I could see how it might unfold, how what I was saying might be disbelieved. "The way some of those girls ogle him, he would just have to look at them to get them to go to the back of his van," she continued.
"Well. I'm not one of them," I said, my anger giving me some strength.
"I know that," she said. "It just doesn't make any sense." She shook her head. "I guess he's just crazy," she concluded.
She stood up and headed toward the door. "I'll call Mrs. Bernard.'"
"My parents will be so upset," I said. "I'm afraid of what it will do to my mother. You
know she's handicapped."
She paused, her hand on the door knob. "Well, what do you want to do?"
"I don't know." I shook my head so hard that I felt a pain shoot through my neck. "I don't know what to do."
"Did he use protection?" she asked.
"What? Protection?'"
"Yes. I'm sure you know what I mean? Did he do it in you?"
"Yes," I said, actually first realizing the implications.
"You've got to worry about that. How long since your last period?"
"How long?" I put my hands over my temples. I still couldn't think straight, couldn't remember. "Um, about a week or so. I think."
"Or so gets me nervous," Sarah said. She took a deep breath. "All right. Let's be logical about this. Suppose you don't tell and you get pregnant. Then what? You say, oh, by the way a few weeks ago. Duncan Fields raped me?"
I looked at her and the dam of tears broke again. I sobbed so hard, my ribs ached. She tried to calm me down, but I all I did was get very nauseous and had to run to the bathroom to vomit in the toilet. Afterward, I was so exhausted. I could barely get to my feet.
"Too soon for morning sickness," Sarah said attempting to make some sort of joke.
"What would you do now?" I asked her.
"Sneak down the hallway to his room and put a pillow over his head and then sit on the pillow," she replied.
I smiled at the utter impossibility, and she hugged me again.
"I guess you don't have much of a choice," she added, sitting back on the bathroom floor with me. "If you keep it to yourself now, you'll never get anyone to believe you later."
I nodded.
"C'mon," she said standing and holding out her hand. "I'll go with you."
I took her hand and stood and then the two of us went out of our room and down the hall to Mrs. Bernard's quarters, Sarah knocked for me. She had to knock again, a little louder. Finally. Mrs. Bernard came to the door and looked out at us. Her face looked more wrinkled and creased than usual. She was struggling to focus and get awake,
"What's wrong?" she asked clutching her robe tightly closed and looking from me to Sarah and then back to me.
"Summer has something to tell you," Sarah said.
"What? So?" she followed. "I don't want to stand here in my doorway all night. What do you have to tell me at this late hour. Summer?"
"It's something terrible." Sarah replied for me. and Mrs. Bernard stepped back to let us in.
.
The arrival of the police on the campus went relatively unnoticed because they didn't flash any lights or sound any sirens. The black-and-white patrol car seemed to slip in and out of the shadows. Dr. Greenleaf had been called out, along with Mrs. Mariot, the president of the board of trustees. The lateness of the hour now made it all truly seem like a dream. As if to illustrate how important it was to keep all this discreet, no one spoke in a voice much above a loud whisper, not even the police. A policewoman had been brought along to speak with me and to take me to the hospital. explaining that I had to be examined.
"It's very important to establish as soon as possible that what you said happened did in fact occur.'
Doctor Greenleaf explained that he would have to phone my parents immediately. That set off a whole new round of sobs for me. Daddy asked to speak with me and I went to the phone before leaving for the hospital. He sounded so far off and so frightened.
"How are you, baby?" he asked.
"I'm okay." I said even though I felt so weak and terrified. I could barely stand. My throat was so tight, it hurt to speak, but I didn't want to put him and Mommy into a panic.
"We'll be starting out right away."
"I'm sorry, Daddy." I cried. "I'm sorry."
"Hey, don't you be sorry. No one's going to blame you for anything, sweetheart. You just do what they want you to do. I want that animal behind bars," he added, growing stronger with his anger. I could see him talking through clenched teeth.
"I don't want Mommy to get sick." I moaned.
"She'll be fine. She's stronger than I am," he assured me. "You just hold yourself together until we aet there. Promise."
"Okay. Daddy,"
"We'll be there soon," he said, his voice starting to crack with emotion.
I hung up quickly. The policewoman. Officer Wilson, had to hold me tightly and nearly carry me out the door to the police car for my trip to the hospital. Little did I know, this was but the start of a long nightmare.
By the time I was examined and returned to the dormitory, it was nearly morning. Sarah had fallen asleep but jumped up the second I entered the room. She took one look at me and almost burst into tears herself.
"Was it very bad?"
"Horrible," I said. "but the police have what they want"
"You look exhausted."
"I am. but I want to take a shower and get dressed. My parents will be here soon."
"Everyone's going to wonder where you are," she said.
"I know."
"I won't tell them anything. I'll just say you're not feeling well," she promised.
I nodded and went into the bathroom. I had barely toweled off and gotten dressed before Daddy and Mommy arrived, They both hugged me and held me. Daddy was right about Mommy: She looked stronger than he was. His anger and sadness for me made his eyes bloodshot and kept his lips trembling when he spoke. Mommy remained calm.
"Doctor Greenleaf asked us to meet him at his office as soon as you are ready, honey," she said.
"It was partly my fault. Mommy. I snuck out the window after curfew and went with him," I confessed. "I just wanted to go for a walk and talk.'
"Okay, honey. Don't get yourself so upset over it that you won't be able to talk. Just tell everyone who has to know exactly what happened."
"How could this happen here?" Daddy cried, his arms out.
"Austin,'" Mommy said, her eyes big with reprimand.
He shook his head and stood by the window as if he was looking directly at the scene of the crime.
"Okay, Mommy," I said. "I'm ready."
"You want to get something to eat first. honey?"
"No," I said. "Let's just do what we have to do."
She nodded and Daddy pushed her wheelchair with me walking beside them. We got Mommy into the van and drove over to the administration building. One look at Mrs. Whittaker, Dr. Greenleafs secretary, told me she knew the sordid details. She leaped up from her chair and told us she would tell Dr. Greenleaf we were there. Not a half-dozen seconds later, she was ushering us into his office. Mrs. Mariot was there as well as a short, plump, balding man. Mrs. Mariot was a tall, distinguished-looking woman in her early fifties with light brown hair. The plump man had a round face with watery dull brown eyes and a thick nose over thin lips, now stretched into a disgusted smirk.
Two chairs had been provided for us. Daddy wheeled Mommy up beside one of them, which put her between the man and us. Mrs. Mariot was on the other side, both of them now like bookends. Dr. Greenleaf leaned forward to place his elbows on his desk and put his hands together with the fingers in a cathedral.
"Mr. and Mrs. Clarke," he said. "this is Margaret Mariot, president of the board of trustees, and this is Stanley Haskins, the school's attorney."
Daddy nodded suspiciously at the two of them. and Mommy gave them a very small, quick smile.
"Well, now," Dr Greenleaf began, "we've got a very difficult situation here, which we must handle delicately and carefully so little or no more damage can be done to anyone concerned," he began.
"Handle?" Daddy said quickly. "There's only one person who's been damaged here, my daughter. I don't think handle is the right word."
"We realize that profoundly," Dr. Greenleaf said quickly, his eyes swinging from Mrs. Mariot to Mr. Haskins and back to Daddy.
"Has the animal been put in jail?" Daddy demanded.
"He's been taken to the police station for questioning, but the district attorney hasn't had him officially charged and arrested yet. Mr. Clarke." Mr. Haskin
s said.
"Why not?"
"It's a favor to us and to you."
"What?"
"Let's try to be as calm as we can under these difficult circumstances,' Dr. Greenleaf pleaded.
"Calm. This is my daughter!" Daddy screamed at him.
Mommy. who had been watching Dr. Greenleaf squirm in his chair while he spoke, put her hand over Daddy's and looked at him.
"Let's let Dr. Greenleaf talk first, Austin."
"Thank you. Mrs. Clarke. I assure you. Summer's welfare is our primary concern here." He looked at Mrs. Mariot. "I think I speak for the entire board of trustees when I say that."
"He does," Mrs. Mariot said. "I'm here to confirm that."
Daddy sat back but didn't relax. Dr. Greenleaf glanced at Mr. Haskins.
"Mr. Haskins has had some experience in these matters. I think it's best we listen to what he has to tell us."
Stanley Haskins smiled, his face softening like putty as his lips stretched and contracted when he leaned forward toward us.
"What we have here is something popularly known as date rape." he began.
"She was hardly on a date," Daddy snapped.
Stanley Haskins stared at him, only his eyes betraying his discomfort. His soft smile lingered on those rubber band lips.
"Well. Mr. Clarke. I'm afraid what you and I used to call a date has changed. Any occurrence where the two parties willingly meet to enjoy each other's company would fall under that heading these days."
"Well, what's that matter?" Daddy charged.
"It will matter very much if this ever sees daylight in a courtroom," he replied calmly.
"If?"
"Let's begin with what we know. We've gathered some information that will help us here. There was a school dance earlier in the evening. Summer danced with Duncan Fields and they appeared to be getting along fine. One of our chaperones. Mr. Saunders, even had the impression they knew each other well, very well," he added glancing at me. "Did you get to know Duncan before the dance. Summer?" he asked me.
Mommy and Daddy both looked to me for my answer.
"No sir. Not really. I saw him on the campus, but we never spoke before the night of the dance."
"What if she knew him anyway?" Daddy asked. "We're talking about rape!"