"He said some things I really need to check out with you," she said. "I know he's a lunatic, but—"
"What sort of things?"
"Well, he denies that he and Susanna were ever lovers prior to Tyler's birth."
"Did you expect him to admit it?"
"He said that you truly did want Tyler aborted. That you gave Susanna the names of physicians and offered to pay for it."
Jim sighed. "Well, I might have said something about it right in the beginning. I didn't want her to go through all that when I knew we weren't going to be together."
She was taken aback. "But you denied that you'd ever suggested abortion to her."
"I never actually suggested it. We were just weighing the options. We never discussed it seriously."
"And you gave her a list of doctors?"
"I don't know where Sebastian got that from. It didn't go that far. Susanna didn't want an abortion, and that was her choice."
"Linc said that Susanna thought your marriage was fine at the time she…found out about us."
Jim scoffed. "If she thought our marriage was fine, then she had her head in the sand."
"But you told me it was over then."
"It was, as far as I was concerned."
"But you'd never told her that? That you were feeling that way and—"
"What is this third degree? I swear, Linc Sebastian can twist a woman's head around until it's upside down. I can't believe you let him get to you like this. And I'm really ticked off that you'd see him without telling me. I already lost one wife to him. I'd just as soon not lose another."
For a startled moment, she wondered if this was how Susanna had felt, defending an innocent relationship with Linc to a jealous husband.
"You haven't asked me if he said anything about knowing where Tyler is," she said.
"I haven't had a chance. You're badgering me with all these other questions about irrelevant issues. Things I thought we resolved long ago."
"Well, he said he doesn't know where he is."
"What a surprise."
"I think I believe him."
Jim shook his head, a look of utter disbelief on his face. "So what does that mean? You and Linc are buddies now?"
"Of course not. I'm just saying that he might be telling the truth about not knowing anything. We probably shouldn't waste anymore time barking up that particular tree."
Jim sighed. "Whatever you say."
"Sometimes I still feel as though it's far more important to me than it is to you to get Tyler back."
"Are you kidding? I can't wait to get him back. Maybe then you'll feel like making love again."
"Jim."
"Sorry." He folded the paper and put it on the end table, then stood up and walked over to her. He bent low to kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry. Really. No sex makes for a short fuse."
She hesitated for a moment before reaching up to put her arms around his neck. She couldn't blame him. She did have a one-track mind these days. If she didn't keep her marriage healthy, Tyler wouldn't have a mother and father to come home to.
"Let's go upstairs," she said. "I promise, no more talk about Linc, or Tyler, or anything except you and me."
–27–
It was 4:45 when Kim and Cody reached the lion enclosure at the Philadelphia zoo. A busload of elementary school children were laughing and screaming in the area in front of the enclosure, and Kim had to push Cody's stroller up to the fence so he'd be able to see the lions. He was enthralled with the maned male and the muscular female, while Kim barely noticed them. She was hunting for Linc in the sea of children.
Two frazzled-looking women were trying to maintain some sort of order with their charges, but other than the two of them and Kim, there was no one over four feet tall in front of the enclosure. For the first time, she seriously entertained the possibility that she had misunderstood Linc's message. Maybe it had not been a message at all. Maybe he'd simply played a few songs he thought she'd like.
From out of nowhere, a police officer appeared in the crowd and began talking to one of the two chaperones. Kim turned so that her back was to him. She realized too late that she should have stayed off to the side and let Linc be the first to arrive at the enclosure.
After a few minutes, she glanced at the chaperones again. The police officer was still chatting with one of the women. He was pointing into the enclosure as if he were explaining something to her, and he and the woman were both laughing. Kim looked more closely at his uniform. He was not a cop after all. Just a security guard, and she shook her head at her paranoia.
It was nearly five when she felt someone's arms wrap around her from behind. She started for a second, then let herself sink back against that familiar embrace. She recognized the feel of him and turned her head to breathe in his scent.
He kissed her cheek. "I've missed you," he said.
She turned to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She tried to speak, to tell him that she'd missed him too, but the words wouldn't come, and she pressed her head against his shoulder instead.
"I almost didn't recognize you." He touched her hair. "You look very different. It's kinda cute." He kissed her tenderly, then let go of her to bend down to Cody.
"Hey, Ty," he said. He lifted the little boy out of the stroller and stood up. "I think you've put on about ten pounds, fella." He kissed Cody's cheek.
"His name isn't Tyler any longer," she said.
Linc's eyes widened. He looked so beautiful that she had to reach out and touch his arm.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Cody."
Linc grinned. "Well, if you had to change it, I'm glad that's what you changed it to. And he's still got his monkey, huh? Grace and Val would be pleased." He turned toward her. "And how about you?" he asked. "Who has Susanna become?"
"I don't think I should tell you," she said. "I think the less you know, the better off you'll be."
He studied her face a moment, then nodded. "All right," he said. "Besides, you'll always be Susanna to me."
She glanced around them. The security guard was no longer in sight, and the children were moving on to the next exhibit. She felt exposed without their noise and activity forming a shield around her. "Is there a chance anyone could have followed you here?" she asked.
He shook his head. "No one knew I was going anywhere, except Grace, and I told her I was going to Denver overnight. I took a circuitous route to get here. I've been all over the damn country this morning. It was kind of fun."
"It gets old quickly," she said.
His smile disappeared, and he shifted Cody to his other arm. The little boy wrapped his own arms around Linc's neck and rested his head on his shoulder in total comfort. "Just tell me this," Linc said. "Are you on the run? I mean, moving from place to place? I can't stand to think of you doing that."
"I'm not. I've settled down somewhere. I hope it's a place I can stay. People think I'm someone else. I have work. Except for missing you, I'm okay."
Linc looked away from her, and she knew he did not quite share her joy over her having a new life that didn't include him.
"There's a hotel near here," he said. "I thought we could get a room."
"Good." She was tired from the drive, and she wanted to be someplace where she could curl up with him in safety. She was weary of having to look over her shoulder.
They drove in her car to the hotel. It was a Holiday Inn, anonymous and utilitarian.
"Let me sign for the room," she said as they walked into the lobby. "My name is less recognizable than yours."
"Make it a good room," Linc said. "I've got the cash to give you for it."
She wouldn't argue. She filled out the registration form, wincing just slightly when the clerk referred to her as Ms. Stratton. Linc's eyebrows shot up, but he said nothing.
The seventh floor room was spacious, with huge windows and a view of the city, and she carried Cody's tippy cup and the can of formula into the bathroom, while Linc flopped down on the bed
.
"I have no interest in going out to eat, do you?" he called to her.
"None whatsoever." She walked out of the bathroom, shaking the bottle. Linc was propped up against the headboard with a couple of pillows, and Kim's strongest interest was to lie in bed with him and hold him all night long. And all day tomorrow, if he was willing.
"Let's just do room service." Linc reached for the bottle in her hand. Cody crawled across the bed and snuggled up next to him to drink his formula. Linc smoothed his hand over Cody's head. The two of them looked so content and comfortable together that Kim felt guilty about keeping them apart.
"I have something in my backpack for him," Linc said. "It's for his birthday. I'll give it to him when he's finished with his bottle."
She started to tell him she'd given Cody a different birthday, but thought better of it.
"I actually had a more impressive gift for him," Linc said, "but I gave it away, since I didn't know if I'd ever get to see him again."
"Oh, Linc." She sat on the edge of the bed, her hand resting on his knee. "This must be awful for you. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through."
"Let's not talk about it. Not tonight." He picked up the room service menu from the night table and handed it to her. "Are you hungry?"
"Famished." She'd stopped on the road for lunch. Cody'd eaten a torn-in-pieces peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but she hadn't been able to touch her grilled cheese.
They ordered their dinner, and Cody opened the gift Linc had brought with him while they waited for the food to be delivered. The wrapped package contained a large plastic activity box, with built-in doors that opened, drawers that pulled out, and a half dozen other working parts guaranteed to keep small hands occupied for a long time. Kim laughed when she saw it.
"Smart man," she said. "That ought to keep him busy."
Their food came, and she and Linc sat on the bed as they ate fried chicken and baked potatoes. They kept their conversation light.
"Did I miss any of the clues you sent me in your show?" Kim asked. She ticked off the song titles she could remember.
"Nope. Sounds like you got them all." Linc spooned another dollop of sour cream on his potato. "You wouldn't believe the complaints I got about that show. My listeners thought I'd gone off my rocker."
"Well, even if you lost one or two, I hope it was worth it."
He touched her knee. "Absolutely," he said.
When they finished dinner, she took Cody into the bathroom and gave him a quick bath, then held his hands to walk him back into the main room where his pajamas were waiting.
"Hey, Cody." Linc moved to the edge of the bed and reached his arms toward the two of them. "Come here, fella." He motioned for Kim to let go of Cody's hands. She did so, gently, and Cody took one wobbly step toward Linc, then another.
Linc leaned low. "Come on, Cody, you can do it!"
Kim watched as her naked son toddled over to the man who was, in all ways but one, his father. Linc grabbed him just as he was about to fall and lifted him high in the air. "What a champ!" he said. Cody giggled from his lofty position. "He did it!" Linc lowered the little boy and nuzzled his neck, and Kim swallowed hard. She knew how Cody's skin would feel under Linc's lips, and how he would smell, fresh from his bath.
"Yes, fans, Cody…Miller?" Linc looked at Kim quizzically and she shrugged. "Cody whoever the heck he is has broken the record in the free form upright toddle. A bit shaky at the start, and that little wobble at the finish line will cost him with the judges, but what style this kid has."
Cody didn't need to understand what Linc was saying. Linc's rapid-fire delivery made him laugh anyway. Kim leaned against the wall and watched them with a smile.
"Toddlers around the world are watching, Cody," Linc said. "What do you have to say to them?" He held an imaginary microphone in front of Cody's face, but the little boy was wiped out from his fit of giggles. He simply collapsed against Linc's chest, thumb in his mouth, the other hand clutching Linc's blue shirt, and Linc suddenly sobered. Closing his eyes, he wrapped his hands around Cody's body and pressed his lips to the top of the baby's head.
A lump ached in Kim's throat. She'd never seen Linc cry, but she had a feeling he might do so now. When he looked up at her, she said quietly, "That was his first time."
"Really?" he asked.
She nodded, then without a word stepped back into the bathroom. She didn't know if Linc was close to tears, but she definitely was, and she didn't want to cry in front of him.
When she came out of the bathroom, she found Cody already in his pajamas and in the crib. The room was dark except for one light near the door. Linc sat on the bed, his back against the headboard, and she felt his eyes following her as she walked across the room.
Kim tucked Cody's monkey next to him under the covers and rubbed his back. Then she closed the drapes and moved to the bed, sitting down cross legged in front of Linc. Taking his hands in her own, she looked deeply into his eyes, his face. There was still enough light in the room for her to see him clearly, and she was determined to commit every one of his features to her memory.
Linc sighed. "Where do we begin?" he asked.
"Tell me how Grace and Valerie are doing." It seemed a safe topic to start with.
"They're slightly annoyed with you," he said. "I mean, they understand your motivation, and they sympathize with you, but you really have shaken up everybody's lives, you know."
She couldn't tell if he was speaking from anger or not.
"And what else? What else is going on in Boulder? Are they still looking for me?"
"Oh, yes." He nodded. "They'll be looking for you until they find you. If they find you." He squeezed her hands. "Jim and Peggy have hired a private investigator. Plus they have the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children working on it. I think Peggy talks to them a few times a week. She really has it in her head that you're not a fit mother. She thinks Tyler"—he smiled—"Cody's going to wither under your care."
"That makes me angry."
"Don't blame her. That's what she's gotten from Jim. She's heard all the negative press on you. And she sincerely cares about Ty…Cody."
"I know that." She suddenly had a clear picture in her mind of Peggy, the way she looked as they were all leaving the courtroom. Pretty, white-skinned, dark-haired, and smiling with the knowledge that she was about to gain a son. "How close do you think they are to figuring out where I am?" she asked.
"I don't know. They don't keep me informed. I do know that the FBI's gotten involved, though."
"The FBI!" Somehow that made her feel hopeless.
"They've questioned me ad nauseam and I guess I have to thank you for not telling me anything, although, I swear, Suze, I thought I was going to go out of my head at first. I was so angry with you."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know how else to—"
"And you were right. If you'd let me in on it, I would have tried to stop you and I would have had a harder time talking to the cops. This way I didn't have to lie."
She undid the buttons on his shirt sleeves and slipped her fingers up his forearms. "Do you think they're going to find me?" she asked.
"I don't know. I've been impressed with the means they have. You should know that they've alerted doctors around the country to be on the lookout for a child with Cody's condition."
"I was afraid of that. But we've been to a doctor and even to the emergency room once, and—"
"The emergency room? Why?"
His arms were warm beneath her hands. "Cody had an ear infection on a weekend. I had no choice. No one said a word to us, though, No one seemed the least bit suspicious." Of course she'd had Adam with her. Adam's presence had made her look less like a woman on the run with her child.
"That's good," Linc said. "Did you use your insurance, though? They can probably trace you that way."
"No. I knew that would be a bad move."
"So…how did you pay the doctor?"
"With some of the mone
y I brought with me."
"Let me send you more. You must be running low."
"No, Linc. I have to make it on my own. Besides, it would be dangerous for you to send anything to me. I don't want you to know where I am."
He grimaced, and she felt the muscles of his arms tighten beneath her hands.
"I don't like this," he said.
"I know. Neither do I."
Linc sighed. "The National Center Peggy's working with sends out these postcards with pictures of missing children on them. They can send them to just about every household in the country, and I've heard they're really effective."
"Have they sent one out with Cody's picture on it?" She'd seen one of the cards only the week before in a stack of Ellen's mail. There were two pictures on the card, two sisters who had been abducted by a parent. There was a number to call if you'd seen them. The card had frightened her for a few hours, but then she'd convinced herself that there were far too many cases of missing children for hers to attract such attention.
"Not that I know of," Linc said. "Peggy keeps badgering them to, though. Peggy's a real squeaky wheel. And they get tons of responses from those cards."
"You sound as though you think it's only a matter of time till I'm found."
Linc was very quiet. He looked down at his splayed shirt sleeves and her hands where they rested on his arms. "Please consider coming home with me," he said.
"And give Cody up?" She felt a wave of anger. "No."
"It's true he'd go to Jim and Peggy, but hopefully you'd be able to see him. I'll do whatever I can to help you. I'll hire the best lawyer I can find to keep you out of jail." He turned his palms up and leaned back to draw her hands into his. "And the truth is, Suze," he said slowly, carefully, "in some ways, Cody would probably be better off with Jim and Peggy. He'd have a stable home. He'd have better medical care than—"
"I'm doing fine with him, thank you." She pulled her hands away from his and folded her arms across her chest.
"You can't run away from your problems for the rest of your life," Linc said.
"Have you forgotten what happened the last time you said those words to me?" He lowered his eyes and she knew that he understood exactly what she was talking about.