“Oh dear. Does your stomach ache?”
Trudy nodded.
“Oh dear. Does your forehead pulse?”
Trudy nodded.
“Your throat. Is it hard to swallow?”
Trudy nodded.
Lorelei clapped her hands. “Then I know just what to do. You’ve been so good to me, dear Trudy. And now I can help you.” She threw open the door to the hutch and pulled out strangely shaped bottles and odd bundles of herbs.
“I used to get what you have,” Lorelei said. “Mother made me well in a jiffy.” She dumped whatever was in the bottles and bundles into a pot. Then she hung the pot on a hook in the fireplace.
Soon a sharp odor filled the room. Trudy’s eyes watered. The hairs in her nose felt like they were burning.
“Doesn’t it smell wonderful?” Lorelei asked. “I always feel better when I smell the steam. In a few minutes you’ll drink the broth and be well again, dear Trudy.”
She was going to have to drink that slop? Trudy jumped up. “I feel much better. Fine. Really.” She poured the disgusting brew on the fire. Stinky smoke billowed out. “You’re a good wisewoman. You’ve cured me already.” Trudy opened the cottage door and the windows. She could have been killed!
She started on the chores. What else could she do? Hmm. “Lass?”
“Yes, Trudy?”
“I’m off to the market. While I’m gone, would you like to try the spinning wheel again?”
“Oh yes!”
“I won’t be long. Be careful with the spindle.” Trudy shut the door behind her and sauntered down the lane. Her ladyship would stab herself again. By the time Trudy got back, Lorelei would have bled to death.
The market was busy. Trudy gossiped with the other shoppers. She told the peddlers what was wrong with their goods. She even bought herself a pink hair ribbon. Then she strolled back to the blacksmith’s cottage. What a delightful day it was!
She opened the door. No, it was a terrible day! Lorelei wasn’t bleeding. Not even a drop. The only thing that was hurt was the spinning wheel. It looked like a giant spider had spun a web all over it. It would take days to untangle the mess.
Lorelei was crying. “Oh, Trudy! I’m sorry. I wanted to have yards and yards of beautiful linen finished when you got back. You must be so disappointed in me.”
Lorelei couldn’t understand what Trudy was saying. It sounded something like “Argul! Gloog! Blub!” Trudy yanked open the cottage door and slammed it behind her. She stood on the doorstep, panting. She had to get a grip on herself. She couldn’t let that little . . . that little good-for-nothing fancy idiot do this to her.
She had to plan it out better. She had plenty of time. Two months before Sam came home. Plenty of time.
Lorelei was as good as dead.
Seven
A month went by and no one arrived at the court of Biddle to take the princess test. Queen Hermione smiled knowingly. She said the young ladies were getting ready, having gowns made, making themselves beautiful for their prince.
Making themselves as princessy as possible, Nicholas thought. I want Lorelei! He wanted to cry.
Every day he rode to her lane in the village of Snettering-on-Snoakes. He spent hours watching the smoke curl out of her chimney. He didn’t even have to see her. Just seeing the smoke was enough.
But sometimes he did see her, sitting at her window, embroidering. He’d wonder what she was sewing. Buckets? Doorknobs? Galoshes? He thought his heart would break in two pieces.
One day Lorelei was outside, picking roses from the bush outside the cottage door. She turned when she heard the clatter of his horse’s hooves. It was that nice prince again, she thought. What was his name? Nicholas. A nice name. She curtsied.
Nicholas jumped off his horse. He bowed. What could he say to her? “Er . . . hello. Er . . . hello, maid Lorelei.”
She smiled. “Hello, Your Highness.”
“Fine weather we’re having.” He wished he could think of something more interesting to say.
“I think the clouds mean rain.” Why couldn’t she think of something more interesting to say? He probably knew a hundred princesses who could make fascinating conversation.
“Those roses are pretty. Did you plant them?”
Inside the cottage Trudy was cleaning the stove. She saw Lorelei through the window and wished the sluggard would prick herself with a poisoned thorn. She wished that the young lord talking to Lorelei were a highwayman who would kidnap her. Then he’d have to clean up after her and bandage her. Then she’d be his problem.
Hmm . . . Trudy thought, that’s it! That’s the way to get rid of her, once and for all.
The very next day a princess showed up at King Humphrey’s court. She was Princess Cordelia from the nearby kingdom of Kulornia.
King Humphrey himself helped her down from her carriage.
She was good-looking. The king didn’t have his tape measure with him, but she seemed tall enough. And her hands looked the right size.
Queen Hermione smiled. The maiden looked promising.
Prince Nicholas frowned and bowed. He could tell already. He didn’t like Cordelia.
“Thank you.” She curtsied. “Well, well, well. Here I am. We made good time getting here. We only stopped three times on the road. Traffic wasn’t bad. Dandy courtyard you have here, Humphrey. Hello, Nicky. I see they exaggerated on your portrait. I expected that, so don’t worry about it. They always do it in the marriage game. Well, well. Dandy courtyard . . .”
Queen Hermione looked at her husband. They had forgotten to put in a test for the art of conversation.
King Humphrey looked at his wife. They had forgotten to put in a test for talking your head off or never shutting up.
Nicholas looked at the sky. Nicky! He mustn’t scream. He didn’t have to marry anybody yet.
The king snapped his fingers. The Chief Royal Bouquet Maker stepped forward. He presented a bouquet to Princess Cordelia.
Let her not find the parsley, Nicholas prayed.
Let her not find the parsley or herb, the king prayed.
Let her not find the parsley, the queen prayed.
“Well, well, well. You folks sure know how to roll out the red carpet. There’s nothing like a bunch of flowers to brighten things up. Take a dull tower room and—”
“Would you like us to put them in water, my dear?” Queen Hermione asked. If she said yes, it would be all over.
“Sure. Wouldn’t want them to go limp and croak right in—”
“We’re so glad you had a comfortable journey,” King Humphrey interrupted firmly. “We hope or desire that it will be even better going the other way. Thank you so much for coming.” He handed her back into the carriage and slapped the horses to get them moving quickly or rapidly.
Princess Cordelia stuck her head out the window. “Well! What did I do? I thought we were getting along just fine. When you issue a . . .”
The three of them went back into the castle. They could hear Cordelia yelling till the heavy doors thudded shut behind them.
Eight
On the same day that the talkative Princess Cordelia was thrown out of Biddle, Trudy perfected her plan. She would lose Lorelei, plain and simple. And whoever found her would have to keep her—finders keepers. Trudy giggled.
“Lass,” Trudy said. “What’s the name of that herb you like in your tea sometimes?”
“Hyssop?”
“That’s the one. We’re fresh out of it, and there’s none in the market.”
“That’s all right.” Lorelei smiled bravely. “I can do without.”
“But I don’t want you to, sweet. I want you to be happy, honey lamb.”
“You’re so good to me.”
Hah! “Tim, the spice peddler, told me where it grows in the forest. I thought we could harness your dad’s mule and go there tomorrow. We’ll have a picnic.”
“What fun!”
Hooray! Trudy thought. The bumbling ninny would never find her way home from t
he middle of the forest.
The next day princesses arrived at the castle in droves. They came in carriages drawn by horses, by camels, by oxen. One even came in a carriage drawn by crocodiles. And another arrived in a hot-air balloon. The courtyard was clogged with animals and carriages and princesses. The Royal Guards got tired of raising and lowering the drawbridge. They decided to leave it lowered till the prince announced his engagement.
There were too many princesses to test one by one. So the king and queen decided to test them all together.
Nicholas looked them over. Some were too short. Some were too tall. Some were too thin. Some were too fat. They’d all fail the measurement test. But the rest seemed about right. The most beautiful princess was the one who’d come in the carriage pulled by crocodiles. She had huge purple eyes and a slow smile. She gave Nicholas the shivers. He kept feeling she didn’t want to marry him—she really wanted to roast him and eat him with cream sauce.
In the forest Lorelei finished weaving a daisy chain. She was in a small clearing, sitting on an embroidered blanket, a velvet embroidered blanket, of course. The only kind that didn’t make her itchy.
“LORELEI FINISHED WEAVING A DAISY CHAIN.”
Trudy was hunting for hyssop, the herb for Lorelei’s tea.
“Do you see any?” Lorelei called.
“Not yet. Eat your lunch. I’ll be there soon.”
Lorelei opened the picnic basket. Trudy’s voice sounded faraway. Lorelei bit into her cucumber sandwich with the crusts cut off. “Trudy!” she called. “Come back. You must be hungry.”
“Soon. I think I see something.”
Lorelei could hardly hear the words. It was too bad that Trudy couldn’t enjoy this beautiful day. The spice peddler should have drawn a map showing exactly where the hyssop grew. Lorelei finished her lunch and leaned back on the blanket. Such sweet puffy white clouds. She closed her eyes. In a few minutes she was asleep.
Trudy led Leonard the mule along the trail next to the stream. Lorelei hadn’t called in a while. It was safe to stop. Trudy tied Leonard to a tree and took the extra lunch out of his saddlebag. She kicked off her shoes and sat on a rock with her feet dangling in the cool water. She bit into her sandwich. Sausages and peppers. Her favorite. This was peace.
Prince Nicholas couldn’t stand being around all these princesses for another minute. He saddled his horse and rode to Snettering-on-Snoakes. He had to see Lorelei.
But she wasn’t there. Her cottage was empty.
The first drops of rain woke Lorelei. The sky was dark.
“Trudy?”
A roll of thunder drowned her out. The drops came down harder. They were huge.
“Trudy? Do you hear me?”
Had Trudy come back and eaten her lunch while she was asleep? Lorelei opened the basket. No. Trudy’s sausage-and-peppers sandwich was still there. Trudy is lost! Lorelei thought. Poor Trudy. She must be terrified.
Lightning lit the sky. Were you supposed to get under a tree when there was lightning? Or stay away from trees?
At least she’d be drier under a tree. Lorelei jumped up and folded the blanket neatly. Then she took the picnic basket and ran under a tall maple.
She stayed under the tree for an hour. Every few minutes she called Trudy, but there was never an answer. The sky grew darker. Storm dark, but also night dark. Lorelei’s stomach rumbled delicately. Time for dinner.
She had to find Trudy. It was her responsibility because she was Trudy’s mistress. She had never felt so full of purpose before. She had to find Trudy and Leonard the mule and get them home safely. She’d go to the stream first. The last time she’d heard Trudy’s voice, it had come from there.
The stream was across the clearing and straight ahead, through a stand of trees. Lorelei stepped into the clearing and was drenched instantly. Oh well, she thought. It was only water.
“Trudy! Stay where you are. I’m coming.” She didn’t want poor Trudy to have one second more of terror than she had to.
As the water soaked into them, Lorelei’s skirts got heavier and heavier and dragged more and more. It was hard to walk, but she had to do it.
“Trudy! I’m coming!”
Where was the stream? She should have reached it by now.
“Leonard?” Maybe the mule would hee-haw and she’d find him. Then she could ride him and find Trudy more quickly. She pushed past bushes and over fallen logs.
Two hours passed. Lorelei still hadn’t found Leonard, Trudy, or the stream. She was hungry and chilled. She sneezed almost as often as she took a breath. She couldn’t get sick, not now when Trudy needed her.
Finally Lorelei sat on a tree stump and cried between sneezes. She had to admit it. Trudy was lost. Leonard was lost. And she was lost.
Nine
By dinnertime the flood of princesses had slowed to a trickle. Around ten o’clock it stopped. Seventy-nine princesses had come.
Queen Hermione set aside a wing of the castle just for them. Tonight they would sleep in ordinary beds with only one mattress and no pea. Tomorrow the tests would begin. Tomorrow night would be the final exam for those who had passed all the other tests. The mattress and pea test. The test that the Chief Royal Chambermaid was sure nobody could pass.
Prince Nicholas was beside himself. What was he going to do? And where was Lorelei?
Lorelei was flat on her face in the forest. She had tripped over a tree root, and she was too tired to get up. Too tired to do anything except sneeze.
But she had to get back to the village and form a search party. She stood and picked up the picnic basket and blanket. Her gown and face were covered with mud and dead leaves. Well, the rain would clean off her face. And the gown didn’t matter, since she hadn’t had a chance to embroider anything on it yet.
She heard something. She stood still and fought back a sneeze. There it was again. A snuffling noise. Trudy! She opened her mouth to yell. But wait. What if it wasn’t Trudy. What if it was—
Lorelei had never climbed a tree in her life. But she climbed one now. One second she was on the ground. The next she was twelve feet up.
A bear crashed through the bushes. She sneezed. Oh no! He was going to find her!
But he passed right by, in a big hurry. He didn’t even look up. He was probably going to his nice warm cave. Lucky bear.
Lorelei climbed down from the tree and stumbled on. “Achoo!” Hang on, Trudy, she thought. Hang on. I’m coming.
Nicholas couldn’t sleep. He paced up and down in his room. He didn’t want to marry anyone but Lorelei. He didn’t care about having a princess for a bride. As soon as he married her, Lorelei would be a princess anyway. So what was the difference?
He wouldn’t even care that much about becoming a king someday, if Archduke Percy wasn’t such a monster.
The wind howled in the forest beyond the moat. He looked out his window. Sheets of rain poured down. Wherever Lorelei had been today, she’d have to be home by now. He wished he could peek in her window and see her, warm and dry and fast asleep, in an embroidered nightgown.
Had she seen a light? Way up ahead? So much water was coming down, it was hard to keep her eyes open. “Achoo!”
Lightning flashed, and Lorelei saw a castle. Towers and battlements, dark against the yellow-gray sky.
Who lived there? A royal family? A troll family? Ogres? An evil magician? Maybe she should stay in the forest. “Achoo!” No. She had to go on. For Trudy’s sake.
She hurried across the drawbridge. “Achoo!” It would be dry inside. She’d be out of the wind. If the owner was an ogre and he decided to eat her, she’d warm up while she roasted. And if he was a decent ogre, he might even let her take a bath before he cooked her.
She knocked on the thick oak doors. The Chief Royal Night Watchman opened them. A dripping muddy maiden stood there. Another princess? She didn’t look like much. But he had his orders, and he let her into the great hall. “Wait here,” he barked.
Nicholas had seen the small figure cross th
e drawbridge. Another one, he thought. His parents weren’t going to like having to get up in the middle of the night for her. He grinned sourly. They’d be sorry they hadn’t put in a test for coming in the daytime.
He met his parents on the circular stairway to the great hall where the maiden stood shivering and sneezing.
“SHE KNOCKED ON THE THICK OAK DOORS.”
He couldn’t believe it. It was Lorelei! What was she doing here?
Lorelei watched them come down the stairs. They weren’t ogres and trolls. One of them even looked familiar. It was that nice Prince Nicholas. Lorelei’s heart lurched a little.
She curtsied deeply. She sneezed and wobbled and almost fell over.
They have kind faces, Lorelei thought, but they look annoyed. Except the prince. He looks glad to see me. She sent him a special smile. And then she sneezed.
“Who are you?” King Humphrey boomed. “Which one are you?”
“I am—achoo!—Lorelei. You see—achoo!—I got—”
“Another princess,” Nicholas interrupted loudly. “There’s always room for one more.” He winked at Lorelei, hoping she’d see and go along. Hoping his parents wouldn’t see. “Who knows?” he added. “She might be the one to pass the princess tests.”
Lorelei saw the wink. He wanted her to pretend to be a princess? She could, if he wanted her to. But why?
She curtsied again. “I am Princess Lorelei. Achoo!”
Ten
“How did you get here?” Queen Hermione asked. “Where’s your carriage?”
“Um . . . achoo! Um, I don’t have a carriage. Um . . .” What could she say? “Um . . . I . . . I was bewitched.” That was it! “Achoo! A fairy put a spell on our whole court. My father was turned into a blacksmith. I became a blacksmith’s daughter. I was—achoo!—a baby when it happened.”
Quick thinking, Nicholas thought. She was clever, too.
“Absurd! Ridiculous!” King Humphrey roared. “There hasn’t been a case or example of a fairy spell in a hundred years. Not since Queen Rosella and King Harold’s reign.”