“What is tossing about in that head of yours, Sis?” Audrey’s voice broke through my cloud, and I shifted to face her. My feet were kicked up on the dashboard, so I slipped them down to stretch them out.
“Nothing. Just thinking.”
“You never just think, so cough it up.”
I laughed, shaking my head at Audrey. “If I tell you what I’m thinking, you’ll institutionalize me immediately.”
“I wouldn’t doubt that.” Audrey huffed, pointing at a McD’s for late breakfast. I shuddered at the thought of the greasy food, but she loved the stuff, so I agreed. “Look, about Jonas, I’m sorry we got caught up in this crap, so I’m going to fix it.”
Audrey threw me an unconvinced glare before she pulled into the parking spot. “Like what, Liv? I don’t like the sound of that whatsoever.”
I groaned and pushed some loose strands of my hair behind my ears. “Look, Jonas isn’t a reasonable man. He’s used to getting everything he wants. What if I give him that? We give him the music he wants. He gets to be with me the way that he wants. I can manipulate a man in lust, or even love, get him to comply to my whims…our wants. He’ll be so wrapped around my finger he won’t even know he’s leaving us to our own devices. Then, when he gets tired of me, he moves on and we’re free again.”
“What?” Audrey ripped off her shades and grabbed my arm, her fingertips digging into the flesh uncomfortably. “Hell no. What are you thinking? You’re insane. No, you’re worse than that, delusional.” She slammed her hand against the steering wheel a couple of times before she stopped and leaned back, letting out a long, defeated sigh. “You’re kidding, right? Please say you’re pulling my leg, you psycho.”
“No, I’m not. I just texted him, letting him know I’d like to get to know him better.”
“What the hell, Liv! You really have some suicidal issues, don’t you?”
“He’ll leave you alone. He’ll let us do our music the way we want—hell, maybe even get us a contract. I’ll just…get a bonus, I guess.”
“You’ll just be his sex slave. No! Absolutely not!”
“It’s done, Audrey. It’s the only way he’ll eventually leave us be.”
“No. Are you not right in the head? What the fuck? Hell, even I know that already, but still, what the hell!” Audrey scrambled out of the car, barely letting Saul scramble out before she slammed the door, shaking the entire station wagon. “You’re mental. I suggest you get something to eat because your brain is devouring itself for lack of food and too many drugs. Get the hell out of the car, Liv.” Her voice was filled with bitterness.
I obliged, but not without throwing her a deadening glare for yelling at me in public. It was always humiliating, and she was the queen of humiliation when she wanted to straighten me out. I hated it.
“Whatever! You’re already killing yourself by eating that junk food, so who’s suicidal now?” I laughed and strutted behind her, head tall even with only Saul as the audience, no matter how immature I sounded. Maybe she was having this epic fit to impress him. He looked pretty calm and followed along quietly. Now why can’t Audrey be more like that? I liked him more and more as time went on.
Inside, Audrey had already ordered, even for me. I groaned and sat down in a booth. I knew my plan was foolproof. As if to reassure me, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I yanked it out, a text from Jonas flashing across the screen, and a smile spread across my face as I read it.
I’d love to meet up. When and where? Wear a dress.
Yep, falling right into the palm of my hand.
“I agree with Audrey. What you’re doing is a very bad idea.” Saul slipped in next to me, his shades covering up the icy blue eyes underneath. His face was still and calm, like nothing ever flustered him. His dark hair was neat and unruly all at the same time. How a man like him had lived life so effortlessly was beyond me.
“It’s what will get us through this intact.”
“He’s a dangerous man.”
“You don’t know him. I can read people really well. He’s mush under that hard exterior, like putty I plan to mold to fit me.”
“You don’t know him. You may think you do, but you’re playing right into his hands. He’ll make you pay for it, and you’ll regret it. There will be consequences.”
“You don’t know me, so don’t underestimate what I can do.”
“You’re right, I don’t know you. I do know men like Jonas, and they are unforgiving and don’t know how to love anyone, even someone as amazing as you. Don’t do this. Audrey wouldn’t be able to lose you if something terrible happened.” Even through all that, his face remained stoic and his voice steady. Maybe I didn’t like him as much as I thought I did.
“I got this, Saul. Nothing will happen. I got this.”
“I hope so, seeing that you’re not budging one bit. Be careful.”
“Careful is my middle name.”
“I’m pretty sure it is.”
Chapter Ten
Audrey
Saul’s fingers worked their way across the digital pads, caressing the buttons as they moved. I couldn’t help but stare. He was always in control, always calm and in check with each decision as his hands obeyed. I couldn’t look away. He popped on repetitive drum beats and nodded his head to the rhythm, and watching him was mesmerizing. It was late afternoon, and the bar was all but empty. Soon it would be crawling with hooligans filling their stomachs with cheap alcohol and dancing until their feet blistered.
I wouldn’t mind sitting here all night watching him work his magic on the bundle of electronics splayed in front of him. Saul was so different from anyone I’d ever met—a gentle soul, strong yet couldn’t hurt a fly. Maybe he could. I didn’t know him well enough to judge that yet. Deep inside though, my intuition told me he was a good person. I prayed I wasn’t wrong. So many ways a person can be wrong, and I’d been ever so mistaken already many times.
“Audrey?” Saul tilted his head up in my direction, as if he knew I was there watching him with studious eyes. How did he do that? It made me question if he was really blind. The blankness behind those pupils confirmed it somewhat. His eyes didn’t widen as they found me. They didn’t crinkle with recognition. How desolate it must be to live in darkness at all hours, without the relief which light can bring. What was it like? Was it lonely there?
I’d shivered at his voice saying my name, like liquid silk off his tongue. It was as mesmerizing as the rest of him.
“Yeah? Right here.” I stepped up onto the stage to get closer and waited for him to say what he wanted to. How does he make me hang on each syllable so easily?
“Can you do some voice samples for me? I want to integrate them into the songs tonight. It’ll make it sound like you have a chorus of backups singing for you.”
Raising an eyebrow, I was impressed. “Really? That’s fantastic. Okay! What do you want me to do?”
“Start with our second song set, ‘Candy Case’.” He pressed a couple buttons, and the basic drum beat sounded off, repeating without further buttons pushed. Nice.
“Don’t touch… you might break it,
Don’t say….you could fake it.
I only want the lies before you go,
No goodbyes….put on a show.
‘Cause and effect
Drop your sugar now
Find it on my lips
You might like what you see…”
The music ebbed off as we ended. Looking at Saul’s face, I noticed he had an odd satisfaction swimming across his features. The echoes of the music were loud in the mostly empty room.
“Was that okay?” His voice was low and faraway to me. I was still lost in my post song haze.
I nodded, amazed at how different the music sounded with his mixed beats and keyboard notes hypnotically filling the space in between the words. “It was perfect.”
“Like you.” He cleared his throat and shifted. “Your voice, too, I mean. It was flawless.”
We stared at each other for mom
ents. They ticked by, hovering about us like fireflies fluttering in my ears, making my face flush. “Thanks,” was all I could manage after what felt like the longest awkward silence I’d ever experienced. Sweat pooled in my shirt as the air turned heated.
“You’re welcome.” His glassy blue irises appeared to be scanning my face, but the slight cataracts in his pupils made me remember they didn’t work. It had me wishing he could see me, see my face, my skin, the spill of scarlet across my cheeks. Could he know how he affected me? Could he feel the rolling waves of warmth seeping from my skin with him close? I wanted him to, more than anything else. I needed him to.
Standing up, I hopped off the stool and raced down the steps of the stage and down into the dance pit where the air seemed to clear up somewhat, making it easier to breathe. I had to get myself together somehow, before I fell apart. I hadn’t let anyone affect me so much since Arron, my ex. He’d been from a different life, another time—one which was best not dwelled upon for too long.
As I made my way to the bathroom to slam the faucet on and splash my face with the icy cold water, I closed my eyes. It wasn’t Arron’s face I saw now behind my lids anymore. It’d been a long time since I’d felt the anxiety of my heart beating in my chest for that man. He’d been the last to kiss my lips, the last to set my skin on fire with one soft caress…the last to break my heart.
Now, here was this Saul guy, who sent my skin into shivers without so much as a touch. His voice could ripple a lake with its rich, intense tones, yet was calmer than a meadow before the rain.
It wasn’t him I was running from. I knew that much.
No. But who was I running from, really?
I glanced at my reflection in the grungy mirror, my pink face surrounding my deep hazel eyes that shined like liquid gems in the harsh incandescent lights. Long brown hair ran down the sides, framing my high cheekbones. I was pretty, but I wouldn’t compare myself to Audrey Hepburn. This girl wasn’t that confident.
I was running from any stir of feelings whipping up inside me like a flooding river ready to crush the levies holding it back. To let anyone in would be my downfall. It would be the end of me as I knew it. That’s what I was scared of. I’d continue to flee from any kind of relationship as fast as my feet and reluctance could carry me.
“Audrey?”
Ripping a paper towel off the ream sitting on the counter instead of in its broken holder just above it, I dabbed my soaked face. Hearing my sister’s voice snapped me sober, and I glanced at my reflection. I hated looking like a drowned rat, which was how I appeared right now. Swiping back the snakes of hair sticking to my cheeks, I finally turned toward my sister’s voice. “Yeah, what’s up?”
“I saw you run in here. You sick?”
“No.”
Liv eyed me up and down, searching with her accusatory eyes before she shrugged and headed to the sink, dropping her little bag of cosmetics on the counter. “I need to put my pretty girl face on. Can’t be looking like I beat the next door neighbor down to a pulp, can I?” She dabbed some concealer around her purpled eye, studying the healing yellowing bruise under the skin and frowning. “Remind me that I owe Jonas a nice black eye.”
“You think he’d let you give him one?” I huffed.
Liv snickered and sighed. “I’ll disguise it as an accident.” She winked before reaching for the foundation. Watching Liv transform for the show tonight made me feel underdone. She motioned toward the bag as if reading my mind. “Knock yourself out. You could use some stuff on that blotchy skin.”
“Hey!”
“Just saying.”
“Thanks. Love you too.” I snatched the concealer and smeared it on the still red spots across my under eyes. Unfortunately, she was very right. “That jerk better not come near you again. I’ll make him regret it.”
“Well, you better restrain yourself because he’s here.”
I dropped the cap of the foundation bottle and stared at her through the mirror, my mouth hanging wide open. “What? Here? Tonight? I told you not to call him.”
“It’s done, so you might as well cooperate with this, Sis.”
“You’re not my keeper. You always say that I’m not yours either.”
Liv pressed her lips together, the lipstick outlining her pouty lips in a striking way. “I know, but if you mess this up, we’re dead. Want to be dead?” Her one drawn eye brow lifted at me, mocking my years with every little pencil mark.
“Dammit, Liv.” I finished lining my eyes and stuffed the makeup back into the bag. “You’re always so difficult. Nothing is ever easy street with you.”
Liv blew me a kiss, buying a death glare from me. “Show time, Sis.”
“Fine. You owe me.”
“Big time. Tab it for me.”
Shaking my head, I started for the door when Liv pulled at my arm. “Wait! Here. I got you something.” With that, she pulled out a glittery silver and purple scarf from her jacket and hung it around my neck, wrapping it around once before dangling the two ends down my chest. “There. Rock-chic defined.” Then she twirled around and disappeared out the door.
I reached up and touched the soft material. It was so light; I barely felt it on my skin. I peered at my reflection in the dingy mirror across from me. Water spots surrounded my image as I reveled in how it’d transformed me. She was right. A bit of makeup and the right accessory made all the difference. I looked like Liv, when she didn’t have her hair dyed a few shades darker. We could be twins with the makeup and styles on.
Somehow, the kinship between us calmed me. She was wild hearted, but I couldn’t stay angry with her near me. I forced a smile, and the girl in the reflection looked beautiful even. Keeping the wattage on, I pushed the bathroom door open and found Saul with my eyes, waiting on stage for us. He looked charming there, without any effort. My determination wavered, realizing again that he couldn’t see me with my face done up and my gorgeous scarf. Shrugging it off, I determined it was okay because he’d already said my voice was perfect. If he could understand my music, he had a major plus on his side for that.
Maybe it would be good to have someone really see me, without their eyes, for once.
Chapter Eleven
Liv
It wasn’t hard to find Jonas in the crowd. The bar was bustling with loud patrons and smoking hot scantily clad women with torn stockings and heavy makeup. The smoky air disguised the age of most of them, blurring their faces in the myriad of flashing lights. It kept most of the bar dimmed, setting the mood as the room filled with electric energy.
Jonas was the only one dressed in casual dress pants and a button down shirt with a metallic blue striped tie. Not one hair out of place, his sleek look reminded me of the Hispanic bad boy singers I often drooled over in music videos. He could pass for one of them without effort. One leg crossed the other, his Armani shoes reflected the rainbow flashes of strobes that flickered with the beat of the house mix music. His bodyguards sat around him like bored puffed up drones, waiting to pounce on any one who dared step one inch too close to their king.
It was rather comical to me, like watching some Spanish television novella with overly good looking actors playing the villains. This was real life, though, and I had to play my part down to every little scene. Jonas was my opposite and looked every bit ready to play the game.
Show time.
Straightening and lifting my chin up as I strolled past the groping patrons with their jealous girlfriends who shot daggers in my direction, I made my way toward this man. Before I closed the distance between us, one drunken woman lost her footing and tripped, landing almost in his lap. His guards were already grabbing at their pistols, yanking them from their shoved positions into their pants, but Jonas waved them down with one lift of a finger. I watched him as he helped the obviously intoxicated woman up, offering her a charming smile while wrapping his fingers around her skin, kissing her hand, and causing her to flush red from the attention. She stumbled away, rejoining her concerned girlfriends who
promptly dragged her ass away from the deadly looking bunch. Their hushed, urgent whispers fluttered past with their reprimands at her as they pressed their bodies to the complete opposite side of the room.
Chickens.
I knew just how right they were to run away from this particular bunch; the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, warning me of such things. I ignored it, pasting on the brightest and most flashy smile I could muster as I waltzed to stand before this kingpin.
“Hello, Jonas.”
His soft dark-brown eyes twinkled under the assault of the club lights, but I could still see the furious desire in them as he took in my outfit. The skin tight black skirt, torn up leggings, and buttoned up vest which was splayed open to show the swell of my breasts with a few well-placed opened buttons was distracting to say the least. I knew he wouldn’t be able to rip his eyes away from me all night in this. It was the start of my fail proof plan, one I was betting my freedom on, and that of my sister’s.
“Hello, Liv.” His Spanish accent elongated the ‘o’ and made my name sound sensually charged as his dark chocolate eyes devoured my entirety. I switched the smile a notch brighter and hoped he’d offer me a chair. From the combined pressure of all eyes on me from his entourage bearing down on me, I was sure I was going to cave when Jonas waved his hand in the air again, turning to glare at one of his partners. “Emilio, offer your seat up to the lady. Don’t be rude.”
His right hand man, literally, was as good looking as Jonas, but in a different way. He lacked the chiseled bone structure but traded that for a more rounded face with a straight nose and piercing tiger brown eyes. He was also Latino, like Jonas, with light mocha skin and dark black hair. A twitch along his smooth, freshly shaved jaw betrayed his irritation as he narrowed his eyes just enough for me to see them digging into me as I stood beside his chair.