Never in my life had I ever had a crush before. Although I wasn’t even sure if what I was feeling toward the new guy qualified as a crush. If a crush was something that could cause a strange mix of emotions to bubble up inside me and leave me incapable to stop thinking about the new guy then yep, I had a crush.
All during first and second period, I tried to process what had happened—what on earth that electric feeling could have been. But trying to make sense of it had gotten me nowhere. It was about as confusing as the prickle and my newfound emotions and my reoccurring nightmares.
Wow. My crazy list just keeps getting longer and longer, doesn’t it?
I was fairly spaced out for most of my morning classes, but like usual, I managed to get through them unnoticed. This was a good thing, since I heard zero of what my teachers were talking about. I thought I would eventually snap out of it, but even when third period rolled around, my brain was still lacking in the focus department, making me question if I was ever going to be able to think clearly again.
Why, you might be asking, did third period matter? Well, because third period was when I had astronomy, which was my favorite subject. Even during my emotionally detached days, I still was able to gaze up at the night sky, full of twinkling silver stars, and appreciate the beauty of the sight. However, the way I look at the stars now, and the way I looked at them before I could feel, are two entirely different experiences. Back then, I felt like I had been obligated to look up at them, as if some unseen force I had no control over bounded me to do so. Whereas now, I gaze up at them with a desire to…belong…or be part of them. The first time I ever felt happy—and I mean ever—was when I had been lying in my bed, staring out my window, watching the stars shine harmoniously with one another. The prickle had shown up, and I unexpectedly found myself smiling. All this warmth and happiness started swelling up inside me. The very next morning, when I entered the planetarium-style astronomy room, that same feeling of happiness filled me again. Ever since then, I always perk up when it is time to go to astronomy class.
Today, however, I felt completely out of it, and conjuring up any happiness seemed like it was going to be a challenge. There was just too much going on inside my head.
I arrived to astronomy with plenty of time to spare, which was typical for me since I had no one to talk to between classes. I made my way up the stairs to the very top of the mini planetarium, and sat down at my usual table, the one in the very far back corner where most of the loner kids tend to sit. I took my book out of my black messenger bag and hung my bag on the back of my chair. To kill some time—and to attempt to focus on something else besides the new guy, who I hadn’t seen since he let the door bang me in the elbow—I did a quick skim-through of today’s chapter. It turned out to be a lame attempt though, since all I ended up thinking about was how gorgeous he was, how much hatred his bright green eyes had when he’d walked away from me, and the electricity that hummed against my skin when I was near him. I swear I could still feel the sparkling sensation lingering on my skin.
The bell finally rang and class began. Mr. Sterling started taking roll. I barely paid attention, not even looking up when my name was called and I replied, “Here.”
After he finished with roll, Mr. Sterling moved on to the announcements. Typically, it was a tedious task, but today it took a turn for the surprising.
“Alright, everyone, I have a few things to discuss before we start class.” Mr. Sterling cleared his throat, trying to shush the whispering that had suddenly combusted amongst everyone. I still had my eyes glued to my book, only half listening as he continued, “First off, I’d like to announce that we have two new students joining us today.”
Did he just say new students?
My head whipped up. Mr. Sterling was standing behind his podium, sporting a wrinkly grey suit and a red striped tie. And holy crap, standing next to him was Mr. New Guy himself. He had a bored expression on his face, his arms folded across his chest, his bright green eyes sparkling beneath the florescent lighting.
The sight of him made my heart skip a beat. I let out an unintentional gasp and quickly flung my hand over my mouth, wanting to smack myself in the forehead for reacting so ridiculously.
Kelsey Merritt—aka the head cheerleader who sat at the table in front of me—turned around and shot me one of her infamous you’re-such-a-loser looks. Up until a couple of months ago, she didn’t even know I was alive. And honestly, I kind of preferred the old way, because her knowing of my existence equaled getting thrown dirty looks and nasty comments. Luckily, I wasn’t much of a reactor; at least on the outside anyway. But today, I didn’t even react on the inside because my mind was fluttering with a billion different thoughts that I could scarcely process. Like why the sight of this guy was making me react this way. Because right now, all I could think about was how beautiful his eyes were and how I had the strongest urge to run my fingers through his messy, yet perfect, dark brown hair. And how he—
All of a sudden, he looked right at me, his eyes full of the same hatred I had seen in them earlier. I blinked and sank back in my chair, the corners of my eyes burning with tears threatening to spill out. I sucked in a slow breath. I would not let some guy make me cry. I wouldn’t.
“This is Aislin Avery.” Mr. Sterling gestured towards a girl standing on the other side of him. She was short and slender with golden blonde hair. And she had the same bright green eyes as the new guy. She was dressed in a pink sweater, jeans, and fur trimmed boots. I instantly got the impression she would probably soon be friends with Kelsey Merritt. Which, I know, is very judgmental of me.
I really shouldn’t assume things about people.
“And this is her brother Alex Avery,” Mr. Sterling said, motioning at the new guy.
Alex Avery? The name sounded vaguely familiar. Why though? I mean, it wasn’t like I was the kind of person who ran into so many people that I couldn’t keep track of their names. Besides, even if I was, I would have remembered him. Still…the sound of his name sent me into a déjà vu moment.
“Now we just need to find you two a seat,” Mr. Sterling said, scanning the room for some empty chairs.
There were two empty seats at my table, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about them sitting by me.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about anyone sitting by me.
Kelsey Merritt’s hand shot up in the air.
Mr. Sterling sighed. “Yes, Kelsey.”
She flashed her pearly white teeth at him and twirled her platinum blond hair around her finger. “I was just going to say that Alex can sit at my table.”
How nice of her since she shared a table with her two best friends, Anna Miller and Sarah Monroe—both could pass as her clone I might add—and there were no empty chairs for her to offer up. I scowled at the back of her blonde head, suddenly feeling very territorial of Alex. And yes, okay, I knew I in no way had any claim over him, but apparently, when it came to him, I didn’t have any control over my actions.
“Actually, that won’t be necessary, Kelsey,” Mr. Sterling replied. “Gemma has two vacant seats at her table. They both can sit there. That way, no rearranging will have to be done.” He pointed a finger at me and instructed Aislin and Alex to “Go ahead and take a seat back there.”
It was at this very moment that the people I’d gone to school with for the last twelve years decided to notice me. The weight of their eyes felt heavy, and I found myself wishing I possessed the power to temporarily make myself invisible. The prickle on my neck let me know I was experiencing my first anxious moment. I shrank down in my chair and focused on the table.
I stayed with my eyes down until a small stack of books landed on the table with a thump.
“Hi.” The girl—Aislin—smiled as she sat down. “I’m Aislin.”
I gave her a small smile. Did I forget to mention my people skills sucked big time? “I’m Gemma.”
She smiled again, unzipped her bag, and pulled out a pen and a notebook.
The chair next
to me slid out and Alex sat down in it. I held my breath, waiting for the electricity to attack again. I waited. And waited some more. But the electricity seemed to be a no show.
Strange.
Mr. Sterling began his lecture on sky charting. I scratched a few notes down, but my attention kept drifting to Alex. He wasn’t doing anything, not even taking notes. He was leaning back in his chair, his arms resting behind his head, his eyes half opened. He looked like he could have cared less about class, like it didn’t matter whether he failed or not.
In the middle of my staring, Alex turned his head toward me, his eyelids lifting open. Our eyes met and I froze, unable to breathe. And then… he glowered at me.
I would have loved to have told you that, at that very moment, I decided to stop acting like a fool over a guy who obviously despised me, and in response to his hateful glare I fired one right back at him. But if I told you this, I would be lying. Because all I did was look away.
Yep, I’m a big chicken.
Class moved on so slowly it was unbearable. The electricity stayed MIA, which had me questioning if I had imagined the whole thing. Perhaps when I felt it this morning I had been overly exhausted, and my mind had been playing tricks on me. My sleep had been super crappy due to the reliving-of-my-death-over-and-over-in-my-nightmares thing.
Then again, maybe I was just losing my mind. There did seem to be many things happening to me that could qualify me as being on the brink of insanity.
But right as the thought crossed my mind that I might be going off the deep end, I felt it—a spark. Soft at first, barely tickling at my fingertips, but growing stronger as it surged up my arms and down my back. I had to catch my breath as my body hummed with heat.
I stole a glance at Alex, curious if he showed any signs of being able to feel the electricity. He looked bored. Absolutely, one hundred percent bored. He stared lazily ahead at the front of the classroom, where Mr. Sterling was yammering something about stars and their positions and…I don’t know, his words sounded far off and distant.
With Alex seeming so relaxed and calm, I assumed there was no way he could feel the electricity. I guess the strange, electric feeling was a one-sided thing. Of course it was. It was me, after all, we were talking about here—the Queen of Freakiness.
But then again…as I peered closer at Alex, I noticed his hands were clenched rather tight. And the line of his jaw looked as if he was biting down hard. So maybe I wasn’t alone. Well, either that or Mr. Sterling’s lecture was painful for him to listen to.
As Alex ran his fingers tensely through his hair, he caught my eye. I should have looked away. I mean, how many times could I get caught staring at him before he declared me a stalker? But once my eyes met his, looking away was impossible, like an invisible force had magnetized my gaze to his.
My heart thumped deafeningly inside my chest as I stared at him with wide eyes. He didn’t look away either. He didn’t even so much as blink, this half serious, half afraid expression on his face, as if he wasn’t quite sure what to think about the situation.
I wasn’t quite sure what to think about the situation either.
Time seemed to come to a standstill, electricity spiraling through my body, heating my skin hotter and hotter. I felt like I was floating, yet suffocating at the same time. I could barely breathe. In fact, I couldn’t breathe. The room had started to sway from my lack of oxygen. That was when I realized I was holding my breath.
Whoops.
I sucked in a breath of air.
Alex blinked, breaking our gaze. Immediately, he flung his attention back to the front of the classroom. I watched him, confused and somewhat sad. Why I felt these things, I couldn’t say. Well, at least about the sad part. The confused part was totally understandable. Electricity that buzzed between two people. What could be more confusing than that?
But which one of us was causing it? If I had to guess, I would say it was me since weird seemed to be my middle name. Although, if I was the one causing it, why did I only feel it when I was around him?
“Alright, everyone go ahead and begin.” Mr. Sterling’s voice rose over my thoughts.
Great. Go ahead and begin what?
I casually peeked over at Aislin, trying to figure out what the heck I was supposed to be doing.
“Well.” She flipped open her book. “How should we do this?”
I stared at her blankly. Do what?
Sensing my confusion, she said, “We’re supposed to be working on the review questions as a group.”
“Oh,” I said idiotically. Note to self: start paying better attention. “Um…we could just divide the questions between the three of us, I guess.”
“Is that how you usually do it when you work in a group?” she asked.
“Sure,” I told her, holding back a laugh. Work in a group? The only time I ever worked in a group was when teachers forced me to work in one. And since this class went by the sit-wherever-you-want-and-work-with-the-people-at-your-table option, guess what? I never worked in a group. Ever. Because I sat alone.
All the time.
“Why do we have to work together at all?” Alex interrupted, his voice as sharp as glass. He glared at me, his eyes so full of hate I nearly melted into the back of my chair.
“Alex, knock it off,” Aislin hissed. “I mean it. Be nice.”
Well, at least I wasn’t the only one noticing his hatred for me.
He shook his head. “We don’t need to work together just because the teacher suggested it.”
My jaw dropped. Okay, so I know I’m a little weird and everything, but what the heck had I ever done to him? I mean, besides stare a little? Okay, well, maybe a lot. But hey, staring never hurt anyone.
Aislin leaned toward him and lowered her voice. But I could still hear her. Hello, I was sitting right next to them.
“Alex,” she whispered. “I don’t know what your problem is, but you need to stop. Now.”
After that, it got quiet. The awkward kind of quiet where no one speaks and the silence is almost maddening.
“You know what,” Alex said, slicing me with a glare, “I think I’m going to take off early.” He shoved his chair away from the table and got to his feet.
Aislin reached up and caught him by the sleeve of his grey thermal shirt. “Alex, sit down.”
He yanked his arm away from her, threw his book in his bag, and hurried down the stairs. He went straight to Mr. Sterling’s desk and said something. Mr. Sterling gave him a nod and he left, bumping his elbow on the doorway on his way out.
For a moment, I just stared at the doorway. There were so many different feelings pouring through me, half of them new. Hurt, anger, pain, longing. It was too much. My brain felt like it was going to explode from the overload.
“I’m so sorry,” Aislin apologized. “He’s just been moody lately with the move and everything.”
“Oh.” I tore my eyes off the doorway and focused on her. “Okay.”
She frowned. “Are you okay? You look like you’re going to be sick.”
“Huh?” I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.” I faked a smile, pretending like it wasn’t a big deal. That I didn’t feel like I was going to throw up. That my heart didn’t feel like it was breaking. That a guy I barely knew, who hated me, wasn’t tearing me apart. But it was. It really, really was.
Chapter 4